Chapter 17
SELENA
Where are you?
It is the first text I read when I turn on my phone after traveling all night. I need to get a new phone and a new number again. I don’t have long before he finds me.
I don’t know why I turn it on. Mostly just to text my sister like I do every day, pretending I’m sitting in a law office answering phones. I still don’t have the heart to tell her I married the jerk. And now, I’m glad I didn’t.
More texts flood in.
I’m not mad. Come home. We’re going to talk. No yelling. We’ll be mature about this. I’m willing to listen, but know this scares the shit out of me. — Griffin.
DO NOT RUN AWAY FROM ME!
We can talk it out.
I’m willing to consider parenting.
I know you’re hurting. I was wrong. You’re worth saving, Selena. I fucked up. I’m selfish and broken. Please talk to me.
Just don’t leave. Give this a chance. — your husband.
I turn off my phone. I can’t do this right now.
Griffin put thousands of dollars in my account for clothes, so I have access to cash. I am at a motel in Upstate New York, hovering on the Canadian border. After pulling cash out at an ATM near the hospital, I paid a taxi driver a small fortune to drive me as far north as he could go.
I got a room at the cheapest motel I could find. As soon as I walked in, I lay down, feeling drained, overwhelmed, and dead inside.
I don’t remember falling asleep, but I wake to a pounding knock at the door. I know that behind that door is trouble.
“Selena!”
I hear Griffin’s voice, and I panic. How the hell did he find me?
“I’m not going to hurt you. I’ve cancelled all my meetings to be here. Just give me a chance. Don’t run away from this.” He sounds desperate.
I feel like crap, I look like shit, and my first instinct is to lock myself in the bathroom. But I reach out and grab my phone instead, turning it on so I can call 911 if I need it. When the screen flares to life, I see fifty-seven missed calls.
I have to face him.
I get out of bed, undo the chain, and open the door.
“I gave you thousands of dollars, and you’re staying in a roach motel?” He’s laughing, but the sound is brittle.
“I can’t do this,” I whisper.
“Okay.” He walks over to me. I flinch, but he pulls me into a hug before I can retreat.
“How did you find me?” I start shaking, sobbing into his expensive coat. “I turned my GPS off...”
“Shhh.” He smooths his hand over my head. “I have a hardwired tracker on your phone. All the Christopher Street Society husbands have their wives followed.”
“That’s illegal.”
“Wives sometimes go missing. It’s an act of protection. Not all of the members are lucky enough to be married to runners.” He flashes me a weak smile. He’s a far cry from the raging monster at the clinic.
“I want to end our marriage. I made a mistake.”
“No. I did.”
“How do we annul the marriage?” I look up at him, my eyes aching.
“We’re not going to annul our marriage. You can keep the baby, Selena. We’ll work around it. You and I know this is not an ideal situation, but it’s not the baby’s fault. We made a mistake, and we made a life.”
“I don’t want to think of him as a mistake,” I say softly.
“Him?”
“I don’t know. He gives me boy vibes. I’m so sick all the time,” I laugh a little because that sounds horrible. I’m sure my nausea isn’t morning sickness yet, just nerves. I’ve been terrified since I ran from the altar.
“That sounds about right for a son of mine,” he says with a grin. “Look. It’s six in the morning. I drove all night to get here. I’m tired, and you look like you could use some real rest. But I’m not staying here. Let’s get your things and find a suitable hotel.”
He lets me go and picks up my purse. “Is this all you have?”
“I left straight from the hospital.” I shrug. Then I look up at him. “Griffin. This is too much. I can’t just fuck you and raise a surprise baby you don’t want in a penthouse by myself while you disappear to work. It’s lonely. At least Landon liked me.”
“I like you.” He cups my face and kisses my cheek.
“The truth is, I’m afraid to love you. And him.
” He touches my belly, softly. “I’m terrified of love.
But if there is a person in this world who is worth trying for, it’s you.
I don’t deserve you. I rented you for a year, and you have every right to leave me.
I can see it in your eyes.” He swipes his thumb over my tears.
“A marriage and a baby shouldn’t do this to you. ”
“But we made a deal. I agreed to it. You were very clear about what you wanted, and this isn’t it.”
“If I didn’t want a baby, I should have been more careful. My DNA is under my control, and I let go. That baby is mine. You are mine, whether you want to be or not. I married you. I chose you to bear my name.”
“Only so you can make partner,” I remind him.
“If all I wanted was a wife, I could have ordered one through the Society. It is a service we can request. I could have gotten a beautiful bride who wanted nothing but citizenship or money. But I wanted you.”
“Why?” I ask, feeling small. “Just my body?”
“Your body. Your snarky little personality. I wanted to catch the only girl who ran. I wanted you dripping in diamonds and cum.” He laughs at himself.
“Well, that went to plan.” I glare at him, and a small laugh escapes me.
“Yes. But it turns out what I like most about you is your big... fucking heart. It’s enormous, and it is the best thing about you.
” He kisses my lips gently. “Now, I have to get out of this motel because I’m going to itch for a week.
I want to discuss plans. The most pressing one is that I want to meet your sister. ”
I’m shocked.
“I’ll fly her out here. Wine and dine her so she likes me. I also think tomorrow we should look for a house. Something with a yard.”
He’s clearly lost his mind.
“Griffin?” I touch his arm. “Maybe we should just get out of here first. You’re spiraling.”
“Okay.”
I let him lead me out to a waiting black SUV.
“Of course you have a driver.”
“I have people for everything. Don’t give me flak; I had to come get you. Unlike your previous lover, I’m not letting you go.” He helps me into the car.
“To the Greenhouse Inn,” he tells the driver, then closes the partition.
We settle into the leather seats. The silence is heavy but not angry.
“I was engaged once,” he says quietly, looking out the window. “I was your age.”
“Did something happen to her?” I want to reach out, but I hold back.
“No. She was beautiful and sweet, like you. I was a football star in college. I didn’t focus on law until later. She was the typical cheerleader—smart, pretty, athletic. She loved football.” I can feel the old wound in his voice.
“So what happened?”
“After dating all through college, I asked her to marry me. She said yes. We moved in together. Until that point, she didn’t know how wealthy I was. I didn’t flaunt it. I wanted to be like everyone else.”
He sighs.
“She discovered how much money I had. I’d been keeping it from her because I wanted her to love me.
It was good for a few months, but she started spending.
As the wedding approached, she was never satisfied.
One morning, I woke up to a note on my pillow listing all the ways I was unlovable.
One and a half million dollars was gone from my account.
She moved to Mexico with a group of friends. ”
“Did you try to find her?”
“We’d been together for four years. I thought we were in love.
But she left me. That’s all I cared about.
I could have fought her for the money, but she knew I wouldn’t.
I came into a massive trust fund for my twenty-fifth birthday, and when I did, I vowed never to marry. That was twenty-three years ago.”
“I don’t want your money,” I say softly. “I married you because I wanted a career, and...” I stop. I just confessed to using him. But he already knew that.
“That’s all?” He has the hint of a smile.
“I was drawn to you from the moment we met. You told me you were an asshole, but I didn’t believe you. I should have.”
Now I have a hint of a smile, too.
“I’ll do better.” He takes my hand and holds it tight.