Chapter 29 #2
“Whoa. I missed a few things.” I nearly laugh. A lot, actually. But that stops now. “How did you two get… there?”
He’s smirking now, and something warms in my chest. I wonder if this is what it’s like to have friends. People who care about you and who want to be updated on your life.
“It’s a long story,” I say, rubbing the side of my neck.
Luca’s eyes widen. “Oh my God, you’re blushing right now.”
Am I? I cover my cheeks with my hands, but that just makes Luca laugh. “Oh my God. This is so great.”
I can’t stop myself from smiling. Smiling used to be so hard for me. It doesn’t feel like that anymore. Not in the same way. “It is.”
I blow out a breath, and Luca sobers.
The grilled cheese doesn’t even look good anymore, and I push my plate away, not at all surprised when Luca does the same.
“So,” I start, “I have depression. I have for a very long time. It’s hard to say if it was during Damien or after, because when I was with him… Well, you know.”
Luca nods. “I do.”
“Anyway, it’s always been this roller coaster for me. I’ll be okay for a while, but it never lasts, and then I’m right back at the bottom. It’s exhausting. It’s hard to live or talk to people or, hell, even work.” I snort a humorless laugh.
“I’m sorry, Theo. That’s gotta be hard.”
I’m not sure why I thought I couldn’t talk to him about this. Some part of me wonders if maybe I thought I was too broken for kindness, or like if I shared my brokenness with him, it would make everything worse.
“So, basically, after I left your house and went home, I spiraled, and it just got worse and worse until I started…” I pause when my throat tightens. “I thought about killing myself,” I say, eyes falling to the table.
Luca makes a strangled noise, but I’m not sure I can look at him. “Theo,” he whispers.
I hold a hand up because if I don’t get this out, I’m not sure I ever will. “I ended up coming here instead. Showed up in the middle of the night. Hunter fed me, helped me bathe, and let me sleep. God, I was so exhausted.”
“When did it get bad?” Luca asks, and I force my gaze up. “Was it around the time you stopped talking to me?”
I nod. “It was always rough, but it was just… impossible there for a while. I lost my job. Hard to keep one when you can’t show up, and then when Hunter took me home to get some clothes since I came here with nothing, there was an eviction notice on my door.”
“Fuck,” Luca says, slumping against the seat. “And now? Are you okay now?”
I do a so-so motion with my hand. “I’m getting there. I’m taking an antidepressant now, and it’s a lot easier. Plus, I think just being here helps so much. Silverpine is really something special.”
Luca smiles. “Silverpine? Or Hunter?”
That makes me laugh. “Both, really.”
Sobering, Luca leans forward, crossing his arms on the table. “How did everything happen with you and Hunter?” I’m opening my mouth to speak when he shakes his head. “No. None of my business. You don’t have to tell me.”
“I don’t mind.” I shift in my seat to get more comfortable. Next time I have a heart-to-heart with someone, I’m doing it on the couch. “So, when I went home, he texted me, and then it just progressed. I already liked him. And I don’t know… the more we talked, the more that was true.”
“He’s a good person,” Luca says, nodding.
“He is,” I agree.
Luca’s eyes sparkle. “So are you in love?” he asks, drawing out the words in a playful voice.
Am I? I think I easily could be. “Not yet.”
Eyebrows shooting up, Luca snorts. “Just a matter of time, huh?”
I shrug. “Yeah, if I’m being honest. Unless he just ends up being a piece of shit, but I can’t see that happening.”
“No.” Luca shakes his head. “He’s a good guy.
Known him my whole life. We used to be friends.
Growing up, that is. Then I don’t know. I was obsessed with Austin, and we just got closer, and everyone else kinda…
drifted. After that, obviously, Damien happened.
Do you think he’d wanna come hang out with us? ”
I’m sure he probably would, right? He said they all used to be close. “Yeah, I think he’d like that.”
We sit in silence for a second. “You know you can come to me if you need me, right?” Luca asks softly. “When you were upset with Hunter and you came to my house, I thought that was a turning point for us.”
I nod, my throat tightening. “I struggle pretty hard with feeling like I’m a burden to people. I didn’t want to put that on you.”
Luca shakes his head. “Put it on me, Theo. That’s what friends are for. I want us to be friends. Isn’t that what you want?”
So much that I can’t breathe. I’m sure there will still be times that I need to work through some lingering big emotion where Luca is concerned, but that’s between me and Charlotte. Or me and Hunter. Luca is healing and moving on. It’s time for me to do the same.
It’s time for both of us to do that. Hopefully together.
“Yes. I definitely want us to be friends.”
His smile takes over his entire face. “Okay, great. So… What’s your plan?”
“My plan?”
He nods. “Yeah, like, are you staying in town? Are you planning to go back to the city?”
“I really want to stay here. Though I guess that’s a talk I need to have with Hunter at the very least. And I also need a job, eventually.”
“Oh, I can help with that.”
I raise my eyebrows. “What do you mean?”
“Deb—that’s Austin’s mom. Well, she wants to retire. If she does, I’ll take over the kitchen at the diner. And we could use another server now, even if it takes a while for her to retire. I’ve been mostly working in the kitchen these days, anyway.”
My heart jumps into my throat. “Really?”
He nods, his dark hair bouncing around with his excitement. “Yeah, right now it would just be part-time hours, but I’m sure we could get you more after a while.”
Starting part-time actually sounds amazing. It would allow me to test the bounds of my mental health without doing too much and overwhelming myself. Plus, I know Hunter will help pull me back from the edge if I get too close to falling over it.
“That would be great,” I somehow say around the lump in my throat. “Thank you, Luca.”
He claps. “Okay. Hell yeah. This is awesome. When do you wanna start?”
“Don’t you need to talk to Austin’s mom first?”
“No, when I told her about you, she told me to offer you a job if you wanted to stay.”
My mouth falls open. “She doesn’t even know me.”
Luca shrugs. “Yeah, that’s small-town life for you. I know you, and that’s good enough for her.”
I barely resist telling him that he doesn’t truly know me, either. The only way he’s going to get to know me, though, is by me showing up. He’s already proven to me I can. That it’s safe. Now, I just need to lean into that. Knock on the door, as Charlotte put it.
Fuck. “Thanks, Luca. That would be… really amazing, actually. I could start next week?”
A huge smile lights up his face. “Great. This is gonna be so good. Okay, so what else is new?”
I laugh. “Well, Hunter bought me baby chickens.”
“Holy shit. Can I see them?”
“Of course. Wanna go now?”
He nods. “Oh my God. Yes.”
As I pick up the plates off the table, I can’t wipe away my smile.
Everything is looking up. At least for now.
And maybe things will fall off. Maybe the medicine will stop working for me.
Maybe I’ll end up right back where I started.
But for now, I’m going to enjoy every single second of this that I have.
I’m gonna live in the moment and love the joy and make connections and build community.
If the bad times come again, at least I won’t be alone.