Chapter 9 Snow
SNOW
In the chaos of the patient’s distress, one of the needles ended up in my arm.
I didn’t feel it.
I didn’t even notice it until June gently retracted it from my sleeve.
Xander’s cool touch quickly replaces the other nurse’s warm hand around my wrist as he steps forward, his face contorted with worry.
It’s the first time I’ve seen him display a real emotion on his face rather than just a flicker in the eyes.
He’s worried.
I should be worried.
But it doesn’t seem real.
The dangerous implications of being stuck by a used needle from an unknown patient burst through the back of my mind like flipping through the onboarding pamphlet I got when I started working here.
But none of it sticks.
It’s like I’ve suddenly ejected from my body and joined the sympathetic crowd standing around the poor person who got stuck with the needle.
“Snow?” Xander’s voice is firm. “Come with me.”
His grip remains on my arm, and he guides me away from the doctor now tending to the now unconscious patient.
I glimpse June’s sympathetic look and then the rush of the hospital swallows me in a daze until Xander brings me to a quiet consultation room and closes the door.
“We, uh…” My voice returns when Xander gently eases me onto the bed. “We need to take blood. And tell someone, I need to, uh—”
“Don’t panic,” Xander says, and I immediately resent the insinuation.
“I’m not panicking.”
“Good.” Xander’s cool touch slides up to my elbow and he adjusts my arm to take a look at the area.
A shiver shoots through me suddenly, causing my shoulders to jolt.
His touch pauses. “Are you in pain?”
“No. It’s just… your hands are cold.”
“So I’ve been told. If it’s too uncomfortable, I can get someone else.”
“No,” I say abruptly. “It’s fine.” I don’t want him to leave.
Despite still feeling like I’m observing from afar, Xander’s quick movements to take care of me actually warm my heart and become my focus despite the seriousness of the situation.
My mind latches onto anything that stops me from thinking about the resulting danger of a used needle.
“I need to take some blood for tests. Then we need to get you some antibiotics to cover all the immediate dangers and some medication to cover other possibilities as a precaution until your results come back.”
“I know. I know the risks.”
“How are you feeling?” Xander’s dark eyes catch mine.
I can’t look away.
There’s something so comforting about the deep, dark brown of his eyes that melt into black in the right light.
Like the comforting darkness that comes just before sleep. “I feel fine.”
“Are you lying to me?”
A soft rush of air passes my lips. “I don’t know.”
Xander lightly squeezes my elbow then he vanishes from the room, leaving me alone for a few minutes.
Glancing down, I stare at the minuscule pinprick and my heart starts to pound.
That poor patient was clearly distressed and we all did everything we could to calm him before sedating him.
But despite the violence, I should have been more careful. I should have had my head on a swivel to make sure something like this couldn’t happen.
And yet it did.
Just what more can happen to fuck my life over?
My eyes close and my head sags as a sudden wave of despair rises within me and forms a lump in my throat.
Hot tears prick behind my eyelids and my hands curl into fists.
What if this is the end?
Suddenly, a cool touch washes over my fists and I open my eyes to see Xander’s returned.
I didn’t even hear the door.
His hands cover mine. “Are you okay?” Xander asks, and his tone remains soft, like he’s speaking to me as a friend rather than a patient.
“Do we know how high the risk is?” I ask hoarsely.
Xander busies himself preparing the instruments to take my blood.
“June’s taken blood from the patient, and once we get his results back, we’ll know what to expect from yours.
Protocol is that I take your blood and put you on medication and then regardless of the results, we’ll retake your blood in a month just to be sure. ”
He recites information I already know, but it’s like I’m hearing it for the first time, so I nod along to everything he says. “Okay.”
“Ready?”
After I nod, Xander spends ten minutes taking several blood samples from me.
Then, he disinfects the area and covers it with a small floral Band-Aid.
It’s a nice touch usually reserved for children, but the fact that he even thought about it for me brings a touch of warmth to my heart.
“All finished.” Xander cleans up and safely disposes of the needles. “I’ll get these to the lab and we’ll get your results as quickly as we can.”
“Thank you.”
“Wait here.”
He’s gone again and I’m left to the silence of the room, but the door’s barely closed when someone else knocks swiftly on it and enters.
“Noelle?”
I glance up and my heart sinks as Jen strides inside. “Jen.”
“I heard what happened,” she says, clutching an electronic tablet to her chest. “What on earth were you thinking?”
It’s a far stretch to expect sympathy from her, but the accusation in her tone catches me off guard. “Excuse me?” I roll down my sleeve, hiding the floral Band-Aid from view.
“What were you doing in the middle of that disaster?” Jen demands. “Do you have any idea what you’ve done?”
My eyes widen. “I—what? I don’t understand.”
“You’re not a nurse. You’re not a doctor. You’re the Patient Services Coordinator, so what on earth were you doing getting involved with administering medication to a patient?”
Her words are like claws, dragging me back into myself, and suddenly, everything feels very present and bright.
The tightness of the Band-Aid on my arm, the chill in the air, the pounding of my heart that makes my tongue tremble, and fear coil in my gut.
