Chapter 29
Theo
“I’m really just worried it’s a fluke, and that it won’t stay this way.”
Charlotte nods, her eyes radiating sympathy. “That’s a normal fear, especially for someone who has struggled as long as you have. But it’s important to remember that even a setback is not a start-over.”
I nod. “I know that.”
“And,” she continues, “if the medication stops working or isn’t working as well as we’d hope, you can make adjustments.”
“I know that too.”
It’s not that I’m not thrilled with my progress. I am. And God knows Charlotte is too. It’s just that things can be taken away so easily. I’ve done this before. Maybe not with medication, but I’ve had good days. Good weeks. Hell, sometimes I’ve had good months.
It always leads right back to the same place. Me at the bottom. Barely able to drag myself out of bed to eat or shower or go to work.
It’s a vicious cycle, and while the medicine has improved a lot of things for me, I still worry.
I can still feel the depression. Like it’s in the back of my head instead of the forefront, but it’s still there.
Still part of who I am. An insidious monster gnawing at the bars of its cage, waiting for the tiniest bit of give so it can force its way through and consume me again.
“And how are things going with Luca?” she asks, pulling me out of my spiraling thoughts.
“Fine, I guess.”
She frowns. “The last time we spoke, you had let him know you were back in town. Have you seen him since?”
I shake my head. “Not yet. I wanted to wait until I felt better. I got here literally at my worst.”
Charlotte nods. “That’s understandable. And what’s holding you back now?”
“Fear, I think. I pretty much ghosted him.”
“And you don’t think he’s interested in talking to you?”
The long string of unanswered messages in my phone from him would say otherwise. “I think it’s the opposite. I think he wants to adopt me into his little family, and I don’t know how I fit there.”
Though to be fair, I don’t know how I fit anywhere.
It’s gotten easier here. I help Hunter with the animals.
I help Millie around the house. I still need to find a job, though—at least if I’m staying here.
Considering that we went and got the rest of my stuff from my apartment a couple of days ago, I think I am for the foreseeable future.
Silverpine has become home to me, somehow.
Hunter has. And Millie. I’ve gotten used to waking up and helping Hunter outside.
I’ve gotten used to riding Molls and playing with my chickens.
Millie doesn’t treat me like a guest anymore.
She treats me like a member of the household, and she lets me do things to help her.
Dishes, sweeping, mopping. At first, she wouldn’t so much as let me look at a mop.
Things are better, and I’m more settled. But things with Luca… Things outside of this house and this bubble? Not settled at all.
“I hate to say it, Theo, but you’ll never fit in if you don’t show up. You have a lot of feelings about Luca. Guilt, jealousy. Maybe even some resentment, but if you want to have a friendship with him—”
My heart thuds. “I do,” I say, cutting her off. “I think it’s like… I’ve just put it off for so long that I don’t know how to open the door now.”
Charlotte smiles. “You don’t have to. Luca will. You just have to knock.”
I roll my eyes so hard I nearly give myself a headache. “I know that.”
“Then,” she says, turning more serious. “I suggest you show up. If he wants to have you in his world, then let him. You won’t heal in isolation, Theo. You know this.”
“Yeah.” I sigh. “I know.”
“Our time is just about up for the day. Do you have anything else you want to discuss before we sign off?”
I shake my head. “No. I don’t think so.”
“Alright, then.” Charlotte smiles. “I hope you’ll visit Luca. Or let him visit you. And I’ll see you in two weeks. If anything changes between now and then and you need to get in sooner, call. We keep emergency slots open for situations like that.”
“I will. Thanks, Charlotte.”
We say goodbye, and I click the button to end the video call.
When I head down the stairs, Hunter is in the kitchen making lunch. “Hey, sweetheart. How was your appointment?”
“It was good.” I peer at the stove. “What are you making?”
“Grilled cheese.”
Fuck. That feels like fate. If I believed in something like that, I guess. “That’s what Luca made me the first time I met him.”
Hunter hums. “Maybe it’s a sign to go see him.”
Yeah, maybe. “Do you think I should today?”
After flipping one of the grilled cheese sandwiches, Hunter turns to me. “You could text him at the very least.”
With Charlotte’s words ringing in my ears and Hunter’s quiet support, I take my phone out of my pocket and pull up my texts with Luca.
Me
Hey, I’m sorry I haven’t responded. I feel like we have so much to talk about. I’d like to visit soon, if that’s okay. Maybe today?
I’m just sliding the phone back into my pocket when there’s a knock at the door. “Can you keep an eye on this, and I’ll go see who that is?” Hunter says, placing the spatula on the counter.
