chapter 58 ⚚
Lilith had a little problem.
Which would not sound surprising to anyone at all. Rather, it felt very expected.
When did Lilith not have a problem with something?
Depending on the problem, she chose—or rather unconsciously drifted into—different approaches, of cours. This time, she let herself be empathetic.
"Hello?" she said, sitting up on the edge of the bed, her phone plugged in as she stared at Miss Lockhart's name on the ongoing call.
Of course she called—why wouldn't she?
Lilith felt like the woman deserved it after the way she had acted so cold towards her.
"Hello, Lilith."
The woman's voice didn't sound any different from any other day, but Lilith's brows furrowed slightly.
Something about this simple phrase felt like it should be reserved for Valentina only, didn't it?
Just another little thing, Valentina's little thing.
There was something endearing about those absurd thoughts. About being in love with someone.
Lilith had always thought people in love were quite pathetic, but unfortunately for her nervous system—and her need to always have something to hate—she had become one of them.
"I'm very sorry for that message. I sent it and completely forgot..." the woman began.
"Did anything happen, or...?" the blonde girl interrupted.
It was actually the first time she had ever spoken to Vivienne on a call.
"No... I..." The woman stopped, clearly slightly embarrassed.
"I felt worried and took things personally... which shouldn't have happened," she continued, almost as if she were arguing with herself, or with some part of her that wanted to be more human.
"I should be the one apologising... it's alright," Lilith said, letting out a quiet, almost surprised chuckle.
She felt strangely desensitised to the situation, and to Vivienne showing something as unguarded as sadness.
"It's very unprofessional of me," the woman said earnestly, her voice soft.
"Well..." Lilith sighed. She had to stop herself from adding a small bite—from pointing out that it wasn't the first unprofessional thing that had happened.
The girl's head lifted slightly as she noticed Valentina entering the room. She had been walking around for the past few minutes, trying to do some sort of skincare, the products she had packed seemingly disappearing from her bag.
Noticing Lilith was on the phone, she only sighed to herself before lying down on the bed, giving up on doing anything.
Her head landed near the blonde girl's ankle, and she looked up at her legs—bare once again, appearing, despite their shortness, quite long.
That seemed to be the most interesting thing to Valentina at that moment.
She looked almost like a cat when her eyes narrowed with curiosity.
Lilith continued, ignoring the woman's presence beside her.
"We can talk about it next time," she said, brushing the topic off.
"Yes... I hope nothing changed," Vivienne murmured.
Lilith wasn't sure whether her head tilted to the side because of Valentina placing her entire hand flat against her foot—only to slide it higher a second later, moving slowly up to her thigh—or because of how strangely unsettling it was to hear Vivienne Lockhart sound stressed.
"Nothing," Lilith said softly, shrugging, before lightly slapping Valentina's hand away from her leg.
When the woman looked up at her with a playful pout, Lilith wasn't even looking back. She seemed lost in thought.
For a second, Valentina Salvatore felt like a little loser.
Lilith's legs, though still very entertaining, no longer held all of her attention. Whoever she was speaking to—and whatever they were talking about—began to occupy Valentina's thoughts in a way she didn't like.
Pretending she wasn't listening to the few things Lilith had said felt almost like lying to her.
"Then... not to bother you any longer, I hope you'll rest and have a good time," Lilith heard Vivienne's voice say, slipping back into something more familiar.
"You too... goodbye, Miss," Lilith replied politely, a small smile forming on her lips even though the woman couldn't see it.
She ended the call, purposefully avoiding saying the woman's name. Calling someone else that while Valentina could hear would feel strange.
And once again, that little, mocking devil in Lilith's mind appeared—teasing her for the fact that Valentina Salvatore might be the only Miss she ever wanted in her life.
Lilith placed her phone on the wooden nightstand, finally giving the brunette her attention.
The moment Valentina felt it, both of them spoke at once.
"Who were you speaking to?" Valentina asked first—only slightly faster.
Lilith's brows furrowed as she looked down at her pale legs.
"Were you measuring my legs?" she asked.
"I was trying to. You unfortunately interrupted me," Valentina replied, answering her question first.
But she didn't really care about it anymore.
"Who were you speaking to?" she repeated.
"My therapist," Lilith said.
"Vivienne," Valentina commented immediately.
Vivienne Lockhart—a woman who, in Valentina's mind, sat comfortably at the entrance of hell.
Because who else, if not someone from there, would shamelessly interrupt her holiday?
It felt paranoid, but it was as if that woman knew about her and purposely did that.
In that moment, Valentina could admit she was being selfish, again.
She simply didn't care, as always when it came to that woman.
"Couldn't she have found a better time?" the woman said, letting out a dry chuckle.
"I know," Lilith whined, grimacing softly.
"It's whatever," she sighed.
