Chapter 15
FIFTEEN
EIGHTEEN YEARS OLD
“Baby, please…”
My eyes darted down to the brunette wrapped around my waist and grimaced. We’d barely been at the party for two hours, and I’d already asked Emma to stop touching me multiple times. At first, she’d listened and backed off a little, but with each drink, my boundaries were becoming more and more a joke to her.
“You’re no fun,” Emma pouted. Maybe that was on me. I should have known why she asked me for a ride to the party, but I didn’t really know for sure until I walked into the kitchen earlier and listened to her brag to her friends that I was going to be her summer conquest.
Never going to happen.
The party raged around us, almost our entire senior class filling the small lake house. It belonged to the parents of a guy on the baseball team. They’d gone on a cruise earlier in the week, and he decided to throw a huge party for graduation. No one was more grateful to be done with high school than me, but parties like this weren’t my scene. However, this was the last time I could celebrate with my team. While we might not be best friends, we’d worked well together, making it all the way to the state championship this year.
During the past four years, baseball had been my life. While at first, I used it to help me learn how to focus, now, it was everything. There was something about being out on the ball field, where I could zone out everything else. When I was at school, I had to spend so much time and effort trying to drone out all the extra noise. But once my mitt was on my hand, my focus was singular: strike out the batter, get a home run, move as fast as my legs would physically let me.
Luckily, all that effort—early morning practices, sprints in the afternoons, extra time with the coaches—had paid off. I’d gotten a slew of offers from different colleges, but decided to head to Seattle. Not only did they offer me a full ride, but I liked the program and the coaches.
As much as I hated the idea of leaving home, starting fresh somewhere new sounded pretty fucking amazing. Growing up in such a small community meant I’d known most of these assholes since birth, and I was ready to meet some new people. Besides my parents, there was no one else I’d really miss, no one else I’d care about leaving behind.
Well, my parents and one other person.
“You ssshud taske me up shere,” Emma mumbled, pulling me away from my thoughts. She giggled as she flicked my earlobe. Yup, definitely not into that. “Wez have sosh much fund.”
No fucking thank you. Maybe that offer would have tempted other people, but I had no interest in going anywhere with this girl. In fact, I’d decided I was good with dating after Calla and I broke up a couple months ago. It was mutual, both of us agreeing we were better off as friends. We probably never should have dated, but Calla was fun, and that was what I needed for so long. She was great about getting me out of my routine, forcing me to enjoy my last years of high school. I would always love her, but I never felt like I was in love with her. There was never any drive to take things further than surface level, never any need to cross any lines. In fact, beyond a couple of drunken make-out sessions, we’d barely touched, settling into a routine that worked.
But as high school graduation grew closer, it seemed like we were both ready for something more. Calla wanted to be all in with someone, and I wanted to focus on baseball when I went to school. Considering the sizable scholarship I’d gotten from Seattle, it was the least I could do.
I shifted on the couch, trying to give Emma some space. “You should drink some water, try to sober up.”
“Thatsh stuhphad,” she pouted again as she climbed into my lap and tried to nuzzle my neck. I abruptly shifted, dropping her in the lap of one of my teammates. Lucky for me, it was Mike Dougan, who’d always had a thing for Emma anyway. He was a good guy and would make sure she got home safe.
As I stood, I looked around the room, hoping to find someone else to talk to. But given that everyone had been pounding shots for the better part of an hour, the party was already becoming a giant fucking disaster.
Maybe it was because I’d grown up behind the back of a bar, but I didn’t see the appeal. Not only did you make a fool out of yourself, but the following day was always a nightmare. I wasn’t interested in that, not when I spent every morning on the pitch, trying to perfect my fastball.
I’d just pushed open the back door when I heard someone call my name. Wade sat on a lounge chair on the other side of the back porch, playing with the beer bottle in his hand. For a moment, I debated going back inside, pretending I hadn’t heard him. Wade might have been my best friend at one time, but our friendship changed after he dated Devyn. Even after they broke up, there was tension between us. I’d tried to get past it, but he made it clear he wasn’t interested. We were teammates, nothing more.
Wade glanced up at me, his expression stormy. “Can you believe we’re out of here in a few months?”
“Nah,” I said as I took a seat in the chair next to him. “Feels strange.”
He nodded, understanding what I meant. This was a small town, one most of us had lived in our entire lives. The most time I spent away from the lake was when my family went to Washington for a week last summer. But that was about to change. In a month, I’d be in a big city, on the opposite coast.
