Chapter 10 Xander
XANDER
Snow sits on the stool at the island counter, both her hands clasped together.
Her damp hair, freshly showered, drapes to one side drying against the towel around her shoulders.
Willow sits next to her with her chin resting on Snow’s thumbs, gazing up at her with wide eyes.
“I think she likes you,” I say, glancing up from the stir-fry sizzling in front of me.
“Will, uhm…” Snow hesitates while gazing down at Willow. “Is it okay for me to pet her?”
“If she lets you, of course.” My brow tightens faintly. “Why wouldn’t it be?”
“I read once that you weren’t supposed to pet animals in another home too much because they’ll get attached and miss you when you’re not around.”
“I don’t think that’s quite accurate.” I chuckle softly. “But if she gets attached to you and you’re worried, then feel free to visit as often as you'd like.”
“Would that be weird if I came back here just for your cat?”
“And not me?” I arch one brow. “Maybe I’d be a little hurt.”
“Really?” She glances up. “How could I make that better?”
“Show equal attention to me and the cat.”
“So you’d want pets too.” Snow nods slowly and a soft smile briefly flashes across her lips while the tip of her exposed ear turns red.
I want to joke back and lean into it, but knowing her ex died so recently holds me back.
I’m not a crass man and the last thing I want to do is cross a boundary while trying to provide her a place of comfort. Returning to my cooking, I focus on seasonings while I talk.
“Have you, uhm… have you had a funeral for Caleb?”
“No,” Snow replies immediately. “He has no family and no friends, so there was no point.”
“Not even for yourself?”
She flashes me a flat smile. “Honestly, I felt like I should give him one out of decency, but that fucker cleaned out our joint account with a fake ID the day before he died. He took all of my backup savings, so I had to dip into my actual savings to pay rent.”
“Oh, wow.” The stir-fry loses my focus. “I’m so sorry.”
She shrugs one shoulder, focused on patting Willow.
“My own fault. Had I enough sense, I would have moved out the day after we broke up, but I clung to this hope that the man I fell in love with was still under the toxic prick he'd turned into. I kept thinking I had to change and it would bring him back, and sometimes, he would be there. But then he would turn back into a dick and I realized that his whole hot and cold schtick was just to keep me on site long enough that he could weasel enough money out of me.”
“You two weren’t together recently?” There’s no other way for me to ask, but I’d been given the impression that she and Caleb had been together until recently, yet she speaks with more than enough disgust in her voice.
“God, no,” she groans. “Does it sound callous? We broke up maybe five-ish months ago, but I kept being lured back into this hope that the sweet man I got an apartment with was just going through a rough patch. Took me until a couple of months ago to realize that the sweet part of him was the act. So his death… sure, it made me sad, but I’m sadder about the situation he left me in than the fact that he’s dead. Is that horrible?”
She looks up at me with wide eyes as if my answer will determine how she moves forward with her grief.
Unfortunately for her, all the guilt I was clinging to about admiring her smile and focusing on her in the hallways despite her relationship has just melted away.
There was no relationship, and thus, this gentle crush that’s built over the past few weeks is no longer a shameful stamp on my chest.
“I don’t think it’s horrible. He left you in a horrible situation,” I reply with a very brief smile.
“Even though he sounds like a piece of work, he was still part of your life. Being upset by his passing doesn’t erase the bad things he did to you or the fact that he stole from you.
I’m sorry about that. I can’t imagine what a shock that was. ”
“That’s why I left abruptly last week. The bank called because my rent declined, and my account was overdrawn, which made no sense because I had six months’ worth of rent in that account. I like to be safe, y’know?”
“Understandable.”
“And he drained it the day before he died. Left me high and dry. Literally. So that on top of his wrecking my car in the crash that killed him and some other stuff he left behind, this is just the cherry on top of a fantastic month.” She indicates to the floral Band-Aids covering where I took her blood and where the needle stuck her.
Every word from her amplifies my desire to help her.
There’s not much I can do about her financial situation or her health until we know more, but she sounds lacking in support and that’s something I can do outside of my growing selfish desire to spend time with her.
“I can’t offer much to fix that, but I can offer you good food, attention from three needy animals, and a warm place to stay if you need it.”
Snow squints up at me, watching me as if a question burns on her tongue, but nothing follows.
She just watches me and then, hesitantly, smiles. “Thank you. I feel like I’m taking advantage.”
“I wouldn’t offer if I weren’t serious,” I assure her.
“I should bring you dinner more often.”
“I certainly wouldn’t complain.” I smile at her and return to the stir-fry for the last few minutes.
Once finished, I plate it up and Rustle makes an appearance from somewhere in the apartment as soon as I tear open the plastic wrapper of the tortillas.
She leaps onto the counter with a loud meow and attacks my hands with her teeth and claws while trying to get to the wrapper.
“Rustle!”
She ignores me, flipping onto her back and drawing laughter from Snow as she watches while petting a very calm Willow.
Tiger, drawn by the commotion, wanders into the kitchen with a wide yawn.
After separating Rustle from my arm, I distract all three cats with some chicken near the bowls and place a steaming plate of food in front of Snow.
“Enjoy.”
She giggles as she picks up her fork. “Your cats are amazing.”
“I’m very lucky. They’re mostly independent, but I have my neighbor to thank for their adoration. They used to sneak across my balcony and into her apartment, and she fell in love, so now they have two homes to terrorize. They treat here like a vacation.”
