33. Lizzie
33
LIZZIE
It’s been a month since the girls found me in Cameron’s bed. And it’s been the best month of my life.
Waking up with Cameron almost every day and hanging out with the girls is all so natural. Eating dinner together and playing games. Reading bedtime stories and going to the movies together as a group of four feels like we are an actual family. I know it’s premature to be thinking that, but I just can’t help it.
Cameron trusts me with Addy and Mackenzie, and they come to me with their needs too now. Plus, Nikki and Morgan have embraced me wholeheartedly and treat me even more like a sister than they already did.
My parents have become surrogate grandparents to the girls since Cameron’s parents aren’t around anymore. And it’s not like they ever really had a relationship with Renee’s parents. No surprise there.
What is a surprise is that Renee has been making her calls to the girls every week. They may only last a couple of minutes, and it doesn’t seem like Addy and Mackenzie have enough time to even let her know what they ate for lunch, but she’s calling. That’s something. I guess.
Everything has been great, and I should be over the moon, but something feels…off.
Cameron hasn’t mentioned his gym again at all in the past month. He hasn’t discussed what he plans to do with the farm—in fact, he doesn’t really talk about any plans he has for the future. Not with the farm, not with his gym…and not with us.
Maybe he doesn’t realize it, but he’s still sending mixed signals. He’s attentive and affectionate and says all the right things, but then he’ll hold back at the last second when things seem to be leaning toward feelings. Toward saying those three little words or making long-term plans.
I’ve almost told him I love him on multiple occasions. When we’re watching TV and cuddled up on the couch and life seems amazing. After we’ve had hot sex where he’s the perfect combination of rough and commanding and sweet. Every time he looks at me a certain way and I feel like this is it for me. There’s no doubt in my mind that I’m in love with him.
But it feels like something is holding Cameron back. I don’t know what it is. Or maybe he’s just living in the now and has no care for what’s to come.
Which is fine.
Really, it is.
I love what we have, and I’ll enjoy it for however long it lasts.
Last night was the first night we spent apart in a month, and it was torture. My agent messaged me a few times, so I knew I needed to finish my pieces. I gave it my all. In fact, the only reason I got any sleep without Cameron by my side was sheer exhaustion from working until way too late.
His messages as soon as I started working didn’t help matters, and I wanted to drop everything and run next door.
Cameron: My arms feel empty without you in them, baby.
Me: It definitely feels weird not being cuddled up next to you right now.
Cameron: I don’t think we can do this again. It’s too lonely in this bed. I don’t know if I can sleep without you.
I’m swooning over his last message when another one comes in.
Cameron: If I had you next to me, I’d be making you come so hard right now.
I knew he would do this. He said he would convince me to come back to the house tonight, but I told him it wouldn’t happen because it would be early morning by the time I finished and I didn’t want to risk waking the girls. He’s not fighting fair.
Me: Is that so? And how would you be doing that?
Cameron: By stuffing you full of my cock and filling you with my cum.
Me: You’re killing me! You know what that mouth does to me and you know I have to finish these pieces tonight.
Cameron: Well, I guess I’ll have to think about your tight little pussy squeezing my cock as I jerk myself off without you.
Me: Not fair, Cameron Dylan!
Cameron: I love getting you riled up, baby. I’ll be dreaming about you.
Me. Same. Good night. I’ll see tomorrow.
Cameron: Good night. Can’t wait.
But today is a new day, and I walk over to Cameron’s to surprise the girls with a gift and see what everyone is up to for the day. A few weeks ago, I came across this website that turns pictures, drawings, and whatnot into stuffed plushies. I immediately submitted the pictures I took of the mud creations the girls made all those weeks ago when I first met them.
Wow. That seems like so long ago.
I have no idea if they’ll even remember making them, but I do, and I really hope they like it. Mackenzie impressed me so much that day and I hope they find it as special as I do.
I climb up the steps to the front door and knock. I don’t have a key, and I also didn’t tell Cameron I’d be coming over this morning. The plan was for me to work all day yesterday and today on my project, get it done, and then spend the evening together doing our thing. Tomorrow evening we’re all heading over to my studio in town for the kids’ end-of-summer art show, where they will all get to show off what they’ve been making every week.
Finishing my project last night means we can have all day together today as well.
I knock gain, harder this time, giddy with excitement to give the girls their gifts and see Cameron. It was lonely in bed without him last night, without his warm body next to mine, his arm draped over my back or my head resting in his chest. Without him waking me up with his mouth between my legs or grinding his hard cock into my ass until I’m coherent enough to let him into my body.
And those text messages last night, only made it harder to be apart.
I take my phone out of my pocket to call him, since there’s still no answer, but then I hear footsteps on the other side of the door, and I can’t help the smile that spreads across my face.
Until the door opens.
All the air is sucked from my lungs as I look into the face of the woman I envied for a very long time. The woman I’ve grown to dislike very much for the things she did to a man and two little girls that I love more than anything.
