Chapter 36
CHAPTER
THIRTY-SIX
LAINEY
Some things just don’t have simple explanations.
That’s what I keep telling myself as I sift through my texts from Dray.
Drayton
Did I do something wrong?
Is this about the other night?
Lainey, please talk to me. Is this about Nash?
I set the phone down on my bed, my mind swirling. I don’t want to hurt him, so I’ll do whatever it takes to keep Nash quiet.
I hear footsteps outside my bedroom door, followed by a pounding fist. I almost expected to hear “Open up, Police,” until my mother walks in.
“The school called me, Alaina. You skipped the last two classes today. I thought we had an understanding,” she snaps.
“I didn’t feel good.”
“Do not lie to me. Your father is going to be furious. You are going to blow any chance you have at a scholarship.”
I sigh, “Stop acting like you and my father are going to communicate. We both know that’s bullshit.”
“You’re grounded, Alaina. You go to school and back, that’s it. I’ll drive you myself.”
I think about arguing with her, but then I remember that being grounded might not be such a bad thing. Especially when you are trying to avoid people.
“Fine.”
“Fine?” She pulls her eyebrows together, confused.
“Yeah.”
My mom steps back, surprised. “Okay, well, I’ll drive you to school in the morning then.”
“Okay.”
Her questionable look lingers a second in the doorway before she leaves. I can’t help but lay here and imagine what my life would be like if things happened differently.
The what-ifs eat me alive. They come so easily.
What if my dad never cheated?
What if I never met Madden?
What if Nash didn’t have it out for me?
Would I still have Drayton? Would I have even met him?
What’s ironic is that the happy life my parents always promised couldn’t possibly make me as happy as all of the people that their fuck ups brought me.
Just the thought of losing Drayton forever feels like a knife to the chest because even though I haven’t said it out loud, I love him.
What hurts the most, though—and pisses me off more than anything— is that when I finally feel like this, I’m forced to shove it down.
I’m furious with Nash, that he threatened me. I am upset that he wants to hurt Drayton so much, and there is nothing I can do about it. He has me in a chokehold, and I don’t have the leverage I need to keep my boyfriend.
A pecking sound interrupts my thoughts, and I shift my eyes from left to right, wondering where it’s coming from. I blow it off, thinking I must be hearing things until I hear it again, louder this time. I slip off my bed, stepping to the window to see if something is outside.
I pull the pink curtains back, and my breath catches. Drayton is waiting there in dark jeans and Vans, his hands shoved into his pockets. He looks so hot it literally hurts to look at him. I unlock the window and push it up slowly.
“What are you doing here?” I whisper, looking back to make sure no one is near my door.
“Why won’t you text me back?” he barks.
I hold my finger up, signaling to wait a minute, and walk across my room to shut and lock my door.
“Are you trying to get me in trouble?”
“I can go knock,” he grins. “Your mom likes me.”
“No,” I rush. “Just tell me what you want.”
“I want to know why you are ignoring me.” His words are shaky and frustrated. He pulls his hands from his pockets, gripping the windowsill.
“I just need some space, Dray.”
He glares at me, “It didn’t seem like you needed space when you were coming apart on my hand before school.”
I chew on my lip, pissed at myself for trying to lie to him. Again.
“Just tell me the truth. Whatever it is, I can handle it,” he demands.
He shouldn’t have to handle it, though. He talks about his dad like he hung the moon.
It would devastate him to know any different.
Besides, I know what it’s like to have your family ripped apart like that.
I guess it’s different since his father is gone now, but still, I love his mom, and I don’t want to hurt her either.
“The truth is that I thought I was ready for this, but I’m not.”
He barges in through my window, grabbing both of my cheeks, “Bullshit.”
I stare at him for what seems like forever, my mouth going completely dry, my sanity a little fuzzy.
“Don’t lie to me,” he says. “Please don’t do that.”
“I’m sorry,” I rasp, the tears beginning to burn my eyes.
Frowning, he pulls away from me, dropping his hands from the sides of my face. “Do you want to end this?”
“No,” I sob.
“Then what is it, Lainey? I know Nash threatened you. What did he say? I can figure it out, I promise.”
I swallow the lump in my throat, “It’s not that simple, Dray.”
He pulls me into his chest. “Sure it is. I don’t want to fight him, but I’ll do anything for you, Lainey. If he has something on you, you can tell me. No matter what it is. You can tell me, and I’ll take care of it.”
He’d do anything?
I sit down on my bed, sinking my head between my hands until they’re tangled in my hair. The problem is that it’s not what he has on me.
