CHAPTER TWELVE
COLE
I was furious about everything.
Trapped in this desolate place with her, miles away from anywhere.
And I couldn't leave because of Elena.
Elsa clearly didn't care about her.
Every day, I had to force Elsa to feed her own daughter. She was always reluctant to hold Elena, coming up with excuse after excuse to avoid it. What kind of mother did that?
I even asked Kim if she was willing to go back to the city and live with Elsa. At least Elena would have someone who cared about her.
If only Kim would help, I could probably breathe a little.
Kim refused. Blatantly. She said she would only go if Elsa was married to the baby's father. She was ashamed of having a daughter who had become a married man's mistress. That was why she had only visited Elsa at the hospital a few times. Shame, she said.
But when she came, her attention was solely on her granddaughter. And every time she left, I could see how sad she was. She wanted to be with Elena, but her pride wouldn't let her.
Or perhaps she was holding out, waiting for me to cave and agree to her demands.
Conniving bitch. Both of them.
Elsa was a pathological liar, manipulative to the core, and completely fucked up in the head, but I had underestimated just how deep her insanity ran.
She had been using me, and I damn well knew it. This pregnancy was her leverage, a way to keep me on a leash, knowing I had no legal claim to my daughter yet. If I wanted any chance of being in Elena's life, I had no choice but to play by her rules. Until I established my rights, Elsa held all the power.
What other choice did I have?
I couldn't lose Sara, and I couldn't abandon my child.
No matter which way I looked at it, I was completely and utterly fucked.
Right now, I had nothing. My name wasn't on the birth certificate, and until I fought for paternity, Elsa had full control. And she knew it. She wielded that power like a weapon, keeping me at arm's length, making sure I understood that my daughter's future—my place in her life—was entirely up to her.
Before, I did everything I could to keep Sara from finding out. I could have taken Elsa to court, but that would have exposed everything.
I had spent months trying to keep up with the deception, maintaining the facade, pretending I was okay with being manipulated, blackmailed, and forced to cater to Elsa's every demand—all for the right to my child. All to keep Sara from finding out.
But Sara already knew. There was no need to cover it up anymore. There was nothing holding me back now.
Elsa had no more threats to hang over me.
I had given the situation a lot of thought. I never truly expected Elsa to grant me parental rights, so I was already prepared to fight for them in court. I just needed Steve's help to make it happen.
But when Kim called to say Elsa was about to give birth, I had to come. I needed to see my daughter. I wanted to know what it felt like to have her in my arms, especially since, once the legal proceedings started, it could be a long time before I could see her. And if I lost the court battle, I might never see her at all.
Now, I was glad I came. I couldn't imagine how miserable Elena would be with her mother ignoring her like that. Even the nurses seemed baffled by how rarely Elsa held her own daughter, and they'd seen me forcing Elsa to feed her.
I was seriously worried that Elsa would neglect Elena to the point of harming her.
Now, it had gotten even worse. How could I leave Elena with Elsa?
This was Elsa's plan, too. I knew it. She didn't care about her child, but she also knew that if she kept acting this way, it would keep me trapped in a constant state of worry, unable to leave.
No mother should sacrifice her own child to get what she wants.
Fuck, where did this witch come from? She was the complete opposite of how she had been when she was pregnant. I knew she was deceitful and conniving, but I never expected her to be this cruel.
We were leaving in two days. I had to get a plan in place.
I needed to talk to Steve to find out if I had even the slightest chance of gaining full custody.
Rubbing my face in frustration, I let out a heavy groan.
I missed Sara so much.
It had been five days.
My phone was gone—literally missing—and I had a strong suspicion Elsa had something to do with it. This woman was seriously unhinged, and that only made me more worried about leaving Elena alone with her.
I tried borrowing a phone from one of the nurses and called Sara, but her phone was off. And I couldn't remember Bobby, Steve, or Archie's numbers off the top of my head.
They must have thought the worst had happened to me.
I tried calling Sara several times, borrowing the same phone from the same nurse, but her phone was still off. Eventually, I decided to stop. I didn't know how to explain any of this to her anyway. The excuse I had sounded insane, even to me.
And what would she think? Me being here in a town nobody knew, just with Elsa. It would contradict everything I'd promised her.
I thought about calling the office but decided against it. Same reason. I didn't know how to explain.
In the end, I decided not to call anyone.
Bobby certainly could cover for me in the office. I trusted her to keep everything running smoothly on my behalf.
Elsa was supposed to be discharged yesterday, but the doctor recommended waiting at least a week before traveling. Since Kim refused to let us stay at her house, I had no choice but to ask the hospital for an extended stay. Thankfully, the hospital wasn't too busy, so they agreed.
I glanced at Elena, crying in my arms, then at her mother, sitting there peacefully, watching the television. She didn't even glance my way, completely convinced I would take over and care for Elena.
Fuck, the thought of leaving Elena with her scared me to death.
