13. Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Thirteen
K ade stares at his phone, hoping it will somehow magically tell him what to do. Three calls, and Jess didn't pick up a single one. He starts to worry. Jess has never ignored more than one or two calls outside of the night she ran away from the bar. Does he worry? Is he allowed to worry?
Flipping through his contacts, he calls his cousin, Drew.
"Dude, it's eight-thirty," Drew answers.
"What're you, ninety? Isn't it a little early for your bedtime?"
"It's the kids' bedtime. You know that."
Shit. He does know that. "Sorry. Do you want me to call you back?"
"Give me like ten minutes. Is everything okay?"
"I think so. Maybe. I don't know."
"I'll call you back."
Kade taps his fingers on the back of his phone as he waits for his cousin. Drew may be his cousin by blood, but he's his brother in his heart. Drew's parents took Kade in when he was only eight after his dad murdered his mom and went to prison.
Until he moved in with the Olsen's, Kade had been an only child. Drew was the youngest of three and only six months older than Kade. He was there for Kade when it felt like the entire world was against him. Drew gave him space when he needed it, and he knew to be there during the difficult times, forcing his way in if Kade wouldn't open up. Most of the time, he'd just be there, no words being shared, letting Kade know he wasn't alone. The only other person who ever made him feel calm just by being present was Jess.
Drew is only six months older than Kade, but he's always felt years older. The man has always had his shit together, and he was the person Kade wanted to be one day. He wanted to have the life Drew did. Married to an amazing woman with kids who adore him. He was on that path until he got run over by a damned bulldozer.
"Come on, man," Kade says and flips his phones in his hands. "You always have the answers, and I really need some goddamned answers."
His cousin's name finally appears on the screen, and he answers in less than a second. "Hey."
"Who's pregnant?"
Kade can't help but laugh, but an image of Jessica carrying his child pops into his mind. It's not an unwelcome thought, which only adds to his panic. "No one. Well, I'm sure someone in the world is, but it ain't mine."
"Keep that story until the DNA proves otherwise."
"Shut up."
"You had your freaked out voice when you called, and I haven't seen you much outside of work lately. What's going on?"
Taking a deep breath, Kade tries to calm himself. He's been taking time to himself after the drink throwing incident and seeing Landry to figure his shit out. He can't tell if it's worked or not. "I'm sorry to bug you during bedtime. I know better, but I guess I am kind of freaking out."
"Are you in the bathroom trying to figure out how to get some chick out of your place?"
He'd laugh if it hadn't actually happened to him. Twice. "No."
"And no one told you that you're gonna be a daddy?"
"No."
"What else is there to freak out about?"
Swallowing, he runs a hand through his hair. "I... I called Jess."
"Why?"
"What do mean 'why?'"
"You shattered that poor girl's heart after leading her on for five months. It's been three months since she walked in on you screwing someone else. Why call her now?"
As much as Kade loves Drew, the man can be a direct asshole sometimes. "Because I've been doing some thinking."
"About?"
"About me. Her. Me and her."
"Yeah... that gives me pretty much nothing to go on. What are you saying?"
Swallowing, he starts pacing. Move. He has to move or he might jump out of his skin. "I miss her."
"Of course, you miss her. She was perfect for you."
"You really think I led her on?"
"Kade, no man in the history of relationships has introduced a woman he's dating to his family and still screws other women without being a lying asshole or leading her on. The only downside is that you led the rest of us on, too, because we liked her."
He has a point. Damn him. "I didn't mean to."
Drew sighs. "I know. Which is why I can't be completely angry with you about it. She can."
"She wasn't."
"She wasn't what?"
"Mad. When she caught me with Lena, and then I told her how I don't do commitment and what not, she wasn't mad. She was sad, upset, hell, I'd even say disappointed, but she wasn't mad. I think it would’ve been easier if she was."
The pain on Jess's face mixed with knowing he'd made her cry still bothers him. But hearing her cry on the other side of that door when she gave him his box of things from her place wakes him up in the middle of the night.
"What's going on, Kade?"
Here goes nothing. "I've been doing some thinking."
"We've already established that, and it's usually pretty dangerous when you do. What exactly have you been thinking about?"
