Chapter 20 Gabi #2
Oh sweet Maddox. The man who didn’t leave my side the entire night when we found out.
The man who didn’t say a word and simply held me as I fell asleep.
I wanted to cry…God I wanted the tears to flow, but I couldn’t do it in front of him.
I didn’t want him to think I wasn’t happy.
I also couldn’t make myself pretend I wasn’t a little sad.
I didn’t know what I was feeling, and I wasn’t ready to say things because I didn’t know if they were true or gut-check thoughts.
“How’s he doing?”
I shrug. “I haven’t talked to him since we found out. I told him I needed some time to clear my head and think about things.”
“How long ago was that?”
“Three days.”
Shelby’s shoulders slump. “Gabi.”
“I know,” I say, instantly feeling like a horrible person.
“It’s just…It’s too much, Shelby. We just started dating.
We hadn't even put a label on it. I didn’t even think I could be pregnant until he came over and he was the one who figured it out.
It was too much, too fast, and I needed some time to process. ”
“And did you?”
I shrug. “A little. Not as much as I’d like, but I feel like every day I’m coming to terms with it a little more.”
“What was Maddox’s reaction?”
“I think he wanted to be happy.”
“Think?”
A fresh tear rolls down my cheek as I think back to the little smile he had when I told him it was positive. The one he quickly put away when he realized how freaked out I was. “He’s good at noticing things. He saw my panic, so he swallowed his reaction to be there for me.”
“Sounds like the young one is a pretty good guy.”
I let my head fall to the table. Dammit. I’ve done this all wrong.
“I’m a horrible person, aren’t I?”
“What makes you think that?”
I look up at her, wondering why I need to follow that up. “Because I’m selfish.”
“Do tell.”
At least she didn’t say “doth” this time.
“My reaction to begin with. Maddox wanted to be happy, but because I was a mess and breaking down, I spoiled that moment for him. And don’t even get me started on the guilt I’m feeling.
Something I wanted for years is finally happening, but I feel like it's ruining my plans. All I can think about is how this was supposed to be a time where I could really focus on me. No more ‘soon.’ And now I can’t be happy about ‘now.’”
There, I said it. The most self-absorbed thoughts I’ve had since Maddox and I found out.
“You're not selfish. You're human.”
“It doesn’t feel like that,” I admit.
“In your defense, you don’t know what you’re feeling because you’re feeling everything.”
If that doesn’t hit the nail on the head…
“Let me see if I can help untangle some brain webs.”
“Please do. Because every time I think I’ve got it all figured out and under control, I think of something else, start crying, or have to puke.”
“I’d really like it if you didn’t do that last one again while I’m here,” she says. “But let’s start with this place. What are you worried about in terms of the bakery and the baby?”
“The time,” I answer immediately. “Am I bringing the baby with me?
Daycare? I've been working twelve-plus hour days every day since I opened, but it's what I’ve needed to do to get this place off the ground. And it's finally here. Yes, I had some help along the way, and I’ve been able to add permanent part-time help. But it’s not at the point where we can afford someone full-time to manage it all, or add another baker.
So what does that mean for Sugar and Sweets?
The baby? Because there's no way I can do both.”
“Who said you’re doing this by yourself?”
I let out a sigh. “You know what I mean, Shelby.”
“Actually, I don’t, but now I’m starting to see the root of our problem,” she says. “Listen, I might hate your brother and everything about him, but do you really think he wouldn't shell out the money to hire another baker to help you right now?”
My stomach drops. I hadn't even thought about Beau and how I'm gonna tell him this, but that's future Gabi’s problem.
“I know he would, but I don't want to ask him to.”
“I have a feeling once he finds out, he's not going to give you a choice.”
“You're probably right,” I agree. “I just hate— This was always supposed to become mine. Beau never wanted to own a bakery. And we were getting there. Finally, after all this time, it was on the horizon. But now? How could I own a bakery and raise a child?”
