Chapter 35
CHAPTER
THIRTY-FIVE
CARSON
After practice, Nash leaves pretty quickly. He is rushing around to make it to the marina on time, trying to act like he isn’t going to sit in his car for fifteen minutes, getting high first. But I know better.
When I pull into my driveway, I notice Cori sitting on the edge of the dock, her Converse-covered feet hanging over.
I sit in my truck and watch her for a minute as she stares into the water.
It has been a while since I’ve talked to her outside of school.
She stopped crawling through my window, afraid that she’d come between Nash and me.
I wonder if she is still having the nightmares that only I know she has…
A knock on the window of my truck makes me jump, my dad smiling on the other side.
“You scared me,” I laugh.
“I was just snapping you out of it before you started drooling.”
“Shut up!” I laugh, getting out and shutting the door.
“Mom almost has dinner ready, so maybe make that quick, okay?” He nods down toward the water, indicating that he knows I am looking at her.
“I’ll just be a second.”
I trek halfway down the backyard and stop, Nash’s words ringing in my mind. She is mine.
Being a decent friend is so much more complicated than I thought it would be when it comes to her. I step out onto the wood, my footsteps drawing her attention.
“So, did you forgive him?” I ask.
“I don’t know,” she whispers. “He’s just...”
“Infuriating?” I interrupt.
“And frustrating,” she adds.
“He can be all of those things,” I agree. “But he can also be good. I’ve seen it.”
She wipes a tear, “I left Chicago because I wanted to leave the drama behind. Instead, it’s like it followed me here. I have enough trouble in my life. I don’t need anymore.”
I sit next to her, my feet swinging off the edge of the dock next to hers. There is a moment of hesitation, but I realize that not telling her the truth would only worsen things. So I suck it up and blurt it out. “It was me in the bathroom at school the other day.”
She jerks her head toward me, a hateful look on her face.
“I know,” I sigh. “I should’ve told you, but once you started talking, I couldn’t stop listening. I know that’s selfish considering you weren’t even talking to me.”
Getting no answer, I place my hand against her thigh, “I’m sorry.”
She exhales, looking down at the water, “I’ve heard that a lot today.”
I nudge her with my shoulder, “If it makes you feel any better, I don’t think you told me anything I didn’t already know.”
She doesn’t say anything and a lump forms in my throat, “Cori, what really happened in Chicago?”
Her gaze doesn’t falter. She stares into the same spot, her voice somber, “I lied.”
“About what?” I ask, pushing a little further.
“Who I was having sex with.”
Her words are soft, scared.
“How is that anyone’s business?”
“Because he hurt me,” she cries. “Over and over. I’d get away from him, and he’d suck me back in. Aspen was always there to drag me back out. I promised her I wasn’t seeing him anymore.”
“But you were?” I question.
“I thought he loved me,” she grits. “He watched my life fall apart in front of the entire city, and when I needed him, he didn’t even bother to reach out a hand.”
“What happened?”
She finally forces herself to look at me, “Aspen caught me in a lie when I was sneaking around with him. I couldn’t hurt her, so I told her I had met someone new. The next day, a video leaked on her boyfriend’s social media.”
I knit my brows, a little confused, “I’m not following.”
“Aspen and her boyfriend were having problems. They were on a break, fighting all the time because of his brother. His brother was older and conveniently the one who kept hurting me. Aspen hated him because of it, which caused a lot of problems between her and Zander. The video of me and Kane, his brother, leaked, and it looked awful. Kane was wearing one of Zander’s jackets.
They obviously live in the same house and look similar. Everyone thought it was Zander.”
Wow. What a mess.
“But it wasn’t,” I finish her sentence, and she shakes her head.
“No, it wasn’t, and by the time I made it to Aspen’s house, it was too late.”
I pull her in, wrapping my arms around her, “It’s not your fault.”
She pushes me away, “How could you say that? Of course, it’s my fault.”
“Why would her boyfriend post the video of you guys to his account?”
“He didn’t. We don’t know who did.”
“So why hasn’t he told the truth? It must be just as hard for him as it is for you, having the whole world think that his girlfriend is dead because he slept with you.”
I realize how morbid and insensitive it sounds when it leaves my lips, but she doesn’t seem to take offense.
“Because I was underage and Kane wasn’t, he hasn’t said anything because he’s protecting his brother. If my dad found out, he’d throw him in jail.”
I gape at her, clearly surprised.
She chuckles nervously, “Yeah, so my best friend is gone because I lied. If I had just told her I was messing around with him again, she would’ve known when she saw the video. But I had been lying to her for weeks, and she didn’t trust me anymore. She thought Zander and I betrayed her.”
“But you didn’t.”
She blows out a deep breath, “Yeah… It fucks you up, though.”
“What?” I ask. “Suicide?”
“Yeah,” she pulls her legs up, tucking them underneath her. “It’s like it leaves this dark, horrible thing deep inside your mind. It makes you constantly wonder what you could’ve done. If you could’ve stopped it, and I could have Carson. I could’ve stopped her.”
