48. Slap you to sleep
Chapter 48
Slap you to sleep
TOMER
S he said yes.
I pinch myself in case I’m dreaming. I must be. Either that or hallucinating. Maybe Lenkov fucked with the HVAC system and introduced nitrous oxide into the air vents. Only a few hours ago, she blocked me from her phone and cursed me six ways to Sunday. There’s no way Lettie’s willing to let me drive her back to the shelter.
“That was a yes?” I ask her, confirming it wasn’t wishful hearing.
“Yes. If you don’t mind.”
“I don’t mind. That’s why I offered. I just didn’t expect you to say yes.”
She holds her hand out straight, gesturing up and down my body. “No kidding. My contact lenses are in, so I can see your shock and disbelief.”
Brat behavior. I love it.
Narrowing her sapphire eyes, she clicks her tongue. “Don’t look at me like that.”
The corner of my mouth quirks. “Like what?”
She crosses her arms at her chest, accentuating her cleavage. “Like you want to eat me for lunch.”
Teasing her, I wipe imaginary drool from my lips. If she brats at me much longer, it won’t be imaginary. “Can’t help it. I remember how delicious you taste.” Holding eye contact, I step forward and lower my voice. “And I skipped breakfast, so I’m famished.”
She stops my advance with her hand to my chest, but it’s clear she does so reluctantly. Time stands still while we exchange heated gazes. When she tucks her lower lip between her teeth, I almost lose it right there in the break room.
Sending her words to me on a pillow of air, she whispers, “So can we go now, or do you need to finish something first?”
Unable to keep my hands off her, I wrap one around the side of her waist. “Sweetness, I won’t downplay it; I have a shit load of work to do. But protecting you is my top priority, and that includes getting you back safely.”
Her breath hitches, and she swallows, the motion drawing my attention briefly to her elegant neck. So fucking tempted to run my tongue along the curve.
“Yeah, but I’d be safe waiting here.”
“I won’t be done anytime soon. Not much for you to do here while you wait. You’re better off at the facility.”
“Okay.” One of her sexy as fuck shoulders lifts in a dainty shrug. “I’m ready whenever you are.” Stepping backward, she puts some space between us and presses her palm to her forehead. “Oh. I almost forgot. Boss Dad said something about extra security stuff for me. I’m supposed to wait for him before I leave.”
A chuckle I can’t suppress escapes me. “Boss Dad. I like that.”
“You can use it if you want.”
Suddenly desperate to get her out of here, I move into action mode. “I’ll talk about your protection with him. Before we go, I need to tell my team I’ll be gone for a while. We should probably send your billionaire chauffeurs away too.”
Through a giggle, she quips, “Nothing but the best for me.”
“Are you comfortable waiting here, or do you want to come with me?”
She scans the break room. After she came out of Big Al’s office, I walked her in here for some privacy. “I’ll come with you.”
On reflex, I offer her my hand. She studies it for what feels like hours. My pulse pounds wildly in my throat while I await her decision. Flirting is one thing, considering we never suffered from a lack of sexual chemistry.
But this is somehow . . . different.
It doesn’t seem like a big deal. Just an offer to hold her hand to lead her down the hall.
Things are often more than what they seem. And this is one of those times.
With an almost painful gradualness, she accepts my offer, slipping her hand into mine. When we touch, the warmth of her gaze travels straight into my solar plexus.
For the first time in far too long, when she looks at me, nothing but affection shines in her eyes.
My heart resumes beating.
After scanning the vehicle, I open the passenger door to usher her inside. When she lowers into the car, she lets go of my hand. I immediately miss the feel of her skin on mine. She’s had a tight hold on me since she took my hand fifteen minutes ago.
As much as I long to believe she was holding it for reasons pertinent to our relationship—whatever state it may be in—I’m keenly aware she could merely be clinging to me as a familiar protector in an unfamiliar environment. That doesn’t stop me from hoping for the former.
The first several minutes of the drive are silent and overflowing with tension. A million thoughts batter my mind. Most of them are about Lettie, although many are on the rough days ahead of me and the mountain of work waiting for me at HQ.
For now, though, my Redleg family is safe. Mia and Klein were already moving in high gear when I popped into the lair.
