Chapter 36 Xander #2
“Don’t you see? I love you, Snow. That’s why the thought of having a baby with you brought me a moment of excitement.
That’s why it hurt so much when I thought you didn’t trust me.
I tried to protect myself by explaining it away in my mind when I should have been listening to you.
I’ve spent these past few days so torn up and not giving a shit about my work because a life with you?
Where I get to treat you and spoil you and watch my apartment flood with light and life?
You’ve done so much for me and become so important to me that it was crushing me thinking you couldn’t trust me.
But I do care about you, Snow, I care about you so much. I just wanted to understand.”
She stares down at me with tears clinging to her lower lashes and she whimpers, shaking her head.
“I don’t deserve it, though. I don’t. I lied to you and I have this feeling in my chest right here.
” She presses her palm flat to her breastbone.
“Like this is all a trick and you’re really mad at me because how could you care about me, how could you love me when I lied and hid something as huge as a baby? ”
Her other hand slides over the small bump in her abdomen, and I follow the path of her fingers, searching for a way to soothe her.
In the end, there’s only one thing to say.
“Snow… my love doesn’t come with conditions. It’s there and it’s real and it’s for you to do whatever you want with. I love you… and I’m here if you still want me.”
Her lips part but as a tear escapes down her cheek, frantic knocking at the front door draws my attention.
I lightly touch her knee as I stand.
“I’ll be right back.”
The light knocking quickly turns into a fist pounding against the door, switching my concern to irritation as I reach for the door handle.
Jerking my door open, that irritation bleeds to anger when I’m face to face with a man I haven’t seen since Snow cracked him over the head with a lampshade.
“You! Is the bitch here?” Dickson snarls.
“No,” I say curtly and move to slam the door shut, but Dickson shoves his shoulder against it, holding it open.
“Don’t lie. I forked out a fortune to some taxi driver to follow her here and then I had to knock on a bunch of doors trying to find out which apartment she went to, and I recognize you.” He prods me hard in the chest. “So don’t fucking lie to me!”
I grab Dickson’s arm as he pulls his hand back and my eyes narrow. “Touch me again and I’ll break your fucking arm,” I growl. “Get the fuck out of here.”
“Big talk!” Dickson snarls, pulling hard against me. “But I ain’t leaving. I had the fucking cops knocking down my door because that bitch couldn’t keep her mouth shut, so I’m here to close it for good!”
“Xander?” Snow’s uncertain voice rises up from behind me.
Dickson’s eyes darken like a dog getting a whiff of a rabbit. “Hey, cunt!”
“Dickson?” Snow gasps.
“Snow, call the police!” I yell as Dickson surges against me like a rabid wave, fists flying.
Using all my strength, I throw myself forward into Dickson’s body, forcing him out of my doorway and back into the hallway.
He punches me hard in the face with a flying fist, then again in the gut, but I keep my shoulder pressed against his chest, forcing him out and away from Snow.
“You wanna fight?” Dickson snarls. “Does a pretty boy like you even know how to fight?”
Pain blooms across my jaw as he punches me in the face once more.
I surge up, catch his fist on the backswing, and drive my elbow down hard into his shoulder.
He stumbles back with a yell, rebalances, then lunges at me once more.
Just as he reaches me, he ducks under my punch and tries to run past me to my apartment.
I catch the back of his shirt with both hands and throw myself backward, using my weight to drag him away from my half-open door.
“Fucker!” Dickson snarls.
He turns to me, face twisted with rage, and lunges with both hands outstretched.
I duck to one side, grab his arm, and pull him forward while slamming my knee up into his gut.
He chokes and gags, then slams his elbow into my side.
Pain explodes through my body and ripples across my ribs as he slams his elbow into me again.
I loop my arm around his waist and throw him against the wall where we both bounce, then he punches me twice in the face.
Warm blood spurts down across my lips as I throw my next punch and it collides with Dickson’s face.
He stumbles backward, then his entire face opens in panicked alarm and he reaches for me.
His hand closes around the collar of my T-shirt and I realize too late what I’ve done.
I punched him and we were too close to the stairs.
His panic comes from stepping back onto nothing but air, and as he falls, his grip on me drags me with him.
We tumble down together like two cogs rattling loose around a machine, tumbling down a flight of stone steps while Dickson yells in my eyes.
My head cracks against something cold and sharp and I disappear into a darkness so brief that when I open my eyes, it’s like I’ve only blinked.
“Xander!” Snow’s over me with tears pouring down her face as she cups my cheeks with her trembling hands. “Xander, stay with me!”
“Snow?” My mouth feels like it’s stuffed with cotton and my tongue is too far to wrap around my words.
“The police are coming,” she gasps. “And an ambulance, oh, my God!”
Behind her head, several bannisters weave upward.
We must have fallen down more than one flight of stairs.
Despite that, my body is numb and the only sensation radiates from Snow’s hands on my face.
“I’m going to be worthy, okay?” She sobs softly. “I’m going to be worthy of your love because I love you too, okay? I’m so sorry this got so messy. I’m so sorry. I am. Please, you have to be okay. You have to be because we haven’t even—you can’t tell me you love me and then die, okay?”
I want to tell her that I’m okay.
That I’m not going anywhere because I feel fine.
That I love her and everything’s going to be okay, but the thickness of my tongue is growing and words don’t come.
The edges of my vision blur and Snow lets out a soft wail. “Xander, please hold on! Help is coming, okay? It’s coming, just please, please don’t leave me!”
I blink.
But my eyes don’t reopen.