“I think I love you,” he blurts. “It’s too soon, I know, and that seems crazy, but I’ve never felt like this.
I’m going crazy, Lainey. When we’re together, everything else seems so small.
I just walked into a new school where I am everyone’s biggest rival but it feels like where I belong. That is because of you, baby.”
I practically swoon at the nickname, feeling a flutter deep in my stomach. He loves me?
A dozen different scenarios run rampant through my head. Do I tell him I love him? Jump his bones? Take his clothes off?
All of which seem like perfectly good predicaments to be in. His forehead lowers to mine, “Do you love me?”
Yes. Hell yes.
“Drayton—”
“Don’t think,” he rasps. “Do you love me, yes or no?”
“Yes,” I husk, the sensible part of my brain shutting totally down.
Then it’s like slow motion. He eases me back onto my bed, claiming my lips, spreading my legs with his knee.
My fingers slip between the waistband of his jeans, and he groans as I undo his fly.
The sultry way he looks at me through his lashes does something I can’t even explain.
He pauses a second, but I reach down and pull the hem of his shirt over his head. His eyes are wild as he stares into mine.
“Lainey, are you… we can stop,” he rambles. “If we need to stop, we should stop now. My self-control is deteriorating.”
“I don’t want to stop,” I whisper. “I want it to be you.”
“Your parents?” he breathes heavily, his eyes sparkling under the permanent Christmas lights wrapped around my headboard.
“They won’t come in here. The door is locked.”
He lifts my shirt over my head, and I am currently thanking the Victoria’s Secret gods that I am wearing something cute underneath. This would be a horrible time to be in granny panties or a sports bra.
His hands roam against the lace of my bra, his eyes never leaving my chest. “Black is definitely your color,” he teases.
“Did you expect anything different?”
He chuckles low and greedy, lifting me enough to unclasp it, “No.”
The sweats I have on easily slip off, and he sits back on his knees, pulling his wallet from his pocket.
“Condom,” he assures, tossing it to the bed, pulling his jeans off, and I freeze, in a complete trance as I stare at him naked.
For the love of all things holy. The hotness. Abs that I would gladly stare at for the rest of my life.
I watch with hooded eyes as he rolls the condom on and leans down into me, nudging where I’ve never been touched like this.
“Are you sure about this?”
I nod gently, “Just go slow, okay?”
And he does.
Cloud nine doesn’t exist when it comes to Drayton Lewis.
He takes me to a whole other planet. It is intoxicating and euphoric.
It almost doesn’t even seem real, like the next two hours are a daydream.
Like I lived in the dark, and he is my sunrise.
Complete with cotton candy clouds of pink and blue. Perfection.
Everything seems a little brighter now, including Drayton’s boyish grin that he can’t seem to wipe from his face.
“You better get out of here before my parents remember that I exist,” I sigh.
He groans, acting like an aggravated child, “I never want to leave this bed.”
“I promise that you do not want my dad finding you in my bed.” I sigh. “Not that he has any room to judge.”
He laughs softly, “I’d take on an army of dads for you.”
I shove his shoulder, “Shut up.”
He softly kisses my collarbone, “Carson is having a Halloween party this weekend. He wants the team there.”
I sit up, using my elbows as a prop, “Aren’t you afraid something will happen, like the last time you tried to hang out with the team?”
He pushes my hair behind my ear, “I’m not afraid. Nash is spiraling. He’s walking a fine line right now. As stupid as it sounds, I don’t think it’s because he’s afraid of getting in trouble for what happened. I think it’s because he wants Cori.”
“I hope she castrates him.”
Drayton kisses my cheek sweetly, “I never want to be on your bad side.”
“After what just happened, I can promise that you’re safe.”
“That good, huh?” He wiggles his eyebrows, that stupid grin still on full display.
“I mean… I don’t really have anything else to compare it to. I give you a solid ten until someone else gives you a run for your money,” I joke.
His eyes turn a violent, darker shade of blue as he pins me down and jabs his hands into my ribs, tickling me. “Someone else? Is that how it’s gonna be?”
I giggle uncontrollably. “No. Only. You,” I struggle to breathe.
“Alaina?” We hear my mom yell, her footsteps echoing outside my door. Drayton grabs his keys, quickly getting back outside my window.
“One second, Mom!”
I follow Dray to the window, getting ready to close it behind him.
“Don’t ignore me anymore,” he says. “Whatever it is, we’ll handle it together. Okay?”
I shut the window and watch the guy I love walk away. He disappears into the night, taking a little piece of me with him when he leaves.
Something sacred that I’ll never get back.