Chapter 12
Nick
Nope. Same old story.
Retracing my steps while still single was my own walk of shame. I’d come home dejected before, but this was different. Henry was Trev’s cousin. I couldn’t engage in my personal therapy of trash talking the douche I’d gone out with.
Except, Henry wasn’t a jerk. I didn’t get what happened at all.
Not knowing what had happened, I didn’t want to face Trevor. Which meant of course the sound coming from our apartment was him and we were going to have this talk whether I liked it or not.
I slid the key into the lock as quietly as I could and eased the door open. Like that would make a difference. Trevor probably saw Henry drop me off and was waiting to interrogate me.
“Hey, Nick.” Trevor sounded way too cheerful. “How’d your date go?
I loved Trevor, he was my best friend and better than my brother, but I wanted to punch him so hard at that moment. That emotion only added to my confusion about my date. Even Trevor expected it to go well, and he’d always had doubts about the guys I picked.
“Hey.” I gave him a weak little wave, ignored the question, and headed for my room.
Trevor wouldn’t leave it at that, he knew me too well. I felt his eyes on me as I marched away and mentally counted down from three... two...
“Nicko, wait.”
I shrugged off my backpack and stopped. He was going to pry out of me what had happened, so better to deal with it now so I could get ready for brunch with Alex.
“What’s wrong?” Trevor caught up to me.
We didn’t need to have this conversation standing in the hallway, so I continued into my room followed closely by Trevor.
I kept my gaze away from his. Why did he bother asking? We’d done this dance way too often since we’d met. He knew the answer, even if he didn’t have the details.
I glanced in his direction and Trevor had the frown of concern he wore after nearly every one of my failed dates. He took those rejections almost as personal as me.
“Same thing as always. I’m not his type; he can do better; it’s not me it’s him. Take your pick.”
“Henry said that?”
Trevor sounded shocked, like it wasn’t the broken record of my life playing out in real time.
To avoid his question, I stared at the poster of Paris I’d gotten in college.
I always wanted to visit and maybe find a job there.
It was a dream I’d probably never realize, but I needed something to hold onto that I could control.
“Not those words, but he made up some stupid lie so he could end things without saying he wasn’t interested in me.”
“Hold on,” Trevor moved so I couldn’t avoid him without it being totally rude. “What exactly did he say?”
I knew Trev asked from a place of love, but it still picked at a wound. Why did he need me to say it out loud? “Any chance you can hold off with the interrogation until I get back from brunch with Alex?”
Trevor hesitated and his brows drew together. I knew he wanted to press for more, but he’d always been good about giving me space when I needed some. Finally, he nodded and sat on the end of my bed. “Fine. But we’re talking about this when you get back.”
It wouldn’t hurt any less telling him, but I was grateful for his constant support. Maybe with a little time and talking to Alex I’d make more sense of what had happened. “Thanks.”
Under his continued scrutiny, I tossed my dirty clothes in my laundry basket, put my toiletry kit on the dresser, and checked my hair in the mirror. Not that it mattered. Alex and I weren’t going on a date. He didn’t care what I looked like. Still, we’d be in public and I cared.
Over my left shoulder, I could see Trevor watched me. He stared as if by focusing hard enough he could read my thoughts and see what had happened.
“It didn’t work out, Trev. Don’t look so concerned. He’s not the first guy to dump me, I won’t crumble and fall to pieces.”
“I don’t get it.” Trevor said. I ignored the comment because I sure as fuck didn’t understand it either. “Are you sure this isn’t a mistake? He was really looking forward to the trip.”
This was why “don’t shit where you eat,” was great advice. Trevor was torn and didn’t know which side to take. At least I didn’t imagine Henry’s interest. “He seemed interested at first, but after we got back from our run and he saw me naked, he decided we weren’t going to work.”
“No way.” He jumped to his feet like I’d insulted him. “You’re totally his type.”
Great. Now even being totally someone’s type isn’t enough to get a second date.
“Evidently I’m not. After he got what he said was a call from work, he switched off.
Probably an old boyfriend, or current one for all I know.
Either way, he made up this lamest story about not being honest with me about who he was or what his family did, and he couldn’t tell me right now, but I should trust him.
And because I just love coming off as desperate, I said fine, I’d wait for him to tell me the truth. ”
Trevor’s eyes blazed with disbelief. “He said that?”
