Chapter 22
“Oh, my darling girl, I’m so sorry.”
Addie dug her fingers into her thighs beneath the table, the bite of pain helping to hold off the tears. Jules didn’t need to see her cry. “It’s been three days since I moved out. And three days since I’ve heard his voice. I hate it.”
She’d left because she had to. Packed up her things that same morning and moved back home. She hadn’t been able to stay. Everything had smelled like him. A constant reminder that he was gone.
Her parents were still at her house, and she’d craved their comfort. Plus, it meant her house didn’t feel too quiet. And she had people to pretend she was okay in front of. Not that she’d been very good at pretending.
Of course, Noah had texted that same night asking where she was. A part of her had hoped that he’d reply asking her to come back. That he’d made a mistake.
He hadn’t.
Jules reached over the table and grasped her hand. “Your parents are still in town?”
“Yeah, but they’re leaving tonight. Mom has to get back to work.
Dad offered to stay. Well, less offered and more pushed.
But I don’t want him here. I want him away from me and in Bozeman where it’s safer.
He’s not a young Marine anymore. Plus, I seem to always have a deputy on me watching my back. ”
She glanced out the window, and sure enough, the patrol car was in the lot.
Jules nodded slowly. “It’s good you have such great parents. But can I give you my two cents on this whole Noah stuff?”
“Of course.”
“This might be for the best. You’ve only known him for a short amount of time. He’s been through a lot. It sounds like he needs a bit of time to work through some things before he gets into a long relationship.”
Addie frowned. “I wish I could be there for him while he works through it. I wish I could help him.”
“Sometimes people need to figure stuff out on their own.” Jules suddenly coughed, and when she brought her hand up to her mouth, her fingers were shaking.
“Jules, are you okay?”
“Yes, I’m fine. Just a cough.”
Addie studied the older woman, suddenly noticing how pale she looked.
Jules lifted a hand to her forehead and massaged her temple.
“Do you have a headache?” Addie asked.
“Yes, it comes and goes.”
“Are you sick?”
Jules lowered her hand and smiled, but it looked forced. “I’m okay. In fact, I feel better than I have in a long time.”
“Why’s that?”
“Because I’m sitting here, in this beautiful small town, talking to you. I’m happy.”
Addie tilted her head. “That’s great, but if you’re sick—”
“I’m fine. Really.”
Addie wanted to push. She’d become so fond of Jules these last few months, and she wanted her to be okay. But now that she thought about it, she barely knew anything about the woman. They always spoke about her.
God, she was the worst. Yes, Jules asked a lot of questions, but Addie should have asked more questions back. “I’m sorry, I should know this already, but do you have family close by?”
“Oh, my husband and I divorced a long time ago, and he’s since passed. But even before he died, he was a narcissist, so no tears shed there. And I have one daughter who I don’t see nearly enough of.”
One side of Addie’s mouth lifted. “She’s lucky to have you.”
“No, I’m the lucky one.” She coughed again.
This time, Addie reached over and placed her hand on Jules’s arm. “You should go home and rest.”
“Yes, I might do that. But I’ve actually got an appointment in twenty minutes.” She checked her watch. “I should get going. Thank you for the visit. Again, I’m sorry about Noah, but I’m glad that you’re safe. Do you want me to walk you to your car?”
She shook her head. “I’m in the parking lot and the deputy’s car is right there.”
“Okay. Keep safe, dear.” She climbed out of the booth but pulled Addie into a hug before she left.
Addie hugged her back, loving that she’d developed such a good friendship with the older woman. She’d learned quickly that very little matched a big bear hug from Jules.
The second she left, Addie’s mind went back to Noah. A part of her had expected—well, hoped and prayed—that he’d call in the last three days. Had he not because it was too hard for him? He needed to cut as much contact as possible?
She shook her head. She needed to stop. She was being selfish in trying to keep him. If he needed space to heal from his trauma, then she needed to give him that space.
Pain cut through her chest at the thought. All she wanted to do was help him. It was all she’d ever wanted.
With a small sigh, she rose from the table.
She’d just stepped outside when she almost ran straight into someone. She frowned when she realized she recognized him. Although, she’d only met him once.
“Toby.”
