Chapter 27 Julia
TWENTY-SEVEN
JULIA
“Can I come in?” Jake asked from the other side of my screened door the following evening.
I’d left the baby shower while he was still in the barn and wasn’t surprised when he hadn’t tried to contact me. Throughout the day, I’d thought about our disagreement. Mixing a business deal with a young relationship had its risks, and those red flags were poking at me, threatening to unfurl.
“That depends,” I said, walking closer to the door. “Are we going to talk or are you going to tell me how things are going to be again?” I could hear the frustration in my voice and knew it came from his attitude and his need to control. I refused to allow that, and if he couldn’t understand that…
“Talk.”
“It’s unlatched.” I retreated to the sofa, where I’d been using my laptop to look at baby furniture. Fay and Wellington immediately went to seek attention from Jake. Izzy eyed him suspiciously, however, and moved to sit on top of my shoulder, the cat’s favorite perch.
“Strange animal,” Jake commented, putting out a hand to stroke the cat’s fur after he’d petted the dogs.
“She likes to be close to me.”
“That’s not so strange.” Jake took a seat next to me. “I like that, too.”
“Is that why you hid in the barn yesterday?” I didn’t feel like beating around the bush. We had things to settle.
“I needed to think,” he said.
“And did you reach a decision?”
“I did. I don’t like fighting with you.”
I smiled at that. “We need a resolution, then.”
“I still want to breed my horses using live cover, so I’ll pay you extra for that and to have exclusive rights to Twister during the coming breeding season. Seem fair?” He pulled a check from his pocket and handed it to me. “Here’s half the stud fee as a down payment.”
It irritated me that he’d made the decision, set the fee, and assumed I’d accept his terms without consulting me.
However, one glance at the amount had me thinking about the equipment I could buy for my clinic, so I swallowed down my complaints.
It was a generous offer, even if we hadn’t engaged in normal negotiations.
“I’ll draw up a contract with those terms,” I said, keeping my tone businesslike. I put the check between the pages of a book that sat on my coffee table. My movement made Izzy jump down and dash away.
“Good. Can we be done with business now?” he asked, leaning closer. “I missed you last night.”
I’d missed him, too. Despite my frequent irritation with him, I liked having him in my home and bed. “Are you staying?”
“I’d like to,” he said, “if I’m invited.” He was giving me the choice this time. If I said no, would he leave? Probably not. I was almost tempted to see, but I wanted him with me.
“How about an early bedtime?” The sun had barely set, but I wanted the physical connection with him right away. We were in perfect harmony in bed. That was the easy part of our relationship, and makeup sex with him sounded like a great way to spend the rest of the evening.
“What will the neighbors say?” he teased as he stood up and reached for me. Once I was standing, he fused our bodies together. “I really did miss you.”
“I believe that. No, on second thought, I don’t.” I wrapped my arms around his neck. “You’ll have to prove it to me.”
“My pleasure.” He lifted me off my feet and carried me to the bedroom, where he spent the next few hours making up for the night we’d missed. I was thoroughly sated but not tired when we lay together afterward.
“Stay here,” I said as I got out of bed and pulled a nightgown over my head.
“Be right back.” I went to the fridge, grabbed a beer for him and a bottle of water for myself.
A client that day had given me homemade chocolate chip cookies.
I took those, the drinks, and my laptop back to bed with me, where he helped me settle back in.
After eating a cookie, I opened my laptop to show him what I’d been looking at before he arrived.
I planned to put some items on my baby registry and spread other purchases out over several months, so I didn’t break the bank.
The check he’d written me was for my business, and I would deposit it in my clinic account the next time I was in town.
For now, we could both look and add items to my wish list. That way I felt as though I was accomplishing something and staying organized. I knew once the pregnancy progressed, it would be harder for me to do some things and I wanted to be ready before that happened.
“I’m trying to decide on furniture for the baby. What do you think?” I scrolled through different styles of cribs and finishes. I had a favorite, but I was waiting to see what Jake liked. I wanted us both happy with the end result.
