12. Eva
12
EVA
“ W ould you like to hold her?” Nina asked. She raised her brows and widened her smile as I looked between her and Olivia in her lap. The sweet girl was content to chew on the tip of her bottle, gumming around it instead of just drinking her milk.
“Oh, no.” I shook my head, too put on the spot to admit that I wanted to. I’d been watching her and wondering if she’d approve of my holding her. Tessa and Nina were quick to call themselves aunties, but I lacked that maternal instinct they seemed to have with ease. I was curious. I felt a yearning to cuddle her, but I never had. I lacked experience with any babies, and Olivia was already over a year old. She wasn’t a newborn to get used to from the get-go. She was a smart girl, and I was nervous she’d just know I had no clue what I was doing.
Babies could be intuitive like that, right?
“No. It’s okay.” It wasn’t okay, but I was too intimidated that I’d mess up with something new. I wasn’t personable with most people, and that was adults. I’d been raised to stay powerful and aloof, to assume everyone was out to get me. It wasn’t an ideal mindset to have for good, and I worried my “icy bitch” persona that Liam accused me of would come through and scare Olivia.
“Oh, damn it,” Nina said with such an exaggerated flair that I knew she was faking her shock and dismay.
“Dam!” Olivia repeated, grinning around her bottle.
Nina and I glanced at each other, sharing a silent oh, shit look.
“I mean, oh dang it,” Nina amended. “She spilled a drop of milk on me. I better go wash it off.” She stood, not giving me a chance to protest as she handed Olivia over.
“What—wait—what—no.” Nothing I said mattered. She was on her feet and slipping back from the table, a triumphant smile on her face.
“Hey, aren’t you planning to breastfeed, though?” Dante asked as he wrapped up a game of cards with Romeo. “And you’ll be getting milk everywhere?”
“I don’t think it’s like water guns.” Tessa set down her cards, folding anyway. She mimicked spraying out water from her chest. “She won’t be leaking it all over the place.”
“Oh, hush,” Nina said, not even going far to tend to any made-up milk spill. Olivia’s bottle was empty, anyway. Instead, Nina stood at the counter and snacked on the chips we had set out.
We didn’t do formal game nights—ever—but it was a relaxed evening of all of us in the same place for once that we figured we should do something besides hanging around the pool. Olivia cried when water splashed into her eyes earlier, and that ended that fun.
With a fire roaring under the mantel, our hot cocoa or adult drinks consumed, and a lousy game of poker completed, we’d made a decent night of this fall evening.
Too bad Liam’s not here, though. I missed him more than I had any right to. But as I held his daughter and smiled back down at her gazing at me, I wanted him to see this side of me. The kinder side, the part of me that wanted a baby of my own one day.
Seeing as he was the only man to hold my interest for more than a passing glance, that was saying a lot.
“See?” Nina gestured at me. “Livy’s been seeing Eva around so much that she had to be familiar with her. I wanted to test out whether she could hold her.”
I frowned at her. “So, I’m an experiment?”
Nina winked. “Nah. Just wanted to corner you into holding her because you seem too shy to ask to hold her.”
Guilty as charged. I wasn’t shy about it. I was simply clueless how to ask or bring it up. Nina and Tessa had appointed themselves as suitable babysitters. Sure, they knew Liam for longer, but I was here all the time too since my house was being repainted.
And if I were to ask Liam himself if I could watch her, that would require me to approach him. Which went flatly against our return to carefully avoiding each other. It seemed he was stronger in the department of keeping things to just sex and only one more time .
Since he held me in the shower, I wanted him more and more. Each time intensified my need, and I wasn’t sure if I’d burn for him forever, at an accumulative pace of more lust, or if this connection would fade and fizzle if we didn’t feed the attraction between us. It felt like a game of limbo, not sure of where we’d end up.
“Where is Liam, anyway?” Romeo asked around a big yawn.
“He went out for a ride,” Nina said.
“Argh. I hated it when he said he got a motorcycle,” Tessa said. “They’re so dangerous.”
“Not as dangerous as supposedly trespassing on a goddamn MC’s territory,” Liam drawled.
We all turned, not noticing him enter the great room. He wasn’t limping, but something was bothering his leg to warrant a slow, off-kilter stride like that.
“Liam!” Tessa stood and faced him, gaping at the wounds he sported.
My heart stilled as I held Olivia, clutching her closer as though she’d notice her father so hurt and be scared. “What happened?” I hoped Olivia couldn’t feel my heart racing and get fussy, but I couldn’t hide my reaction.
