Chapter 34
CHAPTER
THIRTY-FOUR
NASH
“What are your plans for today?” Carson asks, throwing me a towel from the closet inside the bathroom.
“I guess school, then baseball, and I’m working at the marina until close.”
“Working?” he laughs. “My how the mighty have fallen.”
I smirk, “More like jumped headfirst into a body of ice water.”
He smiles, “Typical for you. You always seem to find the biggest cliff around to dive off of.”
“Yeah, speaking of cliffs… Maybe I should find one instead of going to school. It’s going to be nothing but damage control all day.”
Carson pulls a pair of jeans on as I start the shower, “Yeah… Good luck with that.”
Thanks a lot, jackass I think to myself.
He’s still pissed at me over the warehouse. Even though I did want to mess with Drayton, I’ll admit that I got a little carried away. I fucked up, you would think that he’d be used to it by now.
I let the hot water coat my hair, leaving the length wet and plastered to my forehead.
My body aches beneath the beads of water as I lean into the tile, avoiding my cast. There are a million other things I’d rather do today than go put on a fake smile and try to remember who I was before, but I can’t risk my spot at Legacy.
Once you’ve been on top and seen the view, there’s no going back, even if you had to step on a few people to get there.
Okay, maybe more than a few.
I realize it’s all fake. I know that the kids and teachers at Legacy don’t actually like me. I’m not that naive.
Respected at one point? Probably.
Feared? Most definitely.
But I wasn’t liked, that was Carson.
Actually, there are probably hundreds of people who wouldn’t mind if they never had to see me again.
Corinne included, and maybe that hurts the most. I want to take everything bad I’ve ever done in my life back so that she doesn’t see me as a monster.
It is pretty obvious that things aren’t headed in that direction after the other night.
I think about how I completely freaked out the night she slept at my house.
Sleeping next to her, I felt things. Things I didn’t even know were possible to feel.
However, what scared me the most was that she saw right through me.
She didn’t even hesitate to see me for how I was before all of the good things in my life rotted away.
It is too late for redemption now, and soon she’ll know that. It still hurts to know she can never fully love me because to do that, she would have to come to terms with everything I’ve done.
I don’t even know where to start with her, really.
I turn the water off and use my towel to dry my hair.
Carson is downstairs with his mom, and I can hear them laughing all the way up the steps.
Must be nice, I scoff. I glance down at the bag I packed last night and walk to Carson’s closet instead.
We’re about the same size, so I sift through the ridiculous amount of clothes and pull something down.
Typically using the way I look to my advantage isn’t my first thought, but I will need all the help I can get today. So if that means looking like I stepped off a Louis Vuitton photo shoot, then whatever. It’s not like Carson would miss anything anyway because his mom owns a major fashion label.
I grab my shit and walk down the stairs, causing both of them to turn and acknowledge me.
“Hey, want some food?” Lexie asks, pushing a plate filled with breakfast pastries across the island.
“No, I think I’m gonna hurry up and get to school.”
She looks at Carson with a massive grin on her face. “Did I just hear him correctly?”
Carson grabs a cinnamon roll off the plate and laughs, shaking his head. Lexie raises her brow, but Carson follows me out the door.
“I’ll meet you there?” he asks, pulling the door open on his truck.
“Yeah.”
I shut the door to my Jeep, glancing at the clock on the dash. It’s way earlier than I usually leave, but I have a plan, and now I just have to see it through.
I pull out of Carson’s driveway and into the one next door, leaving the Jeep running to warm up. When I open my door, Carson sits at the curb with his window rolled down.
“Head first?” he laughs.
“The biggest cliff,” I agree.
When I make it to the steps, the door jerks open. Corinne’s eyes go wide before she pushes past me to walk to Madden’s black Honda. I hadn’t even realized he pulled up.
Turning around, I chase after her, grabbing her wrist, “Wait, just let me explain!”
“Explain what?” she jerks her arm away.
“Just… Please come with me.”
She glances at Madden’s car, and he stares at us over the roof.
“Get away from her, Nash.”
Corinne backs away, almost like she’s afraid. I look at him and then back to her, “Please, just ride with me. That’s all, when you get to school, if you don’t ever want to speak to me again, then I’ll leave you alone. Please just give me ten minutes.”
She gives me a knowing, sympathetic look then walks over to Madden’s car. He’s pissed. I can tell he wants to walk right over here and punch me, but she places her arm against his chest, stopping him.
