14. Cian
Cian
S kylar was snuggled into my side, her head leaning on my shoulder.
I nuzzled her hair, and breathing in her scent, I relaxed.
She smelled so good to me—soft, light, and so right.
The air in the sprawling, dreary compound I was forced to stay in was stale, permeated with cigarette smoke, alcohol, and the stink of mistrust and too many dark, evil thoughts.
I hadn’t slept well or taken a proper breath in the days I’d been gone.
Before I could even touch Skylar, I’d stood under a hot shower, letting the steam and soap wash away the surface grit and rancid smell.
The filth under my skin would never be eradicated until Orson drew in his last breath and I rid the world of as much of his poison as I could.
When Sean had arrived at Orson’s lair, he’d discreetly let me know the entire place was bugged.
As I’d suspected, the phone and car Orson insisted I accept were also wired, and he could follow my every move.
It took Sean a full day to figure out a way to circumvent the devices without alerting suspicion.
The “gift” of the expensive watch earlier today had been a problem until I’d announced loudly I needed to blow off steam at my favorite strip club.
The watch and the tracker on the car both showed me there, and the lackey who followed me at a safe distance would tell Orson he had seen me step out for a breath of fresh air several times—a different woman with me every time.
I was sure “twin me” was enjoying his evening.
In the meantime, I was safe back at the farmhouse with Skylar and Sean.
“Did you plant the idea the way we discussed?” Sean asked.
I nodded, scrubbing a hand over my face roughly. “Yes. I told him Harry was behaving strangely.”
Sean glanced at the screen. “He’s scheduled to pick up the shipment in two days.”
I smirked. “Too bad Harry and the shipment will go missing.”
Sean smirked back. “And several million more will disappear.”
I took a deep drink of the coffee I was holding. “I want to start escalating it soon.”
“Patience, Cian.”
“I know.”
“You need to stick close to Orson.” His gaze skittered to Skylar, then back to me. “We both do.”
I nodded—for the first time ever, hating the idea of being apart from someone.
“I’ll be fine.” Skylar’s low voice was close to my ear. “Don’t worry about me, Cian. Sean brought me a bunch more movies and books, and I have plenty of food.”
I smiled down at her sweet face. “I hate the thought of you alone. What if you need something?”
She shrugged. “I can use the snowmobile. I know how to get to town if I need to.”
I choked on my coffee, sputtering.
Sean spoke up. “I gave her lessons after you left—in case of an emergency, she needs to know where to go and how to get out of here.” He grinned at Skylar with a wink. “And since a car was out of the question, I decided on the snowmobile. Your girl is a fast learner.”
“You did w hat? ” I growled.
Skylar pulled herself away, sitting up and crossing her arms. “No need to sound so pissy—at least he thought about it.”
“It’s dangerous!”
Sean’s voice was patient. “So is leaving her here alone, with no way to get away if needed.”
Panic built in my chest—a feeling so foreign, I had no idea how to handle it. I grabbed Skylar’s hand, squeezing it. “You can’t leave. You said you wouldn’t.”
The annoyance on her face melted away, her eyes filled with understanding.
She leaned forward, cupping my cheek. “I’m not leaving you, Cian.
Sean just showed me in case something happened, like you were gone longer than planned and I ran out of food or something.
” Her hand tightened. “I’m not leaving you. ”
Relief flooded my system, and I yanked her into my arms, my mouth covering hers. I heard Sean’s fading footsteps as I kissed Skylar, my lips hard and unrelenting, my tongue insistent and claiming. I pulled back, burying my face into her neck. “I’m sorry, Kitten… I can’t…I just can’t…”
“Shh,” she whispered. “Sean was only trying to help.”
“He’s right. I should have thought about that.
” I shook her slightly. “But you have to be careful. No one can see you—we can’t take the chance of Orson somehow finding out you’re alive.
I can’t risk you—I can’t. Only leave if you absolutely have to.
Promise me.” I drew in a deep breath. “I should send you to Julia. Let you go.” I shook my head.
“But I can’t. So you have to promise me. ”
“I promise.” She leaned back, running her fingers over my face, tracing the hollows under my eyes. “Are you all right, Cian?”
I swallowed. “It’s difficult. I knew it would be ugly, but these people are so…
inhuman . I thought Tony was ruthless and callous, but they’re in a class of their own.
Human life doesn’t matter to them—at all.
Even those in his own circle, Orson has no problem getting rid of them once they’re of no use to him.