His lip was split. Red, puffy skin raised in a circle around his eye. A scrape bled on his jaw, too. That was limited to the skin that was visible to us. I feared he’d taken more hits elsewhere that we couldn’t see.
“Where did you go?” Romeo said, shooting to his feet. Like the rest of us, he was alert and concerned, taking in all the injuries that bled or swelled.
“I’m calling Danicia.”
Liam exhaled a long breath, showing how exhausted and beaten he was. A protest might have been on the tip of his tongue, but he wasn’t so stubborn as to actually turn down medical care.
“Probably for the best.” He winced as he staggered another step into the room, and Franco stood there to help him or catch him if he fell. “I rode off the highway a bit.”
“To the east or the west?” Romeo demanded.
“West. I stopped at a roadside bar near Lannin.”
“Fuck.” Romeo glanced at Dante, who frowned after setting his phone down.
“I couldn’t get Danicia, but I left her a message.”
Liam huffed, waving him off. “Whatever.”
This was not a situation to dismiss with a grumpy whatever . I stood, holding Olivia still, worried that she’d gone quiet because of how wounded Liam looked but also because of his grimace. I’d caught on quickly that babies—or at least this one—were perceptive of the facial expressions they saw on others. It made perfect sense. And unfortunately, Liam was about as approachable as a cross bear, scowling and grimacing in pain.
“That’s near the Devil’s Brothers’ compound,” Nina said with a shaky voice. She stepped closer to Dante, who grabbed her hand and held it on his shoulder.
Liam groaned. “Do I even want to know?”
“Did anyone mention any names?” Franco asked.
Liam drew in a long breath and shrugged one shoulder. “I didn’t catch them referring to each other with anything but road names.”
“Any stand out?” Romeo asked.
“Yeah. Bones. Oh, and Reaper.”
Oh, shit. I shared a worried glance with Tessa and Nina, recognizing the President of the MC who’d teamed up with the Giovannis to take us down. The Devil’s Brothers MC had already killed off and broken up the Domino Family, a rival of ours. Now that Dante had stood up to Reaper and Stefan Giovanni—more than once—he’d ensured that those two groups would be hellbent on attacking us.
“But Liam?” I wondered aloud.
“What?” he snapped, looking up at me.
While I hated his attitude, I didn’t hold it against him. He’d been hurt by someone who couldn’t have known was an enemy.
“I don’t know,” Romeo replied to me, seeming to think the same thing.
“What the hell are you saying?” Liam demanded. “Who are these fuckers?”
“The Devil’s Brothers MC are led by an asshole named Reaper.”
Liam shifted on his feet, favoring his right. “And let me guess, this MC isn’t a fan of your family.”
Franco shook his head. “No, they are not.”
Liam narrowed his eyes at Nina and then at Dante. “Wait. This is the MC you stole her from?”
Nina winced but Dante glowered. “No. She never belonged to them. She shouldn’t have been bet on in the first place.”
“But you waded into their affairs and started this all?—”
Dante stood. “No. I don’t care how it looks or what it sounds like.”
Liam shook his head. “Hey, I’m not saying to hand her over or anything, but that’s what started it all. Right?”
“Wrong.” Dante took Nina’s hand and held it tight, offering her his support no matter what. Through the good times and bad, my uncle would always root for her. It was that kind of partnership and love that I worried I’d never find. A strong man to stand up for a strong woman.
“That MC was trying to stir trouble with us even before I ran into her and learned about this bet. They’re a new power here, and from day one, I’ve been clear that they can’t mess with the Constella organization. And that will always remain true.”
“What I don’t understand is why they’d target Liam,” Romeo said. “He’s not one of us.”
“Not officially,” Franco said.
I watched Liam as he glared at them both. He was mad, rightly so, but I worried things would be said that no one could take back.
I’d witnessed countless arguments and plenty of fights. I was no stranger to violence. Since I was a child, I’ve seen many men wounded—bleeding, bruised, and even missing body parts and gruesome gashes from torture. I cared about each and every man in this family, my relatives and all the soldiers and capos in the organization. Seeing Liam so hurt was harder, somehow. It pained me to know he was hurt, and through no fault of his own.
“Would you like me to help compress the bleeding?” I asked, hating how quietly and carefully I measured my words.
“No.” He scowled, caught up on other details. “I don’t work for you,” he reminded Dante.
“But you’ve been here,” Romeo said. “If anyone’s been watching, they are aware that you’re a guest here.”
“Fuck,” Tessa mumbled, shaking her head. “I never wanted to invite you to danger.”
Liam scoffed, “Not like it’s been much different from being in the army, Tess.”