“Everything’s going to be different,” Wade sighed, taking a pull from his drink. He glanced over at me then looked back down at the bottle, like he was ashamed of his next question. “Where’s Devyn going?”
“Columbia,” I answered. “Pre-law program.”
“Good for her,” he said, and the words seemed genuine. “How are you guys going to handle that? Being on opposite sides of the country?”
“What do you mean?” I bit out. “We’re friends. Best friends. Distance won’t change us.”
“Okay,” Wade snorted.
I leaned forward, my voice lowering to a lethal level. “You know nothing about us, about our friendship.”
“Seems like I know more than you.” He shook his head. “There was a time when I almost felt bad for you two. You’ve been circling each other for so long, but neither one has the balls to make the first move. ”
“What the fuck are you talking about?”
He shifted to sit up, meeting my narrowed stare head on. “If you haven’t figured it out yet, you’re never going to, Anders.”
Wade stood and tossed his empty bottle into the recycling can. I stayed in the same spot, barely hearing him head back into the party. His words echoed in my mind, making me question my future with Devyn. It was hard enough knowing we’d be apart for the next four years, but to think we’d lose touch? That almost knocked the wind out of me.
Truth be told, the last few months had already felt different. We were just as close as always, but our schedules kept us apart. Between my constant baseball and her demanding extracurriculars, it seemed like we were always missing each other.
Hopefully, it’d be different when Devyn came back for the summer. I’d circled the date on my calendar months ago, marked off each day as it passed. Now that it was less than a week away, I was getting impatient, needing to see her again.
I glanced over my shoulder at the party still raging behind me, but I was done. Emma had moved on, happily snuggling with Mike on the couch. At least he’d gotten her to drink water, which was probably in both of their best interests.
Standing, I walked over to the gate at the far end of the porch, lifting the latch to get out to the driveway. Maybe I should have gone home, but Wade’s words kept playing in the back of my mind, and I needed to work out all this extra tension.
Jetting down main street, I cut across the field to the local mini-park. The owners were only seasonal residents, coming back for the summer rush of tourists. The rest of the year, they lived in a senior community in Florida. Like most people in town, they were close to my parents, so they’d given us a key before they left for the winter. Even though they were back in town now, they had no problem with me coming by to use the batting cages as long as I was smart and didn’t make a mess for them to pick up in the morning.
After I started up the machine, I grabbed a helmet and my favorite bat, then stepped inside the cage. I paused, waiting for the rhythmic movements to wash away the world around me. After a lifetime of trying to block out all the extra noise surrounding me, this was the one place I didn’t have to try. The whirring of the machine soothed me, giving my mind something to focus on.
But today, it wasn’t working. The extra noise was all inside my head. Between Wade’s comments and Devyn’s distance, everything felt like it was closing in on me. For years, I’d pushed aside my feelings for Devyn, first because of her relationship with Wade, and then because of my own with Calla. This was the first time in a long time we were both single, but I still wasn’t ready to confront how I felt about her.
Maybe it was cowardice, but with so many other changes happening in my life, I wasn’t ready to risk our friendship too. I needed Devyn. She was the other half of me. She was my port in the storm, my safe place to land.
She believed in me like no one else, not even my parents.
A flash of her smiling infiltrated my mind, the image so gorgeous, I had to step away for a moment. It was bad enough she’d crept into my mind the last few times I’d gripped my cock, but now, I couldn’t stop thinking about her spread out for me, letting me taste her supple skin. Just the thought made my cock harden, and I cursed as I willed it away.
I had no right to think of her that way. But even though we were just friends, in my mind, no one compared to Devyn. She had always been pretty, but in the past couple of years, her confidence had grown, making her downright stunning. And not just because her body was a work of art, worthy of lining the pages of her sketchbook—no, it was because her smile lit something inside me. It could be the worst day, but if I got one of Devyn’s rare smiles, it made all the difference in the world.
Maybe it was selfish to hold on to her so tightly. After all, Devyn had the world laid out at her feet. She was so fucking smart. Even though she struggled with the decision to go to law school, I was so fucking proud of her for getting into Columbia. There was no doubt in my mind she’d make an incredible lawyer one day.
Meanwhile, I only had one skill, and if baseball didn’t work out, I had no idea what I was going to do. Come back here and work for my dad? I might not have any options. There was No Plan B, not for me.
Fuck, I was spiraling. A ball rushed through the air and almost hit me because I was in the wrong position. Cursing under my breath, I moved to the side of the cage and pulled off my helmet, dropping my head into my hands. I needed to get it together. Maybe things were changing between Devyn and me, but I wasn’t going down that easily.