“Sure thing.”
I check the bottom of the one he didn’t flip, and it’s ready, so I turn it, then lean against the counter, waiting for Hunter to come back.
A few seconds later, he steps into the room. Only he isn’t alone, and I blink as I come face-to-face with Luca.
“Sorry,” Hunter says, his grin sheepish. “He kinda just… pushed past me.”
Luca scoffs, turning to Hunter. “I did not push past you.”
Hunter snorts a laugh. “Yes, you did. I asked if I could help you, and you said, ‘You can help me by letting me inside,’ and then you pushed past me into the house.”
Hunter punctuates each word with a pause and ends the sentence with a dramatic raise of his eyebrows.
Looking at his nails, Luca rolls his eyes. “You’re so dramatic.”
“How am I dramatic?”
“You just are. Always have been. Like that time you lost that rock-skipping contest and wouldn’t play with me anymore.”
Hunter lets out an incredulous laugh. “You cheated, Luca. Can’t believe you’re trying to rewrite history right now.”
Luca sticks his tongue out at Hunter, which makes me laugh. “Do you two frequently turn into fifteen-year-olds around each other?”
“Don’t know,” Luca says, shifting his attention back to me. “Hunter never wants to hang out with me anymore.”
Hunter throws his hands up in the air. “What do you even mean? You never wanna hang out with me anymore, either. Just like old times. Always up Austin’s ass.”
Everything goes still as the two of them look at each other. I tense, not sure if they’re actually fighting. Then Luca bursts into laughter. “Alright, you got me there.”
Hunter rolls his eyes, but he’s smiling. “Anyway, this menace wanted to talk to you.”
Luca redirects his attention to me. “Yeah, turns out Hunter isn’t the only person who doesn’t want to hang out with me anymore.”
I try to grin, but really I just feel bad because, yeah, that’s on me. “Check your phone.”
His brow furrows, but he pulls it out of his pocket and reads my message. “When did you send this?”
I laugh. “About half a second before you knocked on the door.”
His laughter joins mine. “Perfect timing, then. I was starting to think you were avoiding me.”
I grimace. “Full disclosure? I kind of was, but it’s not your fault. It’s mine. I can explain. If you want.”
Luca nods. “Definitely. I thought I’d done something wrong.”
I shake my head. “Not at all.”
Luca’s shoulders drop in what looks like relief, and Hunter clears his throat. “I’m making grilled cheese, Luc. You want some?”
“Sure, but don’t tell Austin I cheated on his.” He pulls out a chair and sits down at the table. “God, I haven’t been here in forever. How’s your mom?”
Hunter starts pulling out more bread and cheese. “She’s good. She’s at her book club right now. She’s really enjoyin’ that.”
Luca hums. “Deb is doing that too. She really likes it. Told me she wanted to put my book in the lineup when it’s done. That’s not happening.”
“Why not?” I ask, pulling out a chair and sitting down across from him.
Drumming his fingers on the table, Luca smirks. “One of my notes before I started writing was literally ‘everyone gets big dicks in fiction.’” Hunter and I both start laughing, and Luca nods. “See. Not something I want the town moms to be reading.”
“I’d imagine it’s not,” Hunter says.
“So, how are things?” Luca asks, directing his attention to me.
My stomach flips nervously. “They’re okay now. Was rough there for a second.”
He nods sympathetically. The only information he’s gotten was that I was in town and staying for a while. He doesn’t know about my depression or my eviction or my inability to keep a job. I’m not super thrilled about telling him, but I know I need to.
He literally showed up here just to talk to me. That means something.
“I’ve had a rough few years, but especially a rough couple of months.”
Hunter turns, placing a plate in front of me and then one in front of Luca. “Enjoy. I’m gonna go eat in my room.”
“No, hey,” I say, shaking my head. “You don’t have to do that. It’s okay.”
“I just wanna give you privacy to get through your talk. If you need me, I’ll be right here.” He glances at Luca. “You’re in good hands, though.”
I probably should have this talk without him. I want Luca to be free to share what’s on his mind, and if Hunter’s here, he might not feel like he can.
He starts to walk past me, and I catch his arm, stopping him. When he looks down at me, I tilt my head back and purse my lips. His eyebrows draw together, but then understanding lights up his features, and he leans over to kiss me.
It’s grounding, and it reminds me that I’m not alone. That he’s here for me. It’s also a pretty good reminder that he’s in this with me, considering Luca is right there and he didn’t even hesitate.
It’s not a long kiss, just a quick peck, but when he pulls back and leaves the room, Luca’s staring at me with his jaw on the floor.