Chapter 23
CHAPTER 23
“ Y ou don’t raise heroes, you raise sons. And if you treat them like sons, they’ll turn out to be heroes, even if it’s just in your own eyes.”
—Walter M. Schirra, Sr.
Beckett
I had a son.
A son.
Fuck.
Jax whimpered almost as if on cue. I looked down at him while pulling the glass to my lips. “Don’t say it, buddy. I know what you’re thinking.”
He always did.
My pup was also quick to criticize, something he’d done several times over the last few years. Including when he’d found his way back to me.
I’d hung around Stowe long enough to ensure the remaining fuckhead who’d been after me finally believed I was dead, perishing in a fiery crash. I’d learned the news had been reported to the few remaining Valenti men who’d tried to regroup to fight the other crime syndicates in New York. That had taken the heat off long enough for me to track their activity as they grew into a force once again.
Then I’d struck like a predator in the middle of the night. My actions had been fueled by anger and hatred of everything I’d been forced to endure in my life.
Including with Mallory.
Seeing her suffering and doing nothing had been the most reprehensible act of my entire worthless life.
Had my thinking been based on good intentions? Hell, yes.
Or so I’d thought. Maybe my actions had been selfish instead.
Nothing had prepared me for seeing the little boy peering up at me with the same green eyes. Fuck. I’d forbidden Mike to even ask questions about her existence, refusing to pull her into the limelight. Leaving her very much alone had allowed the woman to return to her life. Now what the fuck was I doing?
And considering?
I paced the living room, memories of the last time I’d been in the house shoving me to a dangerous edge. The estate had been kept in my name through power of attorney, locked down in probate. While I’d had a lengthy discussion with Mike after vanishing from the town that had included ensuring he understood what would happen should he be the traitor, my instinct had finally accepted he’d had nothing to do with allowing my location to slip to anyone. It had taken months of returning to a hole in the wall hiding until he’d discovered his computer system had been hacked.
Of all the fucking things to have happen.
Oddly enough, that didn’t sound like something the Valenti clan would do or any of their offshoots.
New security measures had been put into place without tipping anyone off. That had taken time.
It had allowed me to maintain the ruse, including with my real family.
I’d done my best to protect them as well. My aging father had no clue I was even alive, all but disowning me the moment he’d discovered I’d gone to work for the Valenti family. To the world, I was dead. I’d preferred it that way.
Or so I’d forced myself to believe.
But I’d returned to the little town three months after my death, my need to make certain Mallory was okay allowing me to get too close. Jax had almost given my existence and arrival away, ultimately joining me. I’d not only stripped her of believing I was alive, I’d also taken the single source of comfort she’d had at the time.
That was something I’d never forgive myself for doing.
Now this?
What the fuck had I actually believed? That I could arrive in town without being noticed, sell the property without the real estate agent spilling the beans? Sure, my attorney had forced her to sign an NDA and she’d been paid extremely well for her silence, but I’d forgotten how tight the community was.
And maybe, just maybe I’d been stupid on purpose when the agent had asked me to meet her at her office. Before agreeing, I’d made a few phone calls, learning Mallory was supposed to work at the clinic all day. I’d gone out of my way to stay as incognito as possible, including dying my fucking hair.
Fuck. Fuck.
I’d muttered the word about fifty times since running into Mallory.
I couldn’t stand the thought of hurting her all over again.
Lie.
I couldn’t take the extreme pain a second time. I’d nearly lost my mind after walking away, faking my own death. All I’d wanted to do was shut down the past. I’d seen the look in her eyes once recognition had set in. She’d been horrified and shocked, her emotions drifting into pure anger.
Rightfully so.
“What the fuck am I going to do, buddy?” I moved away from the window, scanning the room. The furniture was still covered in sheets, boxes lining almost every room.
I leaned against the wall, taking a sip of my drink and closing my eyes. The little boy’s face was firmly planted in the forefront of my brain. There was no mistaking his features. Or his eyes. They were exactly like mine.
My chest ached more than it had after staging my death and the subsequent months after that. I jerked out my phone, forcing myself to admit both she and her boy would be better off without me in their lives. I no longer had any fear of retaliation. I’d seen to that. Anyone even remotely associated with the Valenti family had been erased from this earth.
That didn’t make me a good guy. Quite the opposite.
I dialed my attorney, even more anxious than before. “Mike, it’s Beckett.”
“How are things in snowy Vermont?” he asked. “Is the agent behaving?”
“Betsy’s fine. Just doing her job.”
“Just let me know if you have any issues and I’ll make certain she understands I could ruin her.”
Mike Zephyr had become a very wealthy man over the years just from working with me. I considered him at my beck and call and he knew it. “It’s not winter here, buddy, and take it easy. I don’t want anyone threatened.”
“Oh, yeah. I guess you’re right. What can I do for you?”
“I need you to establish a trust fund and change my will.”
“For what?”
I cleared my throat. “For my son.”
“Your what?”
“You heard me.”
He whistled. “You certainly know how to make life complicated. Don’t you?”
“Not my intention. Just do what I said.”
“O-kay. I hear urgency in your voice. I hope you’re not planning on doing anything stupid.”
“Like what?”
He snorted. “Don’t play me for a fool, buddy. I heard what happened to Sasha Valenti in Paris. You remember, Lucian’s illegitimate child and the last remaining blood to rule over the Valenti Empire? At least until recently. First Lucian’s brother. Then his bastard son. You’re one pissed-off man.”
Gee, when had he figured that out?
“I don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about.” I grinned.
“Right. Of course you don’t. He was gutted and left for dead in the middle of a restaurant. A bold move for any killer.”
“Yeah, bold.” And necessary.
Maybe the last kill would allow me to move on.
“What about Ava?”
“What about her?” I immediately bristled. She’d found herself someone she could love, at least that’s what I’d heard.
“Just some rumblings.”
“Meaning what?”
Mike sighed. “The Valenti regime isn’t dead. Just keep that in mind.”
I laughed. “Ava and I have history.”
“Hell hath no fury.”
“Whatever you say. Can you establish the fund for me today?”
“Wow. This is urgent. How much are we talking about?”
I rubbed my eyes. They ached from the pain I’d felt behind them since running into Mallory. “Twenty million dollars.”
I didn’t deserve happiness or being allowed to share my life with someone special.
I’d made my bed a long time ago. Now it was time to face the man I’d become.
A monster.