Chapter 14
Bonnie’s fingers trembled as she stepped out of the shower and reached for her towel. She’d thought getting clean would help. That some time alone would wash away the embarrassment and frustration and maybe even a bit of the ache pulsing through her belly.
The shower hadn’t helped. Being back in her own space hadn’t helped. It shouldn’t surprise her. Time didn’t seem to help anything these days. It certainly hadn’t helped people in this town see her as human. And it hadn’t helped her get used to their treatment of her.
She wiped the condensation off the mirror to see eyes she barely recognized. Sad eyes with dark shadows beneath them.
Her gaze caught on the tiny bit of bruising remaining on her temple.
She’d known coming back here would be hard, but this? Being assaulted and threatened and so openly hated…it was so much worse than she’d ever thought. Mending things with her family should have been the hardest part. It wasn’t. They’d welcomed her back. It was everyone else.
They hated her. This town hated her so much that they wanted her to hurt.
She closed her eyes, a tear slipping down her cheek.
She kept telling herself it would get better. Easier. But when? Or would it never stop? Would this town keep pushing and pushing until she finally tipped over the edge?
In the bedroom, she dropped the towel and pulled on panties and an oversized sweatshirt. The shaking in her fingers continued, and no matter how often she blinked them away, fresh tears continued to gather.
She’d made bad choices in her life. Dating Dean. Going out the night her parents told her not to. And then running from this town and staying away for so long. But leaving Dean at the party that night after finding him in bed with Maisie?
No. That wasn’t on her. That was on him. Them. Yet Bonnie was forever paying the price.
A knock on her door had her head shooting up.
Who was that? Noah? Indie? Her sister and Colt had dropped her off at home an hour ago. Indie had wanted to stay, but Bonnie had refused to let her, needing some time alone.
Quickly, Bonnie swiped her face dry before moving to the door and looking through the peephole.
Zane. He wore the same clothes he’d had on at the bar, and the look on his face was something between anger and disgust and worry.
She squeezed her eyes closed, a part of her wanting to open the door. To fall into his arms and let him hold her together.
But he wasn’t her boyfriend. He wasn’t her anything.
“Now’s not a good time, Zane.” She leaned her head against the door, the chill from the wood seeping into her skin.
“I need you to open up, Bonnie. I need to see that you’re okay.”
The softness of his tone made new tears spring to her eyes. She told herself not to open it. To send him away.
But she didn’t want to do that. Everything in her hurt, and all she wanted was one bit of comfort.
“I’m not,” she whispered, when she opened the door. “I’m not okay.”
More tears. She couldn’t stop them from falling. Maybe she should be stronger than this. It was just a drink in her face.
But it wasn’t. It was the accumulation of everything.
Zane cursed before stepping inside her apartment and closing the door. His strong arms slipped behind her knees and back, and he lifted her.
She didn’t fight him. She didn’t even gasp in surprise. She just leaned her head against his chest and breathed him in. Because for whatever reason, he took the edge off all the ugly emotions.
He lowered her to the couch, then crouched in front of her. “Where do you keep your alcohol?”
“Second cabinet to the right.”
She watched as he found the whiskey in the kitchen and two shot glasses. When they were filled, he returned to her and handed her one. She didn’t blink, just threw the shot back, letting the liquid burn the back of her throat and warm her belly.
It felt good. Or maybe that was Zane’s closeness.
He sat beside her and tossed his own back before placing the empty glasses on the end table.
“They’re assholes. Everyone who has touched you.
Hurt you. Done anything to make you feel like you’re not exactly where you are meant to be are the scum of the earth.
And everything they do says nothing about you and everything about them. Do you understand?”
“I know. But it doesn’t make it hurt any less.”
“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”
One side of her mouth lifted. “Quoting Eleanor Roosevelt. Impressive.”
“I thought the moment called for it.”
Her small smile slipped. “When will it stop? It’s relentless. And everyone is so brazen and obvious with their hate, like they’re proud of it. Even tonight, when I’m standing beside you, with my family a few feet away, they’re still not afraid to hurt me.”
