Chapter 19 #3
It made Sawyer laugh, which of course wasn’t something a human could do underwater very well. He pushed up to the surface for air, and a moment later, Ciaran’s very human face appeared in front of him.
“Sorry, didn’t mean to make you laugh.”
Sawyer was grinning, treading water. But it was colder than he could stand for long—he really needed a wetsuit—and he wanted Ciaran to be able to enjoy his time in the water without worrying Sawyer getting hypothermia.
The sun was cloud free, so he took hold of Ciaran’s face and kissed him.
“I’m gonna soak up those rays of sunshine,” he said. “Don’t go too far.”
Ciaran’s eyes flashed with... gratitude? And then he was gone.
Sawyer climbed up onto the pier and lay on his back. The sun was warm. Probably not warm enough, but man, it felt so good on his cold skin. He closed his eyes, smiling up at the sky, unable to recall a time in his life when he’d been this happy.
This peaceful.
He might have dozed off. He wasn’t entirely sure.
Time did feel different here in Tenebrae Cove.
Perhaps it was simply his lack of a watch or clock.
There was no set time for anything. No nine-to-fives, no shift work, no stores that were open at specific times, no schedules, no timetables.
It was like being on permanent vacation.
Meeting his soulmate aside, he really did love this place.
Hmm.
Soulmate.
Is that what they were?
He supposed it was the closest thing.
They were so much more than boyfriends or “partners.” They weren’t married in the religious sense. They were tied to each other in an inexplicable way, and to give that a name felt... inadequate.
Sawyer would have to ask Ciaran what term he was comfortable with.
Was there a cephamorphic term they used to describe it? “Mates” didn’t feel right either. Mates was an everyday term to describe a friend: workmates, teammates, best mates.
It was different in the animal kingdom, though, wasn’t it?
Sawyer almost laughed at the ridiculousness of having to consider such a thing. He was soulmates with a nonhuman who had the ability to change into an animal. It was absurd and incredible—and a total mindfuck.
But it felt right and, somehow, completely and utterly normal.
There was a splash in the water, and Sawyer turned toward the sound to find a red tentacle holding up a rather large fish. Then Ciaran’s freeform face appeared, his big red head and large copper eyes, and... he grinned.
Sawyer burst out laughing, and he could have sworn Ciaran laughed too. He put the fish on the pier and, in a blink, hauled himself out of the water in full human form.
Fully naked human form.
He was still grinning as he came over and shook his wet hair, spraying Sawyer with water. Sawyer laughed again and pulled Ciaran down on top of him. His skin was cold, he was very wet, and he was so gloriously happy, it made Sawyer’s heart full.
He leaned up and kissed Ciaran’s lips. “Feel better after your swim?”
Ciaran nodded. “I’ve never felt better than I do right now.”
“Me either,” Sawyer said. Then he glanced over at the fish. “Remind me to never make fishing a competition with you.”
Ciaran laughed. “It’s very fresh.”
“Why isn’t it moving? How did you kill it underwater? Did you punch it?”
Ciaran snorted, but then he made a face. “No. I have... ways.”
Hmm. That was a weird reaction.
“What ways?”
A gust of wind whipped down the river, and the sun disappeared behind the clouds, making the temperature drop almost instantly.
Ciaran got to his feet and pulled Sawyer to his. “How about we get you inside?”
Ciaran pulled on his trackpants, and Sawyer draped the towel over Ciaran’s still-wet hair, ruffling it affectionately. “You know you can tell me anything,” Sawyer said. “Anything about your freeform self. I won’t ever think differently of you.”
Ciaran’s eyes flashed with something Sawyer wasn’t sure he liked before he nodded slowly. Then he was quick to grab the fish, and they went inside.
Sawyer was more intrigued now. Not by the subject, but by Ciaran’s reaction.
Sawyer felt.... No, Sawyer knew there were secrets and things Ciaran wasn’t telling him. And up until now, he could understand why.
Ciaran and his consortium had one helluva secret to keep.
But things were different now.
