Chapter 71
Davian
Just One More Time
Body
SYML
I threw on my coat, grabbed my keys from the key bowl, but paused at the front door and clenched my teeth, my jaw grinding relentlessly against the inside of my cheeks.
It was one thing to want to avoid someone because you didn’t like them. But wanting to put distance between yourself and someone because you were drawn to them with every fiber of your being not only felt like self-betrayal, it hurt, tore you apart from the inside with no hope of deliverance.
I clenched my fists until the hand holding the keychain ached and the sharp edges of my keychain charm reminded me of Quill’s birthday gift.
As so often, I lifted the keychain and stared down at the little golden typewriter.
It didn’t belong there, yet every part of me knew I would never bring myself to take it off.
If Quill ever left town, that would be all I would have to assure me that she hadn’t just been an addictive fever dream.
I grimaced in agony.
I didn’t want her to leave. Ever. I wanted her to stay, never let her go again, kiss her, savor every inch of her…
Fuck, Davian. What are you thinking?
I could never let it go that far.
That had become clear to me again when I had almost thrust into her and held her tight in that bathroom, pressing myself against her like a lovesick fool. I knew I wouldn’t even have had to move, that I would have cum immediately. Her closeness, being inside her, merging with her…
I pressed my lips together, closed my eyes, while the mere memories of her wet pussy tormented me.
Distance. Now.
I shoved the keys into my coat pocket and reached for the doorknob with my other hand, but paused again.
Damn it, I couldn’t leave her alone. Not now. Not after I’d probably completely overwhelmed her with my identity crisis. Thoughtless, and at a time when I should be there for her.
Get your shit together, Davian, go up there and apologize, and do what you’re best at. Doing the right thing.
A deep breath later, I tossed the key back into the bowl, hung my coat back on the hook, and, followed by a prancing Streusel, stepped into the kitchen to collect myself.
My gaze fell once more on the note next to the food, which I hadn’t wanted to touch without her.
I had wanted to talk to her, but at that very moment she had found out who I really was.
Now she knew everything.
At a loss as to what to do with myself – since the only thing on the agenda was grading the exams I still had to go through, and those were upstairs in my study – I put the food in the fridge for later.
My gaze fell on Lara’s dog, who tilted his head as he always did.
I raised my eyebrows.
“What would a dog do?”
He tilted his head to the other side.
Now I was already talking to a damn dog. That’s how far it had come.
I was losing my mind. That had to be it. I was on the verge of completely losing it.
With a burning sense of despair inside me, I ran both hands over my face, ruffled my hair, before the silence around me became too loud and I couldn’t bear it anymore.
I headed up the stairs, pulled myself together six feet before the door, took a deep breath, before entering my study.
Sweet Heat Lightning
Gregory Alan Isakov
Quill wasn’t sitting at my desk as I’d expected. She was leaning against the mantelpiece, stared at the charred wood, and picked at the skin around her nails, not looking up as if I were a ghost.
I didn’t know if it was the blood on her fingers or the tears on her reddened cheeks that made my jaw clench again.
Look what you’re doing to her.
I should apologize, explain myself, take things back. But neither was there anything to take back – because everything I’d said about her was true – nor did I know how to phrase an apology that could do her justice.
She took the decision out of my hands and began to speak without looking at me.
“You know what’s funny?” She snorted dryly, without the slightest hint of a smile. “When I had the bullet, I didn’t need it. Now that I don’t have it, I do.”
My teeth clenched together, but that didn’t make the growing pain in my chest – which was getting heavier and heavier – go away.
“Quill, please…”
She smiled at the fireplace, and it filled me with confusion.
“Have you been… drinking?”
I scanned the room for the whiskey bottle Anthony had brought me just the other day and spotted it, still sealed, on the fireplace mantel.
“You should know me by now, Davian.” She turned her head toward me and smiled wearily up at me. “It only takes a little desperation and I lose it.”
I stepped closer, but paused.
Every time I got too close to her, things happened that I could have prevented simply by keeping my physical distance.
“Are you afraid of me?” She smirked, but it didn’t feel right. It immediately hit me. “I’d understand. I’m tempting you to do things you never wanted to do.”
Speechless, I watched as she stared first at the large Band-Aid on her hand, then back into the fireplace.
“If you’d been drinking, I’d be dragging you into the cold shower right now,” I muttered, more annoyed by how right she was than by the fact that she was talking to me like that.
