37. Misely
thirty-seven
Misely
I woke up alone. It was not the first time I had since starting this journey with Talon, but this particular morning the bed felt the most…empty. Maybe it was my fractured nerves after the confrontation with Birdie and Milo the night before. Or maybe it was my own self-deprecation. That same sense of only feeling okay when I had someone else to validate me.
Forcing myself to roll off the mattress, I stretched and shimmied into my cotton robe. Talon must have gotten it out of my bag for me because I hadn’t so much as changed into my pajamas the night before. Opting instead to push my jeans off and fling my bra across the room, feeling too emotionally depleted to do much else.
Where my robe had been laying at the end of the bed, my shower and facial bags were set beside it. He’d thought of everything, making my heart pinch. How could I explain that to Birdie? That what had started as purely physical temptation had escalated. Did I even want to admit to her how sharp a turn my feelings for Talon had taken? When I didn’t know how he actually felt for me?
That was a lie. I did. He made it almost painfully obvious. But what did it matter if he had feelings for me if he couldn’t admit it to himself? If he wasn’t willing to do anything about it? I groaned, shoving a shaking hand through the hair that had fallen out of my ponytail. That was enough overthinking for one morning.
Gathering up what I needed for a quick shower, I stepped out into the hallway and began my search for the bathroom. Opening the first door I came across, I was met with shelving, holiday décor, and a vacuum. I shut it, and went to the next one—a coat closet. When I closed that door, I couldn't help a small shriek, pressing a palm to my chest. Birdie stood on the other side, in the same worn terry bathrobe she’d had since college, a smirk on her lips and a slight shake to her shoulders like she was holding back a laugh. "Jesus Christ, Bird. You scared the crap out of me."
“The bathroom is off the kitchen. Come on, I’ll show you.” She reigned in her humor, hooking a thumb in the direction of the kitchen.There wasn’t any sign of the hostility from the night before, instead replaced by an unbearable awkwardness. Something that rarely existed between Birdie and I before. I tampered down the fresh wave of anxiety.
“Do you know where—” I bit my tongue, mentally cursing myself for even bringing up Talon when things with my best friend and I were already so fragile. But he felt like an anchor at the moment, keeping me from wandering too far into my own self deprecation.
Though she was in front of me and I could not see her face, she gently answered my unfinished question. “Talon and Milo went for a run. I’m sure they’ll be back soon.”
I nodded even though she couldn’t see me, the uncontrollable urge to pick at my cuticles rising up within me. She led me through a small but beautiful kitchen and gestured to the wooden door set off from the counter.
“Your home suits you, Bird,” I said, giving her a half smile. She smiled, dropping her gaze before taking a breath.
“Thank you.” Turning to pop the bathroom door open, she shook away the melancholy in her features. “The water goes cold pretty quick, so I hope it’s not an everything shower day. I’ll make us some coffee and we can talk when you’re out.”
I nodded nervously, stepping past her into the humble bathroom. “Yeah, yeah that’d be good. Thanks.”
When the door shut behind me, I let the tears fall. Even when Birdie and I had had our worst fights, it had never felt like this. This tension pulled so tight it felt like the entire foundation of our friendship would crumble at any moment. Maybe that was my own guilt talking, but dread was worrying every line in my face when I caught my reflection in the mirror.
We had to work it out. Birdie was more than my best friend, she was my sister, my twin flame. I could not imagine living in a world where we couldn’t rely on one another to be just a phone call away. If I had to beg and crawl at her feet for forgiveness, I would. Whatever it took to recover from this horrible thing I’d done.
Taking a deep breath, I steeled my shoulders and straightened, moved to the shower and started the hot water.
Birdie was seated at a small round table tucked into the recess of a bay window in her kitchen, a steaming mug of coffee in her hands. She seemed to be lost in thought, staring out the window at the beautiful, wooded land behind the house. From here I could see a small stream that seemed to cut through the back of the property, a tiny bridge leading to what was likely a lush garden in the warmer seasons. With every added moment I was given to take in the space, I marveled at how well suited it was to Birdie.
I took a seat across the table from her, combing my fingers together on its surface. She turned to look at me and smiled, catching me off guard. It was a soft smile, lacking any of the uncomfortable awkwardness that had been there earlier. Standing, she made her way to the coffee maker and poured another mug, treating it with some vanilla creamer and sliding it across the table to me.
I thanked her, taking a sip and sighing as the caffeine entered my system. She gave me another smile and then sat back in her seat. “Misely.” She breathed out. “I am sorry for my behavior last night.”
I waved away her apology, not feeling right accepting it. She had nothing to apologize for.
“No, really,” she went on, sitting a little straighter. “I shouldn’t have been so…I don’t know, I shouldn’t have jumped down your throat I guess.”
“Honestly, Bird, I deserved it.”
“No,” she said quickly. “You didn’t. As much as I hate to admit it, and I will deny it if you ever repeat this—Talon was right. I should’ve known better than to jump to conclusions like that. You’re my best friend, I know you’d never betray me like that.”
“But didn’t I?” My voice cracked while my fingers wrapped tightly around the mug in front of me.
Leaning forward, Birdie pried my hands off the mug and grasped them in her own. “It wasn’t like you had very many great options. I suppose I’m just protective of Milo. Of the peace he’s found here over the last several months. That we have found together. We’re really happy, Mize. So, when I saw Talon, I guess it took me back to last year, and all the shit that we had fought to get away from. And all the stories that Milo has told me of his family.”
I winced, trying to take comfort in her hands holding mine. But all I could think about was how Talon was so much more than the monster she saw him as, and how I had no idea how to show her that.
“That’s how I saw him too,” I said, weakly. Birdie’s fingers tightened on mine.
“Past tense though, right?” There was no malice when she said it, only quiet curiosity. I dared myself to meet her eyes.
“Yeah, past tense.”
For several long moments, Birdie was quiet; thoughtful. When she spoke again, it was softer. “Milo wants to hear him out and if that's what he wants then…well then I want that too. Not just for Milo, but for you too.”
My lips trembled, my heart seeming to crack right open on the table. She had no way of understanding just what her words meant to me, her willingness to see past my mistakes and loving me anyway. I had to prove to her that I was worthy of it, and this seemed to be the best time to start.
“If it weren’t for Leo, I genuinely don’t think Talon would’ve come here,” I said at last, letting my certainty bleed into my words. “He would’ve let Milo be.”
She nodded, taking one of her hands back so she could sip her coffee. “I believe you.”
There was a mass amount of comfort in that, weight easing off my shoulders. Until Birdie shot me a sinister grin and said, “And now that we’ve gotten this far, I want the whole story. And you better not skimp on any of the juicy bits.”
I snorted, giving her a disbelieving look. “Seriously?”
Crossing her arms over her chest, Birdie nodded. “Every. Dirty. Detail. Spill it.”