Chapter 22
Revelations in Darkness
Olivia
What the hell was I thinking?
No matter how many times I ask myself, I can’t answer it. Because I wasn’t. Alex’s expression when he told me about his father—filled with sorrow, horror and sickening acceptance—was so heartbreaking that I had to comfort him. So I kissed him.
I never want to see that expression on his face again.
But none of that explains why—instead of pulling back as soon as I’d wiped that look from his face—I continued to kiss him.
Hell, I didn’t just kiss him; I pressed my entire body against his like I couldn’t get close enough.
And fuck did he feel amazing against me, all hard muscle and blazing heat.
He made me feel small and delicate, yet safe all at the same time.
I shudder at the memory and my clit pulses like the needy bitch she is.
But no matter how much she or I want that to happen again, it can’t.
Just the memory of Rhys’s rage and disgust when he saw us is enough to douse my desire.
I don’t know why he was so pissed off to catch us kissing, but I have this sick feeling that it’s because he knows I’m not good enough.
Did Ethan tell them something? Is that why Rhys is so disgusted with the idea of me and Alex being together? I know Ethan talked to them while I was getting Bean ready, but they were too far away for me to hear what they were saying.
Oh God. Did he tell them just how broken I truly am? How he no longer wanted me because he couldn’t deal with my issues anymore? How my ‘broken cunt’ wasn’t worth anything but a quick fuck and my scars were ugly as hell?
My stomach roils with nausea at the thought, and I curl into a ball in my sleeping bag. He wasn’t the last man to think that.
I swore I’d keep my distance from these men, and yet here I am, quietly crying into my sleeping bag. At least the thick darkness of the living room is hiding my tears from the guys.
Maybe this is for the best. Now they know I’m broken, they’ll keep their distance from me and I don’t have to worry about them shattering my heart.
But, if that’s the case, then why did Alex kiss me back when he already knows my secret?
Is he only looking for a quick, easy fuck? Have I read him completely wrong?
Nope. Stop thinking about it. You’ll only make things worse!
“Ollie? Are you okay?” Theo asks in the darkness, his voice thick from sleep.
It’s then that I realise that I’ve been sniffing and sobbing pitifully into my sleeping bag.
So much for hiding my sorrow from the guys.
I stay silent, listening and hoping Theo will just go back to sleep.
Judging from the slow, even breaths in the room, Alex is still asleep and I’m pretty sure Rhys is upstairs keeping watch like he always does.
Sometimes I wonder if he’s even human, considering he barely sleeps.
“Ollie?” Theo asks again, sounding more awake this time.
There’s a rustling sound, followed by the soft padding of socked feet on the hardwood floor of the room.
A moment later, a warm body drops next to me and something brushes my face, feathery-soft.
“What’s wrong?” The genuine concern in his voice breaks my resolve and more tears stream down my cheeks.
“I fucked up,” I whisper, and bite back a sob.
Calloused fingers ghost over my cheeks, wiping away my tears. “How so?”
The words spill from my lips in a jumbled mess.
“I kissed Alex and I shouldn’t have. It’s pissed Rhys off and I’m pretty sure the only reason Alex kissed me back is because he wants a quick fuck.
It’s the only way he could when—” I choke on a sob.
“Everyone always leaves. In the beginning, they’re always fine with my issues, but eventually, they realise they aren’t and want someone who isn’t broken. ”
Theo moves his fingers to my hair and strokes the unruly strands from my face. “You’re not broken, Ollie,” he says softly. “And anyone who thinks that doesn’t deserve you.”
“I wish I could believe you,” I say bitterly.
“And maybe I would if it’d only happened once or twice, but it hasn’t.
It’s happened several times with several men.
Hell, I had a man willing to marry me until he realised what that actually meant and left me at the altar.
” Remembering Gale’s cruel words is like a knife to my chest and more tears trickle down my cheeks.
Theo’s hand tightens in my hair for a moment before relaxing.
“That man is a fucking idiot and he better hope he never meets me because he threw away what is probably the best thing that ever happened to him.” There’s a dangerous edge to his voice that I’ve never heard before.