“I don’t know when it will stop. But you’re not alone, Bonnie. You have your family. And you have me.”
She paused to study him. “Do I? Have you?”
Something flickered over his face. Something hot and dark that she wanted to touch.
“Yeah. You do.” He leaned forward and cupped her cheek, and God, she leaned into that touch like it was the only thing keeping her breathing.
Then she closed her eyes and turned her head to press a kiss to his wrist.
There was a small intake of air from Zane, and when she looked back at him, he was staring at her like she silenced his inner turmoil as much as he silenced hers.
And maybe she did. Maybe his secret was as big and painful as hers, and she was the refuge he never saw coming.
There was this loud voice in her head telling her that she should maintain a bit of distance between them. He was keeping his problems to himself, with, as far as she could tell, no inclination to share.
But there was also this quieter voice, whispering to her that it was okay to take what she wanted. To be brave and embrace whatever goodness she could find.
She listened to the whisper.
Without taking her gaze off him, she climbed onto his lap. She didn’t lower her head right away. Instead, she pressed her palms to his cheeks, feeling his warmth. The stubble of his day-old beard.
“I don’t like needing other people,” she whispered, her lips barely an inch from his mouth. “But I like needing you.”
“You have me.”
She lowered her head and kissed him. And the second her lips touched his, it was like the weight that had been sitting on her shoulders, pressing her to the floor for the past hour, suddenly lifted.
She swiped her mouth across his. His lips were soft. In a man who was all hard edges, this felt like the only soft part on him.
His hands slid up her bare thighs to grip her hips, and the second she parted her lips, he slipped his tongue inside.
And Jesus Christ, he tasted good. Like whiskey but also something so infinitely Zane.
She swirled her tongue around his, slipping her fingers into his hair and tugging at the strands. But it wasn’t enough. She wanted to feel more of him. She wanted to know this man as well as she knew herself.
She reached for the hem of his shirt and tugged it up. Their mouths only separated for a second before they found each other again and his tongue dove straight inside.
The feel of his hands slipping up her body made her skin burn. She wanted more touches. She wanted this man to feel every inch of her. It was only when he pulled his mouth from hers that she felt the cool air over her breasts. With her shirt bunched up high, he took a naked nipple between his lips.
The cry that fell from her throat was loud and anguished. He ran his tongue over her hard bud, tormenting her. And it felt like he was everywhere.
Her chest heaved and she grabbed his shoulders like that could somehow steady her. He swirled her nipple with his tongue then sucked, making her lower belly ripple in pleasure.
Need. It was all she felt. It consumed her body and soul. Need for this man and his body and everything he had to give.
When he switched to her other breast it was the same torture. The same swirling of his tongue on her hard nipple. The same sucking that drove her wild.
She dug her fingers into his shoulders, sure she was close to breaking skin. Her hips started moving of their own volition. Grinding against him. Trying to dull the pulse between her thighs.
He went to stand up, but she shook her head. “No. Here.”
His brows flickered.
“I want you,” she whispered. “Now.”
She pulled her sweatshirt over her head.
His eyes flared and darkened to a rich blue, like the color of the ocean when it was too deep to see to the bottom.
She reached for the button then the zipper of his jeans. And the second she pulled him out, her entire body shuddered.
He was big. And tonight, he was hers.
She wrapped her fingers around him, feeling the muscles strain in Zane’s thighs. Then she slipped her palm up to his tip.
He growled, his fingers digging into her hips, his head touching her chest. “Bonnie…” Her name almost sounded like a warning.
When he looked up again, she took his lips, and he plunged inside her mouth, kissing her. Devouring her.
She continued to touch and explore until his growl cut through the room, and he rolled her back to the couch.
She grabbed him to steady herself, but he was moving again, kissing his way down her body before slipping her panties down her thighs. When he widened her legs, her breath hitched. Then he lowered his head and swiped her clit with his tongue.
She cried out, her back arching and legs trying to snap closed. He didn’t let them. He kept her thighs open with his broad shoulders and tasted her again and again, until she couldn’t breathe, his tongue swirling around her clit, making her ache and burn and throb for him.
