SALT #3
When we enter the dining hall, all eyes turn toward us in surprise, and I feel proud as a peacock. I’m no longer the ‘abandoned’ beta, looked down on.
What the fuck? It sounds so absurd in my head!
Before, I was independent and proud of that!
The very idea of belonging to one of them, a guy from this hostile, dangerous, unpredictable group of people like alphas, would have felt deeply insulting. I kept my guard high around them. But, well. He is… half of my soul! And that changes a lot. I’d say it changes everything.
We sit down with Roman, Evan, Bashir, and Fred.
The alphas exchange handshakes.
"So how did it go?" Evan asks, getting straight to the point.
I listen carefully, because Eliano still hasn’t told me what he’s been trying to handle on the mainland. From time to time, I get vague flashes of what it might be, but honestly, I’m afraid to put those thoughts into words.
"It went even better than I expected," Eliano says briefly, leaning over his plate. "An epic discovery."
I stare at him, puzzled. Fuck, now he’s almost making me believe he went there to hunt Tanner. What else could be epic? But I rein in my excitement. There will be time to ask for details later. Here, in public, it wouldn’t be wise.
"That’s… great news," Evan says uncertainly, clearly confused.
Well, if it really involves killing Tanner, I understand why Eliano doesn't want to explain. It makes sense.
"What’s up with the scar?" Bashir suddenly asks, and I instinctively glance at Eliano’s cheek.
The cut isn’t freshly scabbed anymore. It’s faded into a thin red line. A scar, not a wound. Wow. Did the TM magic healing kick in already?
"I got into a scuffle. Kendo stuff."
Bashir raises his eyebrows. "I was gonna ask you about that. I’ve seen a few times that you’re pretty good with metal… rods. The way you swing them. Did you train?"
"Yeah. Since I was six. Third dan."
Bashir nods, clearly impressed. Others also stare at Eliano; I can see real awe on their faces.
Look all you want, but don’t touch. That’s my alpha.
Yes, mine, mine!
Oh, how silly I am…
"You’ve probably heard about all the changes on the island, the new rules Gomez introduced? You can now use extra stimulation through artificial hormone therapy," Roman says, and the sudden change of topic leaves me almost annoyed.
"Well, Gomez wants to prove at all costs that everything happening here is legal, and on top of that, that they offer more than other facilities. Two options to choose from. He’s probably hoping it’ll improve their damaged reputation."
The conversation shifts for a while to the new director’s policies, but I can’t stop thinking about whatever Eliano was dealing with on the mainland.
After breakfast, as we walk back home together, Eliano reaches for my hand. It’s better than the first time he did it, less weird, but I’m still not used to it. This new closeness that comes with being in a real relationship is just unfamiliar…. I feel awkward, almost silly, walking hand in hand.
I catch the look on Eliano’s face as he glances at me, studying my reaction.
"Do you not want me to hold your hand for now? Would you rather we take things a little slower when it comes to… affectionate gestures?"
"Nah," I say, putting on a brave face. "It’s just… I’ve never walked holding hands with anyone before. But I’ll try to get used to it, because this is normal, right? We’re fated, after all."
Eliano chuckles softly. "We don’t have to hurry with this. We have time, Salt."
"It’s okay." I roll my eyes. "No biggie!"
We stroll like this at a lazy pace, and my mind drifts back to the one thing that keeps bothering me. But how do I bring it up smoothly? I decide to bundle a few things into one question and finally ask him.
"Eliano, I know you left the island because of me. I kicked you out. But I want to know—"
Eliano gives me a strange look, as he cuts in, "Salt, you wouldn’t have kicked me out so easily if I hadn’t had something important to handle on the mainland."
I get the sense he’s saying this just so I feel less guilty. I stop and tug on his hand until he is standing in front of me.
"I know why you’re doing this. You don’t want me to feel bad, but even if I didn’t understand it at the time, it was still the Mate Rejection. No matter how we sugarcoat it, I felt that pain in our Bond. I believe you felt it too, even if you’re pretending it wasn’t a big deal."
There’s a moment of silence as Eliano looks at me with a hint of sadness.
"Well, I’d be lying if I said that having ‘I hate you’, ‘get out’, and ‘you’re just a means to an end’ thrown in my face multiple times didn’t affect me.
Because it did," he says dryly. "So, yeah, it was the Mate Rejection thing. I had to deal with it. But if I hadn’t had a reason to leave the island, I would have simply walked out and approached Gomez, asking for lodging in the staff section. "
Feeling my own assholeness slapped in my face, I swallow hard. Eliano notices my expression and shrugs.