Gone is the playfulness I associate with Theo, replaced with dark deadliness that promises violence and pain.
I shiver. “You don’t know that.”
“I do know that and more. I meant what I said yesterday, Ollie; you are a remarkable woman and any man would be lucky to have you.” He pauses.
“Or several men.” He says that last part so softly that I almost think I’m mishearing things because there’s no way he means that.
I can’t keep one man, let alone several.
No, it must be my imagination.
I sigh. “Still doesn’t change the fact that I shouldn’t have kissed Alex like I did.”
Theo shifts, his knee brushing against the top of my head before his fingers thread through my hair. “Why not? Did he not want it?”
I recall the feel of his hard cock against my stomach and his growls as he pressed me back against the wall and devoured my mouth like a starving man. I shiver as a bolt of desire shoots straight to my clit. “That’s not the issue.”
“Then what’s the problem?”
Thanks to the darkness blanketing the room, I can’t see his face, which is the only reason I say what I say next.
“Aren’t you mad I kissed him, and not you?
” I ask softly into the inky blackness. “It seemed like you… liked me, at the Lodge. Or was that just part of the fake boyfriend act?” Have I read him completely wrong?
“No, Ollie, it wasn’t part of the act and I’m not mad.
” He sighs and his hand stills in my hair.
“There are some things that happened between the three of us in the past. Things that almost tore us apart because they were so painful. I’ve moved on from it, but Rhys and Alex still cling to that pain. ”
My brow furrows in confusion. “What does that have to do with me kissing Alex, or you somehow not being mad about it like Rhys is?”
There’s a long stretch of silence, so long that I wonder if he’s fallen asleep on me. And then he speaks. “There was a woman.”
“A woman? Just one?”
He hums. “Just one. But back then, she was everything to us.”
“Us? You mean… the three of you…?”
“Shared her? Yes. It made sense at the time. Rhys was constantly in and out of the country, Alex was often busy with training and rugby matches, and I had long hours as a paramedic and MMA instructor. But between the three of us, we could give Willow what she needed, at least for a short time.”
I lie there, gawking at Theo’s shadow, my mind unable to process his words.
Out of everything he could have told me, telling me he and the others had once shared a woman is the last thing I expected.
That shit only happens in books and yet he just comes out with it, as if it’s the most normal thing in the world. I’m not sure how I feel about that.
Should I be disgusted? Jealous? Turned on? Curious? I don’t have a fucking clue, and that alone is enough to freak me out.
“Ollie? You okay? Say something, princess. You’re worrying me.”
“How?” It’s the only word I can force past my shocked lips.
He sighs heavily. “The same way it happens for most people, I assume. We met her at a coffee shop of all places and ended up chatting. We realised we all liked her after she gave us her number and we figured we’d give it a shot. And it worked, for a bit.” There’s an edge to his voice.
I tense and I’m almost afraid to ask what happened. Almost. “What happened to make it stop working?”
“She decided she no longer wanted Rhys or Alex and wanted to add two different guys to the relationship. Only, she didn’t say anything before she fucked them and just assumed I’d be okay with that. I wasn’t and kicked her ass to the curb.”
A bolt of anger shoots through me at the idea of this woman—Willow—destroying the hearts of three amazing men. All because of her selfishness. What a bitch, I think, and then it all makes sense.
The disgusted look Rhys shot my way, the way Alex reacted when I asked Theo to be my fake boyfriend. They think I’m trying to collect them into some kind of reverse harem without their consent and expect me to fuck them over like their ex did.
“Shit,” I groan and rub my face. “I really fucked up.”
“No, you didn’t, Ollie.” His fingers dig into my hair, pulling gently on the strands. “Like I said before, you’ve done nothing wrong. This is on them, their past trauma and a lack of communication.”
“Doesn’t matter. I shouldn’t have done what I did, and I know very well just how fucked past trauma can make you.” Pretty sure I’m the Queen of letting your past trauma dictate your future at this point.
