SALT #4
I rub my temples for a moment, my body shaking. "I… really didn’t know! I believed I’d never see you again, Eliano…" My voice trails off, drowned in the chaos of my emotions. I feel like a silly child who couldn’t put two and two together.
Eliano lifts his hand, as if to brush my cheek, but then slowly pulls it back, like my tangled energy doesn’t create the right space for affectionate gestures.
"Okay, Salt. I’m sorry. I guess we really need… more time for what started between us to grow into what it’s meant to be."
And now it hits me. He’s right. Yeah, he’s back, but it doesn’t mean everything is.
It just escapes me. "Are you still, in some way, angry with me?"
His lips curl slightly. "I am not, Salt. What I felt was a broken heart, the pain of rejection. But every night I still dreamed about you. About holding you in my arms again. You are my chosen one and I’m dedicated to making us work.
I’m happy to be back. But the question is very valid, though I would like to ask it of you. Are you, in some way, angry with me?"
Silence falls, because maybe that’s the truth.
Maybe I am, and maybe he should be too? Part of me is still crushed that he didn’t go back. Some other part of me is still devastated that I won’t be able to take revenge for what happened with Senu. So many things are not fully cleared up.
But I make a fully conscious decision not to open all the wounds again and not to hurt, not to stab each other endlessly. It’s time to work on closing them and healing.
"I am not, Eliano. I’m happy you’re back.
I want us to work too. Let’s take the days we have, one at a time, without expecting miracles.
Just… keep living." My gaze drops to his hand.
Damn, I wish he had touched me before, because I really want his embrace, to be wrapped in his warmth, and that soft purring.
"And maybe we can try to build space for… more affectionate gestures?" I make an awkward smile.
Eliano responds with a soft huff.
"Holding hands is a good start?"
"Yes, definitely! A small step."
So he takes my hand and sends me a small, reassuring smile as we walk at an unhurried pace, heading back to our unit.
It feels a little strange, starting this life with him again here, a life that before he left had meant something completely different to me. Back then it felt short-term, fleeting, stripped of any real future.
Now I vividly realize that I have to start changing something in how I approach this situation. I have to build… us.
Work on us. For us.
Something may have broken between us, but now it’s time to heal it.
◆◆◆
After a calm walk back to our unit, during which we are both lost in thought, it feels like we are stepping into uncharted territory.
That sense of responsibility hangs in the air, and I start to realize that the life ahead of me will be far more adult than anything I have known so far. The era of Salt the rebel, the eternal teenager, is slowly ending. I am going to be a parent, a husband, a grown man. That’s the word of the day.
I feel a faint shiver run along my spine at the weight of that change.
Eliano looks around for a moment and then shoots me a glance I am not quite sure how to read.
"Sorry, I want to check something online. Maybe later we can go to the beach and swim? It looks like it’s going to be a nice day."
"Sure."
He sits down on the couch and pulls out his laptop.
But I just stand in the middle of the room, trying to find my footing in this new reality. I’m living with him again, but it’s different now, like some alternate version of my life, full of question marks.
A committed relationship? I never had one before. How am I supposed to wrap my head around this?
A strange thought suddenly seizes me.
I glance toward one of the cabinets, the one that holds something I never dared to touch before. It always seemed cringe to me that they even kept it here. A tightly compressed set of pillows, cords, blankets, and sashes meant for creating… a nest.
I kneel by the cabinet, open it, and stare at the vacuum-sealed bundle for a moment. To reduce its volume, the manufacturer packed everything down in thick plastic.
I pull it out, grab a knife from the kitchen, and cut the foil open.
With a sharp crack, the plastic splits, releasing the pillows, which almost leap out of the vacuum pack.
Eliano lifts his eyes from the laptop and watches me.
I ignore his gaze, feeling kind of embarrassed. I carry the pillows, blankets, and sashes to the bed and stand there for a moment, just staring at them, not sure what to do.
What am I even trying to achieve? What the hell is happening to me?
I pick up one of the pillows. It has soft pastel colors that shift slightly, like a rainbow, mostly muted blues, purples, and pinks. The sashes and cords are navy blue, the blankets are light pink.