“Zane…” She breathed his name. “Now. God, please, now!”
She tugged at his arms, and he kissed up her body, finding her nipple and sucking one last time before meeting her lips again.
She wrapped her thighs around his waist, her heart stopping at the feel of his tip at her entrance.
He tensed and cursed. “I’m not wearing anything.”
“I’m on the pill.” She nipped his bottom lip before tugging him a little bit deeper. “I’m safe.”
Another deep growl, then he slid inside her, filling her. Making every pain, everything that was wrong with her world, slip away.
Fuck, Bonnie was tight. Her walls clenched his cock in an iron grip, and he was drowning in her. In the feel of her. In her scent. She took him somewhere he’d never fucking been before, and not a single part of him wanted to leave.
Her soft breath whispered against his lips before she nipped his bottom lip again. He kissed her. Once. Twice. Then slipped his tongue inside her mouth, tasting her as he began to move. To lift his hips and lower back inside her in an even, rhythmic motion.
Her sighs danced through the room like music. So damn pretty, he wanted to bottle them up.
He tried not to think about what this woman was starting to mean to him. Or the fact that he’d begun to crave her. Need her on an almost desperate level.
He reached for her breast and cupped her. Massaging. Finding her hard nipple and rolling it with his thumb.
Her moans were sweet and drove him crazy.
He sped up his thrusts, sinking deeper, driving hard.
Still, he needed more. He wanted to drink her in. To know and taste all of her.
He slid an arm around her waist and raised her up so he was sitting and she was on his lap once again. The position sank him deeper, making her groan against him.
“Ride me,” he whispered, as he reached up and played with her nipples, rolling and gently pinching them.
Her breathing stuttered. Then she lifted her hips and lowered back onto him. Shit. Just the rise and fall of her breasts in his palms almost tipped him over the edge.
As she continued to move, he dropped his head, taking her nipple between his lips once again. They were so fucking pretty. And they were almost sweet, making him crave the taste of her.
At the same time, he lowered his hand to touch her clit with his fingers.
Her groan was deep and rumbled into him. He ran his thumb in a circle over her core, his teeth grazing her nipple.
Her breathing became choppy. “Oh God, Zane.” She gripped his shoulders.
When he drew his head back, he took a moment to just watch her. The bounce of her full breasts. The O of her gorgeous lips.
Fuck, she was beautiful. Like something forbidden he shouldn’t be allowed to touch.
He gripped her hips and started lifting her. Thrusting higher, deeper.
He was fucking close, but he needed her to get there first.
She lowered her head and kissed him again, slipping her tongue inside his mouth and curving it around his.
Then he felt it—her walls tightened around his cock, her breath halted, and she broke. Screamed as she fell over the edge, her head tipped back, body pulsing around his cock.
He didn’t stop. He kept thrusting, prolonging her orgasm, losing himself in the fucking sight of her. Until he couldn’t hold off any longer and fell along with her. Plunging so deep into everything that was Bonnie that he had no fucking idea who he was…just that he was hers.
When he finally stilled, he dropped his forehead to her chest and breathed. He felt her temple touch the top of his head, and they both remained exactly as they were for what felt like endless moments.
When he finally gathered the strength to look up, it was to see her looking dazed, almost in shock.
Yeah, he felt it too. The shifting of things between them. Like they hadn’t realized it would be so powerful.
Carefully, he pulled out of her. But he didn’t release her.
He stood, holding her in his arms, her legs tight around him, and moved into the bathroom to turn on the shower.
He carried her under the stream of water and was about to set her down when she lowered her head to his shoulder and closed her eyes.
And he just…couldn’t. Couldn’t put her down. Couldn’t release her. So he held her. Let the softness that was Bonnie smooth over his hard edges.
When she finally lifted her head, her eyes were wide and solely focused on him.
He slipped a piece of hair from her cheek. “You okay?”
“I think you just ruined me.” A soft smile curved her mouth before she covered his. But this kiss was soft. A graze of lips against lips before she lowered her head to his chest again, and he held her, wondering what the hell he’d just gotten himself into.