"Is it?" Valentina murmured, her fingers returning to the girl's legs as if it were the most natural thing in the world. Her short, manicured nails traced lightly over the sensitive skin, scratching just enough to leave it reddening quickly.
"Yeah," Lilith said, trying to catch the woman's eyes, though Valentina seemed slightly lost somewhere else.
And when the silence stretched for a moment, Lilith's mind drifted back to her problem.
It felt almost silly—especially because it tied so directly to what Vivienne had implied during their session, the very thing that had made Lilith react the way she had.
It was strange that her therapist had been personally upset with her.
Or rather—it felt strange to Lilith, even though, in truth, it was completely normal.
Vivienne Lockhart was a human.
Lilith remembered being sixteen, when the topic of love and romantic relationships had first come up in therapy. Back then, she had laughed when she said her ideal partner wouldn't be human.
But now, when she found herself reacting so strangely to other people's feelings, she knew that, somewhere underneath, it might have been true.
She would consider herself empathetic.
With occasional moments of cruelty, her patterns and some type of illness gave her.
Her gaze dropped to Valentina.
The woman was human.
But an unproblematic one.
Or at least, her problems felt distant from Lilith's world.
Was that alright?
Was that something that could be considered alright, something nearly healthy—that she had simply found someone who was naturally like that, and she had nothing to do with it?
"So... are they alright?" Lilith asked suddenly.
"Hm?" Valentina murmured, her eyes finally catching Lilith's.
"My legs," Lilith clarified.
"Alright?" Valentina repeated, raising a brow slightly.
"Assuming my hand is about twenty centimetres..." she paused, placing her hand back against the girl's leg with casualness before continuing, "...they're average, sweetheart."
"Really? Not even on the longer side?" Lilith's eyes widened with exaggerated disbelief.
"I'm not sure... I think you'll just have to hope I wasn't too precise," Valentina said, patting her legs apologetically while mocking her.
Then her finger moved, pointing lightly at the blonde's knee.
"You have a bruise here."
"I'm aware," Lilith replied lazily, her tone dry, only to immediately soften when Valentina gasped.
"It's just a bruise, Val," she added with a small whine.
"You're bruising my heart right now," Valentina said, sitting up, her expression shifting into dramatic offence at the girl's indifference.
?
Lilith finally got around to taking care of the present Valentina had given her.
They both sat on the bed, setting up the new laptop together.
The house was awfully quiet, just like the night before when they had fallen asleep.
Lilith had begun to understand that Valentina's family valued their solitude.
When they had gone downstairs to make some tea, her mother had been asleep on the couch in the living room.
Her father worked at the same table where they had eaten breakfast. Chiara had stepped out onto one of the balconies to smoke, and her boyfriend had been on the phone, seemingly deep in conversation with a friend.
Lilith and Valentina were the only ones sharing the same space.
There was no urgency, but there wasn't any coldness either.
Lilith could breathe.
"So... who's Charlotte?" Lilith murmured once they were back in the bedroom.
They were planning to take a walk in the garden before it got dark, while there were still traces of sunlight left.
"Charlotte?" Valentina repeated, glancing at her with mild confusion as she pulled on a beige sweater.
It looked soft—so soft that Lilith already knew that the moment she got closer, her fingers would reach for it without thinking.
"Yeah. Who's that?" Lilith pressed, her tone casual.
"I don't know any Charlotte," Valentina said, her expression more thoughtful as she tried to place the name.
She looked genuinely lost, as if she were searching for a memory that simply did not exist.
"You're horrible," Lilith scoffed. It turned embarrassing far too quickly when it became clear the woman genuinely had no idea who that might be.
"Your dad called me that," she added, wincing slightly.
"My dad?" Valentina repeated.
The blonde girl groaned.
"Do not piss me off," she muttered.
"I don't know any Charlotte," Valentina said again, this time more firmly, her tone turning closer to frustration than confusion.
"Chiara's friend?" Lilith offered, her expression softening, her eyes taking on a more innocent look.
A few seconds passed before something clicked.
"What about her?" Valentina let out a quiet chuckle, moving closer. Her knee pressed into the mattress, her hands settling at the sides of Lilith's waist.
"You thought it was someone else?" she added, her head tilting in a way that looked unfairly soft.
"Fuck off," Lilith muttered her two favourite words, closing the laptop and placing it on Valentina's side of the bed.
But this time, Valentina didn't take it as play.
"You do not speak to me like that," she said, her tone much more solid, not harsh, but unmistakabl y serious, sounding like a teacher.
"I am," Lilith shrugged, still assuming they were just joking.
"Lilith," Valentina murmured.
Her fingers moved to Lilith's wrists, wrapping around them tightly.
"Alright," Lilith sighed.
"Never fuck off, then," she added.
Even if Lilith was still playful, it was truly very real.
