Chapter 10
SAWYER
F eeling drained from the longest fucking day, the moment I’m home I head straight to my bar to pour a drink of whiskey, tossing back the alcohol and enjoying the burn. I pour another two fingers and take a seat on my leather couch, drink in hand, when the doorbell rings. A frustrated sigh escapes me, and I hope like hell whoever it is will just go away. Resting my head on the back of the couch and closing my eyes, my effort to relax is futile as whoever it is just keeps rapidly ringing the bell and following it by pounding a fist on the door. I begrudgingly drag my feet toward the door, heading to greet the asshole when my best friend’s voice bellows from the other side.
“Open the door, Sawyer, I know you’re in there.” I whip it open, surprised to see Reid looking rumpled as fuck, but after the long day I’ve had, I’m really in no mood for whatever he’s got planned.
“Hey, man, didn’t expect you. Been a long-ass day, not really in the mood for company tonight.”
“We gotta talk.” He seems agitated as he walks past me, ignoring my attempt to get him to leave. I push the door shut and follow him into my living area where I find him pacing. Something isn’t right. My shitty mood retreats and I go into concern mode.
“What’s up, man, you okay?” I ask, not sure what the fuck is going on. He looks at me, his face only giving away how torn up he feels. He rubs his hands through his hair and closes his eyes for a second longer than a blink.
“Reid . . .”
“It’s Ivy.”
Two words.
That’s all it takes for my world to flip upside down. My body is frozen to the spot. My brain takes a full minute to process his words. Shocked, I gape at him as confusion fills my head. I know that Reid knows about Ivy because we’ve been best friends since college, but he’s never met her. He knows what she meant to me all those years ago. He was also there when I fell apart last year after her parents’ funeral and she didn’t show up like she damn well should have. But what the fuck is he talking about right now that has him all worked up like this?
“I’m going to need you to repeat that for me, Reid. What’s Ivy?”
“Sawyer . . . She’s here. I met her. Today.”
Reid continues to pace, his voice shaky, while I stand stock fucking still. I feel like I just took the hardest punch of my life to my chest, all the air forced from my lungs, and I forget how to breathe.
“Gonna need you to give me more information than that, man.” I absentmindedly rub my knuckles into my chest over the spot where my heart used to be, and wait.
“I went over to her parents’ place to make sure everything was good, like I do every month, and she walked right into the house.”
My shock is starting to wear off and a multitude of emotions start to take over.
“The fuck do you mean she walked into the house, Reid?”
“She just walked right in. I left the door unlocked and did a quick walk-through of the main floor like usual, she walked in, and I scared the shit out of her. She’s feisty as fuck, Sawyer . . . and just . . .” his voice trails off as he drops his head back and groans.
“And then what happened?” Not liking his reaction to meeting her one bit, a multitude of scenarios start running through my head and none of them are good.
“Uh, I explained why I was there and who I was and asked the same of her and it took a bit of me pressing before she’d even tell me her name. It was so unexpected, and from what you told me, I thought . . . I don’t know what I thought. I just didn’t expect it to be her .” Reid keeps pacing and running his hands nervously through his hair. He’s clearly not telling me everything.
“That all?”
He stops pacing and looks at me dejectedly.
“Sawyer. I don’t know what the fuck happened. She is gorgeous, man. Like knock you flat on your ass pretty. And witty. And sassy. And fuck if she isn’t just . . . Look, she caught me off guard.” He groans again before he says words that have me seeing red. “I may or may not have come on to her. I think. I don’t even fucking know, man. My head was totally lost. My brain stopped working around her. I’m sorry. Nothing happened, I swear.”
My hands curl into fists but I stay rooted to the floor. We have years of history but fuck if I don’t want to drive my fist through his face right now.
“What the fuck did you just say to me?”
Reid puts his hands up defensively. He’s got a solid five inches on me in height, and I know he’s got me in weight, but right now I want to revel in the feeling of his bones crunching under my fists.
“How the fuck did you come on to her? You said you just met her!”
“I told you! I don’t fucking know! She was on the phone with some chick, talking about how her vibrator is better than a man. Next thing I knew I was prowling her up against a wall and asking if I could prove her wrong. Christ. That sounds so messed up. What the fuck is wrong with me? Sawyer, you know me. I don’t do that. But that’s where it ended.”
“Reid . . .” Yeah, crushing the bones in his face against my fist sounds really good right about now.
“The moment she said her name I backed the fuck off, Sawyer. But as I was leaving she begged me not to tell anyone she was here. She was really worried about it, or I would have called you right after I left. I was really fucking torn man, you’ve gotta understand that. If you saw the way she looked at me when she asked me to not tell anyone, you’d understand my position. I went home and changed for a run to clear my head.”
