3. Nessa
3
NESSA
“ S o, you’re gonna live in college housing instead of with the sexy sheriff?” Kinsley asks, flopping down on my bed and being absolutely no help as I pack another bag filled with some version of athletic wear. “Also, would it kill you to pack a dress?”
“What? Of course I’m not staying with him. Are you crazy? And no to the dress. It’s November.”
“But he’d be right down the hall. You could totally sneak in and out between baby duties and besides”—she pauses, dramatically throwing her arm over her eyes—“single dads are so hot. I bet Jensen Kade would like you in a dress.”
Balling up a T-shirt, I throw it at her face and laugh as she sits up with a giggle.
The worst part is, she’s not wrong.
Jensen Kade is sex on a stick and completely off-limits for a number of reasons—most notably because he’s so damn nice. At least according to everything I was able to dig up on one of Blackstone Falls’s most eligible bachelors.
But he’s not for me.
The good ones never are.
Sure, there’s a couple of nice ones sprinkled into the professional athlete pool, but they’re few and far between, and I make it a point to steer clear of them.
They want relationships and commitment, and while I’d love to be the maiden in that particular fairy tale, it’s just not in the cards for me.
And it hasn’t been for a long time.
Jensen Kade seems like husband material, and even if he hasn’t settled down yet , he’ll probably be snatched up before I even make it to Blackstone Falls. The thought makes me laugh and I snort as Kinsley’s eyes widen.
“What was that for? Also, you’re making the face again,” she says as she studies me a little closer than I would like.
“What face? I’m not making a face.”
She rolls her eyes and points an accusing finger at me. “Fine. Be a little liar, but I know that the biggest heartbreaker in women’s soccer doesn’t actually want to be single forever.”
“Says who?” I say, acting affronted. “I like having my space and not worrying about someone else’s schedule or feelings. ” I shudder and she laughs. “I’m being forced to go on vacation, Kins. You know I’m not built for small-town living.”
Not anymore.
“Now you’re just being dramatic.”
“Am I? I’m being punished because Cardova can’t keep her mouth shut. Yes, I let her get under my skin, but she shouldn’t have said what she did. It was low even for her.”
I appreciate that she doesn’t try to argue and say that I, too, could have kept my mouth shut and just let it go. We both know I couldn’t.
She studies me a minute, seemingly moving on before smirking as she asks, “Are you going to have sex while you’re there?”
“I already told you I’m not sleeping with Jensen.”
“I didn’t say his name, you did.”
“Well, I’m not sleeping with him or anyone else while I’m there.”
“Are you going to be celibate the whole time?”
I bark out a laugh. “Kins, what is wrong with you?”
“Nothing is wrong with me. You’re just delusional in thinking that you’re going to go where they breed small-town hotness and walk away with your panties intact.”
“You’re ridiculous.”
“And you should shake things up. Lord knows the good sheriff isn’t your type, but maybe that’s your problem.”
“I don’t have a problem, Kins.”
“Sure,”—she rolls her eyes—“except you pick losers and playboys you can brush off.”
“It’s a choice. They’re predictable and no one gets hurt.”
“And you can choose to get down and dirty with Jensen Kade. Hell, even his name is sexy.” She fans her face with her hand. “And besides, just because he’s shinier than a new penny doesn’t mean he won’t be looking to blow off a little steam.”
“And I’m the player?” I chuckle. “The best thing I can do is help him and Remi get settled, do my penance with the university, and get back here as soon as I can.”
“Are you gonna miss her?”
“Of course, I’m going to miss her. I’ve had her for two hard and beautiful months.” Kinsley starts to speak but I just hold up a hand. “But Jensen is her father, and he deserves to get to know his daughter, to love and care for her, and to watch her grow.” Softening my tone, I add, “It’s okay if you miss her too.”
“I still get to be Auntie Kins.”
I nod and shove something else in my bag, ignoring the way her eyes are glassy because dammit, mine are too. I tried so hard not to get too attached, but between her sweet baby smell and squishy little face, I never stood a chance.
And even now, that reality leaves me more than a little unsettled.
No one was more surprised than me at how easily I’d rearranged my life to accommodate Remi. It was hard but we figured it out.
We had to.
“Thank you for doing this with me. For being here. I couldn’t have done this without you.” I motion toward where Remi is sleeping in the living room, swaddled in her bassinet.
“I might like penis but you’re still my soulmate.”
“Obviously.”
Best friends. Sisters. Soulmates.
“Is that it?”
“I think so.” Glancing one more time around my room, I try and push down the thoughts that this is anything but temporary.
“What about Christmas?” Kinsley asks and I shrug. Thanksgiving came early this year and we’d spent it together in our apartment.
“I haven’t really thought about it honestly. My parents are going to Aruba and my sister has plans.”
“You can come home with me if you want, or I can cancel and you can come back here.”
“I’ll let you know. It’s not even December yet, so we have some time.”
“I can’t believe you’re going to be so far away,” Kinsley whines.
“You can come visit me, you know, and I’m sure I’ll need you to talk me off the ledge.” I try to make the joke but it falls flat.
My shoulders slump and Kinsley climbs off the bed to wrap me in a tight hug. “It’s going to be okay.” I don’t know if she means my soccer career or Jensen or the soccer program, but I just nod and squeeze her tighter.
I can’t remember a time when I wasn’t living and breathing soccer—it’s not only my entire life but it’s part of my personality.
It’s part of who I am.
I don’t know my life without it and I swore I never would.
Being with Remi didn’t make me panic because it was temporary. I knew I’d find her biological father and things would go back to normal in my world.
But they hadn’t, and I needed to figure out how to get my head in the game so I could be out of Blackstone Falls and back to Nashville before I completely lost myself.