Chapter 14 Jake
FOURTEEN
JAKE
This kiss was even better than the ones we’d shared at the cabin. I smoothed my hand over her curly hair, loving the feeling of shared intimacy. Her arms locked around my neck, bringing her body against mine. We fit together in a way I’d never experienced before.
Kissing her felt right. She moaned and deepened the kiss, her tongue rubbing against mine. I lifted her leg and she draped it over my hip, pulling us ever closer. Stroking my hand down her back, she arched against me and already, I could feel my arousal growing.
God, I wanted more, so much more of her.
I was eager to make love to her again, but something held me back.
Some worry that I couldn’t dislodge. She already had pull over me in ways I hadn’t expected.
She made me question things that I’d believed for years about myself and how I ran the ranch.
Julia was like an electrical storm sweeping through.
Being with her was exhilarating, but it left me unsettled at the same time.
I broke away from the kiss and gently shifted her before sitting up and struggling to right my world. One glance at her, at her kiss-swollen lips, nearly undid me. I had to force myself away.
“We’ve both got early mornings,” I said, putting my feet on the ground and hoping it would anchor me. “I’ll take you home.”
“Jake?” Her voice was soft, questioning. I didn’t want her to think for one second that she was undesirable, but I also couldn’t risk explaining how badly I wanted her.
I couldn’t speak, so I gestured with my hands for her to scoot onto the tailgate where I could pick her up. Carrying a woman brought her in close contact. That was a fact. It didn’t have to mean anything. It was just the way it was. I told myself that until I got her safely in the cab of my truck.
“Jake,” she repeated, this time a little more forcefully.
I made myself look at her in the dim glow of the interior light. She was tousled and kissable and I wanted her so badly, I ached.
I stepped back, closing her door, and took my time folding up the blanket and shutting the tailgate. I needed a minute in the cooling night air away from her, so I could make sure I knew which end was up.
We listened to the radio as we drove home, but neither one of us sang or tried to talk. When we reached her ranch, I retrieved her crutches and made sure she got safely inside, but then I had to go. She gave me a small smile but made no attempt to stop me.
I spent the next few days helping Julia and keeping up with the work on my ranch.
I generally could control the pace of my days, but I deliberately set out to make them exhausting so that at night I dropped off to a sound sleep without seeing Julia’s face in my dreams and kicking myself for the lost opportunity to be with her.
Julia deserved someone who would give her the attention she deserved. At best, I could share part of myself with her, but it wouldn’t be enough. The ranch would also come first for me, no matter who I was with, and that wouldn’t be fair to her.
When she got the all-clear on her ankle and I was no longer needed at her ranch, I felt a sense of loss, which didn’t get any better during the first thirty-six hours without her.
Not that I was counting or anything. I wasn’t constantly reliving that kiss under the stars every second I wasn’t busy. Nope, not me.
I had to shake it off, so I decided that I could do with a drink and some guy talk. I arranged to meet my brothers and Rafael at the Roundup. It was the first time Cal and I would be there together since I took a swing at him back before the charity rodeo.
When I’d found out that he’d upset Amy, I’d seen red and had gone looking for him to give him a piece of my mind.
That had turned into a brawl, which concluded with the two of us spending the night in one of Brian’s jail cells.
Definitely not my finest moment but I didn’t regret it at the time—and if the situation were to come up again, I didn’t think I’d hesitate to do it again.
When I arrived, they already had beers in front of them and were deep in conversation about something.
“What’s going on?” I asked as I joined them.
“The great textbook battle continues,” Cal said. “Gail came to town.”
Rafael had filed a complaint over some missing historical events pertinent to Colorado history and had waged a campaign against the textbook publisher to get them to include it in the next edition.
Rafe felt strongly that it was his duty as a high school history teacher to present his students with the fullest possible picture of past events.
His contact was the very same Gail, and from what I’d heard, the two had engaged in a verbal sparring match via phone and email.
“Walked right into school during our district curriculum meeting.” Rafael shook his head.
“Apparently, the pictures on Facebook didn’t lie,” Brian said, filling in what Rafe didn’t say. “All reports agree that she’s a knockout.”
“We already knew that,” I said remembering the night not too long ago when Rafe showed us pictures he’d found of her online.
