Chapter Four #2
“My entire life has been consumed by them. I see them at home, work, and social events, and they even come with me to my family functions to help me not go insane. They have been there through every single part of my life,” I say.
“Losing them will be like losing a part of myself. Even if they are in love with me, how the fuck am I supposed to choose? How am I supposed to handle any of this?”
“First, it’s always been the four of you, so I feel like it’s safe to say that it will remain that way,” he says. “Second, they only just admitted that they are in love with you. They have been denying this for just as long as you have. None of you guys want to lose each other, so don’t.”
“I don’t know what to do,” I say with a sigh.
“Well… this is my advice,” he says. “You all know that you love each other, even if you haven’t said it. The guys have never had an issue getting a girl in their bed. If you are the one that is different from the others, then they need to earn it. You make them earn you with more than just words.”
“How on earth do I do that?” I ask.
“It’s simple,” Todd says, sipping his coffee. “Just don’t have sex with any of them. Don’t let any of them touch you. Not until whatever doubt you have goes away, at least.”
“So just… say no until I eventually break?” I ask.
“Basically,” he chuckles. “But I have something that you might enjoy. It will get you out of your comfort zone a bit, and it’s for a good cause.”
“What’s that?”
“Saturday night at the Grand Regal, there will be a charity event. My firm is a part of the team helping raise money for survivors of domestic violence to get on their feet. There are some people who signed up to auction off a date with them, and all of the money goes to this foundation.”
“Did you just ask me to sell myself?” I ask, raising an eyebrow.
“I guess I did,” he laughs. “The date would be that night at the diner there at the hotel. They’re covering the cost of dinner and dessert for the ones who win the dates.”
“I’d have to actually dress up,” I say.
“You would,” he says, smirking.
“Do the guys know about you asking me?” I ask.
“Not at the moment,” he says. “I should probably warn you, though…”
“That bitch is going to be there, isn’t she?” I ask.
“Yeah. Angela signed up yesterday,” he says.
“Wonderful,” I sigh. “You realize that this is a wonderful way to just make me feel worse about myself, right?”
“Do you trust me?” he asks.
“Yes.”
“You know that I would never do anything to get you hurt, right?” He continues.
“I know,” I sigh.
“Then just trust me. Don’t ask any questions. Just show up.”
“How fancy is this?” I ask.
“Uh. Pretty fancy. It is definitely formal attire,” he says.
“Okay. I’ll have to buy a dress then,” I say. “I generally avoid formal events, so I don’t have anything to wear.”
“You’ll look great in whatever. Try to challenge yourself to not wear black, because those lights get very hot up there,” he says.
“We’ll see about that,” I say. “Saturday, I’ll sneak off during lunch so I can go back to the house and get ready. I don’t feel like answering a thousand questions from them.”
“Yeah. You sneak off, and I can take them home,” Todd says. “That will give you time to get ready and leave before they get there.”
“They’ll be mad at you for helping me evade them.”
“That’s okay. You deserve a night for someone to treat you like a princess,” he smiles.
I say goodbye to Todd before going back up to my office. For a moment, I am alone, and I can sit in silence and reflect on the morning. A little while later, the guys come to my office.
“Hi,” I say when the door opens. I know it’s them, even though I have my head lying on my desk.
“Hey,” Mason says. I sit up, and he starts kneading my shoulders. It’s not out of character for him to do this, but I’m going to take what Todd suggested seriously and not let things progress. I think outside of their normal habits, I will shut everything down.
“That’s nice,” I sigh. “I have a migraine.”
“It’s just a tension headache,” he says. He hits a spot in my neck that makes me wince slightly. He presses in on that knot, and it forces a groan out of me.
“Feel better after talking to Todd?” Dean asks.
“Yeah,” I say. “Supposedly, he knows how to keep his mouth shut. Not that I’m trying to hide anything, but I’m not really good at processing emotions. I’ll get there, eventually.”
“We understand, and Todd has always refused to tell us what you say to him,” he says. “You are allowed to have a life away from us, Sadie.”
“I know. I just always assumed that they would tell you. Sometimes you guys are just not the ones that I want to talk to,” I say. “Saying that aloud sounds really shitty. I just mean that sometimes what I want to talk about… is you guys.”
“I understand,” Dean says. “Like I said, you can have a life away from us. We’ve tried to get you to find some friends that are girls, but you don’t take very well to them.”
“I don’t have an issue with girls or anything. I just tend to get along better with guys, since I was bullied so severely by the girls in school. I never had issues with guys. Plus, all the girls just ended up liking you guys.”
“Well… that’s because everyone knew not to fuck with you,” Lance says.
“Yeah. Not to say more people would have bullied you or anything, but everyone knew what would happen if they fucked with you. The girls can really do a lot, but we helped when we could,” Dean continues.
“Yeah. You guys and basically the entire football team always stood up for me in high school,” I say.
“Well, either way,” Mason says. “Since we don’t have a meeting, we should talk.”
“About?” I ask innocently.
“About?” Dean asks, stepping close.
“What are you, a mockingbird?” I ask.
“How about we talk about how I had you coming on my hand Saturday night?” Dean asks as he grabs the back of my neck and lifts my chin with his thumb. “How about we talk about how you were fucking dripping for us by the time I teased that tight little pussy.”
“I’m a virgin. You can’t talk to me like that, or you’ll give me a heart attack,” I say, and he smirks. “I was given some solid advice today, and I’m gonna take it.”
“Which was?” Lance asks. He and Mason are so close that I can feel the warmth of everyone’s body surrounding me.
“Mhmm,” I say. “Todd said I need to make you all earn it and essentially reject you until the doubt that I have goes away.”
“Unfortunately, that’s really good advice,” Dean says. “Remind me to thank him later for that.”
“He’s right, though,” Lance says. “Nothing should happen if you have any doubt.”
“I don’t have any doubt in what I think or feel,” I say. “I have doubts about what you three think and feel. Also, I don’t even know what you think or feel… so… maybe that’s a good place to start.”
“I think this is a conversation better suited for home,” Dean says.
“You only say that because I can’t run away from you there,” I say.
“You did Saturday,” Dean shrugs.
“You let me run away. Don’t try to pretend like you couldn’t have stopped me,” I say, and he smiles.
“Even then, let’s talk about this at home,” he says as he pulls me closer and kisses my forehead.
He’s never done that. Not like that, at least. He’s never let his lips linger on me before, as if soaking in everything he can about me. He’s never pulled me against his chest and looked down at me like I’m next on the menu.
“Nu-uh. You can’t do that,” I say as I force myself to back up. He smirks at me, and it’s becoming apparent that they are going to push me until I break.
We are learning more about our relationship through a reverse perspective, where we were friends first and later developed into more.
We have always shared this incredible bond together, but now that we are noticing these changes, we are having to step back and look at it in a different way to gain a deeper understanding of what the others are feeling.
I always viewed our friendship as me falling for them, while they always saw me as someone equivalent to a sister.
Now that I am finally accepting that I was wrong about how they saw me, I am having to go back and relearn all of the subtle hints they dropped over the last twenty years.
They, in turn, have to do the same for me.
They are also just now understanding my feelings, so they are having to go back and differentiate between the times I saw our relationship as a friendship and the times that I was hoping for more.