I didn’t bank on how difficult it would be to show no emotion every single moment of the day.
” I pulled her closer. “I had to come back to you, even if it was only for a few hours. I needed your sweetness, your light. I needed to hear you call me names and tease me.” I sighed into her hair.
“I need you, Skylar, to remind me of who I am.”
Her mouth pressed against mine again. “You’re my Cian,” she whispered. “And I’ll be here whenever you need me.”
“Yours,” I agreed and reclaimed her mouth.
Moments later, I broke away, breathing deeply.
Skylar smiled, brushing her fingers over my bottom lip.
I pressed a kiss to the tips, holding them against my mouth for a moment.
I sighed, knowing we couldn’t get carried away.
I couldn’t stay, and we weren’t alone. A few rushed moments with her wasn’t what I wanted.
Or what she deserved. Looking around, I noticed a drawing pad on the coffee table and a small palette of watercolors.
I frowned, not recalling seeing them until now.
“What is this?” I asked, leaning forward and picking up the pad.
“Oh, um, Sean got it for me.” Sklyar twisted her fingers on her sleeve. “I asked him to.”
“You like to draw?”
“And paint. I’m not any good, but it helps pass the time.”
I sat up, flipping open the cover. For a few moments, the room was quiet aside from the turn of a page and Skylar’s nervous breathing.
I stared in wonder at her sketches. The detail and shading.
There was one watercolor. A scene from the window, plus additions of her imagination.
The snow glistening in the sun. Children playing.
A dog in the snow. Trees all around. Two figures on the porch, watching them.
I turned to her, meeting her anxious gaze. “Kitten, these are amazing. You are incredibly talented.”
She colored prettily, looking unsure.
“Is this us?” I asked quietly, tapping the figures on the porch.
“Yes.”
I traced the little figures and the dog. “Our future?” I asked.
“I hope so.”
“Why didn’t you tell me you liked to sketch or paint?”
“I painted a lot when my dad was ill. I sold pieces at the local arts and crafts place. It helped with the bills. I lost everything when I was robbed and was never able to replace them,” she explained.
“I was sketching a little something, and Sean saw it. I told him how much I enjoyed it. He brought me all the stuff.”
I was grateful to Sean for seeing. Noticing. Giving her back something she loved.
“Paint more for me.”
“I will.”
I began to shut the book when a loose piece of the heavy paper fell out. I grabbed it before it could hit the floor and stared at it in shock.
It was a drawing of me. A me I hadn’t seen in years. I looked younger, happier. Content. I was smiling, the sketch appearing is if I was looking right at Skylar as she drew it.
“How?” I asked.
“That’s what you look like now when you look at me,” she whispered.
“You are a wonder,” I murmured. “And if that is what I look like, then you’re a miracle worker as well. That’s not what I see when I look in the mirror.”
She cupped my cheek. “You’re looking for Tony. All I see is Cian.” She smiled softly. “My Cian.”
“I am yours,” I agreed. “As long as you want me.”
“Then plan on me being with you for the next hundred years.”
I pulled her close and kissed her after placing the pad back on the table.
A hundred years.
I was good with that.
S he sighed. “You’re not staying, are you?”
“No, I have to go back—I can be late, the manwhore I am, but I have to return tonight.”
A small giggle escaped her lips, and I pressed a kiss to her head, grateful that Tony had been exactly that. Sex had been his second-favorite release after killing people. “I’ll be gone for a while this time, Skylar. Longer than a few days.”
“Why?”
“We’re going to turn up the heat. I need to stay close and visible and be as… helpful as I can be.” I played with the edge of the blanket, my fingers moving restlessly. “I have to figure out who else is working against Orson. I want us to work together.”
“Can you?”
A dry laugh escaped my mouth. “I hope so. If I choose the wrong person, both Sean and I are dead.”
She moved closer. “Don’t say that. Please.”
“I’m sorry. I don’t want you to worry.”
“I do,” she said quietly.
I tucked her back under my chin, resting it on her head. “I’ll come back to you, safe and sound. I just found you, Kitten. I found my reason to keep going once this is over. I’m not going to mess that up.”
“You better not, fuckwit.”
I smirked into her hair, knowing she was trying to make me smile. I loved it when she teased me.
“Sleep now, Kitten. Let me hold you for a while.”
“You’ll stay for a while?”
I kissed her head. “For as long as I can.”
S ean was leaning on the counter, sipping a whiskey, when I entered the kitchen.
“Is she asleep?”