Lilith didn't want Valentina to fuck off ever.
And when her mind brought back a memory of the woman telling her she'd never leave her alone, she melted inside. Maybe—just maybe—Valentina didn't like it because her fucking off would be cruel to her too.
Valentina still didn't look pleased.
So Lilith shifted, sitting up properly, her wrists still held in the woman's hands.
She pouted, her expression softer.
"Do you want me to say please?"
Valentina actually considered it.
After a second, she nodded rather nonchalantly.
"Yes."
She didn't expect what followed.
Lilith immediately started whining, then pleading, then practically yelling desperate please's at a volume that sounded inhuman.
It was, really, loud enough to shatter glass.
She broke into laughter halfway through, the sound collapsing into a cough as she choked on air, clutching at herself slightly.
And when she looked up, Valentina looked genuinely panicked.
That only made it worse.
Maybe it would have been easier if the woman had simply admitted what she wanted.
For Lilith to say it plainly, that she had felt jealous.
To make Valentina Salvatore feel euphoric.
And so, so special.
"Be quiet," the woman said, releasing her grip from Lilith's wrists.
Lilith felt a small sting of disappointment settle in her chest.
She had expected, and hoped to be silenced physically, but it was obvious this was intentional.
Valentina wouldn't give her something she would enjoy so easily.
She pouted, this time more genuinely.
She leaned in, her lips nearing Valentina's nose, wanting to place a soft, almost soothing kiss there, but Valentina stood up.
"Are you serious?" Lilith asked, her voice totally disbelieving.
"Very. Do not irritate me," Valentina replied shortly.
"And get up," she added, tilting her head slightly at the still lounging girl.
Was Valentina Salvatore... actually annoyed with Lilith Hawthorne?
It was heart shattering.
?
Thankfully, it had never been particularly difficult to please Valentina, at least not when it came to Lilith.
Not long after, once Lilith got dressed and ready for their walk, they were holding hands.
It didn't take much, at all.
Especially not when Lilith quietly mentioned that her hands were cold.
"Charlotte is indeed one of Chiara's friends," Valentina said, returning to the earlier topic as they stepped outside.
"Well, I hope you've never seen or spoken with any of them then," Lilith giggled, clearly not being serious. But when she didn't get an answer, she continued, "What? I admitted to my... wariness on our first date."
She purposefully avoided the word jealousy.
"They come here on holidays when I leave earlier," Valentina cleared her throat nervously and said.
"Why do you leave early?" the girl asked, looking up at her.
It was the first time she had seen Valentina wrapped in a scarf.
"No particular reason... I'm usually just quite lonely here and... yeah."
Valentina's gaze dropped to the ground as they walked behind the large house, their steps slowing and stopping occasionally, while she was trying to piece her thoughts together and speak making sense.
Lilith's eyes widened slightly with curiosity when the woman didn't continue.
They stepped into the garden, where narrow paths of pale small stones curved between patches of greenery.
It looked a little unkempt.
There were different kinds of small trees, scattered flowers and pots that appeared slightly frosted and damp, but nothing felt actually arranged.
Not like Lilith would be even able to name any type of green there was. She wasn't much of a flower girl. The only flowers she had gotten used to looking at and buying were red roses, Valentina's favourites.
"What are you thinking about?" she asked as they came to a stop near a small pond.
"I'm just happy to be here... anywhere with you," Valentina said, smiling warmly.
Lilith hadn't expected to hear words like that ever, especially from someone she was romantically involved with, obviously.
She probably hated herself too much to even consider that a person could genuinely feel happy with her being next to them.
She smiled back, shyly.
She wished she could be as smooth in this type of conversation as she was when provoking Valentina and making her lose her mind.
Lilith squeezed the woman's hand slightly, her nails pressing gently into the larger palm.
Valentina let out a quiet laugh, though it wasn't teasing.
"I usually feel quite lonely during holidays," she repeated her previous words after a moment, her breath faint in the cold air, her gaze drifting away from Lilith.
"Why?" Lilith asked immediately.
She needed to know and understand how her favourite woman could ever feel lonely.
"You see how it is..." Valentina murmured, her head tilting slightly towards the house, her eyes following.
"What do you mean?" Lilith pressed.
"They like their alone time," Valentina said simply.
"And you don't?" Lilith tilted her head, studying her.
Valentina was an individualist. It didn't quite align with what she was saying now.
"I do... but... I don't know," the woman replied, frustration slipping somewhere into her voice.
She wasn't shy.
She wasn't afraid, either.
And yet she kept circling around the point instead of reaching it.
"They are a bit different," she added finally.
"In what way? Tell me," Lilith asked immediately, once again.
"I just prefer you next to me... often," Valentina said, letting out a quiet chuckle to herself rather than to the girl.
Before Lilith could stop herself, she spoke.