I could only leave her to buy food, and even then, I'd rush back to the room, terrified she'd be crying and ignored—or worse, that Elsa would take her away.
Luckily, I had a bag of clothes in my car trunk that I brought with me. I didn't need to go outside to buy one. I used to spend a lot of time on construction sites, always needing a fresh set of clothes to change into. Otherwise, I'd be stuck wearing the same clothes for days.
I glanced at my daughter, softening my expression as I made a silly face at her. Her cries quieted into tiny hiccups, and for a moment, her lips parted in what almost looked like a smile—whether it was real or just a newborn reflex, I didn't care. A chuckle escaped me before I could stop it. How could her mother not love her? She was absolutely perfect.
With firm determination, I pushed myself to my feet and strode out of the room. Elsa didn't spare me a single glance.
Elena was still in my arms as I made my way to the nurse's station. I whispered soothing words to her, telling her I love her, and I would do anything for her. I kept whispering until I stood in front of the nurse's desk. The two nurses sitting there glanced up at me, then to Elena, worry and pity in their eyes.
Fuck. I knew how this must look. A helpless man with a newborn, struggling.
Swallowing hard, I asked, "Can I borrow your phone again? This time, I need to do a little browsing. Then make a call."
"Of course," Nurse Kathy said with a kind smile. She stood, stepping toward me. "Here, let me hold her. She seems hungry. Her mom pumped earlier.I can feed her a bottle."
God. That nearly broke me. The nurse cared for Elena more than her mother.
I swallowed the lump in my throat and nodded. "Thank you." My voice came out rough, a little shaky. "I really appreciate it."
"No problem," she said softly, adjusting Elena in one arm while using the other to pick up her phone and unlock it for me. "Here,"
I took the phone from her. "I'll be over there if you don't mind," I said, nodding toward a row of seats a few feet from the station.
"Sure," she replied before walking away—probably to get the bottle.
I sat down and immediately pulled up a browser, typing in the name of Steve's firm. It popped up right away.
Without wasting time, I dialed the number. The call barely rang twice before someone answered.
"Hi," I said. "I need to speak with Steve Beckett. Tell him it's Cole Sterling."
*** *** ***
The train ride was a disaster. Elena cried for almost the entire two-hour journey, her tiny wails echoing through the cabin. I held her close, strapped snugly against my chest in the newborn carrier Nurse Kathy had recommended, rocking her gently, whispering reassurances she didn't even understand. I tried everything—soft shushing, gentle swaying, feeding her, checking her diaper—but nothing worked. She was inconsolable, and I could feel the weight of irritated glances from other passengers. Still, all I could do was hold her and pray she would finally drift off.
Meanwhile, Elsa just sat there, barely sparing Elena a glance except for the occasional look of irritation. I had given up on asking her to help. It was pointless. She wasn't going to lift a damn finger.
Before leaving, I found an ATM at the hospital and transferred money to Nurse Kathy, who helped me prepare everything—the baby carrier, the pre-made bottles, a fully stocked diaper bag with diapers, wipes, extra clothes, a pacifier, and a soft blanket—because Elsa didn't fucking prepare anything even though I knew she already had a bag packed back at her house. The nurse had taught me everything I needed to know about taking care of Elena. I owed her a lot, and I made a mental note to compensate her later.
As I was about to leave, Nurse Kathy looked at me with a mix of concern and disbelief. "I've been a nurse for nearly twenty-five years," she said, shaking her head. "I thought I'd seen everything, but this—this thing with Elsa—it still baffles me."
When we stepped off the train, I walked ahead of Elsa, having forced her to carry Elena's bag while I was carrying my own. It was the least she could do for her own child.
"Cole, don't walk too fast," Elsa complained. "I'm still hurting from the surgery."
That was complete bullshit. I checked with the doctor, and he confirmed there was nothing wrong with her. She should be able to move freely by now.
As we stepped out of the station and headed toward my car, I spotted a middle-aged woman with short red hair and a kind face leaning against it. In one hand, she held an infant car seat; in the other, a large bag that looked heavy. She carried it with ease. Shit. This woman was strong.
I offered her a smile before glancing at Elsa, who was staring at her in confusion.
"Who are you?" Elsa practically barked.
My smile widened. "Nancy, right?"
She nodded. "Yes, Mr. Sterling. Steve Beckett sent me. I'm the live-in nanny."
I glanced at Elsa again, fully satisfied to see the color drain from her face.
"Thank you for coming. Now, help me get Elena into her seat."
*** *** ***
It was five a.m. The streets were eerily quiet as I stood in front of my house, staring up at the brownstone, the place where I had built a life with Sara, where every corner held memories of us. It had been our sanctuary, our home. But now, I felt like an intruder, my very presence defiling the sanctity of what we had created, the love that had once flourished here, now buried beneath the wreckage of my stupidity.
I wondered if Sara had gone back to the house or if she was still at Archie's.
