Chapter 58 #2
“I’m not sure if you know what happened last night,” Luca said, the words cold as steel.
With one hand, he waved at her dress. His own doublet was a crumpled heap to the side.
I hadn’t seen it in the shadow. He’d put his pants back on at some point.
There were scratches on his back. Chay couldn’t see them from this angle.
She’d chosen. She’d chosen. The corners of my vision were grey.
“But I despoiled the woman you’re bloodsworn to.
I need to protect her, too. We’re on the same side of this war, Chay.
” I thought for a moment Luca was steaming, but the air wasn’t so cold, was it? And nothing made sense.
“Despoiled, hey?” Chay asked. “You nobles do it different, don’t you?’
The rage I’d relied on for so long was gone. I couldn’t breathe properly. I sucked in air like a downed rabbit. I needed to go to her.
Except she was fine. And if I went…
If I went to her, I wouldn’t be.
The smell of burning flesh had me back in my forest. We screamed around the Bloodfire, heated on the bones of the dead. We danced.
I am the fury of a mother’s revenge.
But my fury was...
Frozen.
Tired. You’re just tired.
I’d been tired.
I couldn’t breathe.
“We do,” Luca agreed, relief in the words. “Chay, in the eyes of the court and King, she’s ruined now. I need to make arrangements—”
Chay held up a hand. “I’m going to stop you there, friend, because I’m not hearing any talk about Audrey being less-than just because she chose to fuck you, okay?”
So friendly. So sensible. Flames crackled. Women screamed. The grief.
The betrayal.
Had me by the throat.
Luca slumped, his hand going to his chest. In a massive exhalation, he let out a huge cloud of steam. “Chay—my oath—I can’t—”
“You haven’t, Luca.” The tiredness in Chay’s voice tempered the compassion and made the delivery of those words into something almost magical.
They lifted some of the weight off my chest. Just sensible.
Just normal. That’s what it was. And yet.
“Your cock isn’t that special, my friend.
You’re just a person who had some fun with another person. Come on, get your shirt.”
“I’m—but I—”
“Yes, I know.” He said it with long suffering patience.
The scene swam before me. I could breathe, suddenly, and I did, dragging in the air.
The betrayal was still there, a crushing weight, a chokehold.
But I could breathe. I had to. “It isn’t the sex that’ll hurt her, Luca, not if she was happy for it.
It’s the words and the actions afterwards.
So let’s not do that, hey? Come on, now.
Where’d your other boot go, friend? Well done. ”
I turned, sucking in more air. I couldn’t watch.
I needed to move. The roar of the blood in my ears screamed.
The fire screamed. Smoke was thick in my eyes.
There was nowhere for me to go. I couldn’t see them, but the rustle of their clothes, Luca’s ragged breathing, the snap of twigs and the grieving wails of women.
The reek of burning flesh hit my nose properly and I nearly lost the battle with my belly. Smoke curled off Luca.
“We’re going to get you to Kadan,” Chay said, sounding as calm as ever. Tears clogged my throat. My body wanted to grab my neck, to protect it. Defend yourself cleverly. I dipped my chin to protect from the choke but it was still there. “He’ll help clean this all up.”
I couldn’t.
My hand was—
Against my neck.
The skin whole and warm.
Unharmed.
Untouched.
Luca’s voice. “Chay—”
The word was a raw plea for mercy. I bit down hard on my cheek because it was that or unravel. I could taste blood. I sucked in air through my teeth.
He shouldn’t have been the one acting hurt. Why was he?
Why didn’t it make me angry?
“You didn’t hurt her last night,” Chay said, soothingly. “You did hurt her this morning, with all the shit you’ve said, but you can fix that. Keep your mouth shut until your head’s on straight, then come apologize. You’ve done that plenty, haven’t you? With Audrey?”
Somehow, I forced my legs to move toward a window. Pushing the shutters open, I breathed deeply from the fresh air. It was ripped back out of me in a sob I couldn’t swallow. It didn’t clear my head. It didn’t clear anything.
“But—her virginity—” The plea was confused. Scared.
“It’s all right, Luca. Truth is, no one else’s cock is any more magical than yours.
No one’ll ever know, hey? Unless we tell them.
And you and me, we’re oathbound. So unless you want to continue cooking from the inside out, you’d better say it after me: it’s her body. She can do what she wants with it.”
No one needs to know.
Everyone would know. My heart roared in my chest. The scream of women around me as they mourned fallen Sisters.
My skirts tangling around my feet as I stepped back, running into a wall.
My hair, already pulled out of its knots, had caught in the tiny fragments of the wood that had halted my flight. Everyone will know.
“Chay—”
“I’m not going to have you burst into flames and stink up her tower, friend. So say it with me. It’s her body. She can do what she wants with it.”
I sucked in air. It was ripped out of me again.
“It’s her body,” Luca repeated, shakily. “She can do what she wants. But…”
“No. No ‘but’ on the end, Luca. All hers. She shared it. You’re a lucky sonofabitch, aren’t you?”
Luca let out a sob.
I choked on mine.
“I’ll carry this, here. Come on. Let’s go. Keep repeating it, friend. Her body. She can do what she wants.”
“Her body,” he whispered. And the door shut behind him, leaving me locked in with the reek of betrayal and sex.