He gets in his car, slams the door, and pulls away.
She walks back over to the driveway, and I pull her into me.
I rest my chin on the top of her head, “I’m sorry I freaked out on you.
I’m not used to people giving a shit. I didn’t mean to push you away…
I just… my mom… she”—I stutter, trying to find the right words—“I don’t know how my life got so fucked up. ”
She looks up at me through her lashes, the blue of her eyes darker than mine, and when I look into them, it’s endless. I’ve rendered her speechless, but the way she’s looking at me nearly brings me to my knees, right here in the driveway.
“Please say something.”
She backs away, creating some unwanted distance between us, “I understand.”
I grab her hand, leading her to the passenger seat. I open the door and help her inside. My behavior is humiliating, and I wish that I could just sink into the floorboard and disappear.
“Coffee?” I ask, backing out of the drive as she stares out the window.
“Sure.”
We’re both silent for a minute, but I begin to get restless, “I’m glad you came. I didn’t think you would. Not willingly anyway.”
She sighs, “I figured this would be good closure for both of us.”
What?
I grip the wheel tighter, trying to hide my anger. “Is that what you want? Closure?”
“I want to feel safe. I don’t feel safe around you.”
“Because I’m not Carson?” I seethe.
“Because you are you.”
Her words strike like a bullet, knocking my breath from my lungs. “You’re mad, aren’t you? Over what happened with Drayton.”
She looks over at me, “I think we both know it’s more than what happened with Drayton. Which, by the way, was horrible. You know that’s how his dad died? His baby sister? It’s unforgivable.”
“I fucked up,” I admit. “I know that. I took it too far.”
I pull into the coffee shop, opting for a parking space rather than the drive-thru.
“What are you doing? We’re going to be late?” she questions, ignoring my half-assed apology.
“I’m doing what I should’ve done the first day you got here, Princess.”
I snake my hand through the back of her hair, and pull her lips against mine..
I want you, anyway.
I want you, anyway.
I want you, anyway.
Her words echo in my head until she is lifted off of her seat and straddling my lap. She kisses me back, and I can taste the anticipation on her tongue.
Warmth fills my entire body as she whimpers against my lips. A fire igniting between us that’s quickly doused when she pulls away, fast and hard.
“I can’t.” she whispers, upset and confused. She quickly positions herself back in her seat and pulls the seatbelt over her shoulder, like it will keep her there.
“I’m sorry,” I pant. “I didn’t mean for that to happen. I just… I really am sorry.”
“Let’s just get coffee,” she sighs.
I reach out, grabbing her chin and turning it to me gently, making sure she knows exactly where I stand. “I don’t want closure, Corinne. Never.”
She reaches over me, turning the key to start my Jeep back, “Don’t kiss me like that again until you can do it without an apology attached.”
Note taken.
We grab some coffee and head to school. I try to think about anything other than how she felt on top of me.
The hard-on beneath my jeans is obvious, so I reach down to adjust myself.
The feeling makes me want to scream and melt into a puddle at her feet simultaneously. It’s just the effect she has on me.
When we pull into the school parking lot, she opens the door as quickly as possible, not bothering to wait for me or say anything else. She walks away, and I let her go.
It’s like watching my heart run away from my body. I just hope that one day, maybe she’ll run to me instead of away. I lean against the door of the Jeep, defeated. I’m still not sure where we stand, but at least she’s speaking to me.
“Why do you look so fucking pathetic?” Jovie steps in front of me, blocking my view of Corinne.
I sigh, “What do you want?”
She crosses her arms over her chest, “Well, since you asked.” Her voice is seductive and makes the hair stand up on my arms, “Homecoming is coming up, and I just wanted to know what color dress you wanted me to wear?”
I take a step to the side, trying to see around her ego-filled ponytail, searching the steps that lead to the main doors for Corinne.
“Nash!” Jovie yells. “What the hell is wrong with you?”
I push past her, growling, “Why the fuck would I care what you wear?”
My eyes finally land on Corinne and Carson, as they walk through the double doors. Jovie’s voice echoes behind me, “Okay, I’ll send you a picture so you can match!”
I ignore her, practically sprinting to catch up to them, but I stop when I see her smile at him. The harsh reality sinks in that I’ve never made her smile like that, and I probably never will.