35. Josh
THIRTY-FIVE
JOSH
T o say that I hated wolves didn’t feel like an exaggeration.
I really did want to support the state’s efforts to reintroduce gray wolves back into Colorado, but I balked at the amount of damage they could do to herds if left unchecked and with the foals, Shannon would be devastated if any of them were attacked.
And we’d found footprints around the perimeter just this morning.
An electric fence was useless when the predator was capable of jumping over it.
The hands and I spent the better part of the day making sure everything was as secure as it could be and we’d installed motion-sensor floodlights around the barns in case any wolves did make it onto the property.
I’d heard through the grapevine that the Mitchleys had some late-night visitors.
They’d managed to break into their chicken coop and left it looking like a crime scene.
We hadn’t kept chickens in years—even though my sisters had been bugging me to get some—and I was glad that was the case.
If we ever did go back to having some around, we’d need to completely rebuild the coop to not only protect the birds from the elements, but to keep them safe from animals looking for an easy meal.
It was already evening and I was finally headed back to the house.
I’d skipped lunch and my stomach hurt with hunger pangs, leaving me feeling cranky.
Zoe had been giving me the silent treatment for the last two days.
I couldn’t really blame her, but at the same time, it felt childish.
I’d hoped to speak with her, wanting us to clear the air a bit before she left for school. But first, I needed to eat something.
When I walked into the kitchen, I was surprised to see that Zoe’s laptop and camera bag were gone. The kitchen table was empty. “What the—?” Was she already packing? She wasn’t due to leave yet. Shannon came down the stairs. “Hey, where’s Zoe?”
My sister tugged at her hair pulling it loose before twisting it back up into a bun and I instantly knew she was about to tell me something I wouldn’t want to hear. Before she could say anything, I ran back out the door to where we kept our cars.
Zoe’s Jeep wasn’t there.
Maybe she had errands to run in town. I headed back to the house, breaking into a jog and taking the steps two at a time. My sister was waiting for me in the kitchen.
“Shannon? Where is she?”
My sister’s lips trembled. “She’s gone.”
“Gone? Gone where? She wasn’t due to fly out until Wednesday.”
Without waiting for an answer, I ran up the steps and pushed the door to the yellow room open hard enough that it slammed into the wall.
The bed had been stripped down to the mattress with the blankets folded neatly at the end.
I went to the wardrobe and opened the doors to see empty hangers.
Rushing over to the dresser, I opened each drawer, staring at… nothing .
All of her stuff was gone.
I backed up until my legs hit the bed, then I landed on the mattress as air rushed out of my lungs.
“She thought it would be better for the both of you if she left early. She was planning on going standby but if she couldn’t get an earlier flight out, she was going to stay at the airport hotel,” Shannon said from where she was standing in the doorway.
“Just like that?” She’d waited until she knew I was busy and snuck out, so she wouldn’t have to see me. Wouldn’t have to say goodbye. I felt like I was going to hyperventilate.
Zoe was gone.
“It wasn’t an easy decision for her. She was hurting, too, Josh.”
I closed my eyes and took a long, deep breath and let it out slowly. “It’s all right. I understand. She couldn’t stand to be around me anymore, so she left. Without giving me the chance to say anything.” To say goodbye.
She ran.
“That’s not true,” Shannon said, but by the tone of her voice, I don’t think she believed that any more than I did.
I stood up, left the room, and walked down the stairs on autopilot.
When I got to the backdoor, I kept going and ended up in the side yard where we used to keep the chickens and where our mom had the kitchen garden.
I paced back and forth on the hard earth, the gravel crunching under my boots where the garden had gone fallow.
After my parents died, there were a lot of things we’d stopped doing.
I couldn’t remember the last time I’d picked a fruit or a vegetable off the vine .
I ended up in front of the old chicken coop. The wood was cracked and rotted and there were large gaps along the seams. Without thinking about it, I lifted my leg and kicked the side of the coop with the bottom of my boot. It made a satisfactory cracking sound and the coop rocked back and forth.
So I kicked it again, and again, eventually knocking a chunk of wood loose.
Grabbing the widening gap, I pulled as hard as I could and ripped the entire side off.
Dry rot was obvious and for once I was grateful for the damage—it made it easier to tear the whole thing apart.
Within minutes, I had taken out my anger and loss on the old boards as I demolished the coop that my dad had built for my mom.
I stared at the pile of trash, my palms throbbing with splinters and my breathing ragged.
“Feel better?” my sister asked quietly from behind me.
I shook my head. “No.”
“Zoe didn’t either when she left, which was why she didn’t wait to say goodbye.”