Inside the hut, Sawyer pulled on some trackpants and stoked the fire while Ciaran set the fish on the small counter.
He was quiet and uncertain, and Sawyer couldn’t stand it. Physically. It was a fucking physical thing.
“Okay, stop,” Sawyer said.
Ciaran turned to face him. He saw how Sawyer had his hand pressed to his gut and was immediately alarmed. “What’s wrong?”
“I feel...” He let out a slow breath. “Uneasy. Nervous and.... Is it because of you? Is that what you’re feeling right now? I can feel that, and I don’t like it. What aren’t you telling me?”
Ciaran went to him and took his hand. “I’m sorry,” he murmured. “I didn’t realise.... I was just...”
“You can tell me anything,” Sawyer said again. “If I haven’t freaked out yet, I think we can safely assume I won’t.”
Ciaran sighed, and when his eyes met Sawyer’s, he smiled. “You’re right. I’m sorry. I’m so used to keeping things secret.”
“I know.” Sawyer kissed Ciaran’s palm and put it to his cheek. “Tell me what’s bothering you.”
Ciaran swallowed hard, the flash of uncertainty on his face giving way to resignation. “You asked how I killed the fish,” he began.
Sawyer nodded slowly. He had no clue where this was going, and he couldn’t have predicted what Ciaran was about to say next.
Ciaran swallowed hard, his body completely still. “When I’m in freeform, I have the ability to burn.”
Sawyer froze, eyes wide. Of all the things he might have expected Ciaran to say, that was not on the list. “Burn?” He couldn’t quite get his head around it. “But you’re... you’re underwater, right? Like a fire? How does that...”
Ciaran gave the smallest shake of his head. “Not fire, as such. It’s a neurotoxin, like a defence mechanism,” he said quietly. “It feels like a third-degree burn along the entire nervous system for weeks. It incapacitates, and...” He frowned. “All of my kind are afraid of it.”
The only thing Sawyer could do was blink. “Oh.”
Ciaran’s face went blank, as if he’d put on a mask of indifference to conceal his hurt, his fear of rejection. “Does that bother you?”
“What? No, of course not.” There was nothing Ciaran could reveal that would change the way he felt.
“I won’t ever use it on you,” Ciaran said quickly, urgently, eyes wide. “I swear. I promise to you. I would die before I did that.”
“I never for one second thought you would,” Sawyer said quietly.
Ciaran’s eyes searched his as if he was hunting for a hint of fear.
Sawyer needed him to know he would never find it. He slid his hands up to cup Ciaran’s jaw. “You can’t change who you are. It’s a part of you, and I know you could never hurt me.”
Ciaran leaned his face into Sawyer’s palm and closed his eyes. “How are you not weirded out by all of this?”
“Weirded out?” Sawyer scoffed. “I feel like Lois Lane finding out Clark Kent is Superman. It’s not awesome enough that you’re a shapeshifter, but you have hidden superpowers as well?”
Ciaran’s smile was slow to form, and then he chuckled. “Superpowers? I don’t know about that....”
“Hey,” Sawyer said sternly. “No disparaging remarks about my boyfriend, thank you. I won’t be having any of that.”
Ciaran’s gaze darted to his. “Boyfriend?”
“Well, yeah.” Sawyer shrugged. “I don’t know what to call us. Partners? Mated? Bonded? They all sound so.... I dunno. Contrived?” He rolled his eyes. “I’m just gonna call you mine.”
Ciaran made a guttural noise, low and rumbling, and his copper eyes caught fire. He took Sawyer’s face in his hands, and the next thing Sawyer knew, he was on his back on the mattress on the floor.
“And you are mine,” Ciaran said, voice rough. He spread Sawyer’s thighs with his knees and pressed him hard into the mattress. “Mine, and only mine.” He kissed Sawyer then, hard and demanding, plunging his tongue in deep.
Sawyer moaned without shame, rolling his hips, grinding, pleading. He’d already had so much but was still desperate for more. He gasped for air as Ciaran kissed down his neck. “Fucking prove it to me, Ciaran. Make me yours, and make sure I never forget it.”