Chapter 16
GRIFFIN
No. No. No.
God no.
What happened?
Fuck.
Thoughts are racing through my head as I drive to the clinic where Selena is with Dr Wells. She’s pregnant. She’s fucking PREGNANT. She took that morning-after pill. God, it must be Landon’s.
Fuck.
This is all so fucked up.
I walk into the clinic convinced that this is Landon’s child, determined to terminate the pregnancy right here and now. I’ll buy Selena a car, or fuck…something.
I’m not raising another man's child. Fuck, I’m not even raising my child.
We’ll terminate.
I’ll take her to Italy…or I’ll buy her a puppy.
Fuck, I don’t want a puppy.
I march into the doctor's private office. We are terminating this pregnancy. Nothing Selena will do or say can change my mind. I do not want a child, and I absolutely won’t raise a fucking kid that isn't mine. My heart will not stop beating, and I want to strangle somebody. Murder is all I have on my mind at this point. I’m livid and hot with rage when I walk in and see her looking tiny in an overstuffed chair.
Her face is red and swollen, and she’s sobbing.
As horrible as I am, I feel overwhelming empathy for Selena. This is not something she planned for.
“We’ll get it taken care of,” is the first thing I say as I walk over and kiss her head. She’s already dressed back in her street clothes. I’m aware I’m being absolutely monstrous, but I’m not capable of better at this point.
Selena sobs even more and is now inconsolable.
Dr. Jane says in her calm and even tone, “I think we should discuss options, Griffin, before you barrel in and announce the plan. Let Selena discuss her choices with you before you both make a decision.” She’s so level-headed; I’m glad we’ve decided on using her.
“Right, yes. What are they?”
“The pregnancy is in its early stages. Mrs. Calloway’s hormone levels show that Selena is about ten days post conception—”
“Not more?” I accuse, and Selena breaks down again. Fuck.
“No, definitely not more. Her hCG is very faint. Her blood test confirms pregnancy, but the levels are only slightly elevated. Carrying to term, termination, and adoption are all options I’m going to ask you to consider.”
I stop her. “Can you terminate it today?”
“I can, but I’ll need to have a private conversation with both of you, and I’ve asked for a social worker to come speak to Mrs. Calloway. All of this is normal procedure for —”
I interrupt her again. “Can you tell if I’m the father?”
“What?” Selena asks, horrified.
“You walked out on your husband at the altar, little more than a week ago. I’m not raising his bastard child.” Even I hate myself at this point.
“I’m not terminating,” Selena nearly screams.
“In about four weeks, we can do a prenatal paternity test, but we’ll be close to the deadline for termination,” Dr. Jane says with clinical clarity.
Selena is shaking and convulsing in stress. “It’s my body. I made a mistake. I never should have done this. I never should have married you.” She stands up and heads for the door.
I block her. “Run, that’s all you ever do is run.” I scold her, feeling heat inflame my entire body.
“Yes. I run. I’m a coward, or a bitch, or a slut, or whatever you fucking want to call me, but I won’t stay in a toxic situation. I left one already, and I’m leaving this one now. Step aside, or I’ll call the police.” She takes out her phone, and I know she will.
This has all escalated too quickly, and Dr. Wells intervenes. “Give her some space, Griffin, this is a hard decision.” The doctor touches my shoulder, and I try and breathe through my rage.
I step aside and let Selena walk out of the room.
“We’ll discuss this tonight,” I tell her, and punch my fist into my hand.
“I’ll have the police come myself, Griffin,” says Dr. Wells, “if you don’t get a grip. At the moment, I don’t feel like your wife is safe with you.”
“She’s pregnant, Jane. Fucking pregnant and it’s not mine. So arrest me for being angry that my wife is carrying another man’s fucking child.”
I hate her at that moment, all of them…all women.
“Selena told me she met you ten days ago. She asked if the baby could be her ex-fiancé’s, since they practiced the rhythm method as a means of birth control.
Apparently, you two had a whirlwind romance that landed you both married as of last week.
Selena isn’t trying to hide anything from you.
” She looks sternly at me. “In my medical opinion, this pregnancy is ten days post conception. Selena and I have gone over her menstrual history while we were waiting for you. According to her previous cycles, she was ovulating when she met you. She also threw up the emergency contraception and has been nauseous ever since. If you ejaculated in her vaginal canal during ovulation, and were relying solely on emergency contraception, this baby is yours.” She gives me an evil glare.