True to her character, Lettie’s the first one to speak. “Is the guy behind us the one who cracked the it’s a girl joke in the conference room? Is he some kind of class clown?”
“Yes, and yes.”
Sawyer volunteered to be my back-up for this little trip. He must have realized Lettie and I needed some privacy since he jumped into his SUV without prompting.
“What’s his name?”
“Sawyer.”
“He wasn’t there the night of my um... rescue. Or was he?”
“No. He wasn’t there.”
The silence returns, allowing me to process some of what happened this morning.
“Lettie, what was up with the water bottle?”
She twists her neck to look out the window, shielding herself from my view. “What do you mean?”
“You let me open it.”
Wringing her hands, she doesn’t respond right away.
Taking a chance she won’t bat me away, I lightly brush my palm over her thigh. “Talk to me, sugar bear.”
She covers my hand with hers. Initially, I expect her to remove it from her leg.
Only she doesn’t.
Her fingertips lace between mine. The gesture sends warmth pulsing through my veins and teases me with hope.
For a future with Lettie not shrouded in deceit.
“I was testing a theory,” she finally admits.
I keep my response succinct, hoping she’ll elaborate. “Oh?”
“When I left your place, I developed a phobia of sorts about drinking. Which you know since you sent the water bottles. Thank you for those, by the way.”
Stifling my urge to tease her about her manners, I keep silent, merely pulsing our joined hands.
“The day I got to the shelter, I realized I couldn’t eat food that wasn’t sealed, so that was a fun little addition to my new neurosis.” With her free hand, she twirls the ends of her hair, bringing it over her shoulder. “As you know, those fears were never an issue when I was with you. My therapist and I haven’t had time to dive into that much. But I had a hunch, and I tested it. Can’t wait to see what she makes of this development.”
“What do you think it means?”
I know what I want her to say, but I refuse to get my hopes up any more than they already are.
With a lopsided grin, she drawls, “You think you’re so slick, dontcha?”
“Why do you say that?”
“You’re trying to get me to say that I still trust you or some shit. But I ain’t sayin’ that.”
I bite the inside of my cheek to keep from smiling at her southern twang mixed with her bratty attitude. “Well, you let me know what your therapist says about it.”
“Maybe I will. Maybe I won’t.”
A growl starts low in my belly at her sassiness. Fuck . I want her.
If I don’t change the subject, I’ll find an empty parking lot, drag her onto the hood, spread her wide, and bury my face in her pussy.
“What did you think of Big Al?”
“Hard to say for sure after only a few minutes, but he made a good impression on me.”
“That’s great.”
“Not sure if he told you, but I don’t think he’s gonna can you.”
“He told me he wasn’t firing me today . Tomorrow is a new day, however.”
She chuckles softly. “He’s gonna forgive you.” Her smile fades as she faces me, her eyes eagerly studying me. “I thought no one had loved you until me. But he does.”
Big Al’s told me that before, but it’s always hard to believe. Impossible actually. The first time he said it, I outright rejected it. Although he’s not homophobic, he immediately added that it was like a fatherly love, or so he imagined, since he didn’t have any kids to compare it to.
That he knew of.
It pissed him off when I revealed my disbelief that first time. After that, I nodded the few times he’s said it. He never seemed to expect me to say it back.
That was fortunate, considering, until Lettie, I didn’t know I was capable of love.
My silence must make her think I don’t believe her assertion, so she doubles down. “I’m serious. He does.”
“So he says,” I toss.
“He’s told you before?”
A prickling sensation scatters over my chest. Unable to answer verbally, I offer a crisp nod.
She twists her body to face me, hitching her left ankle onto the edge of the seat. I try not to notice how the position change brings our joined hands farther up her thigh, closer to her warm center. It proves an impossible task.
Perhaps my mind is attempting to distract me from thoughts about Big Al by showing me visions of my hand cupping her pussy and ordering her to grind against it. No doubt I can make her come ten times faster than that vibrator she used the other night.
Fuck . I shift in my seat to give my hardening cock a bit of room.
“You don’t believe he loves you?” she challenges.
Despite opening my mouth to answer, I’m unable to get out the words. My response gets clogged in my throat.
“Tomer, why wouldn’t you believe him?”