The therapist’s brows rose. “Addison, right?”
“Just Addie’s fine.”
He smiled. “It’s nice to see you again.”
“You too.” Well, not really. She’d been angry at the guy since Noah’s revelation the other night.
“How are you?” Toby asked, his smooth voice strangely calming.
“I’m fine.” She had the notion that she was treading water without knowing if she was going to sink or swim.
“That’s good. Well, it was great to see you.” He stepped around her.
Go to your car, Addie. Leave it be.
Did she listen to the voice in her head? Absolutely not.
She turned back toward him. “You agreed that he should leave me.”
Toby faced her again. “Excuse me?”
“Noah. He came to you for help, and you encouraged him to leave me.”
“I’m sorry, I can’t disclose what’s discussed between me and my patients.”
“You don’t have to disclose anything; he already did. And I’ll give him space if he wants it. I would give that man anything he asks. But just so you know, you’re wrong.”
Toby’s brows lifted. “Wrong?”
“We’re stronger together, both of us, and his healing doesn’t have to happen in isolation.”
“Addie—”
“I know you meant well, but love isn’t something you earn once you’re ‘fixed.’ It can help us mend. And I should be with him, walking with him through the darkness.”
Before he could reply, because there was nothing he could say to change her mind, she turned and headed toward her car.
She didn’t feel bad about what she’d said, but she didn’t feel good either.
There was just this hollowness inside her where Noah had been.
She missed him. She missed him so much, and knowing that he loved her but was hurting alone made it all worse.
When she pulled into her drive, she took out her phone and sent him a text for no other reason than she needed to tell him.
Addie: I miss you.
Three words. That was it.
He might not write back, but at least he’d read what she’d written.
She climbed out of the car, grabbed her bag from the back, and moved into the house.
“It’s too hot, Mark. Here, let me cool it down.”
Her father whipped his coffee mug out of her mother’s reach. “I like my coffee hot.”
When the door closed behind her, they both looked up.
Her mother’s brows pinched while her father’s jaw locked.
Could they see her sadness? The same sadness she’d been trying to hide for days?
Her mother crossed the space between them and pulled her into a hug, and that was when she let the tears fall.
She was sad. And in the safety of her mother’s arms, she couldn’t hide it.
Noah punched the bag so hard, it rattled under the impact. His arms ached and his ribs hurt. He’d lost track of how long he’d been here.
But he didn’t stop. Not yet.
Three days. Three entire fucking days of no Addie, and it was killing him.
Coming home to Amber Ridge was supposed to be the answer. It was supposed to stop the nightmares. Stop him from waking with trembling limbs. He’d done everything right. Gotten out. Come home. Immersed himself in civilian life and started therapy.
So why the fuck wasn’t he getting better?
He punched the bag harder, feeling the impact run up his shoulders. Each hit came harder…faster. Air whooshed in and out of his lungs.
He’d always thought he was a strong person. But wouldn’t a strong person have been able to process what had happened by now and move on? Why wouldn’t that period of his life leave him the fuck alone?
“Hey.”
He spun around, his fist flying back like he was going to punch the guy.
The man didn’t so much as flinch.
Noah’s chest heaved as he lowered his fist. There was something familiar about the man. He was tall and muscled, with dark hair and eyes. “You shouldn’t sneak up on people.”
The guy’s brows rose. “It’s my gym.”
His gym… Then he remembered where he’d seen the guy—in The Tea House the day Rhett had approached Addie.
“You’re the UFC fighter who opened the place?”
“Former UFC fighter. And former Army Ranger.”
So the guy was a high achiever.
“I’m Zane.”
“Noah.”
Zane gestured toward the octagonal ring in the center of the room. “Want a round in the ring, Noah?”
He glanced at the ring. He’d been here so long, his muscles ached. But they also craved the exhaustion that would come from a real fight.
Zane must have seen it, because without a word from Noah, he tilted his head. “Come on. One round. I’ll go easy on you.”
Noah could have laughed. He didn’t want the guy to go easy on him. He wanted to hit someone. To feel the impact of someone hitting him.
Zane pulled on the same type of gloves Noah wore. They had padded knuckles but open fingers to allow grappling. They also had secure wrist straps.
