11. Liam
11
LIAM
S everal days of avoiding Eva wore on me.
We’d agreed on that shower sex being the last time, but every time she stayed at the big house in her wing, or when she passed through, usually talking with Nina or Tessa, she seemed fated to pass me by.
Quick glimpses felt longer than they lasted. Every near brush or closeness seemed to draw us together, like a heavier pressure hung in the air.
Tension. It hadn’t let up, and I wondered if the others in the room could tell how much we were aware of each other—despite our best attempts at trying to hide it.
It made for a lot of stress, and while it was something of our own making, no other alternative seemed likely. I couldn’t keep fucking her hard and thinking it could stay casual between us. It started to seem like we were putting off the inevitable, but I was fortunate to have Olivia as an obstacle to seeking out the slim brunette who’d captured my attention.
While I was grateful for the help, which Tessa, Nina, and even Danicia offered freely, I wanted to build the bond I was forming with Olivia. She was more relaxed around me, and I was quickly applying the tricks and tips I’d learned from so many sources. Playing with her equaled a happy Liv, and the more I did, the better she slept.
Already, I caught myself envisioning a future with her, a future I never realized I could’ve wanted. I could see her getting bigger and walking more confidently, then running, jumping, and climbing. Maybe I was predisposing my ideas, picturing her as a tomboy who could keep up with me and enjoy the outdoors, but also, I envisioned her dancing in tutus and insisting on tea parties.
It seemed impossible to fall in love so fast, but I was. I was living proof of that magical phenomenon that I couldn’t remember how I ever could’ve thought I was living a good life without her in it. There was before Olivia and after, and those two existences were not at all the same. This sweet little girl was rapidly encouraging me to be the best man, the best daddy, I could possibly be—and not just because she had no one else and I had to do right by her, but because she’d so quickly stolen my heart.
However, it was exhausting. Every night we went to bed, I prayed she’d sleep through it. And every morning when she babbled and woke me up, I lay silent and tired, hoping she’d fall back asleep for just five more minutes. It amazed me that such a small person could wear me out, but I wasn’t ashamed to admit I was tired and needed to vent.
Stressed about this pull to Eva. Tired from handling a baby. It added up. So when my bike was delivered at the end of the week, I was glad that Dante and Nina offered to watch Liv while I went out for a ride.
Dante followed me outside, holding Olivia while Nina changed into a bathing suit. It seemed my girl was loving the water so much that I was looking into getting her lessons.
“We’ll find her one,” Dante said. “I was the same. As soon as Romeo saw the pool, he wanted to always swim, but I was nervous.”
I arched my brow, smiling at this supposedly fearsome Mafia boss. He never pushed me to join the family. He wasn’t an asshole to me. Glancing at him holding my daughter, he looked like a young grandpa, at ease and happy to help.
“You have a certified swim instructor on staff?” I asked, teasing.
“No. But we can easily find one. In fact, I could arrange for mine.”
I laughed once. “I thought Nina wasn't due until the spring.”
He shrugged. “Early spring, but we should start the lessons as early as we can for him or her.” His smile was genuine, and I wondered how the hell he balanced it all. Killing and torturing people, arranging drug deals, and transporting guns one minute, then turning around and being the casual family guy.
I sighed, wondering how I thought I was any different. I’d killed many, but did doing so for the sake of the military really spare me any judgment?
“I also remember my bike.” He smiled at the only vehicle I'd cared to keep. I had yet to get a car, but that was mainly because I could use the many vehicles here on the property.
“You? You don’t strike me as a biker.”
He rolled his eyes. “I wasn’t a biker. I can’t stand those motherfuckers.”
“Mum uckers,” Olivia repeated.
Dante and I widened our eyes at each other.
“Um. I guess maybe we can start watching what we say around her…”
He laughed. “You said we . Are you starting to see yourself staying here with us?”
I shrugged. “I’m thinking about it.”
His smile was confident and easy, almost smug, like he knew he wouldn’t have to pressure me. “Yes,” he said, changing the subject, “I had a Harley.”
“ Had ?”
He sighed and nodded. “I was out for a ride with Nina’s father. That was how long ago it was. Way, way back when. Unfortunately, it made me too easy of a target. I was shot while riding it once, and it was enough to make me reconsider.”
“That blows.” I wasn’t a biker either. I rode, but not passionately like the fact that I had a motorcycle was part of my identity. “No one should force you to give up something you enjoy.”
I mentally cringed, wondering if that was what I was doing with Eva. We enjoyed each other in a physical way, so why not take advantage while we could, right?
After kissing Liv, I told her to behave. “I’ll be back soon,” I said as I got on the seat. “Just a ride to clear my mind.”
Dante nodded at me, gesturing for Liv to wave bye to me.
Damn, that man’s smitten with her. He would be a good grandpa. And dad. I rode, laughing at the idea that he could have both at the same time. If Romeo and Tessa were expecting…
I rode through the evening, going with no destination in mind. It freed me from the woes and constant worries and questions plaguing my mind, but it didn’t erase Eva. She lingered, no matter how focused I was.