The sound of my name on her lips will never grow old.
“I don’t know,” I hedge, then bite my cheek to stop from revealing too much of my darkness.
“You said you would only tell me the truth from now on.” She shoves my hand off her leg, shifting back toward her door. “I guess that was another lie.”
If I were standing, I’d fall to the ground since those words cut me off at the knees. “Okay, fine. I know why. But I don’t want to dump that on you.”
“Whatever,” she scoffs under her breath.
I wish I could open up to her. If she knew how fucked-up I really was, she’d either leave me out of disgust or stay because of pity. And each time I expose her to my darkness, I risk dulling her sunshine.
The hum of the tires rolling down the rough roads drowns out the thick silence surrounding us.
About two miles from the shelter, she asks, “Can we stop for food?”
Her question catches me off guard, so it takes a moment for me to process the risks. “Not the best idea. We can’t risk going inside a restaurant. I’m not keen on the grocery store either.”
“Drive-thru?”
She sounds so optimistic. I don’t want to tell her no.
“Wait. I thought you only wanted sealed food.”
She clasps her hands in her lap, glancing downward. “Wanted to try it.”
“Another experiment?”
“Yeah. I thought maybe I could eat with you around, given I could drink the water you gave me. But it’s fine. Don’t worry about it.”
Nibbling my lip, I hem and haw, aching to please her while still determined to keep her safe.
Doesn’t take long for me to realize I can’t make this decision effectively. I’m compromised by my love and need to please her, so I call Sawyer.
While it’s ringing, Lettie grumbles, “A phone call? Gross.”
A smile teases my mouth.
Sawyer answers quickly. “What’s up, T?”
“Lettie would like to swing by a drive-thru for lunch. Thoughts?”
“Wait, wait, wait. Who is this? I thought it was Tomer calling. But he would never ask my opinion for something like this.”
“Nice to see your annoying personality has returned,” I deadpan. “I’m tired and want a second opinion. What do you think?”
“Should be fine as long as it’s quick. I’ll circle the lot while you go through the line, keeping my eyes peeled.”
Lettie watches me closely, waiting for my decision. Her hopeful gaze burns my cheek.
Inhaling through my nose, I nod a few times before verbally agreeing. “Okay. Fine.”
“Where?” Sawyer asks.
Lettie perks up, jumping in with a response. “There’s a Panera across from the shelter.”
Sawyer turns on his British accent. “Might I be so bold as to request a kitchen sink cookie as a thank you for my troubles?”
Rolling my eyes, I agree. “Fine.”
Lettie giggles into her hand. “Class clown indeed.”
“ That’s why we didn’t invite him on the mission,” I toss back at her with a wink, despite it not being the truth. He wasn’t invited because he’s too loyal to Leo, who would have told Big Al or stopped us.
“Hey, I heard that, Chuck.”
Lettie arches an accusatory brow at me. “Chuck?”
Great . Just what I need is for her to think I have another name.
Having heard her question the name, Sawyer launches into an explanation. “Lettie, you’re part of the Redleg family now, so it’s time you hear the tale of Chuck the Nofunfuck. It all started a few years ago. There was this client who couldn’t remember Tomer’s name, so she called him?—”
Lettie cuts him off. “I know you ain’t fixin’ to tell me you’ve been callin’ him Chuck the Nofunfuck for years .”
Oh damn. Her angry voice is out, twang and all. My dick notices instantly, pulsing twice against the back of my fly.
Sawyer announces, “Bad connection. Gotta go.”
“That’s what I thought,” she huffs, jerking her chin down as if adding an exclamation point. “If he finished that sentence, I was gonna... argh .”
Biting back a smile, I ask, “What were you gonna do, Lettie?”
“Exit the car at the next traffic light. Then I’d run back there, slap him to sleep, and then slap him harder for sleeping behind the wheel.”
I clamp my mouth shut. If I say anything to her right now, it’ll be how much I love her and how much I want her to fuck herself on my tongue. Since she probably doesn’t want to hear all that, I keep quiet.
While waiting at the traffic light in front of Panera, she asks, “Is that what you meant that one time?”
“What one time, sugar?”
“You once told me they were sometimes mean to you at work. Or you felt like you didn’t belong there. Was it stuff like that?”