“You need to warm up?” Noah asked.
“Nope. I’m good to go.”
They touched gloves before Noah stepped back and centered his weight on the balls of his feet. Then they circled each other slowly, eyes locked.
Noah threw the first jab. Zane dodged it easily. Next Noah tried a sharp left hook. Again, Zane avoided it, the hook missing his cheek by an inch.
The guy had good reflexes. But then, Noah expected that from a former UFC fighter.
A minute in and Zane hadn’t made a single offensive move.
“You gonna throw a punch?” Noah asked, arms up.
“When I need to.”
Noah jabbed again, followed by a low kick to the leg. Zane absorbed it, barely flinching before finally throwing his own jab-cross combo. Noah avoided the first hit, but the second caught him in the shoulder.
Pain flared through his body—and it was exactly what he needed.
He retaliated with a kick to Zane’s ribs that landed hard.
The two of them continued like that for another twenty minutes, each hit coming hard and fast. Noah put so much focus on the fight that everything else in his world blanked, and for the first time in days, he could breathe. It was the fresh fucking air that he needed.
By the time they finished, Noah had nothing left. The taste of blood tinged his tongue and exhaustion pulled at every limb.
Zane straightened, not looking tired at all. But then, he hadn’t spent an hour at the bag before the sparring match. He nodded. “That was good. Feel better?”
“Tired.”
“It’s when we’re tired that we stop focusing on the petty bullshit that doesn’t matter.” Zane tapped his shoulder. “Anytime you want another round, shout out.”
“Thanks. You’ve opened a good place here.”
“So far, it’s proven to be a good decision. We’ll see if it remains that way.” He pulled off his gloves and left the ring.
Noah had a quick shower before leaving the gym. He was almost back at his truck before he noticed Addie’s father’s car beside his.
He frowned. “Mark, what are you doing here?”
“I went to your house, but you weren’t there. A neighbor said you’ve been getting home late with a gym bag. This is the only gym in town.”
Jesus. He was like a detective. Either that, or his neighbors had big mouths. “Everything okay?”
“No.”
His muscles locked, panic hitting him square in the chest. “Is it Addie? Is she all right?”
For a moment, Mark was silent, taking Noah’s measure. “My daughter is a strong woman. Some people think that because she’s young, she doesn’t know what she wants, but they’re wrong. She’s always known. And she wants you, Noah.”
He swallowed, his throat suddenly dry. “I need to work through some things first.”
“I know. That’s why I’m here. To tell you that I’ve been where you are. I had some shit to work through when I got out, and I had to decide whether I was going to work through it alone or with Diana.”
“How did you decide?”
“I didn’t. I just couldn’t stay away from her.”
“So she helped you heal?”
“I’ll never fully heal. What I went through, what a lot of people in the military go through, is nothing that can be recovered from. But it is something we can learn to live with. And I wanted to live with Diana…just like you want to live with my daughter.”
“Sir—”
“Take this.” He held out a piece of paper.
“What is it?”
“It’s the number of my therapist. I know you’ve got a guy you’re seeing, but my guy’s better. I can say that because I truly believe he’s the best. And I guarantee you’ll see progress by the end of the first session.”
Noah took the paper from Mark’s fingers. He still had the card Addie had given him with the same name and number.
“Diana and I are leaving tonight. I hope that I see you again, son.” He took a step away before turning back to Noah. “We gave a lot of ourselves to our country. Now it’s time to live on our terms.”
Noah didn’t move. Not while Mark climbed into his car or while he drove away. He stood alone in the parking lot for another minute before finally glancing down at the number.
Then he cursed before dropping into his truck and pulling out his cell. That’s when he saw the text.
Addie: I miss you.
He closed his eyes, the sound of her voice in his head before he responded.
Noah: Are you okay?
Addie: Are you?
No. He wasn’t. And because of him, she wasn’t either.
He looked back at the piece of paper and without hesitation, called the number.
A female voice answered. “Hi, this is the office of Dr. Ted Burton, Teresa speaking. How can I help you?”
“Hi, my name’s Noah Hayes, and—”
“Noah. Mark told us you might call. What can we do for you?”
Noah ran his fingers through his hair. “I’d like to make an appointment with Dr. Burton.”