I’ve never seen Reid so flustered before and it’s his saving grace, the only reason his nose isn’t broken yet. He’s usually so calm and collected. He may be a giant, but he’s usually a big softy. Whatever transpired between them clearly worked him up. But I’m freaking the fuck out and need him to hurry up with his story so I can go find my girl.
“Continue, Reid. ’Cause that had to have been hours ago. I’m losing my patience here.”
“I left for a run and she was heading out her door at the same time.”
“So you went for a run. Instead of immediately fucking calling me!”
“She uh, she went for one too. She said she’s been running her entire life. It was another coincidence,” he rushes out. “Listen, none of that even matters. She’s in rough shape, Sawyer. I knew I needed to tell you she was in AR and that’s why I’m here. But you need to listen to me. She’s in rough shape. Whatever she’s been going through, she’s back here and it doesn’t seem like she had much of a choice in the matter. I think you should wait before you see her.”
“I should wait,” I repeat, eerily calm, but my fists clench and unclench at my sides.
“She ran straight to the beach. We were talking and she seemed fine. Then she went completely quiet as she turned off the main road and onto the trail. I fell back and gave her plenty of space, but once she got to the beach she let out an angry scream and then just sat down and bawled her eyes out.”
“She was crying ?” The pain laced in my voice as I yell causes him to wince.
“Yeah. She was crying . . . I told you, she’s in rough shape.”
Body on autopilot, I rush to the front door, I’ve already wasted precious time letting Reid explain. I bend to pull on my shoes as Reid reaches for my arm, stopping me.
“Don’t, Sawyer. Trust me. She said she’s struggling being back here. She looked heartbroken. I know this isn’t easy to hear, but seeing you is going to make that ten times harder right now. Give her a few days to reacclimate and work through her shit.”
“I’ve given her ten fucking years, Reid!” I scream. “Ten! And you’re telling me that right now she’s down the road from me and she’s hurting ? I’m not going to sit here and fucking wait. No.”
“Make sure you know what you’re doing, man,” he says solemnly and releases my arm.
“I do.”
I grab my helmet and hop on my bike. Before I even realize, I’m pushing 100 on the back roads. The ride to her parents’ house goes by in a blur. It takes me less than ten minutes of pure turmoil, and before I know it, I’m racing up the steps of Ivy’s childhood home. Fear rips through me over the possibility of her not being inside as I whip open the door. It bounces off the wall with a bang as I bust inside, not bothering to kick it shut behind me. I register her scream and it’s music to my ears.
She’s here. My Ivy.
I take a few long strides into the house before I find her standing in the middle of the living room, frozen, staring out at the open space with a fire poker lifted in her arms like a baseball bat.
As soon as she sees me she staggers back a step, the poker falling from her hands and clattering to the hardwood floor. I watch her face transform from blotchy pink to pale white and her perfect, plump lips part slightly, forming an “o”. Her beautiful green eyes are red and puffy, evidence that she’s been crying. She’s just as goddamn beautiful as I remembered, even more so. The hole in my chest begins to ache at the sight of her and I rub the spot with my knuckles.
I take a confident step toward her, even though I feel anything but. My mind reeling with shock and uncertainty. I can’t believe she’s really here.
“Hi, butterfly.”
Her breath comes out in a rough exhale as her eyes close and slowly open to peer at me.
“Hi.”
And then I’m moving. I grab her around the waist and haul her to me, one hand grabbing around her head, threading my fingers through her long, silky hair as I hold her to my chest. Both of our breaths are heaving, and I feel her body tremble against mine as tears soak my shirt. I press my face to the top of her head, breathing her scent deeply into my lungs. She smells of the salt air, a reminder that she’s been to her safe place today, and of cherries and almonds. Fucking sweet perfection.
“Fuck. Ivy. My god. I can’t believe it.”
She wraps her shaky arms tightly around my waist, holding me with the same desperation that I feel as her body lets go and relaxes into me, allowing my body to mold around hers. I can’t believe she’s in my arms right now. My Ivy.
“You’re really here, Sawyer?” she sobs.
“Yeah, baby. It’s me. I’ve got you.”
I reach down and pick her up by the back of her thighs, her long, lithe legs wrapping around my waist. She hunches over me, her face pressed into my neck, and her arms wrapped around me like a little koala. I hold her up by her ass and take in my surroundings before moving toward the couch.
Ivy has a sleeping bag laid out on top of it with a pillow, a Kindle, and a glass of red wine sitting on the end table.
