Chapter 48
Jeremiah
Istayed in Sadie’s bedroom until the sky began to change from blue to pink, casting a colorful glow across the wooden floor of the room I had made for her.
I knew from the look in her eyes as she left and the way her voice shook, that this would not be the time to go after her like the time before.
Instead, I sank to the cool floor and leaned my head against the white duvet that still smelled like her.
When I got home from the interview, I hadn’t expected this.
I thought we would order our favorite takeout and celebrate on the couch.
Maybe that right there was the problem. I wanted to celebrate by holing up here in my penthouse, rather than go out in the city.
I ran my hands over my face frustratedly as I let out a deep sigh.
I was an idiot to think what I said in that interview wouldn’t have hurt Sadie.
We had never talked about us. Despite not knowing what to call her, and her not knowing what to call herself, I knew we were more than I had experienced in my lifetime.
A bachelor by trade, with a black book of women I had slept with, it had never led to anything like what I had with Sadie.
Hell, she lived with me. She was the mother of my unborn baby.
And it wasn’t just the fact that she was pregnant that I wanted to be with her.
It wasn’t an obligation. A responsibility.
It was because she saw me. My highs and lows.
My faults. I had never opened up to anyone the way I had with her.
And through it all, she stayed. She continued to hold my hand.
To laugh at my stupid jokes. To touch my face in only the way she could, to comfort me.
To get lost in the throes of passion with me.
We’d had our ups and downs. I thought I had lost her plenty of times before this, but we always found our way back to each other. And it was almost always because I did have my head up my ass. Both our stubbornness clashed like a damn car accident, but eventually one of us softened.
This time, I wasn’t so sure.
As the dwindling sunlight on the floor of her bedroom began to change to purple, I peeled myself from the floor. I took another look at her room, closing the door before its emptiness could envelop me.
The apartment was loud with silence as I walked down the hallway. I half-hoped to see her in her usual spot on the couch with that growing smile on her face when a new pregnancy craving hit. But the corner was empty, her favorite blanket folded neatly on the back of the plush, cream couch.
I couldn’t stay there. And I couldn’t go after her.
I need space.
I grabbed my keys from the entryway table and walked out the door, closing it gently behind me.
I hit the button for the elevator and took it a few floors down.
I had no idea if Kevin was home, or if he was off in Africa photographing a herd of elephants from the back of a Jeep.
As I knocked on his door, I hoped he would answer.
I needed my friend to give me his no-bullshit advice, even if it hurt.
When no one answered the door, I leaned in closer. I could hear people talking. The TV blaring. I knocked again, rapping my knuckles harder against the white door.
I heard footsteps on the other side and an annoyed, “I’m coming.”
Kevin opened the door and looked at me, his annoyance fading from his face. “Jeremiah! What’s up, man?” he asked with a grin that lit up his hazel eyes.
I looked past him and saw there was a group of guys huddled around the TV, all wearing jerseys and watching football.
They hadn’t noticed the interruption as they sipped on their beers and yelled at the screen as if the players could hear them.
I never understood that. Then again, I didn’t really have time to watch sports.
“Ah, shit. You’re busy,” I said, jamming my hands in my pockets sheepishly. “I’ll just catch you later.”
“Nonsense.” He waved me off, and opened the door wider. “The game’s almost over. We’re about to play poker. Thousand-dollar buy in.” He winked.
As much as gambling sounded like a good distraction from what happened today with Sadie, I wasn’t in the mood. Not wanting to put a damper on Kevin’s night, I feigned a smile and came up with some excuse to leave.
“Nah. I have plans,” I lied. “I just came down to see if you had any milk…”
The words sounded so stupid as they came out of my mouth, but it was all my jumbled brain could think of.
“Milk, huh?” asked Kevin, raising his brow.
“Yeah. I’ll just go to the corner store. Sorry to bother you.” I laughed softly before turning to go.
“Hold on,” he called after me.
Confused, I watched as he closed the door. I heard voices inside and several footsteps. Soon, the door opened, and the three guys from the couch walked out looking annoyed. They walked past me, mumbling under their breath.
“Sorry, boys!” Kevin called after them. “The game’s probably on downstairs at the bar. And we’ll reschedule the poker match.”
They grumbled a few “yeahs” and “whatevers” before disappearing into the elevator, but not before shooting me a few glares.
“Come on,” Kevin said, looking at me and gesturing to his apartment where he held the door open.
I let out a laugh through my nose and shook my head as I walked inside. “You didn’t have to do that,” I said, pointing my thumb at the now closed door.
“Yeah, I did. I know when something’s wrong. And something is wrong.” He narrowed his gaze before walking to the kitchen. “Beer?”
“Yes, please,” I said. Nothing sounded better.
He opened the fridge and pulled out two bottles of beer, popping the blue tops and tossing them on the white countertop.