I start slowly arranging the pillows in a circle along the edges of the bed, then thread the sashes between them. As I work, I notice small fabric loops sewn into the pillows, probably meant to make things easier, little tabs you can thread the cords through to hold the nest together.
I have almost never seen such additions on omegas’ pillows.
Many omegas are purists who believe omegas have a natural talent for weaving materials together even without helpers, and many of them really can create complex, solid nests.
I remember my dad’s nests. Even with nothing but simple pillows and blankets, he could weave something sturdy and secure.
But I am only a beta, so maybe I need a few helpers.
I thread the long cord through the loops first, then start weaving the sash between the gaps, over, under, wrapping it around, then going back over again, switching as I go.
I realize that the work gives me a strange kind of calm pleasure.
Minutes pass without me noticing as I keep reinforcing and fixing the nest with an odd sense of fascination.
You hear so much about how nesting has a soothing effect on omegas, and maybe there really is something to it, because the sadness that stuck with me after my conversation with Eliano slowly fades and settles as I work.
After a good hour, the nest is finished. It is spacious, clearly made for two people. From time to time I glance at Eliano and catch him watching me with a very specific expression.
I am sure he will not comment on it, though.
That is common knowledge throughout ABO society.
Alphas are not allowed to make remarks on nests unless they are in a close, loving relationship with their partner.
Anything else is considered rude or intrusive.
Between partners, deep trust and intimacy are required for such a conversation to happen naturally.
What is funny is that betas have absolutely no right to speak at all.
While an alpha’s remark is seen as crude or insensitive, a beta’s comment is considered completely outrageous, a violation of taboo that no one tolerates.
Even within families, between people who love each other, it is unacceptable.
I remember that even Senu, who nested very carefully and made small, uneven nests that I think he was embarrassed by, would not allow me to comment in any way.
Once I dared to say something about the sizes of pillows he used, something positive but curious, and he snapped at me and stormed out of the room.
He was upset for days after that, and I understood then that this was an area of his intimacy I should never step into, not as a brother and especially not as a beta.
Now, though, I am the one nesting. And it is actually kind of fun.
When I am done, I stand there staring at it with satisfaction. I feel Eliano’s eyes on me and I can practically sense how badly he wants to say something, so I take pity on him and give him the green light.
"I can see you’re choking on words. Say whatever’s on your mind."
He exhales.
"Well. I just wanted to say that the hour I spent watching you gave me more joy than all the orgasms we had this morning. Maybe except for the one that merged us."
I roll my eyes slightly.
"Don’t joke. It can’t be that satisfying."
Eliano gets up in a sudden motion and closes the distance between us in two steps.
"Salt, you have no idea how important it is for an alpha to see his omega nest."
"I am not an omega," I protest, puffing my lips in defiance.
Eliano smirks.
"Fine. For his beta with omega characteristics to nest, is that better?" he mutters, a mischievous look on his face.
"Yup," I add, still pouting my lips.
Eliano leans down and kisses my mouth softly.
"Just as it is in your kind’s nature to want to nest, it is in an alpha’s nature to want their partner to nest in a healthy, unrestrained way. It is an incredibly important process. It says a lot about the relationship itself."
I stay quiet at the lecture, my cheeks burning bright pink. He obviously knows more than me on the topic, which is understandable. Nesting is more related to the AO dynamic than anything else involving betas.
He smiles gently and leans slightly toward the nest, drawing in a breath.
"And you even saturated it with your scent."
"How would I even do that?" I mutter.
Eliano lifts my wrist and brings it to his nose, inhaling near the small wrist gland that is marked by his teeth. For some reason, that alone makes my breath catch in my lungs.
"I think your glands are already active," he says, eyes half closed as he breathes me in. When he opens them, his pupils are blown wide. "They help omegas saturate a nest, adding to its bonding effect."
I stay silent, feeling oddly warm.
"It’s a shame you couldn’t hear my heart, how fast it was beating when you started. It gave me immense joy. Thank you for letting me stay in the room."