I got off and stretched at a bar off the highway, realizing it’d been too long since I’d sat in that seat. After using the restroom, I ordered a beer to relax for a little longer.
Staying at the Constella mansion wasn’t oppressive. There was so much room that it didn’t feel like I was stuck there or a guest at a resort. Still, it was nice to break away and have an hour or so to myself.
“Hey,” a fellow veteran said after I took a stool. His short sleeves revealed a tattoo showing what troop he’d served in, and I nodded as a greeting.
“You still serving?” he asked.
I raised my brows. “How’d you guess?”
He laughed, an old, raspy sound that reminded me of Ethan. This vet was probably a lifelong smoker too. “Eh, the way you stand and hold yourself, like a soldier on alert. That and the fact that you ain’t grown your hair out yet.”
I smiled. “I just left, about three weeks ago.” Saying that out loud felt strange. So much had changed in that short time. Finding out about Olivia, getting the official news that I would never be on full active duty again.
Then coming to see Tessa and learning that she was marrying into the Mafia. And meeting Eva.
Wanting Eva. Loathing her. But mostly, just wanting her.
“How are you adjusting?” he asked, his croaky voice cracking with every word.
“It’s a work in progress.” I sighed and sipped my beer. “Adjusting isn’t something that happens overnight.”
“I know exactly what you mean. I was discharged five years ago, and for the first four and a half, I didn’t know what the fuck to do with myself.” He shook his head but then chuckled. “But I’m good now. Now I’m really good.”
“Glad to hear it.”
He coughed a bit before speaking again. “I ain’t got my cut right now. My old lady’s fixing it, but I swear that it was the best thing I ever done.”
I furrowed my brow. “What was?”
“Joining the club.”
A motorcycle club? I didn’t react, but internally, I groaned. My opinion of biker gangs was the same as Dante’s. The world could do without them.
“My newfound brothers helped me. They sure did. Joining up with them all gave me a better sense of fitting in, you know?”
I did know. That brotherhood and mentality of having a kinship was a big reason I was considering working for the Constellas. I spoke with Dante, Romeo, and Franco daily, and I never left a conversation mad or offended. They were good men from what I saw.
“It’s not easy, fitting back in with society after seeing the shit we do overseas and fighting like we do. Ya know?” He nodded, narrowing his eyes with a sage expression of recollecting his past. “After the kind of combat we survive, we ain’t whole and proper to fit in with common folks again.”
I shrugged, not sure it was as cut and dry as he was making it out to be. I wasn’t a savage after fighting in the military. But I did feel like I’d make the most of my life in some sort of demanding law enforcement field.
“You should join.”
I set down my beer, mostly empty already with how thirsty I was. “Join you?”
“The MC.” He nodded, sizing me up with a careful look.
I stood, uninterested in his unsolicited advice. The last thing I wanted to do was join a bunch of bikers. I had a baby to care for. A life to live. Being on the road was fine sometimes, but I recognized the need to settle. “I’m not interested,” I told the old man. Another nod was the best I wanted to do for a farewell with this stranger, already feeling like I’d wasted enough time here listening to him.
I headed back outside, mulling over how much his advice to join a crew of bikers was a hard pass for me. Yet, the idea of taking Dante up on his job offer sounded better and better every day. He was right. I did see myself as part of them, being there for almost two weeks now.
But fucking Eva would be out of the question. Continuing anything with her—just sex or not—wouldn’t be smart. I heard Dante the other day. He considered Eva his daughter, and I couldn’t mess up a job by sleeping with the boss’s daughter.
It seemed like we just couldn’t help ourselves, though, and I worried that push and pull would snap between us sooner than later.
On the road again, I paid attention to the louder roar of bikers following me. They’d left the bar when I had, but passing the first intersection was the test I was waiting for. When they didn’t turn but instead sped up after me, it was too damn clear that they were chasing me.
I revved my engine, increasing my speed, and they did likewise.
Fuck. What now?
I wasn’t in the mood to be reckless, and I didn’t want to have trouble following me all the way back to the house.
All I had on me was one gun. It was enough for an ordinary circumstance of self-defense. As I pulled over at a gas station, I counted the assholes who followed me to the lot. Six bikers didn’t count as ordinary circumstances, but I braced myself for a fight.
They looked like they were spoiling for one. As one, they got off their bikes and approached. With puffed-out chests and standing as tall as they could to look down at me and seem superior, they carried an angry vibe.
Goddammit.
“Is there a problem?” I asked, not making a move to startle them.
Behind them, I noticed others stopping for gas and glancing over, worry and curiosity on their faces.
“Yeah, asshole. We got a real problem,” the one with the thickest beer belly claimed, slurring his words and staggering in his step.
Great. This is just great. Drunk bikers. I sighed for patience. Why me? Why does this have to happen to me?
“And what’s that?”
“You came trespassing on our territory,” he accused.
For fuck’s sake. “No, I didn’t. I’m just passing through.”
“I say you ain’t,” he growled, flashing a knife at me.