9. Chapter Nine
Chapter Nine
D ate number five rolled around, and Jess decided it was time to give Landry her address. He'd picked her up for their date in his SUV, and she only felt slightly unnerved by it. It's a big step for her to let someone she barely knows see where she lives. Again.
All through dinner, he said and did the right things. Mostly the right things. He still has an air about him that seems to keep him somewhat closed off and at a distance, and she doesn't particularly love how aloof he can be. With Kade, it was easy from the very start. Considering he had no real desire to be in a real relationship with her, he was very open and inviting.
Landry comes across friendly, but he seems guarded. Considering she walked in on the man she was head over heels for with another woman in a kitchen she only got to cook in, it seems strange he's the one with the wall up.
"Tell me about your ex," Jess says as dessert appears.
Landry pauses, his fork midair as he stares at her. "My ex?"
"You know about mine. And you know the disastrous way it ended," she says, her spoon slicing into the tiramisu like butter. She all but moans at the inevitable deliciousness of the dessert she's about to consume.
"She didn't want to get married," he says and takes a bite of his cheesecake.
That's it? "And?"
"What else is there?"
If there was ever a red flag for someone who doesn't like to communicate, here it is. "I guess nothing."
She focuses on her tiramisu, the coffee goodness coating her tongue. At least she got a good dinner out of it.
"It broke my heart having to let her go," he says, his teeth clenched. "Is that what you wanted to hear?"
"Landry, that's not-"
"Then why ask?" he interrupts.
Raising her eyebrows, she sets her spoon down, suddenly disinterested in her sweet treat. "I think it's best if we just call it a night, don't you?"
He takes a deep breath and looks at his plate. "I don't like talking about it."
"Obviously," she says and sets her napkin on the table.
"How was everything?" the server asks as he walks up to the table.
Jess smiles at him while Landry avoids looking at him, a snarl on his face. "It was delicious, thank you."
"I'll just leave this here, and you can pay whenever you're ready. No rush."
After he walks away, she watches Landry stare at the leather book on the table. She can't handle it any longer, and she reaches for it. His large hand clasps hers, and she looks up at his face to find him staring at her now. It almost startles her to see such anger on his face.
"I got this."
"I can pay tonight," she says. "You've paid for the last four dates. It's the least I can do."
He shakes his head. "No, please. Let me."
Nodding, she pulls her hand back, and he slips his card into the book before signaling to the server. No conversation is shared as he signs the slip, and she slips on her jacket.
In his vehicle, she stares out the window, thankful her house is only a few blocks away and will end the awkwardness. She's never experienced something quite like this outside of car rides with her mother, and she has no desire to continue longer than necessary.
He pulls into her driveway and puts it in park. Jess turns to him, plasters on a fake smile, and says, "Thank you for dinner, Landry."
She turns to leave, and just as her hand grabs the door handle, his large hand grabs her left wrist. She turns to face him, and he takes a deep breath, staring out of the windshield.
"Walking away from Amber almost killed me. We'd been together for so long, and I wanted the whole package. A wife and kids. I'm old-fashioned, and I wanted to be married before we had any little ones running around. She never wanted to be married. She was perfectly fine having kids with me, but she didn't want to be tied down."
"That doesn't make a lot of sense," Jess says. "Kids kind of tie you down more than a husband would, in my opinion."
"I put so much into that relationship, and she knew what I wanted. I guess I kind of knew what she wanted, too, but neither of us thought to say anything to each other. When it came time to either move forward or walk away, I had to walk away. It was the absolute hardest thing I've ever done in my life."
Her heart breaks for him. "Landry, can you look at me?"
Landry’s head turns, and she sees the pain on his face. "I don't like talking about it because I haven't found someone I thought I could have a future with since her. Not until I met you, and I don't want to ruin this because of my past."
"Talking about it doesn't ruin anything. The reason I asked is because you have this large wall that goes up that seems to keep me at a distance. Or maybe it's to keep yourself at a distance. I thought if maybe I knew a little more about your past relationship, I might understand why that is."
His hand moves from her wrist to hold her hand. "You think I have a wall up?"
"You get distant," she says and intertwines her fingers with his. "It's like you only let me get so close before the wall goes up and you back away. Almost like everything we have is superficial because you don't want it to go too deep."
"I don't realize I do that."
Jess smiles. "I figured."
"I'm sorry."
"It's okay."
"I like you, Jess. I really like you. I think being with you makes me a little anxious or whatever because I haven't found someone I felt strongly about since Amber. It's kind of unnerving."
He doesn't want to admit it's scary. That he's scared to let her in. Got to love those traditional gender roles saying men must be strong and emotionless.
