47. Super mess
Chapter 47
Super mess
LETTIE
D o I talk first, or does he? What’s the procedure here?
It’s his office, so it seems he should go first. However, I was the one who barged in here like I was in a big dick contest with a rhino-sized strap-on. So maybe I should.
Clearing my throat, I jump right in. “Let me start?—”
At precisely the same time, he says, “I guess we?—”
Since I have a PhD in making shit awkward from the illustrious Foot in Mouth University, I know how to handle this.
“Go ahead,” we both say at the same time.
The corner of his lip twitches while I break out in a wide grin.
“You first,” I rush out, then zip my lips with my fingertips.
He motions toward the couch. “Wanna sit down?”
I draw my fingers in the other direction, unzipping my mouth. “Sure. Thank you.”
This time, a fuller smile lights up his face, barely visible under his beard. While walking over to the sofa, I study his profile a bit. He looks... tired. Worn out. Makes sense after what happened last night.
Naturally, this is the day I decided to pull up my big girl panties and confront him. Like everything in my life, it’s a disaster from the get-go.
Aside from Tomer, this is my first time alone with another man since the nightmare. Shockingly, I’m not scared. Not even uneasy. He’s comforting in his firmness.
We sit on opposite ends of the sofa, tense silence stretching between us like a tightrope. Air passes my lips in a slight whistle. He’s not rejecting me, but it’s clear he has no idea what to make of me and this mess. Fair.
I’ve had longer to process this news.
Embracing the new confident Lettie Holt, I take the reins. “Listen, I don’t know how any of this works. Seems important to let you know I’m not here for money or whatnot, and I have no expectations for what happens next.” I raise my palms out, facing him. “I didn’t come to cause trouble.”
His jaw drops, his lips moving silently before he finds the words, “I wasn’t thinking you did.”
“That’s good to hear.” My hands flop to my lap. “Clearly, I caused some, which is unfortunate, but totally on brand for me. Not to tip my hand, but I’m like a mess with a giant S on my chest. If ya catch my meaning.”
Oh my gosh. Did I just admit to being a super mess in the first minute of talking to him? And did I do it via lyrics from an AJR song? Not to mention it was a totally unnecessary description if he’s paid attention to a single thing I’ve done since meeting him.
There’s a strained quality to his returning laugh.
“Before we get into whatever we’re going to talk about, I need to apologize for how I busted in here today. Talk about a fine how do ya do.” A cringe rolls through me at the memory. “Honestly, I’m so dang sorry. First off, I thought it was your office, not a conference room full of people. And I swear I didn’t know the threat was real or what happened to your wife. Getting shot and all that. Tomer put the place where I’m staying on lockdown, and I thought it was to keep me away from you since last night I asked him to set up a meeting. It was dumb of me to think that he’d do that, but in my defense, I’m impulsive on a good day, and after what happened to me recently, I’m a straight-up disaster.” I let my head fall into my hands. “This is mortifying.”
“It’s okay, Lettie.” His voice is deep and rich. “He told me he’s been untruthful with you, so it’s not surprising you didn’t believe him.” He waves his open hand toward the wall in the direction of the conference room. “And don’t worry about what those fuckfaces think.” His eyes shoot wide. “Sorry. Don’t worry about whatever the humans who work for me saw.”
A laugh escapes me. “It’s okay. You can cuss. I’m twenty-five, not five.”
He drags his hand across his forehead in a rubbing motion.
“Anyhow, your wife told me in the restroom what happened last night and why you guys are all on high alert. I never would have come today if I’d known. No need to shame me for it, though. My mind will replay it every night at bedtime for the next twenty or thirty years.”
“She’s not my wife.”
“Oh?” My head quirks. “The way she spoke of you made it seem...”
“That’s nice to hear, but it’s complicated.” He rubs his forehead even harder. “We are together, but it was a secret until last night. Sort of. Her son is my best employee. Maddie didn’t want anyone to think he’d get preferential treatment, which is crazy. But yeah... whatever.”
“The big dude? Leo, right?”
He narrows his eyes at me suspiciously, obviously wondering how I knew who he was talking about. Suddenly, he snaps and points at nothing. “Oh yeah. He came to Tomer’s place with me the day after the uh—” A grimace overtakes his expression, and he bites off the rest of his sentence. “Shit. Sorry for bringing that up. I’m sure it’s the last thing you’d want to talk about.”
“It’s okay,” I reassure him.
My hands itch to touch him, to offer a soothing pat or squeeze on his arm. But I force them to stay in my lap to avoid making this more awkward than it already is.
“No, it’s not. I don’t even know what to say to you about that. How are you managing? You’re getting the help you need, right?”
Sweet of him to care.