Reaching into my pocket, I dug out my phone, searching for my best friend’s number. But as the line trilled, the familiar ringtone echoed in the darkness. I brought the phone away from my ear, turning around to meet Devyn’s smile.
“Hey, stranger. ”
“Hey yourself,” I chuckled, ripping off the helmet and exiting the cage. Before Devyn could say anything else, I pulled her into my chest, letting her loop her arms around my neck. As she held me close, I buried my face in her hair, smelling the familiar scent of her shampoo. This was what I needed, the only thing that could keep me calm when my world unraveled.
I pulled back and searched her expression. “Thought you weren’t coming until next week?”
“Finished finals early.” She shrugged. “Decided to take the train up and surprise you.”
“You took the train?” I said, shaking my head. “You should have called me. I would have picked you up.”
Devyn smacked my shoulder. “I can handle myself, Grayson. Besides, I was excited to see you and didn’t want to wait any longer.” She smiled up at me. “What’s it been? Five months?”
“Five months, one week, and three days.” I winked at her. “Sorry, Ace. Lost track of the hours.”
She rolled her eyes. “Can’t believe you remember that.”
“I remember everything when it comes to you, Devy.”
Ducking her head, she tried to hide her blush, but I could still see it on her cheeks. She walked over to the door of the cage, twirling my bat in her hands. “So, your mom says you’ve been coming down here most nights. Are you trying to blow out your shoulder?”
“Not gonna happen,” I chuckled, taking the bat from her. I swallowed, trying to ignore how much I wanted to touch Devyn, wanted to keep holding her tight. I gripped the bat, hoping it would keep me from doing something stupid. “Helps me clear my head before I go to sleep.”
“I need to find something like that.”
I smirked down at her. “You wanna try?”
Devyn shook her head. “No way. I am sports-adverse. I had to play volleyball in PE and almost broke a girl’s nose.”
I grabbed her hand, tugging her into the cage with me. As she looked around the space with wide eyes, I reached down and grabbed my helmet. Turning toward her, I placed it on her head, bopping the rim. “C’mon, Ace. I thought you weren’t afraid of anything?”
“Whoever told you that is a bold-faced liar,” Devyn chuckled. “And yes, I am terrified of balls flying at my face at sixty miles per hour.”
“Careful saying that out loud. Some guys might take it as a challenge.”
“Ha-ha,” Devyn deadpanned. She glanced at me. “Don’t you need a helmet?”
“I’m fine, Ace. Better to protect that big brain of yours.”
Devyn stared at me for a moment then shook her head, but she stopped arguing and let me lead her behind the batting line. As soon as she stepped up to the mark, all her bravado faded away. Her eyes widened as she looked over her shoulder at me. “Tell me what to do.”
“First, you’re going to need this.” I held out the bat, guiding her hands to the correct position. “Okay, now, bend your knees a little.”
“Like this?”
I nudged the back of her knee with mine, letting my front rest against her. It was the closest we’d ever been outside of our usual hug, and something about it felt way too natural. I cleared my throat. “Is this okay?”
Devyn nodded, not saying anything as I moved even closer, bringing her against my chest. My hands wrapped around hers, mimicking the swing of the bat. “When you swing, make sure you follow through with your hips.”
She swiveled against me, her ass grazing my dick. Fuck . Now that was all I was thinking about. What would she do if I slid my hands down further and pressed them along the top of her jeans? Would she stop me, or would she let me touch her like I wanted? My hands tightened, just a fraction, but before I could make another move, Devyn looked at me over her shoulder.
She inhaled a shaky breath. “Okay, then what?”
“Make sure you hit the ball.”
“What?” Devyn snapped right as the first ball came flying past us. She muttered a curse as she tried to get back into position, nestling against me like I was meant to mold into her. A second ball snapped right past us, Devyn not swinging until it was already long past the base.
“Son of a—” she sighed. “I told you I couldn’t do this.”
“Just breathe, Ace. Ignore everything else around you.” My hands tightened against her, and she relaxed into my touch. I dropped my head, bringing my mouth close to her ear. “Now, keep your eye on the ball. You’re going to have to gauge the speed to determine when you should start swinging.”
“You make it sound so easy.”
Nothing about this was easy. Being this close to Devyn was making me question everything, not sure if I could hold my rapidly dwindling self-control.
“You’ve got this, Devyn,” I whispered, my voice hoarse and low. “Just let go.”