“Baby, why are you sleeping on the couch?” I sit down, keeping her straddled across my lap, not wanting any space between us. She sits up straight and looks at me, her eyes dancing all over my face, shock etched into her features that surely matches my own.
I move my hands to her beautiful face, my thumbs brushing against her soft, tear-stricken skin before moving down to settle on her waist. She’s wearing a crop top, and my hands heat on contact with her bare skin. Just like they always did. My eyes roam, taking as much of her in as I can, noting every change and difference the last ten years have made.
“My god, Ivy, you’re so fucking beautiful, look at you.” She’s always been the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen, but now?
Fuck.
Now she’s all woman. She wears her raven-black hair long, reaching her waist. She’s filled out in the best places, and I can’t help but want to touch her all over, explore her body like it’s the first time all over again. Because that’s exactly what it would feel like. I want to see every change in her body, every mark, scar, every inch and beautiful piece of her. But now we’re adults and not fumbling teenagers. Now I know to take my time and learn exactly how to make her feel good. I want to commit this new Ivy to memory to keep her with me for the rest of my life. Her shock morphs to panic as her eyes continue to glass over with tears, her chest rapidly rising and falling as she kneads her hands together between us.
“Is this real? I’m not dreaming? You’re being so kind, Sawyer. I thought you’d hate me. You must hate me.”
I take her hands in mine and lay them flat over my chest, letting us both feel the rapid beating of the heart she just returned to me.
“It’s real. I’m real.” Ignoring the last part of what she said, I change the subject, not ready to confront her about what she did to me. The pain she caused. I choose to focus on now and everything else can wait. Like why she’s suddenly back in Aspen Ridge.
“Now tell me why you’re sleeping on the couch and not in one of the beds.”
“I just . . . can’t be here.”
Everything Reid told me flashes back and mixes with everything that I already know about Ivy and her parents. This is the same woman who left her home at eighteen without telling anyone but her mother, and didn’t even return after the death of her parents. Of course she doesn’t want to be in this house now. She didn’t even want to be here when she was growing up.
“Then you’re coming back to my place.”
“Why are you here? How are you here? I thought you would hate me . . .” her voice breaks and her eyelashes flutter as she looks at me through gorgeous, watery eyes. There’s a sharp pain in my chest, the ache she caused forever present.
“Baby. Right now, I’m holding you in my arms. Something I always hoped I would have the privilege of doing again. Trust me, there will be plenty of time to talk.”
She gives me a partial smile, her lips turning up on just one side as she shrugs her shoulders. My heart and mind are racing to keep up with the situation. I can’t help but rub my hands up the length of her arms and over her shoulders until I’m cupping her face, just like I used to.
“I mean it, Ivy.” I pull her face toward mine and she follows, her eyes glancing down at my lips. Her breath hitches right before I press against her soft, supple lips. I kiss her tenderly, just lips, but the heat is still a raging inferno between us and pleasure races down my spine. I don’t linger, I just need to feel her again. I break away before I’m ready to, knowing that this heating up isn’t what either one of us needs right now. Nor do I know if she even wants me like that. She could have a husband for all I know. But I’m a selfish bastard and I needed to feel her again.
She rests her forehead against mine and we sit in silence, sharing air.
“You aren’t staying here, Ivy. Not if you don’t want to.”
“I don’t have a choice, Sawyer. There’s . . . a lot. I . . . I’m fine. Okay? I’m fine. Just have a lot to deal with. And the house. I just, I hate it here.”
She starts to climb off of me and I’m not having any of that shit. I hold her firmly in place by her thighs and then gently grab her chin, forcing her to look at me. Her eyes are filled with unshed tears and whatever part of my heart was just returned to me fucking breaks.
“I don’t care. Not about what you’ve done, where you’ve been, or what’s going on. Right now, all I care about is that you’re here and that you’re hurting and alone. If you think I’m going to walk away and leave you sleeping in an empty house, in a sleeping bag on a couch, you are sorely mistaken.”
I wait patiently while she considers her options. She pulls her bottom lip into her mouth and bites down, making my cock twitch under her. Fuck. I can’t help this pull between us. Her every move, every breath, is like a thousand arrows piercing my heart. It’s foreign, after going so long feeling empty. Releasing her chin, I swipe my thumb against her sweet lip, setting it free from the hold between her teeth. A part of me knows I should resist, fight against these overwhelming emotions to protect what pieces of myself I have left, but I can’t. She’s the only one in the world who can make me feel alive, make me forget about everything else but us. I selfishly want to be with her, to hold her close and never let her go. The fear that my undying love for this woman will only lead to pain again is drowned out by the desire to do everything I can to see her smile. I can’t help but be drawn to her, like a moth to a fucking flame.