Renee stands in front of me, long blonde hair in effortlessly looking beach waves, big boobs, and a tiny waist, wearing one of Cameron’s shirts that falls almost to her knees. I don’t know if seconds or minutes pass, but my trance is broken when she finally speaks.
“You okay, sweetie?” she asks.
I feel like I might pass out, like my body is going into shock and is just going to shut down or something. After what seems like forever, and the look of concern turns to annoyance on Renee’s face, I finally find enough oxygen to get some words out.
“Umm, yeah. Is Cameron home?”
At this moment, I decide that there has to be a good reason for whatever is happening right now, so I stand up straighter and find the strength to look confident and sure of myself.
Because I am. Well, I think I am. It’s hard to know for sure when your boyfriend’s ex-wife is standing in front of you. Inside his house. Without you knowing about it.
Renee laughs, and I know that whatever is coming out of her mouth next is not going to be good. “Cam is a little indisposed right now. We had a late night, if you know what I mean.” She winks at me to get her point across, as if I wouldn’t understand.
I can feel all the color drain from my face and my legs feel a little weak, like they might collapse. Before I can respond, Addy and Mackenzie come running up behind Renee, still in their pajamas with the biggest smiles on their faces.
“Lizzie, why didn’t you sleep over last night? Our mom came to visit us, isn’t that cool?” Mackenzie asks all this in one breath while giving me a hug. The excitement in her voice makes me smile despite feeling heartbroken.
I hug her back. “I’m sorry, Mackenzie. I needed to work late and couldn’t come over after.” I breathe in. “I just met your mom. I’m so happy she’s here to see you.” A huge lie that I am barely able to force out.
“What are those? Are they for us?” Addy asks, pointing to the two gift bags in my hand and jumping up and down.
“Oh, umm, yeah. These are for you. A little something before the art show tomorrow.”
“Can we open them?” Addy and Mackenzie ask in unison.
I need to get to the bottom of what’s going on quickly because the longer I see Renee standing there in Cameron’s T-shirt, the more I’m starting to believe that maybe something is going on between them.
“Why don’t you guys wait till your dad wakes up and open them with him instead?” I suggest.
“Okay, Lizzie,” they reply, but continue standing there.
“Go play, girls. Lizzie and I need to talk without little ears listening.” Renee pushes them inside and waits till she sees them disappear into the living room before turning back to me, a look of pure evil on her face.
“Listen, I’ve heard all about you. The girls talk about you non-stop. Lizzie this and Lizzie that.” She crosses her arms over her chest and I can see that her true colors are about to shine. “Cam isn’t serious about you. You may think he is, but he’s not. I know how Cam is, what he likes, and trust me, the babysitter next door is not it. You may have been…convenient…for him to use over the summer, but it was never going to end with a happily ever after.”
I smile to myself and try to think of something smart to say. Something to disprove what she’s spewing. Cameron couldn’t possibly have gotten back with her, especially not in one night. Especially with the messages he sent me. He only ever says bad things about his ex, so why would he get back together with her after everything she did to him and the girls?
He might have endured being with her for Addy and Mackenzie, but I know she wasn’t very present when she and Cameron were married. And all I’ve seen is joy and happiness in Addy and Mackenzie in these past couple of months. They never bring her up anymore outside of their weekly calls.
None of this makes sense, and I’m ready to barge in and find Cameron to start demanding answers. “Excuse me,” I say as I try to move past her, but I don’t get anywhere because she sticks her hand out to block my way in.
“Listen, you seem nice enough, Lizzie, and I appreciate that you’ve been here to entertain my daughters this summer. And Cam.” She giggles. “But he and I are trying to work things out. It’s what’s best for the girls, and I really don’t want to fuck them up by not being here, you know? They need their mom and dad. Plus, he would have lost interest in you sooner rather than later. It’s best that whatever this is ends before you fall for him,” she adds snarkily.
I must not be able to keep the thoughts and emotions from my face because her smile gets even bigger.
“Oh, sweetheart. You went and fell in love with him, didn’t you?” She reaches out as if to pat me on the shoulder, but I move away from her touch. “Don’t feel stupid. It’s easy to lose yourself in him. He’s just so hot and the sex is so good. You wouldn’t be the first young, dumb girl to think she had a chance with Cameron Dylan.”
I finally feel like the shock of everything is clearing enough to stand up for myself. “I don’t believe you. You have a history of lying, so I’d definitely be young and dumb to believe the words coming out of your mouth.”
“Well, you should. Last night, after Cam and I reconnected , he told me all about the sad, pathetic crush you’ve always had on him. He even told me about how you got ditched by your date and how he had to rescue you like the pathetic little girl you are.”
That shuts me up. How would she know any of this unless Cameron told her? And why would he tell her that unless…
I feel sick and dumb and embarrassed.
I’m such an idiot.
And I’m still just standing here while Renee looks at me with pity. I glance over her shoulder and see Cameron coming toward the front door, a look of confusion on his face as he sees me talking to his ex.
I need to go.