"So... like a pet?"
The moment it left her mouth, she wanted to take it back.
Preferably by slapping herself and then jumping into the small pond in front of them.
"I'm not sure what you're hinting at," Valentina said, her eyes narrowing slightly.
"I'm not hinting at anything," Lilith replied quickly, shaking her head in defence.
"Right," Valentina said slowly.
She didn't push it further. She knew Lilith had a certain fascination with control, with small, almost cruel dynamics and little sadistic acts coming from the woman.
Still, the pet thing was something Valentina seriously wondered about.
After a moment, she returned to the conversation.
"So yes... like a pet, but a very human one," she said, her tone slightly softer, as if trying to ease whatever embarrassment Lilith was feeling.
Lilith rolled her eyes and started walking further into the garden, towards a cluster of dead plants.
"Do they not like to spend time with each other daily?" she asked, her voice slightly louder so Valentina would hear her clearly.
"They just need it less... and they like it simple," Valentina answered calmly, following her.
"I thought they were quite... fiery, affectionate and..." Lilith trailed off, searching for the right word.
"Oh, they are, especially Chiara. But... they could go days without talking and it would still be alright," Valentina explained. "Or not go into many details, not needing much information about most casual things."
"And you need it?" Lilith hummed, turning back to face her.
"Not from them," Valentina said, raising a brow.
"From you," she clarified.
"Oh," Lilith let out softly.
"You have it," she added after a second, nodding as if reassuring her, stepping a little closer.
"I have it," Valentina echoed, nodding once.
"Most of my life, I felt a bit misunderstood when it came to this," she admitted, as a quiet chuckle followed.
"You know how I am," Lilith said suddenly.
"Hmm?" Valentina murmured.
"You know how I am... so you know I'm similar, so..." Lilith stumbled slightly over her words.
"So..." Valentina prompted, her voice lowering, her posture also lowering closer, as if they were sharing some very private secrets.
"So... we are a match," Lilith finished, trying very hard to sound nonchalant.
"Are we?" Valentina asked, the teasing returning easily.
"A perfect one," Lilith shrugged, though her legs shifted restlessly beneath her.
"I suppose I can agree..." Valentina answered, pretending to sound unconvinced.
"And I thought we were having a very sincere, lovely conversation," Lilith muttered.
"Every conversation we have is sincere and lovely," Valentina replied, as if that settled it, though the sincerity part wasn't exactly true when it came to both of them.
"Anyways..." Lilith sighed and then continued, "If you mean that you just enjoy being clingy, feel free to lock me up."
"And ask... hold, caress? Yeah?" Valentina coaxed, actually fascinated by such idea.
"Val... you'd be doing a favour for me," Lilith shrugged innocently, implying that she'd be the one enjoying it the most.
They walked a little further until a soft sound caught Lilith's attention.
A quiet meow, somewhere between the flowers.
"Seraphina," she called as soon as she saw the creature, her voice instinctively gentle, as if she were addressing another person rather than an animal.
"What is she doing here?" she added, her eyes widening as she looked at Valentina.
Lilith couldn't quite believe it—that the cat had been there the entire time.
She bent down as the small figure slipped out from between the plants.
"Hello," she smiled softly, her hand reaching out without any hesitation.
"She's been here the whole week..." Valentina said, trying not to laugh.
"That's why she wasn't at Chiara's."
"I feel so bad... I forgot about this sweetie," Lilith murmured, her voice touched with genuine guilt, as if she had personally offended the cat.
"She's not the biggest fan of this place," Valentina explained, watching them both. "She mostly stays in Chiara's room and then she's let out here for a few hours before it gets dark."
"I don't think she should be here..." Lilith said quietly, careful not to sound like she was criticising.
"Do not worry," Valentina reassured her, a small smile forming on her lips. "It's the only outdoor space she has access to. She behaves and even if she didn't, there's no way she could get out."
Her gaze stayed.
On Lilith.
And then, shortly, on the cat.
Seraphina was undeniably adorable, like any animal was.
But to Valentina, the blonde was far more captivating.
The cat stretched lazily at Lilith's feet, her body lengthening as she settled into the attention, silently demanding more.
"She's a lazy girl," Valentina commented. "She just lies in those dead flowers and naps."
"I love her," Lilith said, her focus entirely on the cat now, her long nails scratching gently along its belly, perfectly suited for it.
For a moment, Valentina allowed herself something irrational.
Something she immediately corrected in her mind.
She let herself believe that those words were meant for her.
While Lilith remained absorbed in the small, content creature at her feet, Valentina's hand slipped quietly into the pocket of her beige coat. She pulled out her phone without drawing attention.
Standing just behind the blonde haired girl, she took a photo, and then, just as quickly, the image of the girl turned back to her, petting the cat, landed on her lock screen.