4. Jensen
4
JENSEN
I bought every baby book I could find when the results of the paternity test came back informing me that I am, indeed, the father. I’d considered myself to be good under pressure—quick on my feet and damn good at defusing situations when necessary. But the number of life and death situations I’ve encountered during my time in law enforcement hadn’t prepared me for instant parenthood.
The last month had been excruciating—supervised visits and home checks and while I appreciated the thoroughness, I hated watching Remi being taken back to her cousin each time.
Nessa Hart.
The woman who, despite my numerous attempts, refused all my invitations to meet prior to finalizing Remi’s custody petition. The court had supplied limited information on her and Remi’s birth mother, Scarlett Hart, but one phone call to a friend in Chicago, who does private investigation and security work, had provided a whole lot more.
The information was thorough and overall insightful, but it didn’t tell me anything about them. I could ask Nessa, but what would I tell Remi when she asked what her mother’s favorite color was or if she preferred chocolate or rainbow sprinkles?
The grief of not knowing still ate me up inside, and no amount of talking about it had eased the guilt I carried around with me.
So far.
I’d been assured that it would take time but that I’d be able to breathe and not feel like my entire worth was summed up into the events of one night.
One encounter with a beautiful woman.
I didn’t regret Scarlett and I sure as hell didn’t regret Remi, but given the chance, I would have asked for her name and given her mine. We wouldn’t have been strangers and when those two little lines appeared on the pregnancy test, she could have called me.
If nothing else, we could have been a team—figured it out together.
Dragging my hands over my face, I take a deep breath and hold it before blowing it out. Moments like these made it hard not to spiral into the abyss of the unknown. Even doing the best that I can seems woefully inadequate.
My head was at war with my heart when I knew I needed to just trust my gut.
And then there was Nessa, professional soccer player for the Tennessee Tornadoes and currently en route from Nashville with Remi. I’d watched more than a few clips of Nessa on the soccer field, seen her give some interviews, and pushed the wave of jealousy as far down as it would go at the number of men on her arm.
Lust and possession raged inside my veins, a dangerous combination, and one entirely ludicrous given my nonexistent relationship with the woman.
My phone buzzes in my pocket and I stop my pacing to pull it out and glance at the screen.
BODHI: It’s going to be fine
MASON: More than fine
ARCHER: Bea has like ten freezer meals waiting to bring over
JENSEN: What?
ARCHER: Apparently it’s what you do for new parents
ARCHER: So you don’t have to think about what to make
ARCHER: Seriously man, I’m just the messenger
I chuckle and it helps ease some of the tension in my shoulders.
JENSEN: I appreciate it
MONTANA: Can’t wait to meet your daughter—you’re gonna be the best dad
MONTANA: I mean look at all the practice you’ve had with us!
ARCHER: Don’t make it weird
MASON: He’s totally got daddy vibes
ARCHER: And it’s weird
BODHI: Never again
MASON: Come on—he DOES
MONTANA: Hard to argue with that
BODHI: Anyway…
ARCHER: Right
ARCHER: Enjoy today and we’ll hold the girls off as long as we can
JENSEN: Thanks guys
I’m just about to put my phone away when another message comes in, and this time it’s not in the group chat.
BODHI: Put the guilt aside and focus on the joy today. Your daughter deserves that and so do you.
I type out and erase message after message as I try to swallow down the emotion his words evoke. They’re deafening in the silence, and I let my eyelids flutter closed as I breathe in and out, my heart hammering in my chest.
The sound of a vehicle pulling down the drive brings me back to the present, and I allow myself one more moment before opening my eyes and sending a reply.
JENSEN: I’ll try
The car comes to a stop in front of my house, and a feeling of calm washes over me like everything is going to be all right.
But it’s fleeting.
Because the moment my eyes lock on Nessa, it feels like all the air has been sucked from the room. I’d looked her up. I thought I knew what to expect, but I had no idea.
She’s a stunner, and even from this far away, I know she’s the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.
I don’t need any complications, but Nessa Hart has captured my attention and what I’m gonna ask just got a hell of a lot harder.