“I’m a fan of the golden oak finish. I think it works for a girl or a boy.”
“Perfect,” I said, adding two units of the golden oak crib to my list. “That was my first choice. I’ll try to purchase them in the next month.”
“Them?” He looked more closely at my screen. “Why’d you put two in?”
“I think it would be nice if the baby had the same crib here as he or she does at your house. From everything I’ve read, consistency is important for babies and children.
” If we were going to coparent, then I wanted us to start off with similar setups to reduce any confusion or potential for hard feelings.
He frowned at that, and I could feel his shoulders stiffen. “Why would we need a nursery at both houses?”
I took a deep breath. Here we went again. “Because we live in separate houses, and it might still be that way when the baby’s born. There’s nothing wrong with being prepared. Why does that bother you?”
Jake rubbed the stubble on his chin before crossing his arms. “It feels like you don’t have faith in our relationship working out.”
I could see and feel him closing himself off.
“I never said that.” I might have felt it, though, during the past day.
“But we’re not in a hurry. The decision about us and whether we’ll move in together doesn’t have to be made before the baby’s born.
We can keep dating and see where it takes us.
Who knows? We could still be dating when the baby is a teenager.
There’s no need to rush into a relationship if both of us aren’t ready for that. ”
“Children need stability. There’s a reason people get married before they have kids.” Whoa. Married? Had he just said that? I wanted to tell him to back up, but he kept talking. “I don’t want him or her bouncing back and forth between houses. What kind of life is that for a child?”
“Married?” I got out of bed, needing some space between us.
I’d imagined us becoming partners, lovers, and parents, but I’d skirted around the concept of marriage.
Not that I was against being married someday, but we were a long way off from that discussion.
Initial one-night stands that resulted in pregnancy didn’t make for the greatest of relationship starters.
I’d gone down that rabbit hole when I first found out I was pregnant. The number of success stories were few and far between. We needed to make sure we had true compatibility outside the bedroom, too, and figuring that out wasn’t something we could rush.
“If not married, at least living together,” he said. “Why put off deciding when you know what the best option is?”
“Do we know that?” I asked, unconvinced. Our disagreement at the baby shower had proven to me once again that we had things to work through as a couple. A lot of things.
“I do. You don’t?”
I took a deep breath, trying to organize my thoughts and speak calmly.
I didn’t want to upset him, but I wasn’t going to just give in, either.
“Jake, I care about you. A lot. More than…more than I’ve ever cared for any man, but even you have to admit, we’re not exactly a model couple.
We fight more than my parents ever did, and it’s only going to get tougher after the baby’s born.
What if we can’t get along? A divorce would be a lot harder on our child than us amicably living in separate houses.
I’m sorry, but I can’t commit to moving in together, or marriage, until I’m sure. ”
He gave me a long look, and I could see that I’d hurt him, which hadn’t been my intention. “If that’s how you feel.” He got out of bed and reached for his jeans. “I’ve got an early morning.”
I sighed. “Which you have every morning. Don’t go. Stay and we’ll talk.” I didn’t know if I could put this right because there was no easy solution, but I hated to see him leave, too, especially like this, with everything unbalanced between us.
He shook his head and continued dressing. When he was done, he came back to stand by the side of the bed. “I’ll call you tomorrow. Get some sleep.” He kissed my forehead and left.
Dammit. A moment later I heard his truck driving away.
I hadn’t meant that to happen, but I was worried about our future.
What I said was true. My parents hadn’t fought because my mother had given up the life she wanted, so her husband could chase his dream.
Growing up, I had sworn I’d never do what my mom had, but then I’d nearly fallen into the same trap.
I pinched my lips together.
During my months on the rodeo circuit as a barrel racing nineteen-year-old, I’d fallen in love with Rodney and forgotten every one of my rules.
Whatever Rodney did or wanted, I went along with it.
I’d learned to bury my objections and convinced myself that he knew best. Until he’d tried to sell my horse out from underneath me.
Literally. I had just received my first place ribbon when I found him negotiating with one of the other competitors for the sale of my mare.