Maddox Flashback to Juvie
Maddox
Flashback to Juvie
Three days ago, Mylo, the guard doing mail-call, brought me a large sealed envelope. Mel had scribbled a lame apology on it. With confusion on my face, I reached out tentatively and ran my fingers over it.
‘What the fuck is goin’ on? First the bullshit with Anton who watches me like a hawk, now this?
’ I think as I take the thick envelope. I can’t help but let myself wonder, ‘Who the fuck? This absolutely isn’t Mack.
But who the fuck else could be callin’ the plays?
And what are they tryin’ to protect me for?
The better question is WHY are they doin’ it? ’
“I didn’t read anything in there, don’t make me regret it, Kid,” Mylo says, turning to walk away.
Snapping my head in Mylo’s direction, “Wait, why?” I ask, tucking the heavy envelope under my arm and looking at him skeptically.
Mylo stopped and turned, looking around before he walked back my way, “Because everyone deserves to have a Kitten to take care of,” he said with a wink.
‘Fuck! He read our letters. Who’s he workin’ for though? And why do I end up with more questions every time someone answers one?’ I think, watching him walk away. Once he’s out of my sight I head back to my cell.
Shaking my head, I rip open the envelope, watching as letter after letter falls to my bed, ‘Fuck! He’s not gonna give up, and ‘til I can get some answers, I have even more reason to keep Kai away. I have to make him stop,’ I think, knowing that there’s only one way.
I spend the next two days reading every letter. I read all of them more than once, taking in every word he wrote. He’s miserable, and with every letter I can feel how desperate he is for connection to me as I drop the one I just finished for the third time in my lap.
I sit in my bunk, surrounded by Kai’s letters, shoving the heels of my hands into red-rimmed eyes. My eyes are burning and I’m not sure if it’s from the tears or the lack of sleep.
Anton pauses in the doorway of our cell as he walks in, he looks me over before swinging up onto his bunk. l hear the bed creak as he settles in, “Wha’cha gonna do about ‘em?” he asks. And isn’t that the million dollar question?
“Not a fuckin’ clue,” I answer. “You know what’d make the decision easier?” I ask as I start gathering the letters up, stuffing them back into the big envelope to shove them back in my hiding place before lights out.
Anton, leans up on his elbow, watching me stash the letters back in the envelope. “What’s that?”
I twirl, stalking up to the bed, glaring as I spit, “If I could get a straight fuckin’ answer about anything that’s goin’ on.”
Anton leans forward, smirking, “That’s not gonna happen,” he says, booping me on the nose, and shaking his head ‘no’ at me when I draw my fist back, “I wouldn’t do that. The big guy’d be very disappointed if you did that.”
I throw myself back on my bed, grumbling my annoyance, “Fine! I know what to do. I’m halfway done here. Nine more months and I’m out. I just have to keep him away for nine more months, then I can make it up to him.”
Anton grumbles in agreement as the lights turn off.
‘If this is the right thing to do, why does it feel so heavy?’ I think as my eyes slide shut.
As soon as possible the next day, I put the plan in motion. The gasp that comes through the line as “Hey Kitten” rolls off my tongue for the first time in nine months almost brings me to my knees. It sounded too close to the sound he made when I kissed that spot behind his ear.
‘Focus, Maddox, not what we’re here for.’
He tries to bombard me with so many questions, “Hey, hey…I don’t have a lotta time, so I need you to listen to me!” I interrupted him, ‘Fuck, why is this harder than telling him goodbye the first time?’
Once he’s calmed down, “You have to stop sendin’ letters. I don’t wanna be penpals. I appreciate what you’re tryin’ to do here, but it’s dangerous for both of us. So stop!” I tell him, trying to sound firm in my decision while keeping the hitch out of my voice.
Kai
Hearing him tell me to stop sending him letters and referring to me as a ‘penpal’, I freeze, stunned by his words. I had thought this was it, I thought he’d finally come to his senses. “I’m not a fuckin’ penpal! You know I’m much more than that,” I growl into the phone.
I hear a catch in his breath and I can feel myself getting pissed off. ‘What is he even talkin’ about? Penpals?? What the actual FUCK!?’
“I just want you to know that someone cares. I’m not using my name, Mel’s the one sendin’ ‘em,” he says and I hear someone clear their throat but choose to ignore it as I continue. “I’m bein’ safe. So explain to me how it’s dangerous.”
I light a cigarette as I pace the back porch, listening to him breathing. After a moment of him not speaking, I soften my tone the best I can, “Please, Khayos, don’t do this. It could work, hell it has been workin’.”