I should have distracted her with an offer to ride my face.
The light turns green before she demands an answer from me. Using the opportunity to buy some time, I tell her, “Put a pin in that for now. I need to be on guard while we’re stopped.”
Luckily, she concedes, “Fine. For now.”
I pull into the parking lot and circle the building once before getting into the drive-thru line. We’re in and out without issue and driving onto the shelter property a few minutes later. Testing their lock down protocols, I approach the employee gate and swipe my badge at the access pad. Instead of turning green, it flashes red.
“Sorry,” a male voice calls from the guard shack. He exits the structure and comes over. “I’ll need to see your ID today.”
Excellent.
Since I’m not an employee of the shelter, it takes a few minutes, but we’re eventually cleared to enter. Before proceeding through the lot, we wait for Sawyer to be granted access.
As soon as I pull into a space, Lettie grabs the handle, preparing to exit. Her bag of food in the other hand.
“Hang on,” I caution her. “I’m gonna walk you inside.”
She squints both eyes at me. “Duh.”
“Watch your mouth, young lady,” I snap on reflex, my inner Dom taking over in response to her bratty side.
Her tongue dabs at her lower lip. “What are you gonna do if I don’t?”
“Teach it a lesson.”
Releasing the handle, she inches closer toward the center of the car. “How are you gonna do that?” Her challenging words come out in a wispy purr.
I mirror her movement, bending until I’m an inch from her face. “Lettie, invite me up to your room, and I’ll show you.”
“We’re on lockdown.” She closes the distance between us, grazing the tip of her nose against mine. “I doubt they’ll let you in.”
My lips move over hers, barely touching. “I have some pull here.”
“Interesting choice of words.”
One side of my face pinches with a grin. “Why is that?”
“I was just thinking about pulling something.”
Closing my eyes, I inhale her sweet scent. As much as I want to, I don’t kiss her. Not until she begs for it.
“What do you want to pull, sugar bear?”
With a slight wobble to her head, she drags her lips back and forth over mine at an achingly slow pace. “I don’t think you deserve to know.” She pulls back, batting her lashes at me. “If you really wanted to know, you’d be honest with me.”
“I am being honest with you. I swear.”
For a heavy few seconds, she studies my expression, her gaze sweeping over every inch of my face. She takes a deep breath and rolls her shoulders back. “Come open the door, please. I want to go inside now.”
Dutifully, I exit the vehicle. As I circle to her side, I keep my head on a swivel. Sawyer parked a row behind us. Standing in front of his vehicle, he searches the lot for danger.
By the time I get around the car, he’s started walking toward the entrance.
When I open the door, she springs out instantly. Determination wafting off her, she presses her chest to mine and flashes a stern glare at me. Her voice drips with disappointment as she says, “Twice on this drive, I asked you something personal. And you deflected the questions both times. For a year, you evaded the truth. I’m done letting it slide. If you want me, then be the man who deserves me. Not the man who lost me.”
With that decree, she sidesteps me, making a beeline toward the front entrance. A gust of wind comes off the Gulf, replacing the spot she occupied a second earlier. It’s as if her departure created a vacuum effect.
Her words cut deep, opening me up and leaving me raw from the salty sea air abrading the wounds.
Recovering quickly, I close the door and double-time it to her side.
While we wait for the doors to open, her words sprint through my mind.
This is what she wants from me. Vulnerability. All of me. The good and the bad. The strong and the weak.
She’s telling me exactly what I need to do to earn her forgiveness.
Fuck. She wants me to redeem myself.
Once the guard opens the door, she gives me a cutting look over her shoulder. Her brows rise in a slow arch, silently begging for me to answer.
Are you going to be honest with me?
Are you coming in?
Am I worth it?
Emotionally spent from this fucking day, I can’t find the words quick enough. She shakes her head and walks into the lobby, leaving me behind.
It triggers the memory of her walking away from me on the day she left my house. It’s as vivid and soul-crushing as it was that day. The coldness of a life without her threatens to freeze my bones.
No. I can’t let her go again.
Before the guard fully closes the door, I thrust my hand out to prevent it from shutting. “Wait.”
That’s my girl. And I’m not letting her go without a fight.