We don’t talk after that. I mean, what the hell do I even say?
“I better get inside. It’s getting dark, and Jovie swears there are alligators,” she warns.
I laugh, “Only because Nash swears he saw one forever ago. He’s full of shit.”
She laughs, standing to dust her butt off, “Either way. I don’t want to take any chances.”
I glance back at her house, the lights out, signaling it’s probably empty.
“My mom made dinner. How about you come and eat with us?”
She waves me away, “No, you go ahead. I don’t want to crash your family dinner, and Uncle Trey will probably bring food home.”
I grab her hand, “It’s not crashing if you’re invited. Come on, we’re friends, remember? I’ll even let you pick a movie after.”
She hesitates but finally agrees, following me up the slanted yard into the back door.
“Mom! Dad!” I yell, walking into the kitchen as Mom pulls a pan of Lasagna from the oven. I can’t help but laugh as she blows some of the blonde pieces of hair out of her face.
“Cori is going to have dinner with us, is that okay?”
“Of course,” she smiles. “It’s nice to see you again, sweetie.”
Mom and Cori talk about everything in Chicago. My mom has a store there, and she loves the city. So Dad and I sit and eat while they gush over restaurants I’ve never even heard of.
We went not long ago for a baseball game but spent most of our time in the stadium, not frolicking around like tourists. Although, it would be fun to do that with Cori.
We discard our plates in the sink and walk up to my room. I can feel my mom’s stare following us up the stairs like a shadow. “Carson, 10 o’clock, son!”
I watch as Cori’s cheeks turn pink, remembering that my mom knows she’s spent the night here.
“And leave the door open!” Dad adds.
Jesus Christ.
“Okay, okay!” I shout. They are so embarrassing.
Cori walks into my room like she’s never been inside. Her fingers grazing the top of my dresser, “About that night, in Nash’s bedroom. It’s not that I didn’t want to kiss you.” She lifts a picture of Nash and me from the wood, grazing her thumb over the frame.
“It’s okay, and it’s ancient history as far as I’m concerned.”
I couldn’t tell her how I really felt. Not when Nash told me to back off. He’d never done that before. Not that he’d ever needed to, I always had Avery.
She searches my face, waiting for me to say something else.
“Here,” I grab the remote off of the nightstand, handing it to her. “Your choice, as promised.”
“How chivalrous of you,” she teases and the remote is yanked playfully from my hand. She scans the guide for something to watch.
“Ahh! I love this movie. It is so romantic!” she gushes, cradling the remote to her heart.
“Spider-Man is romantic?” I laugh, giving her the side-eye.
“Oh my God, Carson! Yes! It’s the most iconic on-screen kiss maybe ever, and Tobey McGuire as Peter Parker,” she brings her fingertips to her lips, imitating a chef’s kiss.
I can’t help but mess with her a little, “I am way better looking than that guy.”
She pushes my shoulder, causing me to fall over, “Shut up.”
I don’t know that many girls who would pick Spider-Man over Mean Girls, which happens to be on the channel right before it.
We watch the movie in silence, and I can’t help but notice the similarities.
Peter wants Mary Jane.
MJ is dating Peter’s best friend.
Is this movie my life in superhero form?
I watch the screen intently as MJ thanks Spider-Man for saving her, yet again, in the alleyway with the notorious upside-down kiss.
It all hits a little too close to home, minus the radioactive spider and skin-tight suit, of course. I am Peter Parker, and Cori is MJ.
The end credits begin to roll, and she dramatically falls onto the bed. “Even in the end, he loved her so much that he hid his feelings to make sure she was safe. He would rather be just her friend than put her in any more danger.”
Is that how my ending with her will be?
Peter Parker is a better guy than me. I find myself wanting to tell Cori that I love her and fight anyone who stands in my way. This movie is romantic. Holy shit, I never even realized.
“It’s getting late,” she laughs, pointing at the clock next to my bed. “Don’t want your parents getting upset.”
“I’ll walk you out.”
A few minutes later, we’re standing at her door, staring into each other’s eyes.
“Wait right here,” she demands, disappearing inside.
When she comes back out with my hoodie draped over her arm, my heart sinks.
“Here,” she smiles, holding it out to me.
The logical part of my brain knows it’s just a hoodie, and it doesn’t mean anything that she had it, but the other part of me wants her to keep it. Like it means something.
“Thanks,” I say, taking it from her. “We’re having a Halloween party this weekend at my house, and I want you to come.”
“Will Nash be there?” she asks, playing with the ends of her hair.
“He has to work, but we could hang out.”
“As friends?” she asks.
Every time she says that word, it breaks me. Friends don’t look at each other the way we do, and they don’t almost kiss in the dark on the porch either. She might have feelings for Nash, but she has them for me, too. Whether she wants to or not, she does. I can see it.
I’m not that dense.
“Yes, Cori. As friends.”
“Okay,” she smiles. “Count me there.”
And just like that, I am hoodie-rich and friend-zoned.