I need to get away from him and her as fast as I can. I turn to leave, but I miss the first step leading down from the porch and go sliding down the remaining three steps on my ass.
I land with a hard thump on the ground and wish that I could just disappear. Unfortunately, I’m not that lucky, and I hear Cameron’s steps barreling through the front door while Renee snickers under her breath. I try to jump up as fast as I can in an attempt to make the quickest exit possible but fail miserably.
“Lizzie! Fuck, are you okay?” Cameron yells.
“Nope. Nope. Don’t touch me. I’m good,” I snap.
He completely ignores everything I say and reaches out to help me. I quickly push him away and scramble up, trying not to wince. “I said don’t touch me. Get the fuck away from me, Cam. I have nothing to say to you.”
“What the fuck is going on, Lizzie? I know this may look bad, but whatever you think is happening, I promise you that isn’t it.”
I turn around and check that the girls aren’t at the door watching any of this before I start to speak. Turning back to him, I take a deep breath and try to sound as calm as I can. He doesn’t get to know how hurt I am.
“Your ex-wife answered the door in nothing but your T-shirt and said that you weren’t available because the two of you had a late night . Wink, wink. She followed it up with a few mean things and some shit about you guys working it out. Up to that point, I was still giving you the benefit of the doubt. Until she mentioned some things she couldn’t have known unless you told her.”
“What are you talking about, baby?” he says calmly when I’m anything but.
“Don’t call me baby. I’m not your baby. Not anymore. Probably never was, if we’re being honest.” I turn around and begin my pitiful exit home.
“Lizzie, wait,” he shouts, running after me.
I turn around abruptly, suddenly needing some answers from him. “What was all this to you?” I gesture between us. “You acted like we were something with your gung-ho attitude and compliments and possessiveness, but what was it actually?”
Cameron’s silent for a beat, and it’s enough of an opening for me to go on.
“Was I a convenience? A distraction from all the other things going on in your life? Some kinky fantasy about fucking the babysitter or something to check off your bucket list? Huh? What was I?” My voice isn’t loud, but it might as well be with the intensity and anger I’m no longer suppressing.
“Are you serious, Lizzie? You really don’t know what you are to me? You think I would get back with my ex-wife when I have you?” His voice is calm and quiet, and even though I’m angry, I can sense the hurt that laces every word he says.
It almost makes me doubt everything, except for the stuff regarding my crush and botched date night. She has no ties to Brantley Falls. It could have only come from him.
And it wouldn’t have come up unless he was indeed proving he wasn’t interested in me or getting a good laugh at my expense.
“I guess I don’t know. I thought I did, but maybe I don’t really know you after all.”
“What did she say to you?” Cameron says between clenched teeth. No longer trying to hide his anger.
“You know what, it doesn’t matter.” I can feel myself spiraling, and that weird feeling I’ve had the past few weeks about Cameron is finally overflowing. “I think you need to figure out what you actually want in life, Cam, because you have everything at your fingertips, and you’re letting it all slip away. It’s like you’re holding yourself back for some reason. If you don’t want to be in a relationship, don’t be. If you do, then great, do it. Want to open a gym and stop farming? Go for it. You can do anything you want—you just need to do it. Stop being so wishy-washy and stringing everyone along.”
I regret the last sentence as soon as I say it, but it’s out there now. And I watch his face change from concern to anger.
“It’s that easy, huh?” His body goes rigid. “Are you serious, Lizzie? You’re twenty-four years old with no real-life experience when it comes to relationships or even the real world. You live in a bubble here in Brantley Falls because you’re too scared to leave, and you’re with the same guy you had a crush on when you were a little girl ogling me from her treehouse. What do you know about my life and the decisions I need to make?” he yells.
I feel like I’ve been slapped across the face. Like I’m a little girl being scolded and told to stay out of the adults’ business.
Maybe he’s felt this way the entire time we’ve been together. Maybe he tried to hold himself back from me as much as he could in the beginning for this very reason. I guess it’s a good thing this is happening now. It would have hurt even more when it simmered over later.
Although, it hurts pretty fucking bad right now.
We stand there in silence as everything that’s been said settles between us. I can see Renee on the porch still, watching everything play out in front of her like it’s her own personal soap opera. I need to walk away and end this so she doesn’t get any more pleasure from my pain.
“Fuck. Lizzie, I shouldn’t have said that.” Cameron moves toward me, but I move back with every step forward he takes.
“No, it’s okay. You’re right. I overstepped. Don’t apologize,” I manage to squeak out. I keep my eyes on the ground so he doesn’t see the tears already forming in them. I can’t afford to break down in front of him.
“I didn’t mean it. I’m just pissed off and—” he starts.
“You did, but I’m glad it came out now. Before things between us went any further, not that they were going to, I guess. Bye, Cam. I guess I’ll see you around.”
I turn around quickly and hightail it home. I can hear Cameron behind me, but I don’t slow down. I barely make it inside and lock the door before the tears are already falling.
His fists banging against my door only serve as the background noise to the silent sobs being wretched from my body.