“Yeah, but in person…” Raf downed half his beer in one swallow.
“What did you say to her?” Cal asked.
“I invited her back to my classroom and pulled out several sources so she could see what’s missing from the textbook that her company is trying to pass off as comprehensive.” Rafe signaled the server for another pitcher for the table and kept talking about Gail and what he’d said to her.
I soon gave up trying to follow the conversation.
My brothers were both responding, and that was enough.
I let it fade out along with the background noises of the bar as I thought about Julia.
I’d wanted to stop by her place on my way into town, but I’d had no excuse.
When could I go again? Would tomorrow be okay for a friendly check-in?
Or would she be insulted, assuming I thought she couldn’t handle things on her own?
Shit. She had me tied up in knots. I didn’t know what I wanted with her, but I didn’t want to risk what had developed between us by expecting too much.
“Have you ever liked a woman so much you didn’t want to sleep with her?” I blurted out, interrupting what Rafael was saying.
Rafe, Cal and Brian swung their gazes toward me. Rafe’s was a tiny bit amused while Cal seemed as if he wasn’t sure whether he should reply, but Brian’s expression was worried.
“Is this a woman who is available or not?” Brian asked.
“She’s single,” I said. “There’s no reason we can’t sleep together. Hell, we did once already.”
“So you’re attracted to her?” Rafe questioned. “And she feels the same about you?”
Did she? I had to think so, based on the way she’d kissed me and whispered my name. Yeah, there was something between us, unspoken, but there.
“I think so, but I’m reluctant to be with her again because she makes me…” I’d never been good at expressing my emotions, but Rafe was a close friend and even though I’d only known Cal for about two months, he and Brian were my family, so I decided to try.
“She makes me feel like I’m losing control of myself.
She makes me question what I thought I was sure I knew.
” I stopped myself. “Never mind. Forget I said anything. That doesn’t make any damn sense when I say it out loud.
” One truth was becoming clear, though. I needed some distance between me and Julia even if I didn’t want it.
Just until I could get myself straightened out.
I caught the look that was exchanged between them and started to rise. I wasn’t sitting through an inquisition. “I’m going home. I’ll see you guys another night.” I headed for the door.
Before I reached my truck, Brian’s hand clamped around my shoulder. I could have broken free, but there was no escaping from my twin—not for long, anyway.
“I don’t know what that was about in there, but you’ve got me wondering,” Brian said. “I know you’ve never been in love. If you start to care too much, you back away. Is that what’s going on here?”
Was that why I was backing off? Had my attraction for Julia grown into something more powerful?
What if I didn’t fight the “out of control” feeling and let myself fall for her?
What would happen then? I tried to picture something real with Julia, but I’d never been able to do that with anyone.
I shook my head, trying to get my brain moving in the right direction.
“She’s a good friend,” I finally said. “I like her and value her input, but that’s all there is to it.” Brian seemed doubtful. Time for a change of subject. “Don’t you need to get home to Caitlin?” I went for a joking tone.
“She’s probably sound asleep by now. Between the renovations on her new tattoo shop and the pregnancy, she’s ready for bed right after dinner,” Brian said, undeterred. “I want to know who the woman is that we’re talking about.”
I considered telling my brother that it was none of his damn business, but I wouldn’t get away with that. “Julia Letts,” I admitted.
He raised his eyebrows in surprise. “Last I knew you were trying to buy her stallion.”
I gave in and told him about the trail hike and the night in the cabin—and then the rejection that had come the next morning. I shared how things had shifted since Julia’s injury, but then the story trailed off. I didn’t know where things went from here.
“So you’ve spent a lot of time with her lately,” Brian said when I finished. “Something’s changed since that morning on the trail.” Since her rejection went unspoken.
“I don’t know if that’s true.” The kiss we’d shared had been memorable.
The chemistry between us sizzled, and I’d almost taken advantage of our situation under the stars.
But I’d stopped myself from seeing it through.
“I don’t think she’s interested,” I said to end the conversation.
“So I might as well stop worrying about it. Good night, Brian.”
I got in my truck for the drive back to the ranch. I hadn’t drunk enough beer to cloud my judgment, but thinking about Julia was making everything fuzzy in my head.