“That’s so sweet,” Snow murmurs around a mouthful of chicken and peppers. “So, it’s just you here?”
“Yes.”
“But this place is huge.”
“Well, you know what they say about men and big apartments.”
“Oh, really?” Snow gazes at me, her lids lowering. “What do they say about them?”
“Oh, you know.” I spear some chicken and lean against the counter, meeting her gaze. “They have really big… floor plans.”
“You’re an idiot.” She chuckles. “That’s so dumb.”
“If it makes you smile, it’s not dumb.”
The tip of Snow’s ear burns crimson once more and she focuses on her dinner for a moment, eating heartily.
It’s nice to see since she doesn’t seem to have been taking much care of herself.
“Is that… something you like to do?” Snow asks softly.
I glance back up at her, and there’s something different in the way she looks at me.
There’s a sparkle of curiosity but something else that stops me from looking away. “Is what?”
“Making me smile.”
This is a precious moment.
The sensible side of me wants to reply like a friend and reassure her that I care for her with no expectations and that I’m just looking to provide her sanctuary after a terrible day.
But a stronger, louder part of me yearns to give in and answer her more honestly.
It’s hardly the right time to admit my interest in her when this could be a passing crush and she’s having such a terrible time.
Then again, maybe I can be a good thing for her.
“If I had the opportunity,” I say softly, holding her gaze, “I would do everything and anything to make you smile as often as I could.”
Her brows lift slightly and her lips part, staring at me as if my words are everything she’s ever wanted to hear.
My heart ticks up a beat as she then starts to smile, pauses, and then smiles widely in that hesitant, adorable way I like so much.
Suddenly, she leans forward and closes the gap between us, and every instinct I have screams in my mind to lean in and catch her lips in the kiss she’s asking for, but sense overrules any desire I have, and I jerk back away from her while placing a hand on her shoulder to keep her back.
Snow hangs in the air, one hand placed on the counter to support herself, and then her cheeks redden as if she’s just been slapped. “I—”
“Snow—”
“No, sorry. Of course. You didn’t mean that. Why would you? It’s just a game, right?” Anger flits into her eyes and she slumps back into her seat. “What was I thinking?”
“No, Snow, that’s not what—”
“Don’t. No need to explain. Stupid of me to think you would be different. Must be a guy thing, huh? I find the slightest bit of interest and it’s always in someone who blows hot and cold at the drop of a hat. I should go.”
As she abruptly stands, I catch her wrist and pull her back. “Snow! Please, you’ve got this all wrong. We can’t kiss because we don’t know if you’re healthy. Any kind of fluid transfer of any kind could put both of us at risk until your results come back. Believe me, if I could kiss you, I would.”
“Really?” She looks at me with such sadness in her eyes that my heart breaks.
I can’t decide if she’s asking because she doesn’t believe I mean it or because she doesn’t believe she deserves it.
“Really. I brought you coffee because I didn’t want you to have a bad day and when you smiled at me, I wanted to see it again.
You brought me dinner and I wanted you to stay so I could listen to you talk.
When we walked in the rain together, I wanted that walk to go on forever, but I thought you and Caleb were together, so I just wanted to be your friend. ”
Each word makes her expression softer and softer until she slowly sinks back down in her seat.
I release her wrist and she lifts her palm to her chest. “I’m sorry.”
“There’s no apology needed.”
“I thought… I’m used to hot and cold, y’know? Flirting one second and then coldness the next, and I didn’t want that again, so I thought you were saying those nice things just to appear one way and then…”
Her cheeks puff out as she sighs. “I’m sorry. I’m a mess. Caleb completely cleared me out, my car's gone, my rent is too expensive, and now my health… I feel like my life is crumbling and this is supposed to be the happiest time of the year, right? I’m more than a mess.”
“A completely understandable one,” I reply with a smile. “But I mean it. If you weren’t in such a precarious position, then I would kiss you until you couldn’t breathe.”
“I’ll hold you to that,” Snow replies.
We return to our meal and eat slowly until Snow’s eyelids start to droop, then I take her hand and lead her to bed.
Everything she’s poured out to me tonight feels like the tip of the iceberg, as if she’s still trying to be strong and save face.
Admitting my crush wasn’t in my plan, but she’s more receptive to it than I anticipated.
Apparently, I missed the signs that she was interested in me.
Of course, it could just be because I’m taking care of her.
In the spare room, she sinks onto the bed with a soft sigh. “I don’t know how to repay you for all of this.”
“Rest,” I say, pulling the curtains closed. “That is all I ask.”
I turn back to her with a smile and freeze.
Snow’s on the bed where I left her but in the ten seconds my back was turned, she’s shed the clothes she borrowed after her shower.
She lies on top of the sheets with her legs crossed at the knee and her arms back to support her as she leans back, completely naked.
Try as I might, I can’t stop my gaze from slipping down to her round, full breasts and alert, dusky nipples hardening against the slight chill in the air as if trying to invite me in.
It takes every ounce of my restraint not to look down at the inviting crease between her thighs.
“Snow.” Her name escapes me like a strangled gasp and I fight to clear my throat.
“Let me say thank you. I know we can’t kiss, we can’t exchange fluids and things, I know,” she says, her cheeks growing pinker by the second. “But that doesn’t mean we can’t have fun, right?”