“Sit,” he said, nodding to the couch as he walked over and handed me a beer.
He grabbed the remote and turned off the game before sitting on the other end of the couch.
He took a sip of beer and looked at me curiously.
I took my own sip, the cool, crispness running down my throat.
I settled into the couch, feeling a little more relaxed already.
“It’s the redhead, isn’t it?” asked Kevin, cocking his head slightly. He read me like a fucking book.
“How did you know?” I sighed.
“Because when you’re mad about business, you look scary angry and want whiskey. Right now, you just look messed up.”
I ran a hand through my hair and looked up at the ceiling. I was messed up.
“That bad, huh?” he asked with a chuckle. “I never thought I would see the day where you, Jeremiah Mason, were this worked up about a woman.”
“That’s because I’m not that guy,” I groaned before looking at him. “But Sadie is different. I mean, fuck, you saw her. But besides that, she’s…warm, sarcastic, stubborn, sexy, smart.”
“Good in bed?” added Kevin.
“Ugh. Don’t even get me started.” I groaned again.
“Then what happened?”
“I don’t know.” I took another sip of beer, feeling frustrated. “She moved in with me. Did you know that?”
“Fuck. No. Seriously?” asked Kevin, his eyes wide.
“Yeah, a few weeks ago. I asked her to. It was the right thing to do…” I said thoughtfully. I paused a moment before continuing. I realized I hadn’t told Kevin I was going to be a father.
“She’s pregnant,” I said.
“Holy shit!” Kevin choked on his beer. “Why didn’t you tell me?” His eyes were even wider now, as he wiped the spilled beer from his blue jersey.
“I hadn’t really told anyone. Like anyone.”
“This is amazing, man. You’re going to be a fucking dad.” He shook his head. “I did not see that coming.”
“Yeah, neither did I.” I managed a laugh.
I told Kevin all about what happened during our trip to Dallas, the pregnancy test and the fight that followed, the private investigator, Anderson, the brawl in the park, the interview.
Everything. Halfway through, he had to get up and get us both another beer.
I could tell he was fully invested in this story, like it was some script from a movie playing at Cannes.
Hearing it back, my mess of a life did sound like it could sell out a theater.
Except I was playing the lead, and had just lost my co-star.
“I just can’t wrap my head around her.” I sighed. “She was planning on leaving today without saying a word. She was so hurt. So angry.” I remembered the look on her face, and my heart felt like it shrunk in my chest.
“Well, I can’t really blame her…” said Kevin cautiously. “You told the whole world you were single when the mother of your kid is watching at your shared home.”
“She just doesn’t get it.” I shook my head. “She can’t seem to separate our relationship, or whatever it is, from business. I don’t understand why they have to co-exist. They’re entirely different things.”
Kevin listened, but didn’t say anything.
“She doesn’t understand I’m trying to protect her. And the baby,” I continued.
“From what exactly?” asked Kevin, arching a brow.
“The world. I don’t know.” I shrugged. “People like Anderson. Public opinion. Judgement. Online hate. Cancel culture. Gossip. All the bullshit that comes with having my name and being who I am. She didn’t sign up for that just because she got involved with me.”
Kevin laughed and I shot him an annoyed look.
“But you can’t protect anyone from that. It’s just the world we live in,” he said. “And you trying to control Sadie’s life isn’t helping anyone.”
“I wasn’t trying to control it…” I hadn’t looked at it like that until now. But that was exactly what I was doing. It’s what I always did. Everything had to go my way. I didn’t like feeling out of control. I usually always knew what was coming. That was how I liked things.
But Sadie was one curveball I didn’t see coming.
“You’re being an ass. Admit it,” said Kevin with a smirk.
I rolled my eyes, hating that he was right.
“Think about it…If someone was trying to dictate your life’s choices. You would fucking implode,” he said.
True.
“Face it, man. She put up with your shit a lot longer than she needed to,” said Kevin with a weak smile. “She’s pregnant. Hormonal. Honestly, the woman deserves a prize for putting up with you.”
I scowled at him. I got the point. I didn’t need him to lay it into me anymore. But then again, I did come down here because I knew Kevin would give it to me straight. That was why he was one of my only friends.
Still, him holding up a mirror for me to see all my faults was making this day even worse, knowing Sadie was not waiting upstairs.
“What do I do?” I asked with a shrug.
“It’s really quite simple.” Kevin placed his now empty beer bottle on the table and faced me.
“You have to decide what’s important to you.
If it’s your business, so be it. But cut Sadie loose.
Let her move on and raise the baby without you.
She and the baby don’t need to be burdened with your shit. ”
I hated even considering that option.
“Or,” he pointedly. He gave me a knowing look. “Accept that you can’t control the rest of the world. You can’t protect her or yourself from it. And just let yourself be happy, man.”