Chapter 11
“I can’t believe you ditched that fine ass man,” Lolo blurted out like we weren’t sitting in the waiting room of my OBGYN.
I looked up from my phone and gave Lolo the side eye she deserved.
“Could you be any louder?” I whispered, glancing around the waiting room. Thankfully, nobody was paying attention to her crazy ass. “And to answer your question, yes I did. It was the right thing to do.”
“Blah, blah, blah. Bestie, are you seeing him, though?” Lolo exclaimed, gesturing toward a small television screen showing live footage of the Super Bowl victory parade. I reluctantly looked up at the screen I’d been avoiding since we arrived. There, Kellon was smiling and waving as the confetti rained onto the float he was riding.
I couldn’t deny that he looked fine as fuck up there. That sexy smile I missed radiated through the screen. Four days had gone by since I’d gotten my ass up out of his apartment and gone home. Ms. Barnes was practically planning our entire wedding. That woman was so happy to have a grandchild that it had my conscience going into overdrive. I had to bail.
I stared at the screen. Everyone around him looked happy, but something was missing. He had that same distant look he’d had at the parade at Disney. He was in his head again about his brother. I’d gone to him then and held his hand, but I couldn’t do that from thousands of miles away.
“Look at him out there living his best life while you’re waiting for the doctor.”
I sighed. “Is that supposed to make me feel better?”
“Nope! It’s supposed to make you feel crazy. You are.”
“So, I was supposed to let him suffer through this? Spend the next six months watching me grow another man’s child?”
“He’s literally perfect for you, Phileigh.”
“You don’t know that.”
“I know guys like him don’t usually go for the plus-size girl. You are letting the entire community down.”
I rolled my eyes at her crazy ass. Guys like Kellon didn’t usually go for girls like me, but that didn’t mean I was desperate. I’d thought the same thing when Reggie came sniffing around, and now, look at me.
“Lolo, please. This is about not being a burden to someone else. I can’t. My baby and I will be fine.”
“I’m just saying… What if he didn’t see it as a burden? What if he could have handled it?”
“Handle this?” I glanced down at my stomach, and a wave of anxiety washed over me. “He doesn’t need to be tied down to my baggage.”
“Phileigh Read.” A nurse called my name, cutting off whatever Lolo was about to say next.
“Just in time,” I mumbled as I stood up, trying not to let my nerves get the best of me. I was lucky that Lolo had closed the shop this morning to come with me. I couldn’t imagine being here alone or worse… with my mother.
“Right this way,” the nurse said, leading us to a dark room at the back of the clinic. I followed her. My mind raced with each step. I was going to see my baby for the first time. That was exciting and scary at the same time.
“You can have a seat up there,” she instructed me once in the ultrasound room. “The doctor will be in shortly.”
She exited the room, and I did as I was told. I climbed onto the table and waited for the best black maternity doctor in the city.
“Okay, I heard someone in here is having a baby.” Dr. Maxwell entered with a warm smile on her face. “I’m Dr. Francesca Maxwell.”
She introduced herself, extending her hand to Lolo and then to me.
“Hello,” I said shyly. “This is my best friend Lolo.”
“Great to meet you both. I read your charts. I see this is your first pregnancy.”
“Yes.” I nodded.
“This first appointment is straightforward. I’m going to run down everything you need to know. I like to ensure that all my first time moms understand the process. Feel free to ask me any questions. At the end, we’ll check on what that little one is doing. Sound good?”
“Uh huh.” I exhaled a deep breath as Dr. Maxwell sat on a rolling stool.
“It looks like you are about three months pregnant. Last period was December fifteenth. Is that correct?” She flipped open her chart.
“Yes. That is correct.”
“Great.” Dr. Maxell talked, but I couldn’t focus. All I could think about was how my life was about to change in so many ways. I was going to have to tell my parents and face their disappointment soon.
“Phileigh?” Lolo nudged me. “Are you listening?”
“Yes, of course.” I focused my attention back on Dr. Maxwell.
“Your body is going to go through many changes during this process. It’s beautiful, but there is a lot of risks. So, it’s important to take good care of yourself and relax as much as possible. Have you been experiencing any nausea, pain, or cravings?”
“A little nausea,” I admitted. “But no cravings or anything like that. I go to the bathroom a lot, but that’s normal, right?”