“I’m staying at the women’s shelter y’all recommended. It’s like a spa but with intensive trauma recovery services. I have good days and bad, but I’ll be okay. Those monsters won’t break me.”
“Tomer said you were strong.” The words come out in a hush, as if he was only talking to himself.
Relatable. Talking to myself is the best. I give fantastic advice.
The silence surrounds us again. Maybe he has a degree from Foot in Mouth University too.
Practically out of nowhere, he announces, “I didn’t know you existed. If I had known, I wouldn’t have left you... I’d have come for you.”
The shell holding in all the doubts I have about him cracks.
“Do you remember my mama?”
He quirks his thumb toward the door. “Yeah. Tomer told me her name a few minutes ago. I called her Abby.” Sadness tugs his eyes and mouth toward the floor. “Sorry to hear about her passing.”
“I didn’t know her, let alone know she existed until I was twenty-four.”
“But still.”
“Did you tell her you were dead?” I palm my forehead. “Dang it. I’m sorry. I don’t know why I keep sayin’ it like that. How can you tell someone you’re dead?”
“It’s okay. Do you mean, did I let her believe I was killed?”
“Yes.” I nod enthusiastically, grateful for his understanding. “That’s exactly what I meant.”
“I didn’t. I have no idea why she would have thought that or why your grandparents told you that.”
“Did you love her?”
No clue why that matters, but my mind has been replaced with a sponge, existing to soak in everything I can.
He puffs up his cheeks with air. I make a fist, barely resisting the urge to squeeze the air out.
Not really the impression I want to make.
“I didn’t. I’m sorry.”
“Why are you sorry?”
“I’d imagine most people want to think they were conceived in love. Although it wasn’t with Abby, perhaps it could have been if we’d met under different circumstances. We dated casually for a few months when I was between two rather rough tours in the Army. My head wasn’t on straight. It wasn’t serious for me. However, I do remember her fondly. She was a good person.”
He blinks, lost in the memories. A wide grin slowly spreads across his face.
It makes me happier than a pig in slop to see him remembering her this way.
“I met her in a bar near base on open mic night. All the guys were trying to get her attention. For whatever reason, I was the only one she gave a second look. She was sweet. Funny. Pretty like you. And damn... she could sing like an angel.”
My heart swells, pressing against my chest wall. I rub it with my knuckles to ease the sensation. “I sing too.”
Amusement shines in his eyes. “You do?”
My ears and cheeks burn with a blush coating my upper body. “Yes. I love singing.”
As his smile grows bigger and brighter, a dimple pops on one cheek.
Not sure why, but each time I make him grin, something sparks inside my chest. It’s a resounding joy I’ve missed since Papa passed. Maybe my body and soul know I’m a part of this man. Does he feel it too? Could that be why his face has grown softer and more relaxed?
He shifts forward, bringing himself ever-so-slightly closer. “I kicked Tomer out of here before he told me how you guys met. Care to share?”
Crying at a gas pump while Tomer was stalking me isn’t the vibe I want for this meeting, so I evade the question. “Are you gonna fire him?”
The grooves beside his eyes deepen, and he shakes his head decisively. “No.”
Odd .
He’s already firm in his decision less than an hour later. Perhaps I should ask for that DNA test after all, considering my reaction was the opposite.
“Really? You aren’t mad at him?” I wobble my head back and forth. “ Hells bells , I was about to tear him a new one on your behalf when I found out how long he hid it from you.”
“Oh, I’m furious at him.”
“But not enough to fire him?” My gaze travels the space around us. “You’ll still trust him with all the things he has access to for your entire company?”
He doesn’t answer at first. Just nibbles on the inside of his cheek, staring at the coffee table. After a heavy pause, he simply answers, “Yes. I will.”
Maybe my father isn’t that bright.
“Haven’t you ever heard the fool me once expression? Seems apropos in this case.”
A rumble comes from him, a laugh starting low and deep in his chest.
Maybe my father isn’t only dumb as a donkey, he’s unwell mentally. You know? Like he only has one oar in the water.
Given my entire state of being, that would explain a lot about me.
When his laughter dries up, he pins me with an astute glare. “Tomer doesn’t do anything without a reason. After a year, you must have learned that about him.”
Dragging my fingers through my hair, I look away, hiding my pain behind a forced laugh. Tears prick at the back of my eyes, threatening to come.
“I thought I knew him well,” I eventually admit, my voice quivering. “Everything I thought I knew was a lie.”
Once I’ve managed to keep my face from springing leaks, I meet his stormy eyes. The skin between his brows crimps, and the wrinkles almost concealed by his beard deepen.
But his eyes. Damn .
They burn into me as if he sees straight into my soul.
“Come on, Lettie. You don’t really believe that, do you?” Through what could only be a mystical phenomenon, his gaze somehow intensifies. “You know who he is. Deep down.”
