Chapter 49
Sadie
Iwas folding clothes on the bed when there was a soft knock at the door. I looked up and saw Erica standing there with her arms crossed, a look of worry on her face. I gave her a weak smile as I set my favorite folded band tee to the side in a pile with the rest of my shirts.
“How you doing?” she asked gently.
“Fine. Just unpacking.” I untucked my legs from underneath me and stretched them out.
I looked around the room, the walls growing darker as the sun set behind the tall buildings of Manhattan.
The white bedside lamp cast a warm glow over the room.
My new home for the time being. After I had left Jeremiah, Erica had offered me her guestroom, insisting she had plenty of space in her apartment she shared with her husband, Marco and their daughter, Josie.
Like Jeremiah, they also had a penthouse, but with impeccable views of the upper west side.
I reluctantly agreed, not having anywhere else to go, but still felt like I was intruding on their family.
Erica had told me that was nonsense when I brought it up, saying I was family too.
Still, I felt like a stranger looking at a life I had so badly wanted for myself.
At the dinner table last night, we all sat around grabbing pizza straight from the box and listening to Josie babble on about her toys and favorite princesses.
Marco was enamored with her just as much as Erica was. It was heartwarming and heartbreaking all at the same time as I quietly chewed on my pizza, nursing my wounds from the blowout with Jeremiah.
I hadn’t heard from him since I left yesterday afternoon, which wasn’t surprising after I ordered him not to follow me. Not to call me.
Space.
That was what I had said I needed. And I did. But it didn’t mean I didn’t miss him.
Erica came and sat beside me on the blush, floral duvet that covered the beautiful queen-sized bed.
She sat Indian-style in her faded jeans and tightened her ponytail high on her head.
She grabbed a pair of leggings and folded them neatly, setting them next to my growing piles.
She looked them over with her green eyes.
“You managed to cram a lot in that suitcase,” she said, glancing at the fancy cream suitcase Jeremiah had bought me.
“I hope I packed everything I needed,” I said. “I was in such a rush. Such a rage. I didn’t know what I was doing.”
“Understandably so,” she said with a nod before looking at me. “Are you settling in okay?”
“Yes,” I said insistently. “This room is beautiful.”
It was. With its tufted white bedframe and pale pink striped wallpaper. A large bookshelf sat in the corner with an eclectic collection of framed photos and vintage books. It had Erica written all over it.
“You opened your doors to me. I can never repay you for this. Marco and Josie too.”
“Are you kidding? Josie is so excited to have her auntie Sadie here. And you know Marco loves you, too.”
I smiled, before my face fell at the reminder that Jeremiah had never met my friends. Never met the people closest to me.
“What is it?” asked Erica with a frown.
“You just…have it all figured out,” I said with a shrug. “You, Marco, Josie. I can’t help but feel a little envious.”
“Hey,” she said gently, taking my hand in hers. I avoided her gaze as I looked at her burgundy-painted nails. “It took a while for us to get here. You know that. You were there for me when I was going through it. So, let me be here for you.”
She squeezed my hand gently and I looked up at her through my tears.
“I just miss him,” I whispered, my voice cracking.
“I know,” she said, pulling me in for a hug. I hugged her back tightly, letting the tears stream down my cheeks.
I did miss him. I had only walked out on him yesterday, but it somehow felt like a lifetime ago. I could still see the hurt in his eyes. The confusion when he found me in the process of leaving him.
But what did he expect?
He hurt me. Again. I didn’t know how much more I could endure.
“Sorry to interrupt,” said Marco as he poked his head in the room, looking at us warily.
“What is it, babe?” asked Erica curiously.
“Someone is here to see you,” he said, a smile ticking at the corners of his mouth.
Erica and I both looked at each other. My heart skipped thinking maybe Jeremiah was here. I reluctantly pulled myself from the bed and followed Erica out of the bedroom and down the hallway to the large entryway. I stopped in my tracks when I saw who it was.
Gabriella stood there holding Josie in one arm, with her other hand on the handle of her large, hot pink suitcase. Erica and I let out two-high pitched squeals and rushed toward our best friend. She let out her own squeal, and our excitement rang through the room.
“What are you doing here?” I asked excitedly as I pulled her in for a tight hug.
“I came to check out my new place,” she said with a grin as she wrapped her arm around me. “I’m moving here. Remember, dummy?”
“Dummy,” repeated Josie, as she wriggled in Gabriella’s arms.
Erica shot Gabriella a look before busting out laughing.
“Oops,” said Gabriella, putting her hand over her mouth and her dark eyes sparkling. “I gotta watch myself now that I’m here.”
“Which I can’t believe you are. Here,” I said in awe as I pulled from her embrace and looked her over, my hand on her shoulder.
