Chapter 14 Alessio
ALESSIO
THERE. I’D ISSUED the challenge, giving Rafael the permission he wouldn’t give himself. No way had he come here to end things. That was the lie he was telling himself. But the fact that he knew where I lived, that he’d come here alone? He knew better than to put himself in that position.
And it wasn’t only his eyes telling me he didn’t want to leave.
I’d backed him up against the wall, moving in so close my nose skimmed his ear when I whispered the words that had his whole body trembling. Any second now he could leave. Push me away. Tell me I was wrong and this was the last time we’d see each other.
“Alessio.” My name on his lips sounded like a warning, but I was past heeding those. He wasn’t saying no. He hadn’t walked out the door.
“You came all this way just to tell me to stay away?” I murmured, softly brushing my lips over his heated skin, feeling the rapid beat of his pulse beneath them. “That’s not how you end things.”
Rafael’s breath hitched and then his hand shot out, pushing against my chest, and I lifted my head to look at him.
Fuck, he was beautiful. I’d watched him, stared at him, dreamed him for so long, and being this close to him now was doing twisted shit to my insides.
His eyes, usually blue with a hint of grey, had darkened, and I knew that look.
It’d been a long time since I’d seen it, but there it was, his body betraying him, wanting what he knew he shouldn’t have.
He gave a good fight, I’d give him that.
But his hand was still on my chest, and he wasn’t pushing me away.
“Alessio,” he said again, but this time it came out more like a plea than a warning. Maybe it was him begging for me to see reason because he couldn’t in this moment.
But fuck that. I wasn’t about to be the voice of reason here.
His fingers flexed on my chest, and God, that was all I needed.
Achingly slow, I leaned in, giving him one last chance to tell me no. My mouth grazed over the top of his, and that was when I felt it—his fingers curling into my shirt.
Fuck.
There was no holding back this time as I angled my head and kissed him. His mouth parted immediately, a soft sound escaping him that went straight to my dick.
I slid my hand up his side, feeling how tightly wound he was and relishing the way he was finally kissing me back. Tentatively at first, like he was afraid that if he gave any more, I’d take it all.
He wasn’t wrong. I’d been waiting so long for this moment, to have him alone, that I couldn’t decide whether to take it slow and explore every inch of him and that intoxicating mouth, or to take what I wanted before he changed his mind.
As my tongue dove in deeper, I crowded him in, my body flush against his, and slid my thigh between his legs. Fuck, there was no hiding the way his body was reacting, his cock hardening through his black slacks and making my brain short-circuit.
I spread my fingers over his ribs and down the taut muscles of his abs as he fisted my shirt and held me tight to him. With my eyes closed, I didn’t have to see that fucking collar. Didn’t have to remember who he was now other than my Rafael.
His tongue swept inside my mouth, exploring, rubbing up against mine, remembering…
I could still feel him trembling, or shit, maybe that was me. I’d just missed him so fucking much.
“Rafael,” I whispered between kisses, and his hands moved up to grip my arms—not to push me away, but to hold on tight. I never wanted him to let go, and if I had my way, I wouldn’t.
His breathing was uneven as I ripped my mouth free from his, sucking in air as I kissed along his clean-shaven jaw and down his neck.
I ignored the stiff feel of his collar and focused on the heat of his body through the layers of clothes he wore.
My cock was so hard it practically punched through my jeans, and the only relief I was getting was the friction from rocking my hips up against Rafael’s.
I wasn’t the only one.
His hands moved up to my neck, drawing my mouth back to his, and I eagerly went, sucking on his tongue as I forced myself to memorize every single second of this.
This man was mine. He always had been, always would be. I’d had Rafael first, and if God had problem with that, He could strike me down right here. He’d never played fair, and neither would I.
Especially when my Rafael was fisting his hands in my hair and destroying my mouth with his rapacious tongue.
Damn, he felt good. So good I punched my hips forward, finding and massaging his cock through the layers that separated us.
A low growl fell out of him, and that sound, fuck, I’d had fantasies about that low, gravelly rumble. Rafael had always been so responsive, that stringent control only good until it finally snapped and he was close, I could feel it.