“Good thing I didn’t drink.” She snorted again, but this time it sounded genuinely amused. “Even though I’d love to let you drag me into the shower.”
Simultaneously with the blush that flushed her cheeks, I felt mine grow hot. Then came the next wave of unwanted images, sending a tingling shiver through my stomach that reached my cock far too quickly.
I should leave.
But it was just like in the bathroom. I stood there, rooted to the spot, with the pathetic urge to watch hot water drip down from her soaked hair onto her ass.
I swallowed, looked down at the floor.
She was the best liar I knew and, at the same time, so unabashedly honest.
If I were to say everything I wanted to do to her, we wouldn’t be here right now, but in my bed, no clothes between us, just our heated skin, her sweet moans of pleasure, me inside her.
The heat was already rushing through my entire body.
I would never get used to this inner battle. And it became increasingly clear to me that I couldn’t fight it forever unless I left this battlefield soon.
Someday. When the sun begins to revolve around the Earth.
I stepped closer, settled down at the other side of the mantelpiece, and leaned against it, one leg bent, the other stretched out, waited until she looked up expectantly.
“It doesn’t seem to bother you that I’m Atrianima.”
She laughed softly, looked at me sadly, without losing her smile.
“I’ve finally found you.”
I couldn’t help but mirror her smile.
“You found me.”
She tilted her head back, so that my gaze automatically drifted to her throat.
“I feel like an idiot. I annotated your own book.”
This time, the smile reached her lips and spread to her eyes.
“And it’s the most precious book I’ve ever owned.”
The corners of her mouth slowly slid down, and she furrowed her brows.
“You meant…”
“Your marginal notes were what was missing to make it feel complete.”
Our eyes locked together the way they always did. Simply. As if they were made for it.
I wanted to kiss her.
She looked back at the fireplace.
“There’s so much I wanted to say to Atrianima, but… I think it’s better if I don’t.”
I nodded, looking down at my hands.
“Atrianima would take your words to heart. And that wouldn’t be good for anyone.” When I looked up again, our eyes met. “If he listened to you, he’d lose everyone around him.”
“Davian”
She raised both eyebrows slightly, looked at me pityingly, as if there was something I hadn’t quite understood. The corners of her mouth turned up faintly, but the pity didn’t fade from her expression.
“It's never bothered me, and it never will. If there’s anyone you’ll never lose, just because you get carried away with something, it’s me.”
No. She couldn’t say that. Not at a moment when nothing else mattered but her.
Her smile didn’t fade completely as her expression grew more serious.
“You know that together we can be ourselves. We could be so much…”
“You know we can’t.”
Power
Isak Danielson
I hated the fact that I was capable of killing her smile.
But instead of looking away, she raised her hand – the one with the band-aid – and held her palm out to me.
I didn’t even hesitate, my body reacting automatically to hers.
All it had to do was call out to me, and I would come. Always.
When our hands met, I held my breath, gently pressed my palm against hers, rested my head against the mantelpiece, and she did the same, looking at me.
It felt as though we’d done this before, as though this were déjà vu.
The feeling didn’t fade as I slipped my fingers between hers and she let me, letting her fingers glide over the back of my hand while I lost myself in her eyes.
She was beautiful. Perfect. This was perfect.
And suddenly there was far too much space between us.
Her glassy eyes mirrored my longing.
I had to kiss her.
Just one more time…
As if in a trance, and without breaking eye contact, I slid toward her, leaned forward, and she automatically let her hand sink.
But I didn’t want to let go of her, waited until she placed her hand on the floor, so I could gently rest my fingers on hers, before I braced myself on the pads of my thumbs and leaned even further forward.
It was obvious what I intended to do. And she didn’t resist, staring at me with the same longing.
Desperately, I pressed my forehead against hers, carefully inhaling her soft, feminine scent until the butterflies in my stomach were raging.
“This is wrong…” I whispered.
She swallowed.
“Please, Davian, kiss me.” The desperation in her voice made my heart pound harder. “Make me forget for a few seconds…”
There was no one here who could stop us. And that was exactly the problem.
I pulled away from her forehead, our noses brushed against each other, and we both opened our mouths slightly, yet neither of us dared to move any closer.
I moved closer, but then pulled back again.
She did the same, breathing just as heavily as I was, and it was as if I could feel her heartbeat through our fingers.