Unable to answer, I find myself shifting my body away from him. It’s not out of fear but to protect my thoughts and feelings from his examination. Enough vulnerability for one day.
Despite having quickly grown at ease with him, I don’t want him to know everything about me because he’s got some freaky psychic powers.
He slaps his hands against his jean-clad legs. “Well, Lettie. I’d love to explain more, but Tomer Stillman isn’t a short topic.” He exhales, the oxygen accompanied by a low groan, both of which leave his chest forcefully. “Can we continue this conversation another time? I have some... well, kid, I have some fucking bullshit to deal with around here because lives are on the line. Some Russians aren’t too happy with us, and the feeling is mutual. But I want to get to know you better if that’s okay with you.”
Fear detonates inside my gut like a bomb.
Russians.
Viktor.
I roll my shoulders back, lifting my chin. “Um. Yeah. Of course. That would be great.”
We both rise at the same time, ending up staring at each other with no clue how to end the interaction. Just a father and daughter. Standing in an office after the most bizarre introduction in history.
Do we hug? High five? Chest bump?
He dusts his palms off on the sides of his jeans, clearly unsure what to do with his hands. I know that move. Done it a time or ten myself.
“Well, thanks for seeing me,” I offer. “And sorry again for my disastrous grand entrance.”
Lowering his chin in a slow nod, he flashes a slight smile. “No problem. And sorry to cut this short. It’s not a great time. Oh shit. Wait .” Bending his arm at the elbow, he scratches the back of his neck. “Shit. I can’t send you away unprotected. You need guards.”
He takes a step toward his desk, then freezes, looking back at me with both brows raised. “Hold up. We had guards assigned to you. Josh and Deb, right? Did you drive here on your own?”
Without waiting for me to answer, he dashes toward his desk, bends at the waist, and jiggles his mouse to wake his computer monitor. “I normally know where my guards are working. Not today. It seems I’m also a mess with an S on my chest.”
A snort-laugh escapes me. “I called in a favor to a billionaire named Amber to escape the lockdown at the shelter. She and her husband, Cort, brought me here today with one of the guards from their staff following us. As for my Redleg protection, I believe Deb and Josh stopped watching over me when I moved into the facility since it has everything except an alligator-filled moat protecting it. I’m sure Tomer will be getting that installed shortly, though.”
Shut up, Lettie. Gah.
“Good. Good. You’ll be safe there as long as you stay inside.” He straightens. “Before you leave today, let me check on some things first. Would you mind staying while I do that? I want to get some extra protection on you. Are you willing to wear location trackers? I need to have Klein check your phone. Unless Tomer handled that. Bet he did.”
Head down now, he starts typing rapidly while quietly rattling through what I assume are safety precautions. The more he rambles, the quieter he gets.
I should probably tell him that Tomer’s already spying on me, but I’m okay if he wants to give me some of those tracker things. I’d take a guard dog too. Self-defense and shooting classes. Tasers that shoot from my fingertips.
Give me the works, pops. Swaddle me in bubble wrap if you must.
His fingers freeze over the keyboard, and he looks at me like he’s seeing me for the first time.
He splays his arms out wide and beams at me. “Holy fuck. I have a daughter!”
I match his energy and mirror his stance. “And I have a father!”
As quickly as he brightened, his face falls twice as fast, body slumping and eyes going vacant. “ Holy fuck . I have a daughter.”
Substantially less excitement that time. Not gonna take that personally.
For long.
He forks his fingers through his hair, pulling at the roots. “I have a daughter when the motherfucking mafia has declared war on us.”
And he collapses into his desk chair.
This seems like as good a time as any to mention he’s the cause for my abduction, torture, and captivity.
“About that,” I start, pointer finger extended toward the ceiling. “Is it safe to assume this is the same mafia that held me and the other women captive?”
Sorrow settles behind his eyes, and he folds his lips in on themselves. A solemn nod is his only response.
I brought it up because I intended to ensure the right enemy was on his radar. Now? I don’t know.
Telling him why they took me will hurt him. Like it did Tomer.
I don’t want anyone else to suffer.
Bet he figures it out on his own before the end of the day.
“Okay. Good.” I blink through the worry and apprehension. “The guy in charge was a-a man named Viktor. Not sure if Tomer told you that yet. But he should be um...”
Stopped. Arrested.
Killed.
Rising from the chair, my father stalks over to me. Lowering his face, he looks at me from under his prominent brows. There’s a deathly calm to his expression.
With palpable vehemence, he vows, “Lettie, I promise you we’ll get him. You have my word. Tomer and I will not stop until he’s paid for what he did to you and the other women. I swear it.”
And I believe him.