“Well?” Jen demands. “If that patient wakes and finds out someone without medical training was involved, then you’ve opened us up to a lawsuit! Never mind that if you hadn’t been there, then you wouldn’t have been stuck with the needle in the first place, so some would say—”
“What is going on here?” Xander melts out of the shadows behind Jen, making her jump, and I’m swallowed by the strongest urge to bury into his arms.
He passes by Jen, and I’m suddenly struck by how tall he is.
I’ve noticed before and yet in this moment, with my world trembling on weak stilts and Jen’s accusations singing in my ears, he seems taller. Broader.
He moves between Jen and me as she clears her throat.
“I was explaining to Noelle that she shouldn’t have been near that patient and the circumstances of her accident places the blame on—”
“No one,” Xander cuts in, his voice as cold as the icy winds outside. “It was a terrible accident, but no one stuck her on purpose.”
“That’s not what I’m saying,” Jen sighs. “I’m saying that she shouldn’t have been there in the first place.”
“Nonsense. She was my Patient Services Coordinator and I requested her. She has basic medical training and it’s not uncommon for her, or people in her position, to be involved in administering medication.
And in extreme circumstances like what happened on the floor, it was an all hands on deck situation.
Without Snow, that patient was at greater risk of harming himself or others. ”
Jen’s eyes narrow. “You can’t seriously be telling me that her presence was integral to the safety of the patient?”
“I’m telling you that it was an extreme case and things only worked out because of everyone there. Do you need that in writing?”
“Mr. Thomas—”
“It’s Doctor.”
“I—”
“And if you don’t mind, I have a patient to tend to, so kindly step out so I can do that in private.” A subtle touch of anger licks at Xander’s words and Jen, thankfully, seems to back down.
She tightens her grasp on the tablet in her hands and looks past him to me. “We’ll talk later, Noelle. In the meantime, you’ll be placed on paid leave until your test results come back to prevent you from contaminating anyone or anything.”
“I understand.” The paid part of leave is unexpected, but given Jen’s attempts to place blame on my own shoulders, she must be afraid of some kind of legal repercussions.
Those hadn’t even crossed my mind.
“Leave,” Xander states coldly, and he remains facing the door until Jen steps out of the room and closes the door behind her. He turns toward me and his tone instantly changes. “Not even an hour has passed, and they’re already worried about the paperwork.”
For a man usually monotone and to the point, there’s subtle warmth behind his words.
He retakes the seat in front of me and pulls out a small bottle.
“You need to take these twice a day for two weeks or until we get your test results back. They will take care of many of the common risks associated with being stuck with a used needle. I’m not saying they will be all you need, but until we know more, it’s the best we can do.”
“Yeah, thanks.” Reaching for the bottle, my hand closes over Xander’s fingers when he doesn’t let go of the bottle when I expect him to. “Maybe she’s right, though. I had no business involving myself.”
“I meant what I said.” Xander catches my gaze once more. “Patient safety is number one and we all worked together to help him. These results are… terrible, and I am sorry, Snow. But it is not your fault.”
“Isn’t it?” Now that I’m back present in my own mind, I start replaying everything over in my mind. “How unaware was I that I didn’t even notice the prick of a needle?”
“Snow…”
“No, think about it! Those things hurt! How could I be so careless? I can’t even track what happened to the needle after it was in the patient and I don’t understand how it even ended up in my arm because it was chaos, but how could I not know?”
“Snow, listen to me.”
“No!” I slide from the bed and push past him, pacing around the bed to gain distance.
“Jen’s right. She might have a shitty way of saying it, but she’s right.
My head is all over the place, I’m not sleeping, I’m not thinking straight.
I’m endangering all these people around me, including the patients. I had no business even being there—”
My tirade halts when Xander appears before me and his firm hands grasp my shoulders. “Snow. Stop. Take a deep breath.”
I’m about to tell him I’m fine when an ache forms across my chest and I realize I’m panting.
I’m panicking.
“Now I could be sick. Really sick. This could be the end, I could have killed myself because I was so careless and I—”
“Snow!”
For the first time in my life, I hear Xander raise his voice, and it’s so alarming that I stop dead, not even breathing.
“Breathe,” he instructs firmly. “Follow me. Breathe.”
My lips part and a ragged gasp drags past my lips.
Then another.
Xander exaggerates his breathing for me to follow and within thirty seconds, the ache in my chest begins to fade.
“You lost someone close to you,” Xander says, his voice back to his normal level.
“And it was sudden. No one can fault you for not having your head together. But your actions with that patient are my responsibility and I saw nothing wrong with how you acted. It will be easy for you to spiral, but please, trust me that I will do everything I can to get you swift results and help you with whatever those results are.”
“Why?” I gasp, lifting trembling fingers to my lips. “Why would you even care?”
“Because I know what it’s like to lose someone close to you,” Xander replies. “And I know how painful these things can be when you’re alone.” His jaw jumps faintly, and while his hands fall away from my shoulders, he remains close. “Come home with me, Snow. Let me take care of you.”
This goes far beyond doctor-patient care, and Jen would have a fit.
But I don’t care.
Going back to my cold apartment after today sounds like hell.
Going back to Xander’s apartment might be against my better judgment, but his company is the only thing keeping me grounded.
“Okay.” I nod slowly. “I’ll come back with you.”