“Maybe they’ve spotted you here,” Franco said, “or word is out that you were shopping with Eva that day and protected her.”
“Son of a bitch,” Dante growled. “Those fucking bikers could’ve been the ones to put the hit on her to attack us. To take her out. If they hired the goddamn sniper, they’d know firsthand that he protected her.”
“But I don’t work for you,” Liam repeated. “This is bullshit.”
“What did you do?” Romeo asked.
Liam scowled at him. “Nothing. I went for a ride and stopped at a random bar. Some old vet was talking to me about how hard it is to adjust after getting out of the military and said he enjoyed being in an MC.”
“The Devil’s Brothers?” Franco asked.
“No. He didn’t say. I left, and a bunch of them followed me to a gas station. They claimed I was ‘trespassing’ and picked a fight.”
“You leave any of them alive?” Dante asked.
“Yes. I only shot them to deter them from chasing after me, and I came here.” He stood, slamming his fist on the table. “Where I got the association of being an enemy without even realizing it.”
The sound startled Olivia, and I hugged her close, shushing her as I rubbed her back.
It didn’t help. She was scared, dropping her empty bottle and breaking into a fit.
“Shit. Dammit. Liv…” Liam groaned as he walked closer, reaching out for her. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you.”
I didn’t keep her from him, but as he took her, she didn’t immediately calm. She cried, her face turning red as he held her against him, but I didn’t step back. He was steady on his feet and not falling, but I couldn’t be sure he wasn’t too wounded to hold her for long, much less walk with her.
He wouldn’t put her at risk. If he was hurt to the point he couldn’t hold her, he wouldn’t push the issue. “Come on.” He groaned, heading toward the other end of the room to leave us. “We can talk about this more tomorrow,” he said.
I glanced back at my uncle and cousin, then Franco. No one walked off like that. No soldier would tell them how it was. But as I hurried after Liam and Olivia, Dante nodded at me, like giving me permission to follow them.
Liam wasn’t a soldier. He wasn’t a Constella employee, but a guest. He wasn’t trying to disrespect my uncle. He was simply mad and coming to terms with all the danger we were too used to and desensitized to.
“Liam, wait.”
I rushed after him all the way to the room. My heart cracked and broke with every cry little Olivia let out, but I wasn’t sure I could be any better with her in this state.
“Liam.”
He didn’t turn or acknowledge me, striding faster to his room despite his wounded leg.
Once he pushed open the door to his guest suite, I hurried in after him before he could shut the door in my face.
“Let me?—”
“No.” He growled it, rubbing Olivia’s back as he tried to calm her. “I don’t have time for this, Eva. Time for you.”
I frowned at his harsh words, damning him for not hearing me out. I wasn’t here for me. For anything I wanted. I only wished to help him .
“I don’t have time to scratch a fucking itch, all right?” He shook his head and paced with Olivia. “I’ve got a kid to take care of and calm down. I need to clean myself up after that all that bullshit with the bikers. I don’t have time for anything for you.”
I stepped back, hurt more than I should’ve allowed. He was speaking out of anger. I knew that, deep down. I was aware of the situation and what could be dictating how he behaved. But being mad was no excuse to lash out at me.
I’d taken worse insults before and not cared one bit. Yet, the way he’d worded his rejection stung.
According to him, in the heat of the moment as he reacted to my following here, I was nothing more than a body to fuck, not a person who could offer him comfort and assistance. I wasn’t an expert with Olivia, but I cared, dammit. I cared about him and his daughter, enough that I’d try and do my best to support them in this tough moment of running high on emotions.
Liam didn’t see me as a friend or even a close acquaintance who could offer help.
I was just someone he fucked. Only something physical.
Although I was starting to care—a lot—it seemed that he wouldn’t ever be on the same page as me. I was someone to fuck. An itch to scratch.
“It’s okay. I’ve got you. It’s all right, Liv,” he crooned, trying to calm his baby as he gave me his back.
I wasn’t sure that I could convince myself of the same. Without a word, I turned and left him as he'd ordered.
It wasn’t okay that he’d been hurt. All he truly had was Olivia, no one else. And I was certain that would never be all right in this world we’d come to share. It couldn’t be all right when I was this hurt and maligned and being told to get lost when I was slowly opening my heart up to both of them.
I wanted to be here for him, however he needed me to make this night less of a nightmare.
But this time, it was impossible for me to fight his harsh rejection. This time, he could have the last damn word.
I knew my worth. I was aware of my value. And I’d be damned if I begged him to see me as something more than a convenient piece of ass to enjoy when he wanted company.