“She should have waited.”
My sister got closer and hugged me from behind. “I’m sorry, Josh, I really am.”
“I know.” But it didn’t help.
Before either of us could say more, an alarm went off on my phone. The motion detectors had picked something up. I opened the app and looked at the pics from the cameras out there. There, just off to the right, was a large fluffy tail.
“What is it?” Shannon asked but I didn’t answer.
I jogged to the house and didn’t stop until I reached my office.
My key was in my hand, the gun cabinet was opened, and I was already making my way back out before my sister caught up to me.
“Josh? What are you doing? It’s getting dark out.
It isn’t safe. Give me a minute to grab my gun and I’ll join you. Josh?”
“No, I’ve got this. Stay here where it’s safe.” And I strode out into the twilight determined to divest myself of at least one bad thing in my life.
The next morning, I woke with a groan and looked to see the sun shining bright outside my windows.
I had no idea how late it was by the time I’d gotten back to the house last night and I’d been surprised to see Shannon sitting in one of the rockers on the porch, a rifle laying across her lap.
Waiting for me. I was glad she hadn’t tried to follow me.
I don’t know what I’d been thinking attempting to hunt wolves in the dark with no backup.
I could have been seriously injured or worse.
Rather than apologize to my sister and thank her for staying up, I’d grabbed a half-full bottle of whiskey and proceeded to drink myself into a stupor.
And that was the last thing I remembered—until waking up just now.
I looked around me. Come to think of it, how the hell did I get to my bedroom when I was sure I’d passed out downstairs?
I looked down at myself. My boots were tossed on the floor next to the bed, but I was still wearing the same clothes I’d had on yesterday.
“You’re really heavy, you know that?” a voice said from the doorway. I looked up to see Shannon standing. Surprisingly, she wasn’t looking pissed off that she’d had to take care of her big brother. In fact, she looked concerned.
“You got me upstairs?” My voice came out croaky and I reached for the bottle of water I normally kept by the bed. Except it was empty and not because I drank it. No, the lid was off and it looked as if I’d knocked it over in a drunken attempt to drink some of it last night. I huffed out a sigh.
“I did. It wasn’t easy. You weren’t exactly cooperative. How’s your head?”
“Hurts.” Along with the rest of me.
“Well, take a cold shower and wake your ass up because you missed your riding classes this morning.” Fuck! “Then get downstairs and load up on Tylenol and coffee because it’s not Eli’s job to handle the trail rides and your classes too.” Double fuck.
“Yeah, you’re right.”
“Oh, I know I am.” Shannon’s sarcasm didn’t match her look of concern and I didn’t want to think about either right now.
I managed to get to my feet, stagger to the bathroom and turn on the shower.
Instead of waiting for it to warm up, I stepped into the tub fully dressed and stood under the cold water as it pounded my head and torso until I started shivering.
Only then did I turn up the temp and peel off my soaking wet clothes.
I needed to get my head on straight. There was a lot of work to do today and I owed Eli an apology for not being there this morning. He needed a boss who was reliable and willing to put in the work. At the moment, I wasn’t feeling like either.
Once I was clean and dressed, I headed to the kitchen where I beelined straight for the coffee pot.
I poured myself a cuppa from the dregs that were in the bottom and took a big sip before gagging.
The coffee had been sitting on the burner too long and it tasted like rocket fuel.
But I didn’t dump it in the sink. I deserved to have shitty coffee too, I thought as I added some sugar to cut the bad taste. It didn’t help.
I was in the middle of giving myself another silent peptalk when Eli walked into the kitchen looking relieved to see me.
“Yo, bossman, glad to see you up and around,” he said reaching for a coffee cup.
Before I could point out we needed to make more, he grabbed a metal carafe that had been sitting on the counter and poured himself a steaming cup.
When had we started using that? And how had I not noticed? I had to get my head back in the game. The ranch deserved me at my best, and that wasn’t what it was getting.
Zoe or no Zoe, it was time to get back to work. I didn’t have the luxury of running away to a hotel to avoid my problems and… I stopped, feeling like an asshole for thinking that. Zoe had her reasons for leaving early and I needed to respect that. It was the very least she deserved.
“Yep. Appreciate the assistance this morning. How’d the class go? Was Andy interested in trying any more stunts on horseback?”
Eli grinned. “No, thankfully he came to class with a healthier appreciation of horses and the fact that his bones can easily break.”
“Good, good. Okay, catch me up on the other students while I get ready for the afternoon class.”
Zoe might be gone, but Lost Valley Ranch was still here, and I intended to do my damnedest to make sure that was true for decades to come.