Maddox
‘I have to get off this phone before I do something’ stupid like agree with him.’ I think, taking a deep breath as I do what I have to do to make him stay away. ‘I’ll fix it when I get out.’
“No, Kitten. I’m not doin’ this with you.
In fact, this is done. I’m over it and you deserve much better than me.
We all know I’m never gettin’ out of this life.
You have the chance to get out. So do that.
Get as far from this shithole as you can and forget about me.
” I say, closing my eyes and sending out a silent prayer that he believes me.
Forcing the words out of my mouth, they feel like ash on my tongue.
I’m pushing away the one bright spot in my life, leaving me feeling like I’m dying inside.
Hearing his sobs through the phone is what does it, what breaks me. I slide down the wall, begging, “Please, Darlin’, please fuckin’ let me go.”
My head is down, my hand in my hair, gripping it tightly to keep myself in check when I see Anton heading towards me out of my peripheral.
‘Good. I’m gonna need his help gettin’ off this floor and away from the prying eyes,’ I think as I hold my hand up getting him to wait for another minute. His eyes travel over my face before he nods.
The distraction made me miss a few words Kai said, “Are you even listening?” I hear him growl.
‘Well at least he is not cryin’ anymore. Anger is good,’ I think chewing my bottom lip, biting so hard I taste blood.
“Yeah, nothin’s gonna…” I start before he interrupts me this time.
“You wanna be done? Fine. Your wish is my command, dickhead. Don’t come lookin’ for me in a few months and get pissed about where my dick has been,” he snarls through the phone.
“You want me to live it up? Got it! Loud and clear. Guess I was wrong about what you had to tell me when you came home. Go fuck yourself!” Kai finishes as the line goes dead.
I hold the phone out, Anton takes it and hangs it up as I run my hands through my hair thinking, ‘That went well.’
Anton reaches down and helps me to my feet, wrapping his arm around my middle, he gets me back to our cell. I manage to collapse on my bunk before I let myself lose it.
Anton turns, whispering something that I could care less about to Mylo who had watched as I was brought back to the cell. Curling into the fetal position, ‘this hurts,’ I think, letting the tears fall.
I spend the rest of the night there, thinking over everything, letting the memories speed through my mind.
‘I hope Kai’s not feelin’ half of the pain I'm feelin’ right now.’
∞∞∞
A couple hours later, Anton comes back to the cell and drops food next to me on the bed. Turning over, I wipe my eyes before I sit up and mumble, “Thanks.”
As I open the food he brought me, I glance over and see the tattoo on his arm as he pulls the top half of his jumpsuit off.
“What’s with the dice tattoo?” I ask, nodding towards his arm, as I take a bite of the sandwich.
He looks down at it, “One is for having served time, the other is for my girl on the outside,” he explains, rubbing his arm, before grabbing a picture from under his pillow. “Alina,” he says, showing me the picture of a pretty blonde with piercing blue eyes.
“But why double fives?” I ask, getting him to do more than grunt answers at me is a much needed distraction.
“One is me surrounded by four walls. The other is the number of letters in her name,” he continues as he puts her picture away.
I throw the bag away, having pulled the chips and the drink out to stash for later. “Think you could do the same for me, but with a five and a three?”
“You got someone on the outside after whatever that was?” Anton asks, tonguing the back of his teeth with one eyebrow cocked.
At the memory of the phone call I turn away from him, taking a couple of deep breaths. I’d kill for a cigarette right about now. Rolling my shoulder and my neck, I turn back to him, scratching my eyebrow with my thumb.
“Who knows, but it’s what I want. Can you do it?” I ask again, licking my lips, trying to keep the impatience from my voice.
“Yeah, Tiger, yeah. I’ll do it for you,” Anton responds, pointing at the bed for me to sit down while he gets the supplies together.
I smile as I sit, thinking, ‘This won’t stop the pain I’m in, it might distract me for a bit, but it won’t stop it. Maybe it’ll go a long way to winning him back when I get home.’
Maddox
Present Day
I stand outside, looking up at the front of the school, with Kai’s “Fuck You!” replaying in my head. ‘I shouldn’t be here. I should just stay away. He’s moved on. So, why am I doin’ this to myself?’ I think as I sigh, walking into the school.
Looking around the crowded hallway I’m stopped in my tracks as I catch a flash of red hair in my peripheral. Taking in the sight in front of me, my breath catches.
The last time I had seen Kai he was basically a stick figure. He was a tall, gangly motherfucker that was more freckle than skin. But seeing him today in his dress uniform and noticing how well he filled it out now, left me breathless.