Chapter 15 Julia
FIFTEEN
JULIA
“I’m in the chip aisle,” I said to Sofia over the phone. “What should I get?”
“The blue tortilla chips,” Sofia said. “I’ll make my special dip to go with them.”
“Got it. What else?” I asked, moving through the store as Sofia rattled off a lengthy list of what we needed for movie night with the girls.
“How much do you think the five of us can eat in one night?” We planned to meet at Sofia’s around seven.
It would be the two of us; Brian’s girlfriend, Caitlin; Caitlin’s business partner in her tattoo shop, Melody; and Aurora, the owner of Bite and Brew, who was leaving her twin toddlers with her husband, Marc, for the night.
We’d invited Amy, but as the interim mayor for Poplar Springs, she was invited to attend the Conference for mayors in Denver. She was going to skip it, since this would be her first time spending the night away from home without her son, Henry, but Cal talked her into going.
“I’ll be coming off a twelve-hour shift. I’ll be starved,” Sofia said. Both Sofia and Amy had become role models for me. They both held positions that were normally geared toward men and they were damn good at their jobs.
“I think I’ll be too annoyed to eat.” I put two kinds of cookies in my cart.
“Did you see the ads that the Family Veterinary Care place is running? What about the images they’re using on social media?
Those adorable animals aren’t even patients.
Some looked like they were designed by AI complete with weird legs and odd shadows.
” Two of my clients who’d elected to take their pets there decided that it wasn’t for them, but I still worried about the bite the chain clinic was taking out of my business.
“People might go there once or twice, but they’ll come back to you. Will those vets respond to a message at seven o’clock on a Sunday evening? Will they open the clinic on Christmas Eve because someone’s Lab had a seizure under the dining room table? I think not.”
“You’re right.” I had always reacted to emergency situations, no matter how inconvenient the timing, because I loved animals and because I viewed it as part of the job.
Especially with the contracts I had with some of the ranches.
When a mare having a rough pregnancy is about to foal, they don’t stop to think if they should wait for a better time.
I made a turn down the next aisle on my way to the drinks section. I paused in front of shelves of tampons and Midol, thinking. When was the last time I’d had a period?
Despite the fact that I had polycystic ovary syndrome, my periods were surprisingly regular.
Normally, I knew exactly when to expect it, but I’d gotten distracted by my sprained ankle, and…
come to think of it, shouldn’t I have gotten it during that stretch while I was on crutches?
In my ear, I could hear Sofia still talking, but my mind had gone elsewhere as I stared at the feminine products.
“Hey! Are you listening?” Sofia asked a minute later.
“My period’s late,” I said, knowing I could be blunt with my friend.
There was a pause as Sofia processed this, but she recovered quickly and jumped into problem-solving mode. “Okay, that can happen for a lot of reasons. I mean…is there any chance you’re pregnant?” Sofia asked.
I had confided in Sofia about my one-night stand with Jake in the cabin. “No, couldn’t be. I’ve got PCOS. I couldn’t get pregnant after one time of unprotected sex. That would be insanely against the odds.”
“Maybe, but Caitlin got pregnant from one night with Brian. Maybe it runs in the family. Those Thorne men must be pretty virile.”
“Stop,” I said, wanting to clamp my hands over my ears.
“Relax. I was teasing you,” Sofia said. “You’re probably not pregnant, but buy a test and be sure. After you see it’s negative, we’ll have a good laugh at movie night and down the cocktails that Caitlin can’t drink.”
That sounded like a sensible plan. It wouldn’t do to panic without having all the facts.
I said goodbye to Sofia and moved a few feet down the aisle to the pregnancy tests.
There were so many choices. I started reading boxes.
All of them claimed to be highly accurate, but did I want to put my faith in just one test?
In the end, I selected three and tossed them in the cart.
My heart was still pounding when I left the store and started the drive home. Of course, a pregnancy would be inconvenient when I was trying to build my veterinary practice, fend off the competition, and manage stud fees for Twister.
I’d have to take maternity leave, which meant hiring a vet to temporarily see to my patients.
And once my maternity leave was over, how would I handle childcare?
What would happen when emergencies required me to leave home in the middle of the night?
I didn’t have any family in the area, and while I had good friends, there was a limit to how much I could ask of them.
I’d be a single mom with all the worry and limitations that came with the title.
Calm down, I told myself. My mother would come help me, at least for a while.
And she’d be excited about a grandchild.
Mom had been with me during those doctor’s visits when I was a teenager and learned that I’d likely never have children.
We’d cried together on the drive home, both of us missing something we’d never have.
And who was to say I was even pregnant at all? I was probably getting ahead of myself. My period was late. That happened all the time to women. Sofia was right. This would all blow over, and I’d go on with my life without a hitch because I wasn’t pregnant.
With Jake’s baby.
I huffed out a sigh. I liked him, but that didn’t mean I wanted to have a baby with him. He was exactly the type of man I’d sworn I’d never date again. Bossy, macho, wanting to control everything. I ran through a list of his flaws.
Unbeckoned, a list of his virtues popped into my mind as well, including his kindness, his warmth, his integrity, and also his hands and his mouth and…well. Our night together had really been something. The idea of a new life coming out of that seemed, actually, kind of miraculous and amazing.
I felt a little burst of hope, mingled with fear.
Was all of my rationalization because I couldn’t handle the idea of being pregnant—or because I couldn’t handle the idea of being wrong about being pregnant?
It was something I’d told myself I could never have.
If Jake had actually given me this gift, what would that mean for me? For the two of us?
I had no idea how he felt about the idea of fatherhood.
Heck, I had no idea how he felt about me.
That night we’d gone for a drive, I’d believed that he wanted me.
Our kiss got heated fast, and if it had continued and led to something else, I wouldn’t have said no to making love with him again in the bed of his truck under the stars.
He’d been the one to back away and I still didn’t know why. He’d made a clear choice, though, and since my ankle healed, he hadn’t shown his face. Not once.
Was that how he’d approach fatherhood? I couldn’t be sure.
He was a mix of bravado and insecurity, which I found annoying, but a little fascinating, too.
I knew he was close with his nephew, but did being the fun uncle mean he was qualified to be a dad?
Did he even want the role? And what would his relationship with me be going forward?
Would we be able to coparent without disrupting each other’s lives?
I still had dreams of meeting the right man and falling in love.
Children had been off the table for a long time, but I still imagined that it was possible to have an amazing, supportive partner in my life.
How would I meet this man as a single mom?
It was possible, I knew that, but a pregnancy meant a huge shift in my priorities.
As I pulled onto my land, I had a sudden image of Jake glaring at my future fiancé who would be stepfather to his child.
Or worse, getting along great with my imaginary husband.
Though wait, why did that feel even worse?
I rubbed my hand over my breastbone and took a deep breath.
I was a mess. And there was only one way to resolve it.
I grabbed a bag from the seat next to me, got out of the truck, and opened my front door.
Wellington and Fay came running out, circling around me.
I paused to pet them briefly on my way to the bathroom with the tests.
I’d start the test and unload my groceries while the timer ticked down.
Then at least I’d know—and I’d be able to work out a plan from there.
As I closed the bathroom door and looked at myself in the mirror, I forced myself to admit the truth.
If the tests were negative, part of me would be relieved and the other disappointed.
The idea of having a baby had taken hold of me.
I’d get to be a mom. Despite the obvious obstacles, that would be such a blessing.
I opened the first package, determined to know one way or the other.