I nipped at his lower lip, sucking it between mine, before kissing my way up his jaw to his ear.
“You smell so good,” I whispered as I nuzzled in under his ear and tugged his shirt from his pants. “Like sunshine and the ocean.”
“Alessio…”
“Don’t tell me to stop.”
“I—”
“Not yet.”
My heart pounded. If it came down to it I would do whatever he wanted, always. But when all that met me was silence, I brushed my fingers over the warm skin above the waist of his pants and waited to see what he’d do next.
Rafael sucked in a sharp breath and twisted his fingers in the back of my hair. As I kissed my way down his jaw to those delectable lips, he met me with the same fire coursing through me.
He crushed his mouth against mine, holding me steady as he speared his tongue between my lips for another, much greedier taste.
I flicked the button of his pants open, and when my fingers slipped inside to tease the blond trail of hair that led to his beautiful cock, he tore his mouth free.
“I want to put my mouth here,” I told him as his head thumped back against the wall.
“Will you let me?” Rafael’s nostrils flared as I shifted back slightly and looked down his body to where I was stroking his bare skin.
“It’d be so good. You remember. I know you do,” I said as I pulled the zipper of his pants down one slow inch at a time.
Any second now, I expected a hand on mine, stopping me. But instead, Rafael released my hair and drew his fingers through the long strands.
“I remember everything,” he confessed. “Your lips, your hands, but this”—he rubbed the ends of my hair between his fingertips—“this is new.”
“And you like it.” It wasn’t a question this time; he’d already told me he liked my longer hair, and the fact he couldn’t keep his hands out of it was just further proof.
Not to mention so fucking sexy, it made me want to run it all over his naked skin.
“Touch it all you like. Pull it if you need to—”
“Need to?” Rafael said as I got to my knees in front of him. “Alessio, we can’t— Ah.”
I put my mouth over the material of his pants, and he let slip a tortured moan. If he was going to tell me we couldn’t do something, he was going to have to be a hell of a lot more convincing than that.
I mouthed the material molded to his thick, stiff cock and wondered how long it had been since he’d touched himself, since he’d come.
Was that something priests did? Or was that last time with me?
The thought had me reaching down and pressing the heel of my palm to my own aching dick, the need to touch myself strong, as the smell of Rafael’s arousal swirled around me.
That was when I made the mistake of looking up. Of staring into the dark, but deeply tortured, gaze of the most perfect man I’d never known.
Rafael might have been turned on, his body might’ve finally been giving in to what it wanted, but his mind was in turmoil. It was right there etched into the lines of his tight lips and stormy eyes.
The desire. The indecision. The arousal.
The guilt.
And it was that last one that brought me up cold. The rest I could deal with, could live with tempting him to obey.
But the guilt? I couldn’t ask him to live with that. Didn’t want him to.
I also hated the idea that I was the reason for it.
“You don’t want this, do you?” My words were soft, but the shock that flickered across his face told me he’d heard them.
“I—”
“Just say it,” I said as I moved back to my feet, my dick throbbing like a motherfucker. “Tell me, so I know it’s real. So I know that stopping right now isn’t the dumbest fucking thing I’ve ever done in my life.”
“I…” Rafael let go of my hair, and for the first time since we touched, the connection broke. “It’s not that easy, Alessio.”
“Yes, it is. All you have to do is say, I don’t want this, and walk out the door.”
“I already did that,” he said, his eyes full of deep, underlying sadness. “Fifteen years ago.”
“And now you’re back. In my house, at night, alone.” I put a hand to his chest. “I can feel your heart beating, Rafael. I can feel how much you want me.”
I moved my hand to brush my thumb over his nipple, and felt—
Rafael gripped my wrist and pulled it away from him.
“No.” He licked at his lips, then shook his head. “I don’t want this.”
I swallowed back the accusation that bubbled up inside of me, reminding myself that I’d told him how to end this. As his words played on repeat in my head, I took a step back and turned away from him.
“Then go.”
I didn’t know how long I stood there, my heartbeat the only noise I could hear in my otherwise silent house, until finally the sound of the door opening and shutting told me all I needed to know.
Rafael was gone. I was all alone, and now there was complete silence.
My heart had stopped.
Broken in two.