I felt a bit better knowing even Trevor couldn’t believe how ridiculous it sounded.
At the time I thought Henry’s shock after telling me he was hiding something was relief I’d agreed to wait for him to tell me the truth.
In hindsight, it was disbelief his lame ass excuse hadn’t worked.
God, I was so fucking dumb. “I know, right?
“I don’t know what to say.”
Trevor looked stuck between his best friend and family. “Can we please just let this go? It’s no big deal.”
“What? Of course it’s a big deal. He—”
“He’s your cousin,” I said loud enough that he had to hear me.
Trevor’s hands landed on my shoulders, and he spun me around. His fierce gaze pinned me down. “He’s not going to come between us, Nicko. I haven’t seen Henry in years before this week. You and I are family and that won’t ever change.”
My throat tightened until it was too difficult to speak. Trevor’s arms swept around me before I could speak and embraced me in a hug that seemed to last an eternity. Despite my effort to hold back, tears rolled down my cheeks as I finally allowed myself to break down.
Trevor held me as I cried, his strong arms comforting me. I couldn’t believe how stupid I’d been getting my hopes up again after just a couple of days. After a few seconds, I pulled away from Trevor and wiped my face.
“Thank you,” I said, my voice hoarse.
Trevor gave me a small smile. “You don’t have to thank me. That’s what family’s for.”
I held up my hand and he clasped it before we did the bro shoulder bump. Sucking in a deep breath, I exhaled loudly and let go. “I need to go wash my face. Alex will go ballistic if he finds out I was crying over someone.”
I turned before Trevor could respond and went to the bathroom and shut the door.
The problem was Henry was a nice guy. I couldn’t console myself by saying I was better off without him, or it was his loss.
I mean, Henry didn’t wait until after we’d slept together to tell me it wouldn’t work.
He’d been respectful and if I wasn’t so hurt, I’d say even kind.
Exactly the type of guy I desperately wanted to find and settle down with. He took away my ability to dislike him and without that, moving on would be hard.
I splashed cold water on my face for a few seconds and stared at myself in the mirror. Maybe I really did need to just leave. Go to Paris and see what happened. I certainly wasn’t finding my future here.
My phone buzzed with a text from Alex. He was downstairs.
Patting my face with the towel, I made sure I was presentable.
“I’m going,” I said as I left the bathroom.
I didn’t hear Trevor’s muffled answer as I rushed to get my keys and wallet. The image of Paris caught my eye again. I’d ask Alex if he thought a change in scenery would do me good.
I stepped outside, taking a deep breath to clear the last of my disappointment.
Alex’s dark blue Audi sparkled, like he’d just had it washed.
Knowing Alex, he probably had stopped at the carwash on the way over.
I could see him in the driver’s seat, tapping away on his phone.
He looked up as I neared, a warm smile spreading across his face.
“Morning, Nick!” he said as I opened the passenger door.
Alex always made me feel welcome. If he hadn’t been my grandparent’s friend for thirty years, I’d suspect he wanted to be my sugar daddy. Thankfully, that wasn’t the case. “Morning, Alex,”
I slid into the comfortable leather seat as the car drove away from my apartment. Alex looked over and smiled. “What do you feel like for breakfast?”
Some people ate when they were depressed, I lost my appetite. “Whatever you feel like. I’m not that hungry.”
We had this happen enough times in the last three years, that Alex knew what it meant. I expected the usual disappointment, instead he looked genuinely confused.
“Why are you surprised?” I asked before he could speak. “Haven’t we had this conversation a billion times already?”
Alex blinked and then made a sour face. “I’m always surprised there are so many blind, dumb, gay men in the world. You’re an amazing person. Funny, smart, handsome, great shape. They should be fighting to get you to notice them.”
I knew my friends meant well, but hearing those same words as many times as I had, they were wrong. Everyone else can’t be the problem. At some point I need to acknowledge I wasn’t amazing and no one would be lucky to have me.
“Stop that,” Alex said, his voice sharper than usual. “There’s nothing wrong with you. Nothing! Finding someone you connect with isn’t easy. You can’t force it. It has to happen in its own way.”
Snarky me wanted to ask when he started to read minds, but we’d talk about this enough that he knew how my brain worked. It didn’t explain why he seemed so shocked it happened. “Fine, I can’t rush things. Eventually someone will take pity on the troll. Happy?”