"About Jess. But mostly about me. About how I think I can give this a real try with her."
Drew coughs, and Kade knows he just choked on whatever he was drinking. "What?"
"I want her, man. I'm going crazy without her, and I want to give it a shot. Being in a..." He swallows hard, forcing the word out. "Being in a relationship."
"Kade... first, you're going to have to find a way to say the word without sounding like you're going to pass out if you think this is something you might really want. But are you sure? Or do you want this because she’s the one thing you can't have?"
It's a valid question, and it's one he's asked himself a few times now. "I want her. And if that means I need to be the type of guy who commits, I'll be that guy. I've done it before."
"And you almost wrapped your pickup around a tree after nearly joining your father in prison."
"It's different this time."
"Why?"
He pauses, letting himself calm down a little. "Because I think I love her."
"Think?"
Kade knew Drew would ask him that question. And he knows he knows the answer. "No, I don't think I do. I know." His stomach flips. "What the hell happened to me?"
"You found your match. Someone who makes you want everything you swore you'd never want again. But do you really think she's willing to give you another chance?"
That's what Kade's scared of. It took him almost two months to reconcile his feelings, and he knows she's dating this Landry guy. Who does not deserve her in any way. He’s a prick.
"I don't know. I've tried calling her, but she isn't answering. She never avoids my calls. I'm kind of worried."
"Kade..."
"I'm going to drive by her house. Just to check on her."
"That's a bad idea-"
"I'll call you when I know she's okay."
He hangs up and hurries outside to his pickup. She only lives ten minutes from his condo, and the bar they met at sits almost smack dab between their places. And a block away from her work. He looks in the parking lot as he passes for her Benz, but it's not there.
The moment he turns down her street, he spots an unfamiliar SUV in her driveway. Does it belong to Landry? It has to. Or maybe it's Noelle's. Yeah, she seems like the type to drive a big ass vehicle to carry her matching attitude.
A dim light in Jess's bedroom catches his eye, and he sees two shadows. He knows without a doubt one is Jess's, and the other is male. And based on the way they're moving, she's making love to him.
"Son of a bitch!" Kade shouts and hits his steering wheel. "No! No!"
Reaching for his phone, he calls Drew, his hands shaking.
"Is she fine?"
"She's with someone!" he shouts.
"Breathe, Kade," Drew says.
Taking in a deep breath through his nose, he releases it out of his mouth. "I'm tempted to go bang on the damn door."
"That would be stupid."
"That asshat is screwing my girl!"
"She's not your girl, Kade. You let her go, remember? She's moved on."
How can she move on? Just a few months ago, she said she fell for him. Was she lying?
"Kade?"
"How can she move on? She was in love with me. She said she was in love with me."
He sighs. "You didn't think she was just going to sit around and wait for you to change your mind, did you? For someone who said he didn't want a relationship? I mean, would you have waited for you?"
"But I'm ready now."
"And she was ready months ago."
His chest aches, and he can't take his eyes off the shadows as she lets another man make love to her. Make love to her in the bed he used to spend nights in. He knows he should look away, but watching them together like this feels marginally like what she must've felt like seeing him with Lena. He deserves this stabbing pain.
"Drew?"
"Yeah?"
"This is worse than Sam."
Drew gasps. "Kade-"
"I can see them. Their shadows, anyway. She let him into her bed, and I want to rip his damn head off. He's going to sleep on the side I slept on. He's going to have his arms wrapped around Jess. The girl who should be mine."
"Drive away, Kade."
"She's having sex with him. I can tell by how the shadows are moving, and I want to kill someone."
"Kade!"
Being the son of a man who actually killed someone makes his statement a little harsher than when others say it.
"If this is how I feel seeing shadows, God, imagine what she felt seeing it in person. How could I do that to her? How could I not realize I was in love with her before causing this type of pain?"
Drew shouts his name through the phone a second time. "Kade!"
"What?"
"Drive home. Don't go to the door. This isn't the same as Jess walking in on you with Lena."
"I know," he says and shifts his car into gear. "She believed we were together when I slept with Lena. I let her walk away, and she's with Landry now. I did this, Drew. I did all of this."