“And that’s valid…”
I wait for her to add the rest of her thought, but the words dangle in the air.
“What?”
“When you were talking about where the baby would go, or what you would do, or that you couldn’t own a bakery and raise a child, not once did you bring up that Maddox could, and I’m hoping would, be helping.
You said all of these hypotheticals like you are completely independent in this. Why is that?”
I sometimes forget that while Shelby was in college on a golf scholarship, she majored in psychology.
Sometimes, I kinda hate her for that.
But I kinda hate my next admission even more. “I don’t know.”
All that gets me is one raised eyebrow. “Try again.”
I open up my mouth to talk, but nothing comes out. And that’s only because words, and these feelings, are hard to say out loud.
“Okay, I’ll start,” she says. “Let's pause the bakery talk for a second. I have a feeling your bigger worry—and an important person in this equation—is Maddox. What’s your status? Besides the fact that you haven’t talked to him in three days.”
“I’m not deflecting when I say I don't know,” I admit. “We've had two dates, and one was interrupted by a pregnancy test.”
“But you like him, don't you?”
Leave it to my best friend to see right through me. “I do. I didn't expect him. Or these feelings. Lord knows I fought them off for how long? But I do like him. He's sweet and kind and he makes me smile. He makes me laugh. He’s present and he—”
“Fucks you properly?”
I couldn’t keep the smile off my face if I tried. “He's a good guy, Shelby. And I…I feel like…he didn’t ask…he seemed happy but…I don’t…”
I feel Shelby’s hand on my wrist as I stutter for what I’m trying to say. “Are you worried he might not want this?”
I nod, the tears coming back. Sure, I think I saw a smile, but did I? I’m not sure of anything anymore.
“Has he told you that?”
I shake my head. “He says he's gonna be here for me. That he's gonna be here for us. But…”
“Aw! There it is,” Shelby says. “Your trauma is back. And here I thought you were all healed.”
Fucking psychology major.
“I feel like I'm ruining his life,” I finally admit. “He's twenty-four. He has his whole life ahead of him, and here I come along with a baby that beat the odds of a condom. I know he’s going to be there. If there’s one thing I’ve learned about Maddox—if he says he’s going to do something, he does. And I don’t think this is different.”
“Then what’s the problem?”
I take a deep breath, finally ready to admit my truest fear. “That he’s going to regret me. Us. This baby. That he was in the moment and made a promise, and because he’s a good guy, he’s going to follow through. But as we go down the road, I’m going to feel like I robbed him of what could’ve been.”
I know my best friend isn’t a big “there, there” kind of friend. She’s the one who tells you straight up what she’s thinking. Never ask her a question if you don’t want the honest truth. But I’d appreciate it now if she wasn’t looking at me like I have two heads.
“What?”
“I’m not invalidating your concerns,” she says. “But…and I don’t know…hear me out for this crazy notion. Maybe instead of ignoring him, maybe you call him and talk to him. Ask how he’s feeling. Express your concerns. Or you could keep avoiding him and letting all of this fester. Your choice.”
I narrow my eyes at my best friend. “You know, no one asked you to come here.”
My sarcastic quip earns me a smug smile.
“I know. But I’m glad I did, because you needed to hear that.
Gabi, I’m so happy for you. You’re going to be the most amazing mom in the world, and I can’t wait to be Auntie Bee to another little nugget.
Look, I know it’s scary and not one damn thing you’ve wanted has gone to plan, but it’s here.
And when this settles, I know you’re going to be over the moon. ”
“I have a feeling Maddox will be too. But you need to talk to him. You need to be honest and up front with each other and express every fucking fear and worry you have. It’s the only way the both of you are going to be able to navigate this together.”
“You’re right,” I say as I move closer so I can hug my best friend. “Thank you so much.”
“Anytime,” she says. “I’m glad I was here.”