It hurt, knowing she chose to stay with him—a man who had been in love with her forever, even though she never realized it. She had been blind to his feelings while everyone else saw them clearly.
That was why Archie had always kept his distance, and I gave him credit for that. He never interfered in our relationship. Not once.
But now... would he still be content staying in the background?
After everything I'd done, I knew he was a better man than me. He cared for her, treated her with love and respect, while I... I broke her in a way that made forgiveness seem impossible.
Even I wouldn't forgive myself.
So how could Sara?
Letting out a deep sigh, I stepped up to the front door and slowly pushed it open. The familiar scent of home wrapped around me as I took a hesitant step inside. The house stretched before me, unchanged yet somehow different. Maybe because I was different now.
I lingered in the doorway, my eyes sweeping over every detail: the polished floors, the soft glow of the lamps, the faint scent of Sara's perfume still lingering in the air. It felt both welcoming and foreign, as if I no longer belonged here.
And then, a deep voice cut through my thoughts.
"Where the fuck have you been?"
I turned to see Archie standing in the hallway, arms crossed, looking furious.
The realization settled in my chest like a stone. It seemed I had lost Sara completely. To him.
He was here. With her.
He was there for her, protecting her from the hurt I caused.
And the worst part? I couldn't even hate him.
Because without him, Sara would be alone—hurting, breaking, drowning in the pain I caused.
All because of me.
The weight of it all pressed down on me—guilt, regret, shame—twisting like a knife in my chest.
I swallowed hard, forcing out the only words that mattered.
"Where's Sara?"
"In her room," he replied, walking over to me. "Emma is with her now, keeping her company."
Thank fuck. Emma was here.
"So, what are you still doing here?" I asked. If Emma was with her, there was no reason for him to be.
"Because I want to make sure she's okay," he said without hesitation as if nothing in the world mattered more.
His gaze locked onto me. Studying, scrutinizing, peeling me apart piece by piece.
"I've been looking for you," he said. "I went to your office, to your parents—no one knew where the fuck you were."
"Elsa gave birth," I said quietly, avoiding his gaze. "She was in her hometown. I had to take a train to get there. Then my phone went missing..." I trailed off, too exhausted to explain further. "Long story."
"And now you're back," he said stiffly, looking like he was a second away from punching me. "What exactly are you planning to do now, Cole?"
I met Archie's gaze, steeling myself so I wouldn't break down right then and there, not in front of him. "I need to talk to Sara."
"Like hell you will!"
Both Archie and I snapped our heads toward the voice just in time to see Emma storming over, her face twisted with fury.
"I heard voices downstairs and thought, 'Could it be the fucking coward who ran off with his mistress while his wife cried herself numb?' And guess what? It actually was the fucking coward. Welcome back, asshole!"
She slammed her tiny fist against my chest. I barely felt it. Maybe because the numbness inside me had already seeped into every inch of my body, dulling everything.
"Emma, let me talk to her," I said, my tone pleading.
Funny, wasn't it? That I had to ask for permission to speak to my own wife. In my own damn home.
That's how low I'd fallen in their eyes.
"I don't think that's a good idea." Emma shook her head, arms crossed tight. "Sara just fell asleep. So why don't you do us all a favor and get the hell out of here? We'll call you when she's ready—if she ever is."
"It's okay," a familiar voice said softly from across the room.
I spun toward the source, my breath catching.
"I want to hear what he has to say."
Sara.
Fuck.
I couldn't hold it in anymore. The sight of her nearly brought me to my knees.
I pinched my eyes shut as they burned, swallowing down the lump forming in my throat.
Exhaling a trembling breath, I tried to steady myself, but it was useless. I was still shaking.
The guilt. The remorse. The shame of being such a fuck-up.
Of ruining both our lives.
When I opened my eyes again, Sara was already walking toward me.
My gaze clung to her, drinking her in like a dying man gasping for air. I had missed her so much it hurt.
She stopped just inches away, looking up at me. Her eyes were calm. Steady. Strong.
She was so damn strong.
"Let's talk," she said quietly.
I nodded, unable to form a single word without my voice breaking.
She turned and led the way to our room, and I followed. Every step felt heavier than the last.
I could feel Emma and Archie's stares burning into my back. They were worried that I would hurt her even more.
Never had I felt so small, so helpless in my entire life.
I stepped into the room after her, closing the door behind me.
She chose a single chair across from the sofa by the window, intentionally keeping her distance—a silent statement, a clear boundary.
Without a word, she gestured for me to sit.
And when I sat, she studied me for a long moment while I scrambled to find the right words.
I knew what I had to do now, had thought about it over and over, and there was only one path left for me. I also knew I couldn't do this to Sara anymore; I couldn't be so selfish to drag her even deeper into this mess.
I loved her so much. And because of that, I couldn't keep hurting her.
But then she spoke first.
"You're not here because you want to come back to me, are you, Cole? You're here to tell me you've chosen her."