“Frequent urination is perfectly normal. It should die down a little once you’re out of the first trimester. Do you have any more questions?”
I shook my head. I couldn’t think of anything at the moment. I just wanted to see my baby.
“Okay. If you think of anything, don’t hesitate to call me.”
“Okay.”
“Great. Let’s get started with this ultrasound, shall we? I’m sure you are dying to see your baby.”
She motioned for me to lay back as she prepared the machine. I could barely contain my nerves. This was really happening. I looked over at Lolo, who shared the same nervous expression on her face as I did.
“This is going to feel cold.” Dr. Maxwell applied a cool gel to my belly, and I jumped slightly as she began rolling the ultrasound wand over my stomach. “Now, let’s see what we can find in here. Two babies maybe?”
“God, I hope not.” I watched nervously. Raising one baby alone was more than enough.
The screen flickered to life as Dr. Maxwell glided the doppler across my belly. My heart was racing as I watched the little life I was growing come to life on screen like a little beacon of hope in the darkness. It was followed by a little heartbeat thumping loud and strong.
“There it is. One baby,” Dr. Maxwell announced.
Tears welled in my eyes as I stared at the screen.
“Oh my God…” I exhaled the breath I didn’t know I was holding. I was overwhelmed by emotion as the tiny baby squirmed around my belly.
“The heartbeat is great. It appears that everything is developing as it should.”
Lolo gasped, wiping tears from her eyes. “Bestie! You’re having a baby!”
“I am,” I replied, still looking at the screen.
I was lost in thought as I imagined all the milestones my child would experience and how hard it would be to face them alone. It made a sweet, happy moment a little bitter. Dr. Maxwell raised the doppler, and my baby disappeared.
“I’m going to go grab those pictures. I’ll be right back.” She cleaned the excess gel off my belly and stepped out, leaving us alone.
“You’re having a fucking baby!” Lolo blurted out again. Excitement radiated on her face. “I always thought I’d be the first one knocked up.”
“Nope. It appears I beat you to single motherhood,” I replied sarcastically before lowering my voice to a more serious tone. “What if I mess this kid up, Lolo?”
“You’re not going to mess them up. My little niece or nephew is so lucky to have you. You’re the strongest, smartest, and prettiest person I know.”
I dropped my head. I heard her words, but they weren’t enough.
“Look at me,” Lolo said, making me lift my head to meet her eyes. “You’re not alone in this. Fuck Reggie. You have me, and I’ll be right here with you every step of the way.” She hugged me, taking her hand and wiping away the tears that had rolled down my cheeks.
The door swung open, and Dr. Maxwell waltzed back through, holding a roll of printed images from the ultrasound.
“I have pictures!” she said, handing them to me.
I looked down at the black-and-white images, and all my doubts and concerns disappeared. So what Reggie didn’t want anything to do with my baby, and my parents were probably going to disown me? I would be a great mom, and we would be okay.
“Thank you.” I held the picture close to my lips and kissed it. “It’s perfect.”
“It is. That’s all for today. I’ve prescribed you some prenatal vitamins. Make sure you take them every day.”
“I’ll make sure,” Lolo said.
“Good friend. See you in four weeks.” Dr. Maxwell left the room and left us alone again.
“Let’s get out of here. We gotta go make this money for my little niece or nephew.”
I laughed as I climbed off the table. I had every intention of ditching work and going to crawl into my bed, but being away for a few days had backed up my schedule. Now was not the time to flake on my job. We walked together to the clinic exit, passing the same small television screen. Kellon’s face was still plastered all over it. My feet slowed as I stared up at him. Quick memories of what could have been flashed through my head.
“It’s for the best,” I whispered to myself.
Lolo stopped beside me, wrapping an arm around my shoulder. Her eyes bounced from me to the TV screen.
“Everything will work out the way it is supposed to.”
“You’re right. I hope he finds happiness,” I said softly, and I meant every word. Opening my phone, I clicked on his contact and texted him.
Me:
Just an introvert looking out for another introvert. Smile. You deserve it. Congratulations, superstar.
Maybe in another lifetime.
I dropped my phone in my pocket before turning away from the screen. It was time to focus on myself and my baby’s future.
“You ready?” Lo asked.
“Yeah. I’m ready.”
We exited the clinic but not before taking one last look at the screen.