“I’m going to want a paternity test if she doesn’t choose to terminate today,” I say flatly, still an asshole.
“It’s unlikely the baby belongs to her ex. Selena stated that she and her ex-fiancé did not have sex for two weeks before the wedding so he could ‘save up his sperm.’ His words, apparently.”
“He was cheating on her, he wasn’t saving shit.” I blurt out.
“But he wasn’t having sex with her. Pretty hard to conceive a baby without intercourse. Now, I'm going to go and call the social worker and check on Selena. I need you to stay here in my office, or I’ll have to call security.”
“This is between the two of us,” I say, backpedaling a little. “She doesn’t need a social worker.”
Dr. Wells shakes her head, and I feel like trash.
“I think Selena’s been coerced into marriage. This clinic is going to provide her with options in regard to this pregnancy, as well as housing support and legal resources should she need them.”
“How long do we have before she can’t have an abortion?”
The doctor looks at me coldly. “She said she doesn’t want one, so termination probably isn’t an option.
I can have you both speak with the social worker about agencies and paths to adoption.
I will also be requiring that you both attend marriage counseling, unless she decides to terminate your agreement. ”
“There is no way that—”
“There is no way you are going to do anything except leave my office,” Dr. Wells tells me. “Now. Or I’ll call the police. Selena doesn’t need any more stress today.”
She stares me down until I turn on my heel and walk out. I am too angry to go home and have my driver just…drive.
Two hours later, I get a phone call from the clinic.
They tell me they’ve admitted Selena to the hospital for observation.
She’s emotionally distraught since and she has an elevated heart rate; they want to monitor her.
The social worker has said that I’m not allowed to see Selena or call her until further notice.
I want to fight with Dr. Wells and the social worker, but truthfully, it’s probably best for Selena that I calm down and give her some space.
All of this has just made me hate myself. That poor, beautiful woman should not be suffering this badly, and it’s all on me. All of Selena’s heartbreak is because of what I’ve done.
I call Beckett and ask him to meet me.
“Scarlett and I always watch Morgan Park on Thursday nights. She’s going to hate me. I know better than to fuck with a pregnant woman, Grif. You may never—”
“Selena is pregnant!” I yell into the phone.
“I’ll meet you at Cole’s.” And he hangs up.
I arrive at Cole’s, and Beckett is already there in our favorite booth. I join him and order whiskey. I also order onion rings, French fries, and fried shrimp because when I get stressed, I eat crap.
“Shit,” Beckett says. “So what happened?”
“I guess I knocked her up on that first night. She never told me she barfed up the morning after pill, but that’s what happened. Dr. Jane says she was ovulating...” I throw back my whiskey and order another one.
“Fuck.” Beckett takes a drink of his. “Kids aren’t the end of the world. Griffin, you need to ease up on her.” He’s my age and is trying to speak to me like a man, but I’m a monster.
“I’m not you.” I clap back.
“Yeah, I wasn’t me when Scarlett gave birth to Rayne, trust me. I was just as selfish as you are.” He has a point.
“It’s not self-centered to not want to raise a child. Lots of people decide not to have kids. It’s a choice.”
“Not when your wife, who you coerced into marrying you so you can make partner, is pregnant. Where is she now? Just sitting in your gigantic, nearly vacant loft, wallowing?”
“They kept her for observation,” I say, hating every word.
“They admitted her to the hospital?” Beckett whips out his phone. “Which one? New York South, where Jane has clients?”
“Let’s let her have space, okay.” I can’t let him get involved.
“At the very least, Scarlett or Mia should be with her tonight.”
“Dr. Wells told me no one will be admitted but family, and she doesn’t have any in New York.” I take another drink from the glass the waiter has just brought.
“Scarlett endured so much. She experienced money issues and the potential loss of her job as a dancer for the New York ballet to keep Rayne. She gave up her dream for our kids, but she loves them and loves working with children as a dance therapist.
“And I love our children. Rayne is me. One hundred percent. She’s feisty and strong-willed; she keeps me young. Skye is her mother, beautiful, enchanting. Storm is both of us and his own person. I’m so excited to see who our next kiddo is going to be.
“It’s fun, Griffin, it keeps you alive. You may even discover that you love Selena after she gives you a child.