She looked like she had just gotten off a plane in leggings, a crewneck, and sneakers.
I couldn’t believe she was here. She had told us she was moving here weeks ago during our picnic at the park, but I didn’t realize she’d be here this soon to look at places.
“Come here, Josie girl,” said Marco walking into the room, reaching his arms out to his daughter, whose chocolate brown eyes danced at the sound of his voice. She giggled and went to him before he swung her around. He brushed his dark hair back before grinning at us.
“Let’s give Mama and your aunties some time to chat.” He gave us a wink and took Josie down the hall to her room.
“Come! Sit!” Erica said to us, watching her husband go with a look of love. She led us to the living room where we all plopped down on the plush couch, as dusk settled in the large windows behind us.
Gabriella excitedly told us all about the apartment she had found online and how surprised she was able to get it in this market. It was a sooner move than she had anticipated, but she had to jump on the place. She had flown in to check it out for a quick weekend trip.
“So, how is the apartment?” I asked.
“Well, I haven’t gone to see it yet. I wanted to come here first to check on you,” she said, putting her hand on my shoulder.
“Gabriella! You didn’t have to do that,” I said with a shake of my head.
“Of course I did. You’re my best friend.” She glanced at Erica. “You, too. Also, can I possibly crash here tonight? I don’t technically have a place yet.”
Erica laughed. “Of course, you can. We can have a slumber party!”
We spent the next hour making a large bed of blankets on the plush living room rug, surrounding ourselves with pillows. Erica ordered in some Chinese takeout and we all changed into our pajamas before having a feast on the floor. Being with my friends almost made me forget about Jeremiah.
Almost.
As Gabriella slurped down a noodle from her takeout carton of Lo Mein, she looked to me. “How are you, girl? After everything that went down yesterday…”
I had sent her a clip of Jeremiah’s interview to which she replied with vulgar emojis, before I told her I had moved out.
“I’m hanging in there,” I said, reaching for an egg roll and taking a bite, the crunch filling my ears.
“What are you going to do now? With the baby and all?” she asked.
“I’ll just have to figure it out.” I shrugged. “On my own…” I added quietly.
I looked around the beautiful penthouse that wasn’t really my home. I had nowhere to go. No job. I suddenly felt a wash of helplessness. I stifled a sob, pressing the back of my hand to my mouth.
“Hey now,” said Erica softly as she scooched in closer, Gabriella closing in on my other side. They wrapped their arms around me as I cried for what felt like the zillionth time. This was getting old. My damn rollercoaster of hormones wasn’t helping either.
“I don’t want to do it alone,” I said. “I wanted to do it with him.” I couldn’t even bring myself to say Jeremiah’s name out loud.
“I just don’t think he will ever be the man that I need him to be.
Or deserve. I’ve already done the whole shitty boyfriend thing.
Like, I can’t believe I’m back here again.
Except, this time with a baby. I can’t let my choices trickle down to him or her.
” I placed my hand on my stomach. “I need to make sure I choose someone who knows how to be a good father or is at least willing to try with everything he has. If that can’t be Jeremiah, then I’ll just have to be alone… ”
“You’re not alone,” reassured Gabriella as she put her hand over mine and stroked it with her thumb.
I gave her a weak smile. “You guys never even met him…” I scoffed.
“I saw so much good in him. He’s honest to a fault, not realizing how it could sometimes hurt me.
Or others around him. He works so hard. Too much, but I love it about him.
He’s resilient. The stuff he’s been through…
” I shook my head, thinking about everything that had happened when he was practically homeless.
It was no wonder he was broken. I just wished I had the strength to fix him, but it wasn’t up to me.
“He’s strong. Courageous. He’s everything I wish I was…” I said. “In a perfect world, we balance each other out.”
“But you also fight…like all the time,” said Erica weakly.
“I know,” I whispered.
I hated that the two people closest to me never got a chance to see what I saw in him. They were just there to pick up the pieces.
I looked down at my stomach, cradling it gently as my friends’ hands held it too.
“This little one deserves better,” I murmured.
“You deserve to be happy, too,” said Gabriella.
I took a deep breath and nodded. “I know.” I clicked my tongue. “I will be. In time. I just need to buckle down and get my life together. I need to find a job. I need to pay off my debt. I need to find an apartment.” I held up my hands and began raising a finger for each task.
“You can live with me,” said Gabriella. “If this apartment pans out, I’ll be here in two weeks.”
“I couldn’t…”
“Of course you could!” She waved me off. “You know I’ll be the best roommate and auntie!”
I looked at her, tears rimming my eyes at her offer.
“You’re not going to do this alone,” she said.
“Thank you,” I said with a disbelieving nod. “But I’m moving out as soon as my debt is paid off.”
“There’s no rush. Take all the time you need. That’s what friends are for.”