"I understand. It's easier to protect yourself, but I went too long in my life doing that. Not from a boyfriend but from the death of my father. And then there's the massive mess of a relationship I have with my mother. Being alone was just easier because I didn't have to risk losing someone or being an epic disappointment. But it gets lonely."
"You don't like being alone?"
"I don't mind it, and I can definitely do things by myself. But I'm ready to not be so alone. I want a partner to lean on and go through life with. Someone to settle down with, get married, and have a kid or two. Not tomorrow, but someday."
"I think I am, too."
Releasing her hand, he jumps out and hurries to her side. Opening the door, he takes her hand and walks her to the front door. He looks down at her and closes the distance, his lips capturing hers.
This quickly deepens, and she reaches her arms up to wrap around his neck as her mouth opens to grant his tongue access to tangle with hers. The feeling of his hand on her hip as he presses her body against the door does something to her, and she wants nothing more than to let him inside. Inside her house and her body. The desire in her belly burns and screams to take him upstairs to find the release it craves.
Pulling away, she takes a step back and catches her breath. The more he kisses her, the less she finds it possible to think rationally.
"Did I take it too far?" Landry asks and pants slightly.
"Uh, no," she says and pushes imaginary stray hairs from her face. Her body feels like a bomb about to go off, and it wouldn't take more than a few strategic touches to make her explode in the best way possible.
His hand reaches out and takes hers, forcing her to look at him. "Jess, what's wrong?"
"Nothing," she says and gives him a shaky smile. "It was good. Really good. Too good, honestly. It's been a while since I was last kissed like that."
"It was good, huh?" he asks, a sly grin on his face.
Laughing, she gives his shoulder a playful shove. "Shut up."
"Do you want me to come inside?"
Yes! "Um..."
"No pressure. It just felt like we were doing more than just kissing out here on your porch."
"I do, but I don't," she admits. "My body's going to hate me for it, but I need more time before I let you inside. Anyone inside, not just you specifically. Not that I'm seeing anyone else. I'm rambling, aren't I?"
He just smiles and nods his head. "You are. Are you nervous?"
Yes, but not for the reason you probably think. "I guess."
"Just because I come inside... your house... doesn’t mean anything will happen. I feel like I ruined our date, and I want to make up for the lost time."
"You didn't ruin the date," she says and holds her free hand to her cheek. "But if I let you inside, with how I feel right now, something will definitely happen."
"Would that be such a bad thing?"
As her eyes glance down, she notices the bulge in his jeans and knows he wants more to happen as well. She groans and leans against the house. "Yes, it would."
"Why?"
Her hand drops from her face and lets out a big sigh. "Because I don't want to regret it."
"You think it'll be that bad? I know it's been a while since my last relationship, but I can assure you, I have never gotten complaints."
Jess laughs. "No, I don't think the sex would be bad. I have a feeling it would be pretty damn great if your kisses are any indication, but I don't want to regret going too fast. Not after what I went through last time."
"Oh," he says and drops her hand. "I see."
"It's nothing personal, Landry. I just... I went off of my feelings, not my head, last time, and I opened up my heart too early. And my legs. They kind of went hand in hand, and it was really great until it suddenly wasn't. I may not have spent four years with him like you did with Amber, but it was a huge slap in the face to know I was planning a future with someone who saw me as nothing more than a longer-term fling. And, as much as I don't want to admit it, I think my heart’s still a little bruised and gun-shy."
His face locks with hers. "What are we talking about here, Jess? Six months to a year?"
Fear washes over her, and her anxiety kicks up another few notches. This is what she was nervous about. Her feelings for Landry have been all over the place, but in this moment, she worries she might scare him off. "Do you have a specific timeframe you're hoping for?"
"I like you. And I think my attraction to you is more than obvious, but more than that, I like being around you. There's something endearing about the fact you don't seem to shy away from calling me out, and you've forced me to face something in five dates I've avoided for two years. But I also don't know that I'm willing to pay for someone else's mistakes."
"It's not a punishment. And I'm sorry if you feel like it is-"
"How long, Jess?"
"Sixty days."
His eyebrows raise, and she also has no idea where that number came from. It just kind of came out.
"Sixty days?"
"If you can't wait that long, I get it."
"No, I can wait that long. It was better than I was expecting."
"Really?"
His lips find hers again. "I told you, I like you. If you need me to wait sixty days to help you feel comfortable that I'm not looking for just a longer-term fling, I'm more than happy to put in the work."
Her heart flutters as he kisses her again and jumps off the porch. "You're running away?"
"Baby, if I don't put a little distance between us right now, I might explode. I think you're in the same boat I am, and I don't want you to backtrack on your conviction because of a sexual need. I mean, yeah, of course I do, but I don't want to be a regret you have."
Jess watches him wink before he climbs into his vehicle and drives away. Sixty days. Why the hell does she want to put herself through this kind of torture?