Chapter 11
ELEVEN
Gray was standing in my doorway. Well, he was standing in Calla ’s doorway, if we were being technical. I’d only been here for a couple of days, and apparently, I was already claiming ownership of her space.
The past week had been a blur. Between moving and cleaning out my old apartment, it felt like I’d left my heart in the city. If I was a crier, I would have bawled when I left the keys on the counter, looking out at the view one last time. It was so hard to take that first step out the door, to accept that part of my life was truly over.
I wasn’t used to feeling this untethered. My life was a careful dance, each step coordinated to the minute. And now, instead of my packed schedule, there was just…nothing: no meetings, no trials, no more late-night investigations. I’d literally spent the last three days binging reality shows and letting Calla fill me in on all the gossip in town. I couldn’t have picked most of the people out of a lineup, but I knew exactly who was warming their beds at night.
“You okay, Devyn?” Gray stepped closer. My name sounded too right coming from his lips, more of a breath than anything else. My fickle heart pounded in my chest, already sinking into his deep baritone. But no matter what reaction Gray elicited, he couldn’t be trusted, not after everything.
My eyes narrowed at him. “Why wouldn’t I be?”
“C’mon, Devy,” he whispered. “Cole told me why you’re here. I had to…” He cleared his throat, but his voice stayed soft. “I wanted to make sure you were alright.”
The sincerity in his words threw me off, burying any snarky comment brewing on my tongue. I stared up at Gray, unsure how I felt about him being here. A large part of me was still so fucking mad at him for exposing us, for making me confront all these feelings I’d been avoiding so well.
But how could I stay mad when it was clear he raced over here, needing to check on me? Beyond Calla, it seemed like no one ever really worried about me, which was mostly my fault. When you spent your life proving to everyone you can handle anything, they tend to believe you.
The sound of a door slamming made me snap back to the moment, moving to the side so Gray could join me inside. He shucked off his wool coat, wearing an old Rebels hoodie. The star emblem was faded, almost unrecognizable after so much wear. I’d never admit it to him, but the same one hung in my closet.
He turned around, placing his coat on the hook and giving me an up-close view of his impressive back. Even with the thick hoodie, his shoulders were massive. His black joggers clung to his ass and thighs, making me almost groan in appreciation. Gray was built . He’d always been muscular, but this new version of him checked all my boxes. I wanted to touch him, to discover how much he’d changed over the years, to finally map those expertly honed muscles under my fingertips .
But considering the last time we’d spoken, I’d begged him for a divorce, that might send some mixed messages.
As he turned around and faced me, my thighs instinctively clenched. The man was too fucking good-looking; it wasn’t even fair for the rest of us. With his long, wavy hair darkened with sweat and his grey eyes blazing a trail through me, it took everything I had to stand still and not show how I was trembling under his gaze.
Maybe this was a mistake. I never should have invited him in, not when it felt like the room had shrunken ten sizes since he stepped into it. But all my decisions lately had felt like the wrong ones. My life was in a complete and total clusterfuck—downfall, spiral, whatever you wanted to call it.
And now, my estranged husband was staring at me like he still cared.
“What are you doing here, Gray?”
He sighed as he stepped closer, studying my expression. “Already told you, Ace. I was worried about you.” He walked past me and sat down on the couch—err, my bed. I cringed at the thought, hating that all it took to imagine Gray naked was that simple connection. I moved over to the armchair, propping myself on the edge. There was no way I was getting any closer to him, not when my mind and body were on such different wavelengths.
We’re getting divorced , I reminded my libido, but she didn’t care. Being around Gray always affected me, but this was an all-time low.
“I’m sorry,” Gray said, breaking me out of my head. “For so many things, but mostly what I said last time. You were right. Whatever’s going on between us, I never should have told everyone else. It was just...” He sucked in a sharp breath and leaned back on the couch. “Tell me you aren’t with that guy.”
“Jack?” I snorted. “Hell, no. I might not have a lot of self-respect right now, but trust me. I’d rather cut off all my fingers than ever touch him again.”
“But you were with him?”
Anger rose in my chest. I stood, crossing my arms over my chest. “Yes, I was. Nothing serious, but we hung out a couple of times before he decided to use my sister as a stepping stone.” I tapped my nails against my arm. “Do you really want to do this, Gray? Dig into each other’s past hook-ups? Want to share the name of every woman you’ve been with lately?”
“Don’t go there, Devyn. Not with me,” Gray shook his head. “You want a fight, I’ll give you one.” He stood, walking over to me. “But right now, I just want to make sure that asshole can never come near you again. I don’t give a shit about your past, Devyn, but your safety? That’s something I do care about.” He leaned in. “So promise me he’s not going to show up here looking for you.”
I tilted my head back, needing a break from the intensity of his gaze. Gray’s steel eyes had turned into molten silver, almost like the thought of someone causing me harm brought out another side of him. I always thought I was safe with Gray in the past, but seeing it now filled some empty part of me.
I shook my head, my voice barely over a whisper. “No. He doesn’t know where I am. We haven’t spoken since that night.”
“Good,” he breathed, and I felt it like a caress on my cheeks. My hands thrummed with the need to touch him, to feel Gray’s heart beating in his chest. This was the closest we’d been in years, and now, I remembered why I needed distance between us. It was too hard to keep my word when only inches separated us and I was aching to hold him again.
But he snapped the tension between us when he stepped back. I would have thought it was one-sided, but there was nothing calm about the look on Gray’s face. If I knew him like I thought I did, he was barely holding onto his control as well.
“Get your coat.”
“What?” I bit back in surprise.
“Get your coat. There’s something I want to show you.”
“No thanks, Anders,” I scoffed, walking back to the couch. “This momentary lapse in judgment doesn’t mean I want anything to do with you. You saw me. You know I’m fine. Now, go away and leave me in peace.”
Gray chuckled, moving closer to me. “Like I said, don’t lie to me, Devy. You are anything but fine. If that’s what you need to tell everyone else, go for it. But don’t think I’m buying it for a moment.”
“God, you are infuriating.”
“If you think that now, just wait.”
“Wait for?—”
But my words were cut off as Gray picked me up and slung me over his shoulder, just like he used to do when we were kids and I was stubborn. I’d never told Gray, but I’d always loved being handled by him—probably why I’d often fought him on things I really didn’t care about.
However, that was at a different time in our lives, and right now, the last thing I needed was Gray’s hands on me. It was fucking with my head. Standing in the room with him had been hard enough. With him caressing my thighs as I stared at his toned ass, I was about to start purring—but I couldn’t let him know that. I had a reputation to uphold, you know.
My hands smacked into his back, which— holy shit —was even more muscular than I thought. “Put me down, you asshole.”
“No can do, Ace.” He smirked over his shoulder. “Now, hold on. We’re going for a ride.”
Fucking hell.