Seeing Scarlett with the kids makes me love her more every day.
” He’s so fucking misty-eyed. “But it’s not just that.
Scarlett is fierce, beautiful, patient, kind…
I see a lot of those qualities in Selena.
If you fuck this up, you’re never going to meet another gem like her. ”
“I know. I know that, but you’re an anomaly, okay?
You’ve always been nice to your little sister, Mia, even when your dad treated her like garbage.
You have a heart. I don’t. I don’t really have any tragedies, and my mom is still alive—we both hate my dad—but she and I just don’t care for one another.
I have no siblings, no strings, and I like it. ”
My crappy food finally arrives, and I dig in.
Beckett gives me a look that says Cut the bullshit. “Then why didn’t you just fight your firm to get a partnership without marriage?”
“Because I saw Selena and had to have her. The minute that blond beauty walked into the bar, I noticed. Some creep was trying to get her into a bed, and I played knight in shining armor to do the exact same thing. I fucked her hard that night, twice. After that, I figured a fake marriage worked for my parents; it could work for me. My father still has my mother on his payroll.”
My parents tolerate one another at best. My mother has her group of friends and a lover, and my father has a mistress, and while they were still married to one another, they never lived together.
I have absolutely no role models whatsoever outside of Beckett, who just five years ago was just like me.
Beckett takes one of my onion rings and drags it through the lake of ketchup I poured onto my plate.
“I’ve only just met Selena, but I can tell she deserves better.
If you’re going to be a shit father, let Selena come to our house.
Hire nannies and allow your wife to raise your kid.
She can come and visit you. The baby will have plenty of cousins to play with.
You aren’t really married to Selena anyway and don’t plan on being her husband, so let her make a choice that gives her heart some joy. ”
“Oh, right, what does that look like on me, having my wife live with you? Be realistic.” I huff and shove an onion ring in my mouth.
“If you force her to have an abortion, your marriage isn’t going to last the weekend.
I started out just like you, and I have to say, Beckett, before my family, I was a pathetic person.
Me now…fuck, I’m happy. Maybe this baby isn’t our last. I love making babies with my wife, but it’s hard on her.
That being said, we have sex every night.
We only take a break when she’s about to give birth and just after. It’s our way of deeply connecting.”
I understand that.
I had sex with Selena the night before our wedding and then once afterward because she and I both just couldn't resist one another. All she asks is that I care about her, and I do this.
After two glasses of whiskey and an entire plate of fried crap, I feel sick and need to go home. I wouldn't admit it to his face, but Beckett did give me something to think about. I could possibly agree to having a child and hire nannies, nurses, and staff to take care of it with Selena.
If she's pregnant, I'm sure people will talk about that being the reason for our marriage, but it would show that I'm an upstanding person. I can prove that I’m a stable family man and make a big deal out of having a child.
I go home with the decision made that I'm going to at least discuss this a little more open-mindedly with Selena. I say goodbye to Beckett, and he gives me some parting words of encouragement.
“Start seeing her as a partner, Griffin. Her’s is the only partnership you should really care about.” I don't want to admit it, but he has a valid point.
Upon walking into the loft, I feel an eerie silence. It's already almost ten, and past time for any staff to be there.
I bet the night nurses at the hospital will at least tell me if she’s okay or not. What if she’s still having heart palpitations? I call the nurses' station on her floor and speak to someone there.
“I’m Griffin Calloway. I’m just calling to check on my wife. She was admitted this afternoon. She’s pregnant.” I can feel myself tearing up. What the hell did I do to her? She’s in the fucking hospital because of me.
“Last I checked on her, she was sleeping. Let me see if she’s awake.”
Would they let me talk to her? Maybe the night staff didn’t know I’m not allowed to talk to her. I wait for what feels like hours.
The nurse comes back. “Apparently, the doctor gave her the all-clear about fifteen minutes ago. They said she could leave, but recommended she stay the night.”
“Does she want to come home?” I ask excitedly. “I can be there in—"
“She’s already left.”
I remain calm because the last thing I want is a restraining order against me.
“Okay, thanks, I’ll wait for her here.” I end the call and check her GPS. I’ve had it synced to my phone since the wedding. When I fire up the locator app, her phone doesn’t register. I immediately text her, but I know in my soul that she ran.
Where are you?