“Me too,” I say as I feel one more stray tear fall down my cheek. “Now, why are you here? It’s not because you had a twisted intuition that I’m pregnant.”
“What! You’re pregnant?”
Shelby and I jump apart at the booming sound of my brother’s voice. Damn him for having a key and always using the back door.
“Beau…uh…hi…”
Shit, shit shit! This is not supposed to be how he found out. Granted, I didn’t really have a plan for how it was going to be, but it definitely wasn’t going to be like this.
“You’re pregnant, Gabi?” he says again, making short work of the distance between us and the kitchen door he came through. “Who? When? How?”
“How? Have you gone that long without sex that you don’t remember how babies are made?”
The sound of Shelby’s voice—and maybe the realization that she’s here—stops my brother in his tracks.
“Shrew.”
“Dick head.”
If someone walked in right now and saw my best friend and my brother staring each other down like this, they’d probably call the cops in anticipation of a blow up. I know better.
They’re going to stand here and stare at each other, subliminally willing the other to crack first. Whoever does is going to blame the other for making them, they’re going to call each other names—most of them unsuitable to be said in a family dining establishment—and one of them is going to leave because they physically can’t be in the same room together.
Welcome to my entire life with Shelby and Beau.
Actually, I take that back. This didn’t happen until we were in high school. To this day, I still don’t know why they started hating each other. I just know this has been my life for the past twenty years.
Yay me.
“Okay you two, as much as I love revisiting the classic hits of Beau and Shelby, I need to speed this up.” I walk over and place myself between the two of them.
“Shelby, put away the claws. Beau, yes, I’m pregnant.
And before you ask any other questions, here are the highlights: I just found out, I’m keeping it, and Maddox is the father. ”
Shelby gives him one more narrowed glare before taking a step back. But Beau? I watch as his face morphs from the hate he’s sending to Shelby, as it softens as he focuses on me.
“Are you okay?”
“I am,” I say, and for the first time in three days, I don’t think that’s a lie. “It’s been a lot. I’m still figuring a lot out, but I think it’s going to be okay.”
“It is,” Beau says as he brings me into his arms. “If you’re happy, I’m happy for you.”
I nod against his chest, a fresh wave of tears hitting. Only now, they’re of the happy variety. “I am.”
“Good.” Beau kisses the top of my head. “And don’t you worry about a thing with this place. Whatever we need to do, whatever money we need to spend, people we need to hire, it’ll be done. Full stop.”
“See! I told you the asshole would step up.”
I laugh at Shelby’s comment, and not because she was right.
But because even in a sentimental moment, these two still can’t keep from going at each other.
I wonder… Maybe if I make them the godparents to my child they’ll get along.
Then I internally laugh, because I don’t think anything—even a priest—could ever make these two like each other.
“You’re laughing at that?” Beau chimes in. “She called me an asshole.”
“And I meant it.” Shelby walks over and grabs my hand, pulling me away from my brother to give me a hug. “I need to get going. Call me tonight after you talk to Maddox.”
“I will,” I promise. “Thank you.”
“I’m here for you. Anytime.” She gives my hand one more squeeze before turning to scowl at Beau. “As always, it’s not a pleasure seeing you.”
“Oh darlin’…why does it have to be like that?”
“Don’t call me that.”
If I didn’t know them better, I’d think they were angry flirting. But then I remind myself Shelby was once asked to say one nice thing about Beau, and all she could tell the interviewer was “he’s alive.”
“Oh this is going to be fun,” Beau says, a new twinkle in his eye he only gets when he’s getting under Shelby’s skin. “I heard I’ll be seeing you around more?”
Shelby grabs her keys off the table, not answering Beau, but turning to me. “Call me, okay?”
Before I can say I will, my best friend storms out of the bakery, leaving me all sorts of confused.
“Care to tell me what that was about?”
Beau shakes his head. “She will when she’s ready.”
That’s not vague and annoying at all…