I nodded. “I’ll leave soon. She knows I won’t be back for a while.” I sighed, letting my head rest on my chest. “You’ll need to be with me.”
He took another drink. “Yeah.”
“Thank you for buying her the art stuff.”
“She’s good. And she enjoys it. She needs something happy.”
“I agree. It helps her pass the time too.”
“There is more in her room. I made sure she had lots.”
“Good.”
“You really care for her.”
I could only nod.
He drained his glass. “I think I should send Skylar to Julia.”
I jerked my head up and was already shaking it furiously before Sean made it to the table.
“Cian,” he said wearily as he sat down. “You need to step back. The way you reacted earlier? You need your head in the case. You can’t be worrying about Skylar.”
“I need her here.” I tapped my finger on the wooden tabletop loudly. “Here—where I can come see her.”
He leaned forward. “Is it too much, Cian? Playing this part twenty-four seven—is it too much?”
I scrubbed my face. “It’s killing me a little every day, but I can do it. It’ll be over soon.”
“Talk to me.”
“They’re abhorrent, Sean—beyond vile. Even more than I thought. Every second I’m there sickens me.” I stood and started pacing, my hands running through my hair on an endless loop. “I feel like I’m losing me…and becoming Tony.”
He regarded me shrewdly. “What happened today after I left?”
I gripped my hair. “One of his dealers didn’t… please him. Orson issued the order.”
“You killed him?”
I shut my eyes. “I had no choice.”
“You’ve killed before, Cian. You knew you’d have to kill more.”
“He was just a kid, Sean. I don’t even think he knew what he was doing.
He was younger than Skylar. He just fucked up.
” I sat down heavily, recalling his face, the look of utter terror as I pulled out my gun and shot him—dead.
Remembering how my stomach twisted, my heart pounded, and still, I pulled the trigger, then turned away, feigning indifference.
Moments later, I was out back, throwing up in the bushes, desperately trying to control my breathing so I could go back inside and continue pretending not to give a fuck. The urgent need to see Skylar had started then and had grown immeasurably all day long.
“He just fucked up,” I repeated. “He didn’t deserve to die because he got his fucking numbers mixed up.”
“If he was involved with Orson and this world, he was headed for an early grave.”
I nodded silently, knowing he was trying to comfort me.
“Orson is really on edge. We’ve got him jumping at shadows,” Sean mused.
“I know.”
“Cian, we can end this. Say the word, and it’s done.”
“I have to see this through. I have to.” I swallowed and steeled myself. “I want his fucking drugs off the street, even if someone else replaces them. I want him gone. I want to do this for my father—for all the other people that bastard murdered.”
“We can get him on something else.”
“And the room goes up in smoke.”
He grabbed my arm. “It’s a watch, Cian. It’s just a fucking watch . It’s not going to bring him back. It’s not worth losing your mind over it.”
I shook my head. “It’s more than a watch, Sean.
It’s a piece of my history. All the things in that room are memories—fucking sacred memories—small pieces of a life that fucker snuffed out because he decided he was God and chose to take them away.
I want to give their families that piece back.
Deny him that final pleasure. I want him to know he lost.
“I have to do this.” I let my head fall back down to my chest, suddenly exhausted. “And I need Skylar close to help me get through it all—if she can forgive me for doing what I have to do to end it. If she’ll stay with me when it’s over.”
Skylar’s voice came from the doorway. “I’m right here, Cian. I’m not going anywhere—now or when it’s done.”
I lifted my head and held out my hand. She came forward, slipping her hand in mine.
“You get him, Cian. Then we’ll start our life together and leave all the ugliness behind us.”
I pulled her onto my lap, wrapping my arms around her waist and holding her close. I buried my face into her neck, breathing in her delicate scent, allowing it to calm me.
Sean cleared his throat. “If you want to speed it up, we need to hunker down, Cian. We need to be there and monitor everything. Which means…”
“…I have to be alone,” Skylar finished for him.
“Yes.”
“Then do it. I’m fine.” Slipping her hands under my chin, she lifted my head. Her wide eyes met mine, calm and determined. “Stop worrying about me, Cian. I’m warm, safe, and fed. Thanks to Sean, I have drawing stuff and I enjoy it. I’m in a far better place now than I was a couple of weeks ago.”
I opened my mouth to speak, but she pressed a finger to my lips.
“Finish it, so we can start.”
I blew out a deep breath. “Okay.”
She brought my head back to her shoulder. “Okay.”