“Is that why you hold yourself back? Because of your past?” He tugs at my hair again, like he’d demanding that I answer the question. I’ve never been a girl who enjoys having her hair pulled, but the way Theo does it… I don’t hate it.
Focus, Ollie! “Yeah. I’ve found that the men I date will only break my heart.”
“All of them?”
I nod and shiver as the action causes him to tug at my hair again. Fuck, okay, I like that more than I should. “Every single one.”
Theo is quiet as his fingers stroke my hair again, the action so soothing it almost lulls me to sleep. Until he speaks, then I’m wide awake once again.
“I’m going to be completely up front with you.
I like you, Ollie. A lot. I don’t care that you can’t have biological kids, suffer from past trauma or that you like the other two idiots.
In fact, those things make me like you more.
I’ve never wanted kids—neither have the other two—and every single one of us has our own issues.
Plus, I enjoyed sharing with Alex and Rhys. ”
My mind spins, a whirlwind of emotions and thoughts that swirl through my mind like a hurricane.
But the one thought that keeps coming back is that his words are too good to be true.
I’ve heard men tell me over and over that they don’t care about kids, my nightmares or any of my other issues, and I’ve believed them.
Right until they tear my heart out and tell me I’m no longer good enough. That I’m too broken for them.
I’m shaking my head before I even realise I’m doing it. “Theo…”
“I know, Ollie.” He presses a finger against my lips, silencing my protests and causing my skin to tingle. “I understand words won’t be enough for you and that’s okay. I’m more than happy to show you with my actions, for however long it takes for you to believe me.”
Pulling his finger from my lips, I say the same words I said to Alex in the hotel room last night. “This won’t work, Theo. You don’t know me.”
“I know enough, and there’s nothing you can say that will change my mind. Unless you tell me you don’t want me, want this, I’m not backing off until you’re mine.”
Shit. He sounds exactly like Alex. Speaking of… “Where does Alex fit into with all this?”
“You let me worry about Alex and Rhys.”
My brow furrows. “Wait, Rhys? What does he have to do with this?”
He chuckles. “Why do you think he looked so pissed off when he caught you and Alex making out against the side of the warehouse? Which was very hot, by the way.” He taps my nose with a finger.
My cheeks flush, but I force myself to focus on his question. “Because he doesn’t think I’m good enough for Alex?” It’s the only thing I can think of.
He tugs on my hair. “You can’t seriously think that?”
“Well, what—” My words stutter to a halt as his meaning sinks in. “You can’t be serious. The guy can barely stand me!”
“Oh, he can more than stand you, princess.”
“You’re wrong.” Sure, we’ve flirted a bit, but the vibe I’ve been getting from the surly bastard is that he only tolerates me. There’s no way he’s interested in me, not when the guy looks as good as he does and constantly growls at me like a pissed off wolf.
Theo just chuckles again, the prick. “I’ve known that man for most of life; I’m not wrong.”
I open my mouth, ready to retort something back when there’s a loud bang outside, followed by a flash of colour that illuminates the entire room. We swing our gazes toward the window as darkness swallows the room again, only for there to be another bang and flash of light.
What the hell? Are those fireworks? Harlow whines at my feet and shuffles closer to me, not a fan of the loud noises.
“What the fuck?” Alex groans, having been woken by whatever the hell is going on outside.
Theo releases my hair and stands. I follow just as the thumping of feet on hardwood stairs echoes through the house. A moment later, Rhys emerges with a grim expression on his face.
“We need to move now. The Scourge are outside, closing in on this location. If we don’t leave in two minutes, it’s not just the infected we’ll be worrying about.”
To punctuate that, several gunshots ring out from outside, followed by more bangs and lights, each explosion growing closer. It’s enough for everyone to get their asses into gear as we race to pack up what we can.
A window somewhere in the cottage smashes, followed by the sound of voices and boots on hardwood. We exchange grim expressions as we reach for our weapons; the guys and their handguns and me and my knife.
The only way out is to fight. And hope the zombies don’t get us.