"I would have stayed there for a few days. I knew you needed time to come to terms with everything that happened. I understood that, Salt. You felt hurt and deceived, stripped of the chance for something that meant so much to you. And by whom? By someone who should have been on your side."
I look away. It’s bittersweet that he understands all of this so well, still…
"I wanted to give you space so you could think things through in peace. But I also genuinely needed to handle something in the city, so the two things aligned."
He says it so calmly, almost neutrally, and that somehow irritates me. I was sobbing on the bed, writhing in anger, pain, and frustration, while he simply decided to take care of his ‘business’. Was it at least the one important business I had been hoping for?
I have to ask. It’s time.
"So. Did you kill him? Tanner?"
The silence that settles between us is deep. Eliano stiffens slightly, as if some kind of resistance rises up in his body, and I can almost physically feel that he wants to change the subject.
"Is that what you hoped for?" he whispers, slowly turning his head to the side, his wistful gaze drifting over the hills in the distance.
My first impulse is to shout, Yes, that’s exactly what I was hoping for! And unleash hell between us again…
But suddenly something inside me just shifts. If he answers no, then what? Am I supposed to pile more disappointment on him, hurt him, show him that he means nothing to me, that he is just a tool for revenge?
The storm inside me finally calms.
Eliano is the father of my child. He is a good man. He is my True Mate. Do I really want to keep being this messed-up version of myself, the old Salt who, on impulse, was ready to destroy something good just to vent his anger, without caring about anyone else’s feelings?
I lower my head, biting my lip. Maybe it’s time to grow up. Part of adulthood is accepting that you cannot have everything and still be able to move forward. Senu is gone. I owe him vengeance, yes, but does that mean Eliano has to carry it out? Or what? My wrath will fall upon him?
"No," I whisper, feeling a strange relief. "I’m over it. I don’t want to bring up Tanner anymore."
I take a deep breath. That’s it. My brother is dead. I tried to avenge him and failed. I can only hope he would forgive me and wish me well as I move forward with Eliano.
Shaking off the last of my turbulent mood, I let out a huff.
There are other things that need clearing up, and maybe now is a good moment for that.
"There's something else I'd like to know."
"Okay. What is it?" Eliano watches me closely. He does not comment on my decision to set Tanner’s matter aside, but I do feel a hint of relief on his side, matching mine. I guess he was tired of that tension too, of the quiet pressure I kept putting on him.
"If we weren’t True Mates, and if there wasn’t this whole ‘Pull’ that sooner or later draws fated pairs together, would you… have come back to the island if I hadn’t reached out to you?"
A long silence.
Too long for my comfort. A sudden shiver runs down my spine.
Our eyes lock when he says, in a somewhat dark tone, "No."
Damn. Words really do have the power to hurt and push people away, and not everything can be fixed instantly.
Eliano would not be back on his own. I had lost him and didn’t even know it.
He’s not the type of man you can slap and then kiss and have everything be fine again, with him back on his knees.
For a strange reason… My hole clenches at the thought. Please, somebody explain it to me. Why?
Eliano studies my face, probably seeing my shock and confusion, then speaks matter-of-factly.
"It’s not that I didn’t feel anything for you, Salt. I did, I do. But it was the Mate Rejection. You noticed it yourself. Its energy kept me away. That’s just how it works."
I stay silent, clenching my fingers so tightly that my knuckles turn white. My heart is racing. Then suddenly… a small burst of sobs escapes me before I can stop it,
"Part of me was desperately hoping I’d see you standing at my door, that you’d say, You’re mine, end of discussion, and just make it all go away!" I shriek out.
Eliano tilts his head and raises his brows. "Wouldn’t that have made you explode with: How dare you asshole!?"
And I explode!
"Yes, asshole!" I let it out like a buildup of searing steam. "Can’t you see? What I did, the rejection, didn’t make any sense!" I even hop a little to emphasize my words, finally feeling my throat loosen.
Eliano rubs his chin, looks away, thinking for a moment. Then… I can’t believe it, but I see a smirk on his face.
What the fuck, I’m splitting in half here, and the asshole smirks. Yes, he deserves the name!
"Well, Salt, the option of not returning here was never real anyway. I knew we’d end up together. I knew we were True Mates. The Pull would finally work, even in beta-alpha pairing it kicks in after a few months."