Chapter 12
SAWYER
I thought I had felt pain when Ivy left me at eighteen.
I thought I had felt it again when I waited for her to show up last year.
I was wrong.
Hearing why she left me is worse. Even so, it doesn’t feel right seeing her close in on herself, crying, hurting, gasping for air. None of it fucking matters anymore. I can’t change a fucking thing that’s happened before this moment. But I can have a say in how we move forward.
“I need to know, Ivy. Just please don’t lie to me. Not now. Not ever. Do you understand? I only want the truth from your lips.”
She hiccups through her tears but nods her head.
“Words, Ivy.”
“Ye-yes.”
“Are you happy? With your life? I don’t even know why the fuck you’re back all of a sudden. But are you happier? Without me and Aspen Ridge?” She freezes, eyes locked on mine, her plump bottom lip quivering. It’s fucking destroying me not to comfort her.
“No, Sawyer. I’m not happy.”
My body deflates and I sit back down next to her, running my hands through my hair. I don’t know what I wanted to hear. That she’s happy and has been living her life fully and fulfilled without me or that she’s been unhappy and living a life that she never truly wanted. But at least now I know my way forward.
I nod once before leaning in and scooping her body into my arms, standing, and walking us through the house. Her face is a blotchy mess and contorts into confusion as I drop her onto my bed. I leave her sitting, puzzled, and walk to the bathroom to retrieve a box of tissues that both of us need.
Returning quickly, I take a seat in front of her. I blot her skin, wiping away the tears and letting her blow her nose while I do the same.
“I never could stand to see your tears. Seems like they still hold power over me after all this time.”
She at least chuckles lightly before apologizing again.
“You want to tell me why you’re suddenly back?”
She pulls her knees up to her chest and rests against the headboard, clearly forgetting that she’s only wearing one of my T-shirts and a skimpy pair of panties. The shift in position gives me a perfect view of her bare ass in a thong. I reach behind me, pull up the throw blanket from the foot of the bed, and wrap it around her legs. I don’t need any distractions. And based on my cock lengthening in my jeans, she’s still just as distracting as she always was, despite this heavy conversation.
“The last ten years have been hard, Sawyer. And over the last few weeks it crashed and burned. I made some bad decisions and there was a ripple effect.”
“We’ve got all night, baby. Fill in the blanks for me.”
“Uhh. I did go to the Culinary Institute, I’m a chef now and it was the right choice for me. I feel alive in the kitchen. I worked as a bartender through school, which I hated, then worked as a line cook for a few years. I finally got my first job as a sous chef at this incredibly prestigious restaurant. But . . . promise you’ll be an adult about the next part?”
“No promises when it comes to you. But I’ll stay calm. Keep going.”
“Not long after I was hired, I started dating the owner’s son like an idiot. Mistake number one. Mistake number two, we were only dating for a few months before I moved in with him. I had an apartment with two roommates, and it was working fine, but then our building was sold and we had to move. I wasn’t exactly friends with them, so we just went our separate ways. I was couch surfing at my best friend Zoe’s condo, and when Brooks found out, he told me to just move in with him. So I did.”“Fucking hell.” I try to hold back my anger. I figured she would have moved on with other men, but the confirmation that someone else touched her and slept next to her every night has me feeling possessive anger, jealous rage, and more crushing pain.
“We weren’t serious-serious, but I thought it worked well enough, I guess. In hindsight, I think I was just swept up in all of it and trying to force myself to keep moving forward with my life. Well, a few weeks ago, I came home early and found him fucking someone else.”
I shoot to my feet and drag my hand through my hair. What kind of piece of shit was she seeing? Who the fuck would cheat on her? How could anyone hurt this woman?
“It gets worse, unfortunately . . .”
“Holy shit, Ivy. I don’t even know what to say right now,” I tell her truthfully.
“I went back the next day to pack my stuff, and not only did he try to force himself on me but—”
“What? Tell me he didn’t . . .” I fall to my knees in front of her at the edge of the bed, my shaky hands pushing her legs down and sliding tightly around her waist, pulling her to me, terrified of her answer.
“I fought him off, Sawyer. I’m tougher than I look. It was terrifying, but he’ll be lucky if he can procreate someday.”
“That’s my girl,” I say, relieved that she wasn’t assaulted, but I make a mental note to look further into this Brooks guy. Piece of shit was lucky to breathe the same air as her. I stay crouched on the floor beside the bed, my hands on her waist, looking up at her while she continues.
