Chapter 27 Julia #2
I’d found my backbone then and sent him packing.
Or rather, I left, since it was his RV we were using on the circuit.
Packed up my stuff, loaded up my mare in the trailer, and drove away in my truck without a second glance.
The flurry of text messages that followed escalated from telling me I was overreacting and that we could work this out to eventually turning downright threatening.
After that, I wished I could say that I was able to move on, but truth was, I’d felt stuck. I didn’t trust myself to be in another relationship. What if it was the exact same thing again?
With time and a lot of hard work, therapy finally helped me feel more in control. My therapist was amazing and she taught me to set boundaries and learned when it was okay to stretch them and when I had to hold the line.
Ever since, I’d been fiercely protective of my independence, which Jake constantly threatened.
I still couldn’t figure out if it was a case of him going through life with tunnel vision—only looking at the finish line without regard to how to get there—or if he was simply that controlling.
I genuinely hoped it was the former, but my conversation with my mom and her comparing Jake to my dad came to mind.
But Jake was definitely right about one thing—and that was that it was late. I put the laptop on the bedside table and flipped off the light. I resisted checking my phone, knowing that Jake wouldn’t send a message. From the way he left, I knew I’d wounded his pride, so why did I feel so battered?
As if sensing my turmoil, Izzy jumped up on the bed and settled against my side. After long minutes of staring at the ceiling, I fell asleep to the sound of the cat’s purr.
In the morning, Magellan stood over me and let out a mighty yowl, waking me from a night of restless sleep.
“Time for breakfast?” I asked, gently pushing the black cat to the side. “Give me a minute.” My eyes fell on Jake’s half-drunk beer, and an unexpected wave of loneliness flowed over me. I’d wanted him to stay, wanted his body next to mine, and his arms around me.
I wanted to wake up next to him.
If I could just get him to… I stopped myself. There was no magic solution that was going to bring about relationship bliss for us. That just wasn’t realistic, which last night’s conversation had made abundantly clear.
I forced myself out of bed and completed my usual morning chores, spending extra time out with the horses. Magellan, Fay, and Wellington went out with me but the dogs ran off chasing rabbits while the cat jumped up onto a fence post to watch me groom the horses.
The routine helped, but I needed something to keep me busy and productive.
I eyed the small bedroom next to mine. I’d already decided it would be the perfect nursery, but it would need a lot of work.
My parents had used it for storage, and I hadn’t cleared it out completely since taking over the ranch.
“I’ve got a few hours,” I said to myself. My first appointment wasn’t until noon. “Let’s just take a look and see what needs to get done.”
A rocking chair that had belonged to my grandmother could stay, I decided, surveying the room.
That might come in handy. But the old steamer trunk and dresser had to go.
They’d be heavy items. Normally, pushing and tugging weren’t a problem for me, but with the tenuousness of my pregnancy, I was being cautious.
Jake would do it. That thought was in my head before I could stop it.
He’d been around so much since I’d sprained my ankle that I’d started to expect him to do things, which, of course, he did.
He took on other projects, too. Home repairs that I’d ignored.
A loose shutter, clogged downspouts, a bad board on the porch, the towel bar I’d never gotten around to hanging.
It had been nice, but I shouldn’t have let myself get used to it.
Just like I shouldn’t have called him the night that I had a craving for Chinese takeout from the place that wouldn’t deliver all the way out to my house.
Despite his schedule of early mornings, he’d cheerfully made the hour roundtrip drive so I could have orange chicken and egg rolls.
“Okay, so he has been functioning as my boyfriend.” I cringed a little at the word spoken aloud. It wasn’t fair of me to let him do all those things, to play that role, and then act shocked when he expected us to move in together before the baby was born and maybe even get married.
His plans weren’t unreasonable, even if it rubbed me the wrong way that he chose to declare them rather than ask me what I wanted. The question was, were they what I wanted?
Was I willing to give up my independence for him?
That was the real question. From the way Jake talked, it seemed to me like he expected me to cut my work hours and possibly give up my practice all together—and there was no way I’d agree to that.
I worked too hard to become a veterinarian to walk away from it.
“I can’t,” I whispered to the room. “I can’t do that. And Not for a man who can spout the words ‘compromise and discussion’ but doesn’t have a clue how to go about actually doing either.”
Did Jake understand that? I honestly wasn’t sure.
What I did know was that once he set his mind on something, he closed himself off to considering the idea of things going any other way.
I didn’t think it likely that he would change, and I was unwilling to give away everything that mattered to me, like my mother had.
Compromise required concessions from both sides and he never seemed to be willing to give an inch.
I pulled my phone from my pocket and dialed Sofia.
“Hey, friend,” I said when Sofia picked up. “Do you have plans for later?”
“I’m working now, but I’ll be free after four. Do you need something?”
I explained about clearing out the room to become the nursery and needing to move some heavy items.
“Sure. I’ll come over and help,” Sofia said. “I’ve got awesome muscles.”
I could guess what Sofia was thinking. Why isn’t Jake moving the furniture for his baby’s nursery? But I appreciated that my friend didn’t ask the question aloud, clearly picking up on my unwillingness to talk about it.
“I’ll see you around five, then. Thanks.
” After I hung up, I watched the play of light on the walls.
“I think this room wants to be a nice sunny yellow.” I checked my watch.
I had just enough time to make it to the hardware store to buy paint before my appointments started.
That way, I’d have the paint handy for when I had time to use it.