MY GUARDIAN ANGEL #3
Good, good. Did you have any questions about what happened? he asks.
Not really. Viktor explained everything. I was very lucky, I reply.
Well, one thing we didn’t do last night was an internal examination.
Since you were unconscious and couldn’t give consent, we did a visual examination.
You showed no signs of sexual assault—and your friends confirmed that there was no indication that had happened, so we decided not to proceed.
But we can test you for STIs and do a rape kit now if you would like. Do you know what a rape kit is?
Yes. But wouldn’t I know if I’d been attacked? Like soreness or whatever? I feel completely normal.
Exactly. An examination would only affirm that. We wouldn’t be able to tell if you’d been assaulted in any other way.
I want to ask what other ways there are, but decide to use my imagination. Of course, I don’t want an unnecessary internal examination, but it’s not just about me. If I have to testify about what happened to me, would it better to have this examination?
Dr. Arbor considers this. If you were assaulted, then definitely. If not, then I’m uncertain if it would matter. But it might put your own mind at ease.
So I agree to have the procedure done even though it’s uncomfortable and embarrassing. Ironically, the examination leaves me feeling more tender than I was before. After I’m dressed, the nurse comes back in.
The results will be sent to you, she says.
I nod. I’m not really worried, but it’s better to be completely sure. She leads me out to the waiting room, where Viktor is looking watchful. He stands when he sees me. Again, I’m relieved he’s here. For some reason, I feel safe in his presence, even though we hardly know each other.
Once we’re back on the road, I summon up the courage to ask the question that’s been on my mind since I woke up. Why are you being so nice to me?
He makes a dismissive grunt. Aside from it being the morally correct thing to do? Because I was unnecessarily mean to you. If you weren’t so upset, you probably would have noticed what he was up to. Or you would have avoided him altogether. So that was my fault.
I shake my head. It’s true that I was upset, but I don’t think all the blame is yours.
There are so many people to blame. Angelica should have been there when I finished with Viktor. The Revenge Squad should never have sent me back a second time. But the person most at fault is me.
In the clear light of day, I can see that Viktor is human.
Has he hurt people with his womanizing ways?
Yes. But is he a man who steps up to do the right thing at great personal inconvenience?
Also yes. I should never have let myself believe he was a one-dimensional villain.
I ignored my common sense because I wanted to get into a sorority.
I haven’t been myself lately. He stares unseeingly out the front windshield. I need to rein in my emotions, and not take things out on other people.
That wave of sympathy I felt this morning is back. Viktor needs comfort too.
Does it have to do with your grandmother? Is she okay?
He jerks around to stare at me. What the fuck? Are you some kind of witch? How did you know that?
Ack. There’s no way I can admit I understand Ukrainian. You said ‘baba’ on the phone this morning, and I know that means grandmother.
His eyes narrow in suspicion. Where exactly are you from?
I was born here. But I’ve lived in Europe. Mostly in Finland. Finland is the least incriminating of the places that I’ve lived.
Why did you live there? he asks.
My father works in international sales, and we went wherever his job took him. He sells manufacturing component parts. The key to subterfuge is offering boring extraneous information so people stop asking questions.
He doesn’t say another word, but the silence between us feels tense. He pulls up in front of Humphrey Hall.
Well, uh, thank you for— I begin.
He raises hand to silence me.
Wait. Evie, I know you have a crush on me, but I have to tell you—it’s not going to work out between us. You should find someone your own age.
I open my mouth to deny this since I initially approached Viktor because I had to, not because I wanted to.
But now, things are different. I like Viktor because he’s kind, moral, and considerate.
Yes, he’s very attractive, but what’s even more attractive is the vulnerability under his brusque manner.
And his commanding ways excite me in a way I’ve never experienced before.
So right now I do have a crush on him.
Why wouldn’t it work? And don’t say our age gap because I don’t think you really believe that, I say.
Our ages wouldn’t be important if we really connected. But the thing is you don’t add up. You’re full of contradictions, and I’m pretty sure that half of what you’re telling me is lies. And I don’t like liars. I like people I can make sense of, people I can rely on.
Once again, I have no defence. Because he’s right, I have lied—both when I was trying to attract him and just now when I was trying to cover up my background. Viktor is too smart not to see through my flimsy veneer.
I fiddle with the strap of my purse. Well, there are things I can’t really share. Right now, anyway. But...do you think we could be friends?
Because right now, the thought of never spending time with Viktor again makes me feel hollow inside. We’re just getting to know each other and he’s so intriguing.
He shakes his head. Look, I’ll be there if witnesses are needed for the Omega Rho Chi thing. But honestly, I think it would be better if we never see each other again.
And matching deed to word, he keeps his gaze locked forward as I step out of the car and his life.