“He was pissed and must have called his parents right after he recovered because his mom sent me a text terminating my employment because I cheated on him, which forced him to end his relationship with me. He made himself out to be the victim and sullied my name and my reputation. I’ve worked so fucking hard, Sawyer. And I’ve been all alone while I do it. I have my best friend, Zoe, but he ruined everything I worked so hard for. And I just let him. It was like all my mom’s words came rushing back over me. Men would always disappoint me, and I should never wrap my life up in one so tightly that they could destroy it. And look at me now. I’m not even upset that he cheated, or that it’s over! I’m just disappointed in myself.” Her eyes fill with tears again and they start to trickle down her face.
“I’ve been staying at Zoe’s and applying everywhere I can, but I just haven’t been lucky. So I thought if I snuck back here and fixed up my parents’ house I could sell it, and I would be in a much better position financially than I currently am.”
“Butterfly . . .”
Her eyes flutter closed at the term of endearment.
“He’s pretty scorned for whatever the reason. He’s been calling and texting me from different numbers constantly. I’ve ignored every attempt, but it’s still unnerving that he won’t just let me go. It definitely aided in my decision to come back here. He’s gotten very possessive of me. So here I am.”
“Are you worried about him hurting you? Or coming after you?” I have to ask. I need to know what she’s facing here with this douche. I plan to find out everything I can and pay him a little visit.
“I don’t know. He scared me. I thought I knew him well enough. I definitely didn’t expect any of this. But I can’t say that it doesn’t make me nervous. Especially after his behavior when I picked up my things, and then another time at a coffee shop.”
“What happened at a coffee shop?” The fear is holding me in a vise grip and won’t let up.
“That was kinda the last straw. He came up behind me and told me not to make a scene, then tried to force me to leave with him. I let myself fall into the customer ahead of me and thankfully she picked up on the situation and helped to get me out of it. But she asked me if I had anywhere safe to go, and the first place I thought of was . . . here.”
Good girl.
“Let me know next time he reaches out, okay? You don’t have to face things alone anymore. I’m not going to let anyone hurt you, Ivy,” I promise.
Her shoulders shrug like she doesn’t quite know what to make of that. She’s been on her own for so long that it’s hardened her. I wonder how much contact she had with her mother after she left, or if that relationship was abandoned along with the rest of them.
“Thanks, Sawyer. I’ll probably just report him to the police if he doesn’t stop soon. I need to focus on selling that house. I was going to try to fly under the radar. Probably out of the question now, huh?”
“You didn’t think people would find out you are here?” I’m a little shocked by this. She grew up in AR and knows what a close-knit small town it is. Even if people don’t know our story, everyone knows me and my family. Word would have gotten back to one of us.
“I was honestly going to try to keep it that way. I practically begged Reid to keep it a secret. I had no idea who he was. Pretty shocked to find out the first person I run into here is your best friend.”
“Ivy, I would have found out eventually. You know that.”
“Yeah.” She closes her eyes and lets her head fall back against the headboard in a sigh.
“So, what now? You’re just going to fix up the place, sell it, and then go back to wherever you came from? I don’t even know where that is.”
“Seattle.”
I freeze, letting the word hit me like a blow to the face. I stand and pace in front of the bed. I can’t believe she’s been this close the entire time and I had no idea.
“Seattle? Fucking hell, Iv. You’ve been a few hours away all these years?”
“I didn’t want to face you, Sawyer. I mean, I did at first, but then so much time had passed I didn’t know what to fucking say anymore. Hey, remember me? The girl who left without an explanation? Yeah, no. That wouldn’t have gone over well.”
“How about before that, Ivy? Has that ever crossed your mind? How about, “Hey, Sawyer, I want to go to culinary school in California instead of going to U-Dub and living together. How can we make that work? You didn’t even give me a chance!” I know my voice is raising at this point, but fuck. She left me. I know I want to focus on moving past all of this, but damn if it isn’t difficult to hear all of it.
“Answer me this then, Ivy. Do you really think I would have done anything but support you? Do you think I would have kept you from reaching any of your dreams?”
“I don’t know. We were kids for fuck’s sake!”
Wrong answer. This time I lean forward over the bed and grab her face between both of my hands, forcing her to look directly in my eyes.
“What did I tell you about saying that?”
“It’s the truth,” she spits.
“Don’t push me, Ivy. Or I’ll be forced to remind you exactly what’s always been between us. You think it’s just gone? Do you think any amount of time could change our connection? You may be hurting right now, but don’t forget that I knew your body first. I see how flushed you are with me this close to you, how your skin just broke out in goosebumps when I touched you, how you shifted your legs closer together.”
I lean closer, ghosting my lips over hers before whispering into her ear, “Tell me, butterfly, if I touched your pussy right now, what would I find? Would you be dripping wet for me?”
“Sawyer . . .” she says, barely a whispered breath. Her chest rises and falls while her eyes shoot back and forth between mine.
“That’s what I thought. Don’t say that shit again or I promise I’ll remind you.”